I sit cross-legged on my bed, ignoring the pounding in my chest and trying to appear nonchalant as Kaz sets a pillow on the floor.

"Any chance you'll let me snag one of those blankets?" He grins at me, his perfectly white teeth flashing.

I roll my eyes. "You're not really sleeping on the floor."

"I had hoped not, I'm not going to lie." He sits next to me, then bends to scoop the pillow up.

I notice his hand is shaking slightly. A beat of silence stretches into several. I pop my lips for something to do and to break the quiet.

Kaz laughs. "This is way more awkward than it should be." He stands and looks at me, his upper lip disappearing into his teeth. Then he walks out.

I wait, watching the door. But he doesn't return. So much time passes that I think maybe he went to sleep in one of the other rooms. Or maybe he's not as concerned about Anders now that Eveia and Wick aren't here to dilute some of the tension.

I sigh, feeling a little deflated, then pull the covers up to go to bed. I'll just have to ignore my disappointment and try to rest for tomorrow.

I remember the light and sit up. Kaz comes back in as I'm swinging my legs down. He flicks off the light and shuts the door.

"Scoot over," he says, coming over to the bed. He tugs his shirt over his head and climbs in next to me, careful to leave a space between us.

Still, I can feel the heat radiating from his bare chest. I lie on my back and pretend I don't notice but I do. I notice everything. The slight indentation in the mattress, beckoning me closer to him. The small tug of the covers with every rise and fall of his chest. How still he is otherwise.

I wonder if he's noticing all the same things. Suddenly, I feel very vulnerable, yet safe knowing I'm with Kaz. It's an invigorating freedom, an intoxicating fear.

His left arm shifts beside me, coming up to prop behind his head. "You asleep already?"

I laugh. "Definitely not." I roll over onto my side facing him, snuggling my pillow to me.

Kaz says, "So tell me something."

"What would you like to know?"

In the muted shadows, I see his eyes shift toward my face.

"I don't know," he says. "Tell me something no one else knows."

He shifts onto his side, too.

"If no one else knows, what makes you so sure I'd tell you?" I say.

"You're sharing your bed with me. Clearly you already trust me with your life. What's a secret or two?"

He makes a fair point. Plus talking may keep my mind off whatever else we could be doing in my bed tonight. Those thoughts send my heart racing and make my palms sweat.

"I don't know what to say. You already know me."

Kaz reaches over and tucks a strand of hair behind my ear. "I don't know everything about you."

I close my eyes, trying to reign in my raging feelings. "You want my whole life's story?"

He smiles and lies back again, resting the hand that had so recently touched my face on his chest. "You can give me the highlights. When you lost your first tooth, first time you broke a bone. Your first kiss." When he glances at me sidelong, I know that's what he's really wondering.

I'm glad it's too dark for him to see me blush. This conversation won't distract me from my current thought process.

"I was six years old when I lost my first tooth, and I've never broken a bone." I avoid answering his last question, wondering if he'll push it.

Of course, he does. "And that kiss?"

I roll onto my back. I can't look at him right now. "First real one? You should know; you were there."

"That wasn't your first?" He laughs when I don't respond. "Hope I lived up to all your expectations."

"Well it was lacking in any follow up punishment, so that was a major plus. Seriously, though, you were the first guy I'd wanted to kiss."

"Not even Milo?" His voice changes when he says the name, like he's making a face.

"Not even." I'm embarrassed now. "He tried to teach me when we were kids. I didn't really see the point."

Kaz rolls over again and traces his fingers gently over my lips. A sigh shudders involuntarily from them.

"You are incredible, Nadia."

I pull my head back from his hand. "How many people have you kissed?"

I try to pretend like I don't care, but suddenly I feel very jealous of anyone else who might have had the opportunity.

"More than you have." He resumes the tracing.

I push his hand away. "That's not hard. How many? Or is it too many to count?" I'm relieved my voice is teasing. Inside, I'm terrified of the answer. How do I stack up to these mystery ladies?

"One or two." Kaz pulls his finger along my arm. "None I'd wanted to kiss as much as I do you."

I feel a smile curling my lips. "They why don't you?"

Kaz takes his hand away. "Because I don't know if I could stop at just kissing, and I made you a promise."

So I kiss him.

He lets it go on for a while, until I'm breathless and my thoughts are all jumbled. Then he gently pushes me off him. I roll onto my back, frustrated and somewhat embarrassed by his rejection.

"I could die tomorrow, you know." I say it out of dramatic exasperation before I really consider the consequences.

Kaz laughs. "Now that you're Shark's favorite, too, between him and Briar, no one stands a chance of hurting you."

I think over my options, whether to laugh it off as the joke Kaz thinks I'm making, or tell the truth. Before Kaz, it would have been an easy choice; before Kaz, I wouldn't have wanted what his kisses have awakened in me. But I could in fact die in the next twenty-four hours, and I think maybe I should experience this "more than kissing" everyone keeps mentioning.

"What if I do die? Maybe I'll be caught in a tricky situation, and you, and Briar, and Shark aren't around? And then I'll have missed out on this awesome life experience Eveia and Wick keep teasing me about."

He moves to his back. "I'm not rushing into things with you."

"Why, you afraid someone even better might come along?" I'm teasing, but a little afraid that's part of it.

"Never," Kaz says. "I am a little afraid your brother would kill me."

I hear a hissing sound, like Kaz's sucking air through his teeth. He probably feels bad for mentioning Krishel in such a lighthearted moment, as well he should.

"Yeah, him pretty much disowning me in front of everyone sets a really intimidating 'brother' tone over all my future relationships."

"Hm? Ah, yeah. Sorry for bringing that up." Kaz sounds more relieved than apologetic. I guess even though it's a gloomier topic, it has gotten him out of the hot seat. We're both quiet for several seconds.

I lean my head against his shoulder. He lifts my head and tucks his arm around me, pulling me into the crook of his arm, my head now on his chest.

I draw little circles on his pectoral muscle with my index finger. "Hey Kaz?"

"Mm?"

"Do you think, if I hadn't been Viry, if we'd known each other before the Kuzabn, you might have Chosen me?"

I can hear his heart beat pick up ever so slightly under my ear. He rubs his hand over my arm, bringing his fingers back and forth. "I would have loved the chance to try."

I smile and move my hand up, cupping it around his neck and closing my eyes. "You would have succeeded."

*

Anders wakes us when it's still dark.

"What's going on?" Kaz's voice is groggy, but when he recognizes Anders in the grayness of early morning, he struggles to release himself from my blankets, only managing to shove Anders a foot or two back.

The lights blare on; Hejae stands scowling at us from the light switch.

"What in the world is going on?" His gaze sweeps over Anders's clenched fists and Kaz standing shirtless beside my bed. "What is he doing here?"

The question is directed at me, I know, but Kaz answers. "Exactly. You need to keep a better eye on your floor. There's no telling what would have happened if I hadn't been here."

"I meant what are you doing, Kaz. I sent Anders to wake Nadia for an emergency floor meeting."

Kaz looks between Hejae and me, unsure whether to believe it.

"Go back to your floor." Hejae picks up Kaz's shirt off the floor and shoves it into his chest. "Now."

Kaz turns to me, searching my eyes.

"It's okay." I wave my hand as if emergency floor meetings happen in the middle of the night all the time. "I'll catch up with you later."

Kaz does not look happy, but he shrugs on his shirt and leaves.

As soon as the door swings shut behind him, Hejae grabs my arm. "You just put the whole mission in jeopardy. I have half a mind to leave you here."

I pull my arm away and go to my closet for my Viry clothes. "You wouldn't. You know they need me, and besides, I didn't tell Kaz anything; he wouldn't have been quite so confused if I had." I don't know where my sudden confidence to stand up to Hejae has come from, but he seems to respect it, even if he is still a bit peeved.

"Be at the cave entrance in twenty minutes," is all he says before leaving me to prepare.

I brush out my hair, leaving it straight down my back. It feels too heavy; I've become so used to pulling it up everyday. I check my face for any trace of makeup or other imperfections. Then I smear the scar cream over my arms. I slip on my leggings and flowing Viry tunic and run down the stairs to the entrance carrying my heels. Briar's knife bounces against my upper thigh; I had attached it as an afterthought and will have to find a way to tighten the sheath without Hejae or the others noticing the weapon.

I snag a seat in the very back of the shuttle. Everyone else is clustered near the front. Suck ups. Hejae raises his eyebrow at my seat choice, but I raise mine right back.

Just to be safe, I tighten the sheath and secure the blade to my thigh as quickly as possible. I don't need Hejae yelling at me for anything else. And I need to do this mission to prove to myself and everyone else I am Kuzabn.

I straighten and finish adjusting my clothing just in time, because Hejae makes his way down the aisle, passing out folders.

"The target is Dmitar Culum." Hejae hands me my file as the bus starts rolling. "One of the higher ups in the Viry castes: on the Matching Board, and son of Iskren, Viry Leader."

My stomach feels like Hejae just landed a physical blow. If I had known the target would be so closely tied to Iskren...what? I'd have agreed to stay behind? I need this mission, and if anything targeting the son of Iskren Culum is even more empowering.

I open my folder and look at a very stereotypically Viry man, then roll my eyes when everyone turns to look at me, noting the resemblance. It's not very hard to look alike amongst the Viry. When you're bred for certain traits, you all end up alike. That's part of the reason the Viry take Matching so seriously, to keep us from Choosing close relatives.

Hejae stands in the seat next to me, holding the back of the seat in front of it, one knee on the cushion for support.

"Dmitar has developed many controversial ideologies recently, most of which have received less than positive feedback amongst certain groups. For this reason, he is heavily guarded by a group from another nation-state."

The bus hits a bump, jarring us. Hejae steadies himself before continuing.

"Now, we want to prove his security detail is not enough. That he needs Kuzabn protection."

"What will you do with the information we gather?" Kaja asks. "Just say 'hey, some kids could figure out your security; it's not strong enough'? Will that work?"

I decide I like her.

"We will use the information to breach Dmitar's guard and show him how much he needs the Kuzabn. That is why it is imperative your information is accurate and not compromised."

I look over the file in my lap. Dmitar rarely leaves his office in the Krasne Pravitko wing of the Krasney Palace, preferring to sleep there rather than venture to his apartment on the opposite end of the mile-long palace. His Partner still lives in this apartment, but Dmitar rarely visits her anymore.

"Does his Partner also have a security detail?"

Hejae looks at me with a funny expression, almost a mixture of fear and excitement. "Why do you ask?"

I shrug. "Couldn't that be a way in? Someone could use her to get to him?"

Hejae seems to consider this for a moment. "Interesting suggestion. As you'll note in your paperwork, though, they no longer fit the age requirements for reproduction. He has no real reason to maintain frequent contact with her."

This notion hits me like Caither's elbow to my face. For a moment, I can't breath I'm so sad. I'm thankful I got out of it while I could; I can just imagine sitting around a lavish room, waiting, hoping Milo will join me, even if just to talk, to spend some time with me.

"Stay away from his Partner, Nadia," Hejae is still eyeing me with that peculiar expression. "She's no use to us."

I disagree, but I don't argue. Even if she doesn't know the details of Dmitar's protection, she may be able to give enough insights into the man to know where he would make his security detail strongest and weakest.

"We're nearing the drop off point. You have until five PM to return with your intel, or you get left behind."

The bus pulls to a stop behind a wall I recognize as the outer courtyards. Every year, the Induction Festival takes place within the Krasney Palace walls. Judging from the lack of activity in the surrounding area, we're probably near the back of the complex.

"Good luck." Hejae motions us off the bus, then closes the door.

We follow the wall around to the main gate. Milhov wants to use the first gate we find, but I stop him.

"We're supposed to be Viry. All Viry enter through the main gate."

Once inside the courtyard, already bustling despite the early hour, we pause to get our bearings.

"Okay, why don't we split up and try to meet at the fountain"—I gesture behind me—"at eleven o'clock. If we haven't found anything, we can regroup and try again."

"Who made you the leader?" Lovro says, crossing his arms.

"Oh, I'm sorry," I say. "Were you born Viry? Have you been to this festival every year for five years straight?"

When he just glares at me, I look around at everyone. "Look, I don't have to be in charge. If anyone else has a better plan, let's hear it. I just want to get this over with as soon as possible."

No one speaks. Finally, Anders says, "Okay, eleven AM, here. Let's go." He moves deeper into the crowd.

Milhov shrugs and follows Anders. We all drift separate directions, fanning out to see if we can find any hint to Dmitar's location.

I doubt Dmitar would be in the Krasne Pravitko during the Festival, but I figure it's a starting point. I head toward that wing, trying to stick to the more crowded streets to attract less attention than I would wandering by myself down deserted alleys.

After several streets, though, it becomes harder and harder to continue to my destination without leaving the beaten path. I glance around, then duck into one such side street, hoping no one thinks much of it. Down another and I breathe a little easier. The further I get from the crowds, the less likely it is I'll be discovered.

Four blocks from the Krasne Pravitko wing, I run into a young man leaning against a building. At his feet, a bottle lays on its side.

Many Viry and Obichny drink heavily. The Kuzabn, on the other hand, won't touch alcohol; it makes the body weak and the senses dulled, they say.

"Hey, pretty lady," he slurs. "Whatchu doin' so far from the world?"

I try to ignore him, but he grabs my arm as I pass.

"How 'bout a little kiss?" His breath is heavy with the stench of booze.

I pull my wrist free easily and step back, but he grabs my shoulders; I break away again, this time unsheathing my knife. I press him against the wall of the building, my blade at his throat.

"How dare you touch me." Sunlight glints off the ribbon of silver embedded in the hilt.

"Let him go." A woman's voice, soft, yet demanding, comes from over my shoulder.

My stomach flips; I've been caught. I slide the blade home on my thigh, one arm still holding the man in place. Then, with both hands I take his shirt and throw him away from me. He picks himself up and runs away, calling me names over his shoulder.

I turn to face my defeat. The woman is about my height, with dark golden hair the exact color of mine.

"What were you thinking, attacking someone in broad daylight?"

"He attacked me!" Why am I defending myself?

"Where did you get that weapon?" Her eyes drop to my thigh, where the knife is hidden once again under the tunic. Viry don't have weapons—they are "ugly", as would be the need to use them.

"A friend." Is she merely going to question me? Maybe she's stalling me until the proper authorities come to arrest me. I should go.

"May I see it?" She steps closer. I back up.

"No. I have to go." I try to step around her, but she grabs my arm, her thumb pressing hard into the crook of my elbow. Pain shoots down my arm.

"Where did you get that knife?" Her words have a hard edge to them now.

I try to move away, but her grip is strong. "Why does it matter?" I gasp. I don't want to hurt her, but I'm only a few seconds away from slamming my left fist into the base of her neck.

She grabs my shoulder and turns me into the wall, pulling my right arm up behind me. Her feet are spaced just enough I can't get to them with my heels. She reaches with her left hand under my tunic and slides the blade from its home.

Then she releases me with a soft cry. I turn, ready to pop her in the nose, but she's stepping back, staring at the knife in her open palms, a tear tracing down her cheek.

"Please," she whispers. "How did you come to be in possession of this?"

Her eyes search mine; I'm struck by their color: light brown, with flecks of gold. A pale version of Briar's eyes.

It hits me. This knife belonged to Briar's mother. This woman recognizes the knife. "Are you Briar's mother?"

She just looks at me. "Why would he give this to you?" Her face goes slack, her eyes widening a little. "Unless...."

She steps closer, seeming to drink in my appearance with her eyes.

I feel very awkward. I need my knife back and to get away from this situation and continue my mission.

"Do you know who I am?" she asks.

"Briar's mother?"

She nods. "I am Ksenia Novak. And you, I presume, are Nadezhda?"

Ksenia uses my legal birth name. I try to swallow, but my mouth feels dry as the grass in summer, and there seems to be a lump in my throat.

"You are my Nadia, aren't you?" She smiles at me.

"Your Nadia?" If she's Briar's mother, and I'm "hers", too, then that would mean....

I can't catch my breath. Suddenly Briar's overprotectiveness makes so much sense. I think of Kaz's comment about my brother. The sadness in Briar's eyes when he saw my scars. How Briar called me Nadi. Tears prick my eyes.

"I'd hoped he would find you. Your parents came to me five weeks ago, demanding payment. They said it was not their fault a Viry child was defective. I knew you refused the Viry." There's no disapproval in her voice; if anything, she sounds extremely proud.

"Well, then you know I joined the Kuzabn. I don't have time to catch up right now. Unless you happen to know where I can find Dmitar Culum." My tone is curt. I don't have time to sort through all my feelings, and I'm angry with Briar for leaving me to meet my mother—our mother—while on a mission.

"Are the Kuzabn here for Dmitar?" Ksenia's voice has a tinge of fear.

I'm not sure how much, if anything, I should tell her. "Not exactly. I'm still in training."

"Be careful, Nadia. I'm not sure what Ritter is thinking, sending recruits for Dmitar, but I can assure you, this is no drill."

I know I'm looking at her like she's crazy, but I really don't have time to argue.

"Can you help me or not?" I say.

Ksenia looks down and shakes her head, but says, "His office is at the back of the fourth floor of the Krasne Pravitko." She presses the hilt of the knife into my palm, closing her fingers around my hand. "Please be careful. And be cautious about who you choose to trust."

It takes all my energy not to roll my eyes. Thanks for that advice, mother. I don't say anything, just slide the blade home on my thigh and start again toward the Krasne Pravitko wing.

"Nadia?"

I turn. Ksenia is wearing a sad smile and looks so much like Briar that my heart hurts a little.

"For what it's worth, I'm very proud of you."

My heart breaks and swells at the same time. Tears threaten to spill over, so I harden my face and turn away again. "You don't even know me."

As I walk the remaining streets towards the Krasne Pravitko, I keep my jaw tense, refusing to cry. Still, I can't bring all the thoughts crashing around my mind to a standstill. How could she be proud of me? What does she know of my accomplishments, other than that I defied our society? She could have done that herself, and we would have been a family. But she didn't, and we're not. She doesn't know me.

I should be paying more attention where I'm going, because I walk right into Anders. I push him away, but he just grins.

"I think I've found Dmitar," he says.

Instead of being happy, I'm disappointed I wasn't the one to succeed with the first step of the plan. How am I supposed to infiltrate his security faster than anyone else when Anders beat me to locating him?

I've only just gotten the urge to cry under control, and now I feel like I could burst into tears of frustration, which is not an option. Not in the Krasney Courtyard. Not in front of Anders.

He notices my struggle, though. "What's your problem? Regretting your part in this? You want to go running off into the crowds to find your mommy? I'm sure she's here somewhere."

How can he know? But then I'm sure he doesn't, he's only guessing. Somewhat accurately.

I shove him again. "I'm here for the same reason you are. Let's go finish our mission."

"You know, Nadia, if you really want us to believe you're on our side, you should start acting like it."

"What is that supposed to mean? I've done everything I can to prove I want to be Kuzabn."

Anders just shrugs. "Fine. So what's your plan for Dmitar? How are you going to stand out from any one of us?"

I despise Anders, everything about him from his haughty smirk to the challenge in his eyes. What's worse is that I can't ignore the implication. Even if I'm as successful as Kaja or Lovro or anyone else who's ever been given an assessment like this, it won't shake the suspicions completely. I have to do something above and beyond Hejae's expectations.

I step around Anders, heading for the Krasne Pravitko wing, formulating a crazy plan. Sure enough, there are two guards stationed at the front doors. Considering their dark brown skin, I assume they are New Americanan's; although, how Dmitar has roped them into working for Novy Mir is beyond me. Kaz's words about his people becoming slaves haunt me.

When I ask to see Dmitar Culum in my best haughty-Viry tone, I'm met with cautious refusal. Dmitar must be in his office, despite the guards assurances he is unavailable. I thank them by giving them a radiant smile, then return to the fountain, Anders trailing me. I let him in on my idea, and he grins in approval. In the back of my mind, I know I shouldn't trust him, but right now I don't have another option.

I take a seat on the ledge to wait for the others, and draw circles in the water with my pointer finger, smiling a little at the sensation.

I don't waste any time when the last of the group joins us. "We're going to need rope and a distraction."

--------------------------

Anyone figure it out? That Briar was Nadia's brother?

Would love to hear anyone's thoughts.

Til next time,

x zuz