Insecurities, we all have them. The greater the stakes, the more our hearts and minds are plagued with those pesky feelings, which more often than not hold us back from reaching out and grabbing what's right there. Insecurities that wrap around our minds and stop us from taking the next step.

Having reached this point in this story, you must have already understood where we are headed. Yes, it's the complex, sometimes illogical, and other times logical domain of insecurities.

Yibo and Zhan both have insecurities. (Zhan being more careful about what others think of him has more reasons for being insecure than Yibo) Well, I don't blame them. Both hadn't tasted much success despite being in the entertainment industry for more than half a decade. Yes, it's completely unfair to judge them as such since both of them had not entered the industry as 'actors' like their counterparts. Then there is the fact that more often than not, 'idol actors' are labeled as wooden even before they have had a chance to flex their acting muscles.

Now, for such actors who were at the threshold of what could be 'THE break' they had been looking for, it would naturally be a problem if it were to be revealed that they were anything but heterosexual. The sad fact is that sometimes even lovers of BL are not above homophobia when it is revealed that their idols/celebrity crushes are not heterosexual.

Zhan is aware that the country where he has to earn his living is not supportive of alternate sexuality. Is it any surprise that getting attracted to his costar was causing him apprehension? Was feeling insecure about his future and reputation not understandable? No, absolutely not.

Moving on.

Zhan has a mini-mental breakdown at Yibo's reply, with good reason. After all, he had accidentally exposed the thing (his feelings) that he wanted to hide the most.

"I am coming inside," Zhan warns, twisting the doorknob, totally unaware of the effect his words have on the latter.

Yibo's heart mimics his Gege's.

Can you blame the poor lad? After all, he had been imagining them coming inside each other...I mean expressing their feelings for each other, in various kinky...I mean imaginative ways.

Wait. Where was I!? Oh yes, Zhan was coming...I mean entering their room.

Yibo steps ways and lets Zhan in before swiftly closing the door. He stops the older with a hand on his shoulder and swirls him around. Now face to face, Yibo looks at the latter questioningly, hoping that the other will finally acknowledge his feelings. But unfortunately, Zhan keeps staring at him, looking ashamed yet mute.

"Zhan ge, I said that I heard you. Don't you have anything to say to me?" Yibo demands in the same breathy voice as earlier. He steps closer, "Are you going to act like it was not you but Wei Ying that said those words?" Yibo's tone borders on sarcasm.

"Yibo laoshi!" Zhan's eyes widen. He feels hurt and angry as the understanding of what Yibo was insinuating dawns on him.

"Tell me, Zhan laoshi, was it you or him?" Yibo steps closer still, but Zhan holds his ground. He meets Yibo's angry gaze with his calm ones and decides to come clean. After all, how long could Zhan keep his heart under wraps? How much longer could he pretend that there was nothing between them? His denial of accepting his feelings had landed him in trouble already, and with his career and future at stake, he had to make sure that his alternate personalities did not hamper what he had worked so hard to achieve.

Zhan takes a deep breath and steps away. He places his hand on Yibo's cheek; it makes the younger flinch.
'He is going to pretend to be JZhan.' He concludes; his heart sinks. He had really wanted to have a proper heart-to-heart with his Zhan ge, but it looked like that wasn't...

"Yibo laoshi...Bo di, I went to the doctor earlier this evening." Zhan blurts out, dropping a bomb, so to speak, on the younger man, who blinks confounded, realizing that it was his Zhan ge!

Zhan presses on, "Since I got this project and met you, something changed in me. At first, I did not understand what I was feeling, and then when I realized it, I did not want to believe it...I did not want to accept it." Zhan chuckles; it's melancholy, like a man who realized his mistake too late. "Bo di, I know you have feelings for me. I can see it in your eyes. And I know you care about me as well." Zhan buries his face in his hands, shaking his head, he mutters, "Why?"

"Why?" Yibo parrots, "Why do I have feelings for you? Zhan ge, is that what you are asking me?"

"No." Zhan looks up. He pulls Yibo in gently, and wrapping his arms around the younger man, he confesses for real, "I am asking myself why I had to have these feelings for you and why did you have to reciprocate it. I am wondering why I never felt for anyone like I feel for you. I am cursing the timing of it all, Bo di."

"Zhan ge," Yibo's uninjured arm returns the hug, "Why are you making it so complicated? We like each other. Isn't that a good thing?" He argues back. Why does it feel like he is trying to break up with me when we haven't even kissed properly yet, he wonders. He grins, and standing on his tiptoes, dares a kiss on the older's forehead, "Zhan ge, some go decades without finding their better half because they ignored what their heart told them, aren't we lucky then? I know that we have barely had a few days with each other, and I can't guarantee that what I feel for you is love, but what's the harm in giving it a shot?" The young man questions, but then something else occurs to him,  "Wait, why did you go to the doctor?"

Zhan sighs and leads him to his bed.
Yibo, thinking that Zhan was planning to tuck him in and make him sleep, protests, "Zhan ge..." he drags, holding the latter's arm, "Do you think I will be able to sleep without knowing what's on your mind!?"

Zhan's body trembles. A soft laugh escapes him, "I am not tucking you in, Bo di. I just don't want you to exert yourself. You are on pain medication, remember?" He ruffles the latter's hair, making the young man blush. "Oh. Go on then. I am listening." He states, squatting and pulling Zhan next to him.

The older gives a forlorn look and continues, "I was losing time. I realized it a couple of days ago. I felt like I was doing things that were not me. Then there was also the way you treated me. It felt like we were doing things. Your body felt familiar when it shouldn't...your lips..." he lets the words hang like a lit furnace between them. He ponders for a long moment on how to continue and only glances up at the younger when Yibo takes his hand in his.

"What did he tell you? Is it serious?" Yibo asks,  referring to the doctor, and Zhan shakes his head, "It's more embarrassing than it is serious, I guess. Having these unexplainable feelings for you has apparently turned me into a love-struck teen." He chuckles again, but this time it sounds lighthearted, "Bo di, he told me that the first step to come out of it is for me to accept my feelings for you." He purses his lips, "I like you...a lot, Bo di, and I don't know what to do with it."

"We should give it a chance. That's the only solution." Yibo replies simply.

"Do you really see no problem with it?" Zhan enquires, his tone frustrated; he adds, "Think about what you are saying. Think about the consequences if it gets out that we are in a relationship. Think about your future, Bo di. And what if it doesn't work out, hum? What then? I have never felt like this for a man. What if my feelings are a consequence of how I see Lan Zhan in you? What if they are just fleeting," Zhan's hand fists the fabric over his chest, "What if my feelings fade away after the filming is done? What if your feelings fade away, Bo di. There is too much at risk. Don't you see that?"

Yibo sits up straight, "Zhan ge, my feelings won't fade. I have felt like this for a while now; I just realized it recently. But yes, I understand what you are saying. However, what's life without risks? Won't it be boring to stick to the mundane? Zhan ge, put your insecurities aside for once and look at what you have now." As soon as he finishes, he leaves a shallow breath, and pulling himself closer to Zhan, closes his lips over Zhan's.

It's fear of hurting the younger that makes Zhan accept the kiss, well, at least that is what he tells himself initially, but as soon as Yibo's inquisitive tongue traces Zhan's mouth, his excuse evaporates, leaving scorching desire in its wake. Zhan closes his eyes and opens his mouth, allowing the latter access to whatever he desires.

Zhan doesn't understand how a few moments later, he finds himself plastered to his costar, chest to chest, in a heated kiss that is threatening to spill into as of yet unchartered territory.

Zhan prays for an interruption, any interruption that would give him an excuse to stop, but it doesn't come. For, the latter is incapable of putting a stop to what the younger had started. All reasons why this was wrong and should not happen leave his mind. Feeling heady as if he was drugged, his insecurities and inhibitions abandon him, and he wraps his arms around Yibo. Unfortunately, it's at this very moment that Yibo winces.

Damn the injury!

The moment breaks, and logic returns to Zhan, who instantly leans away and looks at the damage his lust-addled brain had left behind. "Bo di, I am so sorry. I think we should...Ummm!" The following words drown in his throat as Yibo captures Zhan's lips again and pushes his tongue inside the now familiar warmth.

Zhan doesn't protest. For one, he was really enjoying how it felt to be held so possessively, and second, he because even injured, Yibo still possessed the kind of core strength that was enviable, and he was persistent. Zhan thanks Buddha for this blessing in disguise. He doesn't want to think what might have happened if it weren't for Yibo's injured shoulder. However, almost immediately, he kicks himself, 'Did I just thank Buddha for Yibo's state! What kind of jerk thinks like that about his boyfriend?' Zhan's heart almost jumps out of his chest, 'Did I just refer to Yibo as my boyfriend!?' He feels the familiar dizziness hit him, and his arm around Yibo's waist falls away.

Yibo stops when he notices that Zhan's lips had become unresponsive. He leans away and cups Zhan's cheek, "Zhan ge?"
Zhan frowns. "Lan Zhan! Who are you calling while straddling my lap!?" He pushes at the latter's chest.

Yibo's heart sinks. 'Fuck Noooooooo!' He curses his rotten luck.

Meanwhile, FZhan throws daggers at him with his almond-shaped eyes and crosses his arms over his chest. "Lan Wangji, that's it. I have had it with your cheating ass. I am going to talk to Zewu Jun about this. We have been married for years, and this is how you repay me!?" His eyes fall to Yibo's lips. Since they (by they, I mean Yibo's lips) had been rather busy just moments ago, they are spit-slicked.

"Oh no! You have been making out with him behind my back." He blinks and leans in to inspect Yibo's collar. He finds a short strand of hair. He gasps dramatically, "Lan er gege," he exclaims and picks up the offending strand, "How could you cheat on me with some...someone so unfilial!?" He dangles the strand in front of Yibo's face, "Look at how short it is?"

Yibo's head starts hurting at the ridiculous situation he had found himself in yet again; he looks to heaven and prays to the powers that be to return his Zhan ge to him.

"Even bodhisattva can't save you now, Lan Zhan!" Zhan huffs and unexpectedly leaves the bed.

"Zh...Wei Ying," Yibo grabs Zhan's arm, "Where are you going?"

"Ha! Er gege, did you think I was kidding when I told you that I was going to expose your deeds to Zewu Jun!?" Zhan announces, moving towards the door.

F%^&€€^$=^^$_€*K!
(Not a typing error)
Yibo thinks, rushing to stop the disaster that might befall them if Zhan ge...no, not Zhan ge, FZhan, was let out.

Will Yibo be able to stop FZhan? Why did FZhan appear when everything was going so well? And who will be FZhan's first victim if Yibo fails to stop him? To get all the answers, stay tuned.

{Note:- Only two updates (I think) before this story ends.

I have started updating Destinies. I will try to update two chapters per week. Hope you guys can check it out. 😊

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Thank you for reading.
Have a nice day!}