Who says that women are the weaker sex?

A few months ago, there was an opening with the CIA for an assassin. These highly classified positions are hard to fill, and there's a lot of testing and background checks involved before you can even be considered for the position.  

After sending some applicants through the background checks, training and testing, they narrowed the possible choices down to 2 men and a woman, but only one position was available.

The day came for the final test to see which person would get the extremely secretive job.  

The CIA men administering the test took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun.

"We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what the circumstances", they explained. "Inside this room, you will find your wife sitting in a chair.  Take this gun and kill her."

The man got a shocked look on his face and said "You can't be serious! I could never shoot my own wife!"

"Well", says the CIA man, "you're definitely not the right man for this job then."

So they bring the second man to the same door and hand him a gun.

"We must know that you will follow instructions no matter what the circumstances", they explained to the second man.  "Inside you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Take this gun and kill her."

The second man looked a bit shocked, but nevertheless took the gun and went in the room.  All was quiet for about 5 minutes, then the door opened.

The man came out of the room with tears in his eyes. "I tried to shoot her, I just couldn't pull the trigger and shoot my wife. I guess I'm not the right man for the job."

"No" the CIA man replied, "You don't have what it takes.  Take your wife and go home."

Now they're down to the woman left to test.  

Again they lead her to the same door to the same room and hand her the same gun.

"We must be sure that you will follow instructions no matter what the circumstances. This is your final test.  Inside you will find your husband sitting in a chair. Take this gun and kill him."

The woman took the gun and opened the door. Before the door even closed all the way, the CIA heard the gun start firing.

One shot after another for 13 shots.

Then all hell broke loose in the room.

They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. This went on for several minutes, then all went quiet.

The door opened slowly, and there stood the woman.

She wiped the sweat from her brow and said "You guys didn't tell me the gun was loaded with blanks!  I had to beat him to death with the chair!"

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Have you ever wonder how the 7 dwarves got their name?...here is the truth:

Miss Snow White was a randy cow, And desperate for a fuck,

So off she went into the woods, To try and get some luck.

She'd almost given-up looking, When she saw some chimney smoke,

Then she stumbled on the cottage, And went in for a poke.

Her clothes came off in seconds.  And she'd just removed her pants,

When seven dwarves came marching in, With a merry song and dance.

Snow White just stood there speechless, And thought she was in heaven,

Originally after *one* good shag, But now she could have seven.

Straight away she took command, "My fanny needs a lick!

"And when one dwarf moved forward, She said, "Oi - you'd better drop your prick"

So down he went onto all fours, And said "I ain't licking that,"

"Not there, that is my arse-hole, You DOPEY little brat!

"The next dwarf started blushing,"Do we have to do it here?"

Snow White said, "Don't be BASHFUL, Unless you're fucking queer"

So reluctantly he whipped it out, To prove he was no fool.

And Snow White gave a big "Heigh-Ho".As she rode upon his tool.

Now one dwarf wasn't smiling. Cos he hadn't had a sniff,

And due to his impatience, He couldn't raise a stiff.

"Relax" you GRUMPY bastard", So he did as he was told,

And as soon as he was hard enough, He shot his fuckin load.

The next dwarf got a blow-job, And she took him deep quite easy,

But she just avoided brain-damage, When he sneezed, she called him SNEEZY.

With three dwarves left, she turned and said, "You're next, I want your knob!"

But not sooner had he entered her, And he was sleeping on the job.

"Wake up you SLEEPY bastard" She wanted more from him.

And he woke with such excitement, That he filled her hairy quim.

The next dwarf rammed his up her, And shagged her fanny raw,

A dazed Snow White then whimpered.  "That should be against the law."

He made poor Snow White tremble, He was so big and thick.

"No wonder you're so HAPPY, With that fucking great big prick."

With one dwarf still remaining, But feeling rather sore,

She said "You'll have to use your tongue, My twat can't take no more!"

And so he put his tongue to work, Where others had placed their cocks,

And 'cos he made Snow White feel better, She named the last dwarf DOC.

Now Snow White couldn't do much, With all that spadge inside her quim,

So she grabbed a cup, and squatted, And filled it to the brim.

So there's the truth about the dwarves, And how they got their names,

By satisfying Miss Snow White, And joining in her games.

There's one more thing you need to know, And that's What happened to that cup,

Well think of what you're drinking, When you next buy 7Up!

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THE PERFECT MAN

The perfect man is gentle

Never cruel or mean

He has a beautiful smile

And keeps his face so clean.

The perfect man likes children

And will raise them by your side

He will be a good father

As well as a good husband to his bride.

The perfect man loves cooking

Cleaning and vacuuming too

He'll do anything in his power

To convey his feelings of love on you.

The perfect man is sweet

Writing poetry from your name

He's a best friend to your mother

And kisses away your pain.

He never has made you cry

Or hurt you In any way

Oh, fuck this stupid poem

The perfect man is gay

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Three women escaped from prison.  One was a redhead, one a brunete, and one of course was a blonde.  They ran for miles until they came upon an old barn where they decided to hide in the hayloft and rest.

When they climbed up, they found three large gunnysacks and decided to climb into them for camouflage.

About an hour later the sheriff and his deputy came into the barn.  The sheriff told his deputy to go up and check out the hayloft.  When he got up there the sheriff asked him what he saw and the deputy yelled back "just 3 gunnysacks".

The sheriff told him to find out what was in them, so the deputy kicked the first sack, which had the redhead in it.  She went "Bow-wow", so the deputy told the sheriff there was a dog in it.

Then he kicked the sack with the brunette in it.  She went "meow", so the deputy told the sheriff there was a cat in it.

Then he kicked the one with the blonde in it, and there was no sound at all.

 So he kicked it again, and finally the blonde yelled out "potatoes".