Dear Future Self,

        Hi. I remembered we once had an activity in English class where we can write letters to our future selves. I lost mine so I'm writing to you again. I'm sorry I'm such a nagger.

        I hope you are still in good shape. Not drinking, not on drugs, not partying or throwing a party somewhere. I hope that you are the person you have always wanted to be. What we wanted to be.

        I hope you didn't get infected of COVID-19 and decided you were damn hell a lot stronger than a shitty virus. I mean hell, the virus was afraid to land on you, I hope. I also wish you didn't stay single in your twenties or thirties. I mean, come on. You said you never wanted to die single but I bet you're still scared to go on dates and meet new strangers that will soon enough break your heart. You wear your heart right in your sleeve but I bet you had thorns protecting it by now.

        I hope you aren't broke. And you are a strong, independent, bold, classy woman I have always dreamt you to be. Hoping you are paying your bills on time and managed to know how to cook. I hope you cook your own meals, bitch. Wish you never depended on take-outs and canned goods. Hope you finally knew how to successfully crack an egg.

         I don't know why the hell I'm writing to you. It's just that maybe, just maybe, your life is a little easier there than it was now. Maybe you're never sad, and you're finally living your dreams. But I, on the other hand, still need to figure out some things on my own for you to be living your dreams. I still need to choose the best path for me, for us--the one seldom took. Been crossing my fingers every time I made plans and I still worry about life being too good now. Still stay up late at night reading books until I fell asleep. Still shared the absurdities of fantasies which aren't going to come true. But it's fine. Because I have you. I have you to take care of the future for me so I have to take care of my present for you. Every ripple changes your life there. Which means that for every choice I make, I might be building you up or bringing you down. And I always, always wished for the former.

        It's currently 12:05 am. My favorite time since then. And I have to sleep now. Take good care and find the imperfect, full of flaws, real boyfriend.

Hugs and Kisses,
  Your Present Self