<<that was over two years ago and i dont think I ever fully discussed what happened on here

so i was at a skillsusa contest in chattanooga, and i was pretty excited for it

except, that this kid named matthew was there. i had been friends with him bc i was painfully oblivious to the fact he was in love with me apparently.

he road with me on the trip there and put his arm around me, and i was like "?????????????" and was confused

it just got annoyingly worse from there. he insisted on being at my side everywhere i went and i was hardcore disgusted. he was too close and wouldnt leave me alone.

now, matthew was autistic. i dont think that justifies him acting like this.

anyway, i confess how im feeling to my roommate, who always has some lgbt pin on her backpack. i figured id be safe with her, so i told her i was acearo and wasnt comfortable with this.

she tells me to pity date him regardless. "he wont want to do anything sexual so you should be ok!"

mother of crap

she almost made me out to be the bad guy, bc i had the gall not to be into guys or want to lead some kid on in a pity date.

i had never angsted over my asexuality, but that night, i did. i was convinced i was a complete, remorseless monster bc i couldnt reciprocate these feelings. i felt so sick and disgusted with myself.

it got a little better. i managed to talk to my friend, a junior guy, whom i was helping run for a state office for skills, about it and whew boy he got mad. he was super pissy that some guy had the gall to make me uncomfortable and told the other guys and they made sure to flank me where ever i went so matthew couldn't come near me. i felt a lot better with them. never let anyone talk trash about straight teenage boys bc some of them are angels. helped me more than the bi chick did.

anyway that whole fiasco ruined the trip for me, even the visit to the aquarium :/ luckily the next year was better

anyways its behind me now and ive accepted that part of myself and im ok now