"I was planning to jump."
Those words blurted out of my mouth before I could stop them.

He sighed. "Could you please jump after I leave?" He asked.
"Sure."

After a moment of silence, he asked, "What's the reason?"
I felt annoyed. Why should I tell him my personal things?

"You are going to jump anyway. Why not tell me what's on your mind?" He asked, as if he read my mind.

I contemplated for a moment, rolled my eyes and said, "Fine."

I gave him a brief jist of everything.

"Hmm. So... Lack of a job? Not having a love life? You feel like a failure? Those are your reasons?"

"Well... yes. Sort of. You can't put it that plainly. It's not just lack of a job. It's that I know I will not be happy even if I do get a job with my qualifications. It's not... fulfilling," I replied.

He nodded and I continued.
"And its not about not having a love life. I feel that maybe I don't need it. Maybe I don't need a man. It doesn't seem all that great to me. I have seen other marriages and those relationships seem so absurd. They don't get along but they still are together because there has to be somebody? It doesn't make sense..."

"Hmmm. So you feel upset now and you want to end your life because of it?" He asked.

I felt like he was blaming me. I felt that he was putting my issues into something too simple like a problem a kindergartner is facing and brushing it off. I asked, "Can I not feel upset about my life? Do I need your permission to feel sad now?"

"Of course not. But you can't be this selfish. What about your loved ones?"
"They dont care much. Sure, initially they might be sad. But they'll get on with their lives," I said.

"Of course, they will get on with their lives. But they'll never stop missing you. They'll never not be sad about losing you. Even if you are jobless, or toy feel like a failure, or feel unattractive according to you, even if you are paralyzed and live like a vegetable, they are going to love you..."

"Was your intention emotional blackmail?" I sighed and continued, "Even if I do return to my life, nothing is going to change. I'll still be a failure, with no man, no means to make money, always being compared to others... What's the point?"

He thought for a second.
"If that is so, then you'll find a way to make yourself happy. Forget about everyone and everything else then. Forget all you have studied and learned over the years and start over," he said.

Then he went on, "You were ready to die. So, why not just live like you want. You like baking? Start a bakery. Or just bake. Try to sell it. Experiment. Do a job to earn a basic amount and spend your time with your hobbies everyday. Do whatever the hell you want.

You worry about people judging you here? Travel then. Go to a place where no one knows you. Explore the world, ort he country at least. Live in a hut, a forest, a farm.

Take part in a drama. Try gardening. Stitch. Draw. Make jams. Anything just to keep yourself happy. Can't you try that?"