Well, here we go again...

Idk if I can do this anymore! My mood's just randomly changing Idk what to do qwq. And first I am happy and laughing(Actually just because of DSMP <3) and in the next second I just go like: crying and depression. Q.W.Q. AND I HATE MYSELF FOR WRITING LIKE I AM IN A ***** MOVIE! I just can't qwq. It's all too much for me qwq. Why can't I just be...normal? Its so impossible to believe that all I thought today is actually something I...thought today. I mean...I ACTUALLY THOUGHT ABOUT BREAKING UP CONTACT WITH FIA(Nickname, Btw, I did it. I just hate her). I just...I thought about breaking up contact with everybody...and still think its a good Idea...becauss I dont want to talk to or see anybody in the next few days...and why would they care, I mean, Bluestar(Nickname) got Ju(Nickname) now. Kai(Nickname) is in a different class talks to J and S(Nicknames) all the time. They dont even bother looking at me. I wonder if I hurt their feelings in some way...I am quite sure they still like me but... I also still feel replacable and unimportant...Fia(Nickname) just changed completely, I dont see the girl I always had so much fun with anymore. The literal only thing we do is arguing now, because shes a homophobic, transphobic assh*le I dont want to have anything to do with anymore. And...I dont actually want friends to be honest...thats something I just realized...cuz...its always like that...and...Rains(Nickname) does not...I mean...I think she still likes me but we only text with each other if I start and send her a Hello or something. I dont even need to talk about my parents I mean...I quite love them but...I think they actually wont care. If I would leave them, they still go on with life normally. Of course they're going to be sad in the first few day after I died but...you know what I mean. WO EVEN AM I TALKING TO?!(Future Fuchsi-Well, now you guys haha xD) Wow, I just started crying again... also I wonder, what the heck I am still doing here?! ,,Yeah cuz I wanna be happy, uwu" NO! I CANT! I thought I was happy but I was just telling myself that I was until I believed it.  I dont even know who I am anymore or who to trust. I just want to figure out who I am/want to be because...I feel like I dont know myself anymore...What do I want? What do I feel? What am I still doing on this planet? I HAVE NO **** IDEA  I JUST DONT KNOW ANYTHING! Also tomorrow is our math class test (That I thought was on a different day...dont ask why xD) and...I havent practised cause I dont actually care. In the end it doesnt matter because I am going to die anyways. And for me its double unimportant because I am sure I'm going to die in the next few days. WOHOOO😑. And I dont even CARE anymore about my "wonderful future" as a therapist in Brighton with my plane, adopted daughter and cats. I DONT **** CARE! Its not important anymore. I mean, who WOULD care? EXCACTLY! NOBODY! So bye, I am going to dig myself a grave in which my dead body can watch DSMP in.

-BAAAYYYY Fuchsi <3