This music perfectly describes how I'm feeling right now. I'm freaking crying because apparently I bottled up some extra sadness from when people that I knew passed on. How will I ever know when it's all gone? Help me please.

It hurts to smile knowing that deep down I have no reason to, other than to make others happy. It hurts inside to know that my freaking cousin decided that our regular tradition to go rollerskating together for the school fundraiser doesn't matter to her anymore. I loved doing it with her and it seemed to make us become more close to each but lately we haven't been going and this month she went with someone else. I sprained my foot but she wasn't going to take me even if I hadn't.

I freaking hurt inside. At school it's always: 'Smile. There is no reason to be sad about past things.' But when your alone it's always: 'Why? Why is life so cruel? Playing its little games using your life like the Sims.'

Nothing is cheering me up. I think I finally broke. I can't force myself to smile anymore. I feel as if I'm completely empty inside. I almost feel as if I might die of loneliness.

I miss social interaction. My family feels crazy and not in a good way. I can't believe I'm typing this but I think I've actually opened the thought of suicide a crack. I've been hurting myself lately. Smashing my hand in the door, biting my arm, picking up knives then putting them back down. I feel scared and alone. I fear leaving my room at night at what I might find. Mostly nothing but there's that thought that I'm being watched by someone from FNAF, or a slender man, or just some creepy person. I hate it when my dad is gone for work because I never feel safe. The only safety I ever feel is after watching a million not scary and bright colorful YouTube videos.

I'm going to stop rambling now since I'm making myself feel worse and I'm tired. So ya...
Bye...
~Warrior_Fangirl