Damn, I just had one of the biggest scares in my life!

My mom told me recently something I didn't know at all until now!

Well..... appearantly she didn't want to sleep with my father when she did!

I mean, she says she doesn't give too sh*ts about that, and I'm glad that's the case, but I was disturbed for a different reason!

.....I wuz afraid that my mom got pregnant with me through rape!

The way my mom phrased it kinda made it sound like it!

And when that sank in, I momentarily felt like back when I had depression, but more intensely!

I even started scratching my arms afain for a minute there!

I felt so.....dirty! That's the best way to describe it! I don't know how else to phrase it!

I wanted to ask my mom about it, but every time I so much as thought about it, I broke down in tears!

Yes, for once I wanted to tell my mom what's wrong, but I just couldn't get it out!

Luckily, (after a few tries) my mom managed to guess the reason for my distress herself, and she absolutely assured me that I was NOT a child of rape!

Gosh, I wuz relieved about that!

Infact, she told me that to her, my sister and me were always wanted children! Infact, we were little miracles, because she was told she couldn't have children!

I'm still a bit shaken by the whole thing, but really, I'm mostly so happy and relieved that this whole thing got cleared up and was all just a misunderstanding!

Now If you'll excuse me, I will be listening to music to shake off the rest of the anxiety so I can go to bed in peace!