Emerson Jenkins

The first week back in classes had been a drag. Not much was going on.

Wake up, go to class, see Asher, see Callum or Mina, go to sleep, repeat.

Mina wasn't so shaken up anymore after what happened Monday night at Gypsy Fish. Imani, Lace, and I stayed in her dorm with her that night. We took turns sleeping to make sure she was okay. Mina doesn't trust men at all so when one messes with her, it shakes her up. I don't like seeing her down so I'm glad her spirits have lifted again.

She's been trying to get me to be nice to the new kid. I'm not being not nice. New people aren't my cup of tea. Especially new people in our friend group. It's odd. Our dynamic had been moving swiftly for the past six months. Now all of a sudden there was a new boy in the group. I thought he was only going to come around for one day but he keeps coming back.

Cal seems to really like him. Rowan too. Kai seems somewhat curious about the American boy as well. He's a tough shell to crack through which is why I'm most surprised by him. Mina also nauseously seems to think he's a good dude. What the fuck is so special about him? He seems like any average lad to me.

He always has this annoying smile on his face and despite my disinterest in getting to know him, he keeps on trying to speak to me.

"What possible motive does he have, Emmy? The boys are the ones who cornered him first."

"After he came up to us asking for a cigarette."

"That doesn't mean he sought us out. He doesn't even seem like the type."

Mina kept trying to convince me that he was a decent boy. I didn't know him yet. If he was going to stick around then I guess that would change. My attitude and look on him wouldn't change until I figured him out. That was my final verdict on this situation.

My friends saw him more than I did anyway. They all had at least one class with him while I had none. The only times I ran into him was during dinner at the canteen and after school if he came around — which he always did. Asher also liked Brooks but I guess that was given since they were roommates.

Lucky for me, I knew that Brooks would be busy after classes today with the boys. Cal said they had some plans down at the field which meant I could have some privacy with Ash for a little bit. We had been kissing for about thirty minutes before I got bored and laid down on his bed. He worked on homework as I fidgeted with my phone.

Setting my phone down, I plopped down on my tummy, looking up at him. "Is that homework due tonight?" I asked him, resting my chin on my palms. He gave me a small smile. "Yes. It's for Dr. Knight too. You know she doesn't forgive incomplete work too honorably." That is true. Still, I'm bored. Ash is the only one who can give me attention.

His eyes drift back to his laptop and I take the time to stare at him. He has brown fluffy hair and deep brown eyes. His nose is the smallest button and light, barely noticeable freckles cover it. I used to say that his jawline could cut through glass if it wanted to. His lips while thin match his face perfectly.

He's so pretty yet so...

"I will put a hold on classwork if we can do more than kiss though," Asher smirks.

Disgusting. Yep, that's the word I was looking for.

"In your dreams." My response to him was a fake smile. He groaned. "What the hell is it gonna take for you to let me fuck you? I've been waiting patiently for two months, Em." His words make me physically shudder. I know Asher isn't the type to hold back on his thoughts but that doesn't mean I like hearing them.

People — my friends mostly — have questioned why I decided to start a physical relationship with Asher. He may not entirely seem like a bad dude but trust me... he is not the type of guy you'd like to bring home to your parents.

Asher Schulz is the type of boy to bring his girlfriend down to lift himself up. He will mostly definitely put his pleasure above yours in any situation. Oh, and did I mention that he's an asshole? If something is on his mind, he will say it. No matter how sensitive it is, no matter how much he knows it'll offend you. To him, nothing he says is wrong. He loves to poke.

His asshole friends are the same way.

Surprisingly, this didn't matter to me. I didn't like Asher as a person and I don't ever think I will but honestly, that didn't matter. He wasn't around for me to potentially fall in love with. He was here because he gave me what I couldn't find for months alone at Havenpoint.

A distraction.
Someone to numb the hurt in my heart.

When Ash was around, I was distracted and my head wasn't thinking about the past and the present or even the fucking future. All of it was oblivious and I was just making out with a pretty boy, douchebag. Asher was the dumbest person alive if he thought after all these months I was still holding out on eventually getting down and dirty with him.

He would never get that intimate with me. Ever.

My body had only belonged to another boy before. The thought of him made my blood boil because that pain that I had felt all summer eventually morphed into distaste. Now, I was just angry. He is the very reason why I didn't trust new people and why I wasn't going to give my body to another guy ever again.

Not unless he was the man I was going to end up with forever.

Still, it was nice to do... other things. Asher wasn't the greatest guy but he had a pretty face. My dad used to say not to trust the boys with pretty faces but I had already made that mistake once.

Why not do it again? Only this time, I don't have to give him my trust because he's a means to an end for me. My relationship with him won't last forever.

And thank God for that.

"You're gross," I replied. His eyes trailed down my body which made me tense. "Nice arse," he said. Fucking perv. I stood up from bed and pulled down my school skirt, lifting my stockings too. "I'm leaving now," I retorted, turning around to leave. "Wait, wait, wait," Asher demanded behind me. He came around behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist.

Despite not wanting to, I leaned back into his touch. "I'm sorry, Em. I'll stop. Just come back over here. I like when you're with me." He rested his chin on my shoulder and I turned my head to look at him. A smile pulled at his lips which made me stomp back into his bed. Little shit. He's lucky I have nothing better to do.

After twenty minutes, Asher decided that his homework would get done later so we smoked together outside before saying goodbye for the night. Today had felt like a long day and it was making me feel uneasy. Even my first week ever at Havenpoint had gone better than this one.

Everything was different now. While I tried to make myself think this year would be better, it had felt so draining. Opening my eyes every morning was what I dreaded the most. Last semester's events had a huge impact on my well-being. One that made me remember past events. Things that happened in New York. Things that I'll never forget.

Meeting him at Havenpoint changed my outlook on life. I thought things were finally starting to get better. He was like a carbon copy of the friend I had in New York. It made me feel a sense of peace. The friendships I had built were also a plus. Rowan was actually the first person I met here at HP. He introduced me to Mina and Imani. Slowly, our group grew.

We were all good friends. None of us kept secrets from one another. The ten of us. Yes, ten. Now, we were down to seven. No one had wanted to admit that losing him caused a crack in our group. Especially Mina who wanted to go into this year as perfect as possible.

Her cheers at Gypsy Fish on Monday were not going to happen. There were bound to be fights and there was bound to be drama. Because we all know that keeping in your feelings and thoughts for months isn't any good for you.

I had been doing it.
Kai had been doing it.
Even Cal had been doing it.

One day, someone was going to explode. But I wasn't going to let it be me. That's why I was keeping my mouth shut and hiding my true, deep emotions away from everyone. Breaking down in front of Mina was inevitable. It would probably happen this semester. Everyone else wasn't going to see that side of me. Not even Callum who I consider my best friend.

Nighttime had come quickly and since there wouldn't be class tomorrow, I didn't worry about sleeping early. The halls were empty by this time so it was quiet as I walked through Havenpoint over to this huge balcony on the other side of the school where most of the boy's dorms were.

It was a place I'd liked to come to when my head was frazzled by thoughts. The stone-built balcony was huge, almost the size of a mansion's living room, if not bigger. I walked over to the edge and leaned my arms on the thick rock ledge. Havenpoint had been my home for three years now so to think I would be leaving here in a couple of months was crazy.

I had to start applying to universities soon but I didn't know where the hell I'd end up.

Not New York. Never New York.

Staying in London during winter break and the summer wasn't ideal but it was better than being home. At home, I was alone. Here I was alone. There wasn't really a difference. My parents would pay for whatever university I decided on because they wanted to get me out of the house. It's not like they paid much attention to me anyway but in college, I'd be out of their hair.

They would pay for my studies, and occasionally send me money. All would be well. Another kid thrown out into the real world. My sister Leighton is twenty-eight years old and has been out of the house since I was eight. We were never close because of the age gap and still aren't. She barely talks to my parents as is. Leigh created a good life for herself from what I've seen on social media.

She's traveling, has a successful company, and is married to an older dude who's actually quite attractive. It does make me kind of sad that she doesn't reach out to me. Years ago, having a close relationship with my sister was something I craved. We were both dealt with the same shitty cards. Or should I say, parents. Sadly, Leighton didn't spare me a second glance once she graduated high school.

I practically raised myself until mom and dad decided to send me off to London. Havenpoint was my home now and I would rather stay here forever than have to go back to New York. A deep groan escaped me. This was not how I wanted to start my sixth year. According to everyone, your last year in college was supposed to be the best. So far, it wasn't living up to those expectations.

Maybe that's my fault.

"Emerson." A familiar voice dragged me out of my haze. I don't have to turn around to know who that voice belongs to. He comes up next to me, resting his arms on the rock ledge. What is he even doing here? I'm sure he's not coming to find me after how standoffish I've been towards him. Also, how would he know I came here?

I continue my previous escapades of just staring out into the distance, hoping it'll help me find some sort of peace. The silence between us isn't awkward surprisingly but his presence does put me on edge. "What are you doing?" I questioned, breaking the silence. From the corner of my eye, I see him turn his head towards me so I do the same.

His dark blue eyes meet my lighter ones. I've never noticed how much taller he is than me right now. At 5'6, I wouldn't consider myself short but I still had to look up at him. "Just getting some fresh air. Reconnecting with nature or whatever," he replied, keeping his eyes on me. Before I could reply, his phone started to ring.

"Shit," he mumbled to himself as he reached for the phone in the pocket of his hoodie. A sigh reaches his lips but he answers anyway. The call connects — a FaceTime — and I can't see the phone at this angle but a little girl's voice comes through. "Brooks! Why haven't you been answering daddy's phone calls?" she scolded, her voice having a slight rasp.

Brooks tries to hide a smile but I see it peeking through. "I'm in school, K. I can't always be talking to dad," he told her. "Oh, well do you want to talk to him now? He's downstairs. I can take you to him," her little voice raises. "No, no, K. It's nighttime here, I'm going to sleep already. Love you, okay?" Brooks' finger hovers over the red hang-up button.

"Oh wait, Brooks."
"Yes, K?"
"Miles came over today with Nola and he told me that he misses you."

Brooks rolled his eyes then. "Miss him too. I really need to go to sleep, okay? They get you in trouble here if you don't sleep on time. Like momma and dad get you in trouble." I hear the little girl scoff. "Puh-lease, I never go to sleep on time anyway. Even when daddy tells me to." He chuckles and shakes his head. "Night, love you."

She returns the sentiment before he finally hangs up and releases another sigh. "Sorry, my little sister's been calling non-stop the past couple of hours," Brooks said. He seemed quite bothered before answering and it almost sounded like he didn't want to talk to his father. I'd assume they don't have a good relationship but by the look on his face when he talked to his little sister, I can tell he really cares about her.

You can get along with your siblings and still dislike your parents but I'm not going to pry. It's none of my business and I don't really care. My reply is a nod before turning back to stare at the view in front of me. It isn't much. We're towards the back of the school here so all there are are tall trees. The same forest we went through to come back to school Monday night.

It was Havenpoints little forest and I'd be lying if I said there wasn't another hiding spot there I'd once indulged in when I needed to clear my head. It had been six months since the last time I stepped foot there though. The hiding spot had disappeared from my head now. "How long have you been here? Havenpoint?" Brook asked, bringing me back to now.

Didn't he understand that I wasn't interested? How many times had I rejected his words?

"He's nice, Emmy. Really. Just because I get along with everyone doesn't mean I trust easily." Mina's words played in my head. Why did she have to be such a good person? 'Or maybe you're just a shirty person', my head says back to me.

"This is my sixth semester," I replied. His eyes widen slightly. "God, you must be a bad girl," he said but I didn't miss the small teasing note in his voice. I've said this before and I'll say it again. Havenpoint is not a school for terrible kids. Havenpoint is a school for kids who behaved somewhat terribly and didn't want to be dealt with anymore by their rich parents.

I reach into my platform boot and pull out a shot-size bottle of vodka. Brooks notices this and stands straight. Uncapping the thing, I chug it in one go. The warm liquid burns my throat more than usual. "My statement stands," he scoffs into a chuckle. "So what's the real reason then?" I disregard his comment. "Why did your parents put you in here?"

Some type of emotion passes through his dark blue hues. "I told you already." His eye contact is killer, never leaving mine for even a second. "Because you smashed up some guy's car?" I asked, remembering what he told us the first time he met all of us. He nodded. "What else? I mean that's a pretty terrible thing to do but... what else?" I pushed. He looked away for once like he was searching for what to say.

"I moved out of my house with my older brother before my sophomore year and started behaving worse than I did at home. It was easy to hide it since I wasn't living with them but there were times like this past one when I got arrested. My grades also started to deteriorate and I quit soccer which used to be a big part of me. They took notice of how much I changed and the car thing was just their last straw with me."

His words take my back a little. What kind of parents let their kid move out that fast? It might have been with his brother but still. My parents, despite everything, would never have let me leave their sight that young. The only reason they did was because they knew I'd be safe over here. "What about you?" he returned the question.

"My parents got tired of me misbehaving that's all. I would always go out, get in trouble at school, skip school, and smoke cigarettes a little too much," I offered a fake smile. Just like Brooks' parents, mine also had their last straw with me but that story won't be shared. It isn't bad, I just hate thinking about it now. "When was the last time you were in New York?" he questioned.

"Before I came here," I said honestly. His brows furrowed. "You haven't gone back since?" I shook my head. Thank God for that. New York is not the place to be. For me at least. "That's crazy. Don't you miss it? Your life before Havenpoint?" Brooks said then. It takes everything in me not to laugh in his face. If I could erase my past, I'd do it in a heartbeat.

My life before Havenpoint was shit. Everyone in it was shit. Including my parents. Being here was the best thing that could have happened to me. I met friends who became more like family and I'm away from all of the drama back in New York. The only time I don't like being here is when everyone's back home while I'm stuck here alone.

I just hate being alone. Even though I have been alone most of my life. That's probably why I hate it so much.

"Not one bit." My gaze turns back to the forest in front of me. I'm sure Brooks is counting down the days to return back to the States. We all felt that way at the beginning but now? We prefer HavenPoint. It may not be perfect but it's brought us a lot more than any of our hometowns ever did.

"Here I am, dying to go back," Brooks said, chuckling bitterly. Silence filled the air again for a couple of minutes. I wasn't going to tell him that he'd like it here eventually because I didn't know if he would. He's been dead set on returning home after the semester is over.

Which is brings me all the way back to the reason I'm so worried about his situation in my friend group. Brooks' addition is short-term. In the winter, he would leave and never remember us. We'd have to deal with the repercussions. It's already happened once before so I won't let it happen again.

"Good luck with that," I replied dryly. Out of my peripheral, I could see his eyes on me. He was staring at me with a look of curiosity that made me want to look over and say 'what the fuck are you looking at me like that for?' But I held back. My gaze swiveled in his direction and he didn't bother to look away yet.

Brooks was looking at me like I was a bunny rabbit and he was a fox, ready to attack. I hated it. Since when did I become a prey? Standing my ground, my eyes never left his in challenge.

"Look, I know you're not the fondest of me right now but I just wanted to say thanks for letting me stick around. You could have told your friends to stop talking to me a long time ago but you haven't. At least, I don't think you have," his face turns a light red. "Anyway, this week hasn't been the easiest. It's a lot of...adjustment but your friends have made it easier. I feel a lot more content having friendly people around me."

His words float around me for a bit. Brooks doesn't hide his emotions well. I've seen him look pissed, happy, uncomfortable, and bored all in the matter of five days. Right now, he looks almost sincere. Like there is no hint of lies in his words. There's also some kind of longing but that might just be me looking way too deep.

Reading people is something I'm good at.
It's a blessing and a curse.

"I have told them, they just don't listen," I replied. He had no reaction this time, turning away from me. Usually, he takes my attitude-filled responses with a pinch of salt and smiles or laughs. Maybe the conversation with his little sister earlier shifted his mood. Swallowing the thick lump in my throat, I turn to face the forest just like he does. "I'm kidding. You're welcome, I guess."

He looks over at me again before standing up straight. "Have a good night, Emerson." I don't say anything and he doesn't wait for me to as he walks away. After a couple of seconds, I turn. Brooks walks with his head down and his hands shoved into his pockets.

It's starts to dawn on me that I might be a bit of a dick to him. He really hasn't been anything but nice to me. His actions aren't the reason for my cruelty. It's just me. The trust issues rooted deep inside my core. Why can't I just be normal?

Once Brooks is out of sight, I decide to walk back to my dorm as well. On the way there, I spot a familiar face alongside a non-familiar one. Thinking he'll ignore me, I look down at my feet. "Oh- I'll see you later. Emmy!" His voice stops me in my tracks. Standing right in front of me now, I notice the small hickey on his neck and glittery lipgloss on the collar of his school uniform.

He wraps his arm around my shoulder and I smell the alcohol on his clothes and breath. "Isn't your dorm that way?" I asked him. Rowan looked back. "Yes, but I'm walking you to yours. What are you doing across the pond?" Rowan's eyes drooped heavily and he was putting a lot of his weight on me. I'm not the smallest but compared to his 6'3 self, he was a hell of a lot bigger and heavier than I was.

"Came to see your boyfriend?" he slurred. My eyes automatically rolled at that. "He's not my boyfriend and no. Just came to the balcony for some time," I said. Rowan and I weren't exactly close. There was a time when all of us were inseparable. We'd do anything for each other.

Kai for me.
Me for Ro.
Ro for Lace.

Times had changed though. We were all still friends but some of us didn't talk as much as we used to. That's what happens when someone leaves the friend group which again, is why I'm wary about Brooks. After tonight, I've noticed that he's nothing like that other person. Not even close. Still, I can't help but worry. We've been through enough.

Rowan doesn't say anything for some time and I'm starting to think he'll fall asleep. "Hey, can I ask you a question?" I grabbed his hand in intertwined it with mine to get his attention. "Yeah," comes his faint reply. It takes me a couple of seconds to build up the courage to say anything. "How was Kai over the summer?" I queried. His head turned down to me quickly like he wasn't expecting me to say that.

Neither was I but I'd been curious.

After acting like there wasn't anything was out of the ordinary, he finally speaks. "Not great. His mom and him aren't best friends you know that. Mina wasn't there to help him keep his cool either so if he's a little wanker, well, that's why," Ro told me. This was the first summer Kai had spent at home. Usually, he goes to Paris with Mina for his time off. Her parents adore him so they don't mind having him there for weeks at a time.

My heart beats rapidly for Kai.
No stop it, heart. You don't care. You don't care.

It takes everything in me not to ask more questions. That's enough. Some things are better left unsaid. Or in this case, unknown. A couple of minutes later, we reach my dorm and before I can slip inside, Ro grabs my arm to stop me. "What?" I questioned. His droopy hazel eyes bore into me. He might be drunk but I can still see cohesion behind his eyes.

"If you want to know something about Kai, you can ask him, you know that right?" he said. My eyes roll again. "We both know that he doesn't want that and neither do I," I shrugged. "Just a question. Don't tell him I asked though." Before he can say anything else, I slip into my dorm. It doesn't surprise me that Cora isn't here. She isn't most nights.

Grabbing my phone from my pocket, I notice a couple of texts from my friends.

Mina Bina: well yes. we've already been over this, emmy. also, kai wants me to sleep over tonight. something about his roommate sleeping over in his girlfriend's apartment.

I make a face. Gross.

Cal: hey do Americans like beans over bread for breakfast?? cause Brooks made a face earlier when I mentioned that being one of my last meals if I was ever on death row.

What an idiot.

Lacey: Omg Brooks is supperrrr cute. Agree anyone?!

She sent that in the group chat with only us girls and no one responded. That should give her an answer. Throwing my phone back onto the counter, I make myself comfy in bed. Tomorrow is Saturday so there's no stress of waking up early. I've missed the excitement of weekends so tomorrow shall be the best day. Even though this week hasn't started off great, I hoped that would pass.

I just had to put on a happy face. Maybe then I'd actually feel happy.