Saad's pov: 

Ya Allah, it has been so long. So long since I last saw her or them. Or be with her or them. Ya Rabbi ya kareem, are you angry with me? Is this my punishment for some grave mistake of mine? Or a grave sin of mine? I don't know ya Rabbi ya Kareem. I don't know. It just gets so hard sometimes. I feel like giving up. No, not on her but on myself. I feel like taking a break from everything. The burden, ya Allah the burden feels so heavy at times. I know that trying to find her isn't a burden on me, but ya Allah, sometimes when I feel tired, when all the burdens of this chaotic world crush me underneath it, when all the responsibilities and expectations come to me all at once, I feel like giving up. 

Ya Allah when things get hard, I have nowhere to go except you. When I feel burdened or tired, I have nowhere to go except you. When I feel like giving up, I have nowhere to go except you. Ya Rabbi ya Kareem, I know that I have sinned a lot, I know that I have made several mistakes, but I know that you are capable of forgiving them all. And you love forgiving us. So ya Allah, forgive me, forgive my sins. Forgive my mother. Forgive my father. Forgive my wife. Forgive my family and her family. Forgive us all. 

Ya Rabbi ya Kareem, help me become a better Muslim. Show me the right path and let me walk on it. Give me Hidayah and let me be a source of Hidayah for others. Ya Allah, be with me. Always be here with me, by my side. Don't leave me even for a moment because I know that if you leave me even for just a moment, I will lose myself. I will get lost. And ya Rabbi ya Kareem, I don't want that. I don't want to get lost or be away from you and your mercy. I don't want to lose your sight. 

Ya Allah, things have been getting hard lately. I seem to be losing hope slightly. I know somewhere in my heart that you will make things alright, that everything will work out, but still Ya Rabbi ya Kareem, I seem to be losing my hope. It seems to be diminishing away, fading into the darkness surrounding me. Ya Allah, help me. Don't let me lose my hope. Don't let me lose my way.  

Ya Allah, I miss her so much. So much that at times it hurts, it hurts my heart to even think about losing her forever. And at times my heart is filled with so much love for her that it feels like it will burst. I crave to be with her, to hold her, to kiss her forehead and tell her how much I missed her. But ya Rabbi ya Kareem, I don't even know where she is right now. And I just hope and pray that wherever she is, she should be safe and sound, she should be at peace and happy. Ya Allah, keep them under your protection and keep them happy. Give me sabr and give her sabr too. 

I don't know how she might be, where she might be, if she has already moved on, lost her hope in our case or in ever meeting me. But I do know that you are the best of planners and you must have something in store for us. Something that when we get to know about it, everything will make sense. Ya Rabbi ya Kareem, give us sabr and let us reach our destination with ease. Be with us and help us. Don't ever leave us alone. 

Aameen. 

Getting up from the sujood and wiping my tears away, I closed my eyes and let myself sink in the pure feeling of bliss which I always felt after praying and crying my heart out to my Lord. After all, He was the one who was always there for me and will continue to be there for me no matter what. 

._._._. 

Checking all the marked places on the map once again, I quickly jotted down the few places which were still remaining to be explored. A tired sigh escaped my lips as I kept the pen down and took the map in my hands to look at it thoroughly. 

It was hard; living everyday without her. And it was getting harder. At times I felt like I wasn't even living, I was just surviving. Those were the times when I felt her absence the most. And especially knowing that I had promised ammi to get her back soon, I sometimes felt guilty for not being able to find her yet. 

And I know, I know that it might sound odd, weird, or maybe unbelievable that how could I have even gotten so attached to her already, especially when we didn't even spend much time with each other. But I guess that's the beauty of nikkah. Of halal love. That even if we don't spend much time with each other, we get attached to them and start caring for them. That we start missing them when they aren't there with us. 

And I had realised, a bit too late I guess, that I had started loving her. From her craziness to her concern, I had started loving every bit of it! And just when I had started loving her, when I hadn't even realised it, she was once again, taken away from me. And I didn't even know where! It was so frustrating, and at times it was so overwhelming that I couldn't help but just cry my heart out to Allah. To help me out. To give me patience. To give me strength. And to always be there for me and not let me lose my hope. 

So far, it was working, believing in Him and trusting Him no matter what. I knew that just like how He had helped me a thousand times before, He was going to help me this time too. He was going to help me at the right time. I just had to be patient and not lose my hope. 

"What are you doing?" Mama's soft voice brought me out of my trance. 

Looking back at her, I passed her a small smile while folding the map and keeping it back on the table. "Nothing much. Aap bataiye. Aapko kuch kaam tha?" 

(You tell me. Is there any work for me?) 

"Wapas wohi kar rahe ho?" Peeking at the table from behind me, she inquired, disappointment clear in her voice. 

(You are doing that again?) 

"Aur kya kar sakta hu mama." Sighing tiredly, I replied while rotating my chair to face her. 

(What else could I do mom?) 

"Dusri shaadi! Kam se kam tumhari ye bebasi to kam hogi na." Sitting on the bed, she replied instinctively while looking up at me. 

(Second marriage! At least you won't feel this lonely.) 

"Aap bhi jaanti hai ke mai kabhi nahi manunga phir bhi aap baar baar bolti rehti hai. Aur aap ye bhi jaanti hai ke meri dusri shaadi karne se kuch nahi badlega." Shaking my head slightly, I replied while looking away. 

(You know that I will never agree but you still keep suggesting that. And even you know that me marrying again won't change anything.) 

"Jaanti hu. Phir bhi kehti hu kyu ke ek maa hu, apne bacche ko iss tarah nahi dekh sakti…" 

(I know. But I still say that because I'm a mother, I can't see my child like this…) 

"Mama aap fikar na karein, In Sha Allah aapki bahu mujhe jald hi mil jayegi. Bas aap dua kijiye ke sab theek ho." Looking back at her, I replied with a hope filled voice. 

(Don't worry mom, I will find your daughter-in-law soon. Just pray that everything goes well.) 

"In Sha Allah. Zaroor karungi. Ab ye batao, kaha tak pahunchi tumhari research?" Looking at me curiously, she inquired with a raised brow, a playful tone in her voice. 

(I will. Now tell me, till where has your research reached?) 

"Most of the places cover kar li hai humne, bas ab kuch jagahe hi baaki rehti hai." Massaging my neck, I replied. 

(We have covered most of the places, only a few of them are remaining now.) 

"Accha. Waise tumhari company wale kuch nahi kehte jab tum inn 'researches' par jaate ho?" Quoting the word 'research', she asked me inquisitively. 

(I see. By the way, doesn't your boss say anything when you go out for these 'researches'?) 

"Mama mai company ki taraf se hi to gaya hu in jagaho par. Bas meetings ke alawa meri research hoti hai ye baat company walo ko batana zaruri to nahi." I grinned cheekily while looking at her. 

(I went to these places due to work. They just don't know the fact that after meetings, I do my research.) 

"Sahi kehti hai Zara, pagal ho tum bilkul!" Getting up from the bed, she murmured while shaking her head as a small smile slipped onto her face. 

(Zara is correct, you are crazy!) 

"Humne kab mana kiya ye baat maan ne se?!" I asked her teasingly before shaking my head as the smile slipped away from my face once again when I remembered her; my wife. She had said the same thing to me. "Accha chodein inn sab baaton ko aur bataiye kya hukum hai mere liye?" 

(When did I deny?) 
(Okay leave it and tell me, what is the order for me?) 

"Nashta tayyar hai, bas mera ye hukum hai ke niche aake aap nashta kar lein." Heading towards the door, she told me. 

(Breakfast is ready. My order for you is to come downstairs and have your breakfast.) 

"Accha. Aap chaliye mai aata hu." Turning back to the map and diary kept on the table, I replied, intending to recheck the places once again before heading to breakfast. 

(Okay. I'm coming.) 

"Theek hai. Aur band karo apni ye research, waise hi office ke liye late ho rahe ho." Mama chided, making me sigh. 

(Okay. And close this research, you are getting late for your office already.) 

"Jee, theek hai." 

(Okay, fine.) 

._._._. 

"Saad, there could be good news for you." As soon as Ali entered my cabin, he uttered, making me roll my eyes at his behaviour. There was something called knocking on the door but would he ever learn that? 

"Are you finally getting married?" Not looking up from my work, I asked him nonchalantly. The worksheet was just about to be completed and this guy had interrupted me. 

"Can't you think of anything else?" I could clearly hear annoyance in his voice, making my lips tug up slightly.  

"At the moment, I can only think of your marriage getting fixed as good news." Shaking my head slightly and concentrating back on the work at hand, I replied. 

"Then I'm sorry to break your heart, but no. I'm not getting married anytime soon so hold your horses. And yeah, before I forget about it, Mehta sir has called you in his office." Sliding some files aside, he leaned on the table, half sitting on it before taking a paperweight in his hands and playing with it. 

"Now?" Glancing up at him, I inquired inquisitively with a raised brow. 

"Yeah, now." Throwing the paperweight in the air, he replied. 

"Okay, you can go, I'm coming." Getting annoyed at his antics, I said while turning back to complete my work. 

"Apne dost ko apne cabin se nikalte hue sharam nahi aa rahi?" Still playing with it, he replied nonchalantly. 

( Don't you feel ashamed while kicking your friend out of your cabin?) 

"Apne dost ke cabin pe dera daalte hue sharam nahi aa rahi?" I retorted, trying to ignore him. 

(Don't you feel ashamed while taking over your friend's cabin?) 

"Apne dost par ilzaam lagate hue sharam nahi aa rahi hai?" Finally keeping the paperweight back in its place, he turned to look at me with a raised brow. 

(Don't you feel ashamed while accusing your friend?) 

"Kaisa ilzaam janab? Aur sharam ki baat aap na hi kare to accha hai." Shaking my head with a sigh, I replied while saving the file and keeping my hand on my neck before flexing it, trying to ease the knots formed. 

(Which accusation mister? And it would be better if you don't talk about shame.) 

"Yaar! Kabhi to mujhe tum jeet lene diya karo!" 

(Man! At least let me win once!) 

Getting up from the chair, I picked up my mobile. "Agar kabhi mood hua to dekhunga. Ab let me go befo-" 

(I will see someday. Now let me go befo-) 

I had just stood up from my chair and taken a few steps when there was a knock on the door before Mehta sir peeked in. Realising that we were looking at him, he straightened up and came in. 

"Oh, mai aa hi raha tha aapke paas." I quickly said while composing my posture. Ali was still sitting on the table, in fact, he even moved back to sit comfortably. Was this guy trying to get fired?! 

(Oh, I was just about to come to you.) 

"Mujhe pata tha ke iss ghade ne tumhe rok liya hoga." Instead, sir stated while looking at him in disapproval. 

(I knew that this guy would have stopped you.) 

"Sir!" He whined, looking up from the paperweight, as if coming out of a trance, a flustered look adorning his face. 

"Nahi sir, aisa kuch nahi hai. I was just completing my work." I quickly intervened while giving him a tight lipped smile, trying to suppress my chuckle. 

(No sir, it's nothing like that.) 

"Accha. Ab iski zyada tarafdaari karne ki koi zarurat nahi hai." Dismissing my excuse away with a wave of his hand, he added while sitting on one of the two chairs kept in front of the table. "I actually wanted to talk to you about the Ba town project." 

(Ok. Now no need to take his side.) 

"Yeah, what about it?" Leaning at the side of the table, I asked him. 

"I think you should lead the team there." He said while looking up at me, a thoughtful look on his face. 

"You want me to go there with others?" Getting confused, I asked him. But wasn't Ali supposed to lead the team there? What happened suddenly? 

"Yes. I hope you don't mind." Looking at me authoritatively, he said. 

"But what about me? Wasn't I supposed to go there?" Before I could reply, Ali interrupted, looking at him with a frown marring his features. 

"Yes, you were. But since Saad gave that idea, I decided it would be better if he goes there. You can tag along and learn something from him if you want." Turning to look at him, sir shrugged. 

"That's not fair!" He whined with a pout as his orbs flickered between me and Mehta sir. 

"It's okay Sir. He can go there." I quickly said while giving him a small smile. 

"No need to comply, Saad. And as far as I know, Ali, you work under me and whatever I decide is fair." Giving me a stern look, sir said before turning to look back at Ali. 

"Why do you hate me so much?" Looking away, he grumbled in annoyance.  

"I don't. I'm just being cautious and I don't want any mistakes in this project." 

"Yeah yeah, whatever. According to you, I'm still irresponsible." He replied sarcastically while gesturing wildly with his hand.

"Don't act like you never gave me any reason to not trust you." Sir gave him a pointed look, daring him to mess with him and see the consequences himself. 

"What did I even do?" Bewildered, he looked at me. 

"Remember that Randhawa project? The time you actually showed our clients the wrong location because 'it looked almost the same.'" Shrugging in response, before I could even say anything, Sir reminded him while leaning back on the chair. 

"That was a one time thing!" As if just remembering about it, Ali whined, getting flustered. 

"And remember the International Subordinate meeting? When you actually brought the wrong presentation and acted like you spilled tea on it just because you didn't want to show me which presentation it was." Ignoring him, sir continued, a thoughtful look on his face. 

"That- that-" 

"And remember when you-" 

"Okay, I get it. No need to remind me more now." Scowling, he grumbled under his breath, making me chuckle. How could I have forgotten about his antics? 

"I'm glad you understood." 

"But I'm going with Saad! You can't fully hand over the project leadership to him when you gave it to me first." 

"Yes please, go ahead. At least you will be able to learn something." Giving him a nod, sir agreed. 

I watched, in amusement, as Ali groaned in frustration while slamming the paperweight on the table and standing up to leave. "Yaar! I'm leaving. Enjoy!" Giving us a heated and annoyed look, slamming the door shut, he left, making us shake our heads with a chuckle. 

(Man!) 

"Why do you tease him so much?" Sighing, I turned my attention back to sir. 

"You can't blame me. Uski harkate dekhi hai? Abhi tak bachpana hai usme." He shrugged with a shake of his head. 

(Have you seen his antics? He still behaves like a kid.) 

"Seekh jayega wo bhi waqt ke saath." Going back to sit in my place, I replied. I felt bad for taking his position in this project. He was so happy about it. 

(He too will learn with time.)

"Haa wo to hai. Usko seekhane ke liye hi to maine use tumhare saath jaane ki ijazat di hai." Spinning with the same paperweight which Ali left, sir replied. What was with people and wanting to play with my paperweight? 

(Yeah you are right. That's why I gave him permission to go there with you, so that he could learn.) 

"Lekin sir aapko aisa nahi karna chahiye tha. Usse project ki leadership leke direct mujhe nahi deni chahiye thi. Agar usko sikhana hi tha ya mujhe bhejna hi tha to uske saath jaane bol dete. Aise usko bura lag raha hoga na." Glaring at the paperweight in annoyance, I muttered, wanting to snatch it from Sir and keep it somewhere where they won't be able to play with it. I had do idea why it was irritating me so much. 

(But sir, you should not have done that. You shouldn't have taken the leadership from him and directly given it to me. If you had to teach him or wanted me to go there then you should have told me to go with him. He must be feeling bad.) 

"He should know that if he continues to make mistakes like that in his life then anyone can take his position and projects. That's the reason why I gave that project to you in front of him. To make him understand this point. I know that he has potential. That's why I still haven't kicked him out of this office. I just want him to polish it and use it." Finally stopping the paperweight, he replied while sitting straighter and bringing the chair closer to the table, a serious look on his face. 

._._._. 

• His mom has forgiven him, but do you think that if Atifa returns, she will welcome her with open arms and not hold any grudge?

._._._.