2022 was not an easy year for my writing, but it was somehow simultaneously one of the best.

"Writing? Ver, we were going to talk about movies."

I had achieved maximum disinterest in movies by mid-2021. Aside from certain traditional family choices that we elected to watch annually, I'd lost interest in the DVDs we owned, or the various Disney/Pixar available through my mom's Disney+, and didn't care about trying anything new. But from the time in December 2021 where I rewatched "War Horse" with my siblings and came home quivering with aliveness and story, I felt a kind of promise in visual media. Something that got past my guard in the way that books hadn't been able to for the last several years.

The story reminded me of why I loved writing in the first place.

Several months post "War Horse", a friend shared with me an article that gave voice to the revelation that I'd had an inkling of that night, and been struggling to articulate since. My writing over the last several years had become zeroed in on the how-to, the realism, the technical craft. I had forgotten the meaning of dramatic conceit: the daring to call the shots, the willingness to be in charge, the courage to decide when to play subtle, and when to pull out the stops. My vain, valiant struggles, that I often phrased as "I can't seem to feel the larger picture/organic whole/heart of the story", were simply a failure to recognize my role as creator. I approached my scenes more like a scribe, chronicling only what I witnessed in the moment, and it had stifled my writing to the point where I often spoke of "blindness", inability to see ahead, struggling to make sense of the story that I was supposed to know by heart.

And in that hour of comprehension, I understood why movies had been helping. Because while I still naturally loved to analyze their structure, I also wasn't being bogged down with a focus on prose style and narration, things on which I'd been hyper-focused in my own writing and which were never the problem. I was free to revel in the story, which was where my real problem lay. I hadn't somehow forgotten how to write; I hadn't lost my word-smithing. I'd lost my vision for how tell a story.

Beyond that, movies were full of visuals. An intensely visually-minded person, part of the joy for me in writing comes from putting into words whatever touches my heart deeply, especially things like:

- striking/panoramic landscapes or poses

- light

- vibrant color and contrast

- unspoken communication/little facial expressions that convey a world of meaning

- and so forth.

After that, I really embraced the willingness to explore. I didn't attempt to turn it into an educational objective ("Now, today we are going to Learn something and be Inspired") but my eyes and ears were consciously wide open. I was figuratively ten years old again, ready to sit down and absorb a story without the pressure of having an opinion afterwards -- and I was literally twenty-one, opinionated nonetheless, an appreciative critic at heart. I paused mid-scene recklessly to say, "That -- I like that. That's what I want to write about." I felt almost tangible kinships with filmwriters across the years. All year, avalanches  of work, pressures, and heartaches notwithstanding, I could feel my brain waking up.

By the grace of God, that article (which is STELLAR and I will be linking to this inline paragraph via comments) and that year of fearless story exploration is the reason that now, with an influx of free time on my hands, I can write with anything approaching 2018 output. (It's not even about the word counts, surprising and gratifying as those are. It's the fact that I can write with comfort and confidence. The reins are in my hands again. Just, wow.)

Anyway. Let's detail the ways I made good use of my mom's Disney+ subscription this year.

Marvel

As I discussed in a little March 2022 essay from my previous random book, I had no wish to jump on the Marvel train, even after watching and enjoying Thor in summer of '21. I was very content to look up Wikipedia summaries and watch all my friends have opinions without me.

But here we are, and not too much the worse for wear.

Between January and August of 2022, I watched:

- Dr. Strange
- The Avengers
- Captain America: The First Avenger
- Captain America: The Winter Soldier
- Avengers: Age of Ultron
- Captain America: Civil War
- Thor: The Dark World
- Thor: Ragnarok
- The Guardians of the Galaxy
- Iron Man 3
- Spiderman: Homecoming
- Black Panther
- Avengers: Infinity War
- Avengers: Endgame
- Spiderman: Far From Home
- The Falcon and the Winter Soldier
- Wandavision
- Black Widow
- Hawkeye
- Loki
- Spiderman: No Way Home
- Moon Knight

- and a few of the Phases 1-3 shorts.

- in addition to multiple YouTube video analyses and a judicious number of funny dialogue compilations.

Some I watched and wished I hadn't bothered, some I felt I rushed too soon to properly savor, some live upstairs rent-free. Overall, the complex and character-centric world of Marvel was a pleasure to explore. As a writer of the ensemble cast myself, I appreciated the layers of friendships, the jokes built over time, the on-point banter and the "I've-got-your-back" moments. I preferred the focused nature of the movies dedicated to individuals over the slightly more chaotic Avengers films, though Infinity War and Endgame had enough background to make them more robust than the rest. I cherry-picked my favorite selections along with some less-favorite-but-essentials and made my siblings experience them with me.

Some highlights:

Dr. Strange

This movie remains at the top pinnacle of what I consider excellent films. I've watched it at least three times (three? four?) and would watch again. The artistry !! The journey of an arrogant man who loses everything and has to find a path forward through humility !! the complex relationships !! the symbolism !!! the!

Captain America saga

I watched Captain America: The First Avenger after my first viewing of The Avengers. Yeah, you're supposed to watch it beforehand. (In my defense, 1) TA was a family watch party so we all got confused together, 2) at least we'd seen Thor??, and 3) I had already read all the plot summaries so I assumed I would be fine; spoiler, i was not.) Anyway. Moving on.

The First Avenger was enjoyable for me in a similar way to Thor: very different vibes, but both a hero's arc with a clear journey towards selflessness and sacrifice. Plus, I shamelessly adore stories with a military setting and especially any opportunity to explore the mentality of a soldier. CA:TFA was well-constructed, simple but not in the least shallow, satisfying in all the fundamental ways.

One writing choice that really sold me on Steve as an endearing character is the way they characterize his reaction to his own strength after going through the serum procedure. He's initially caught up in the moment: a spy attacks, he reacts. We know he would've responded to the situation no matter how weak or strong he was, because we've seen it -- taking on loudmouthed bullies twice his size without a second thought. But now, with enhanced strength, he keeps pace with a running car and clears a seven-foot fence without breaking stride, and he does all this without a spare moment to consider what's happening. After the fight is over, you just get this shot of him looking at his hands. The disbelief, the shock. You almost get the sense that he's alarmed. All this coming from someone who never even had a normal person's level of stamina and strength makes perfect sense. He doesn't know his own body anymore. He's got a lot to adjust to. So much conveyed without a word.

The second Captain America movie, The Winter Soldier, is on par with Dr. Strange for me in terms of genre-transcending quality. The story is constructed in a wonderfully efficient way, nothing extraneous or draggy. Meaningful characterization that uses motive in all the right ways to give us protagonists and antagonists who have tons of agency. Clashes against worldview that drive the plot forward and provide food for thought afterwards. Twists that I knew about but bro. they were so well done it didn't matter. I was feral at the end of this movie. I needed more.

I enjoyed CA: Civil War for the complex ethical questions raised, and the sense of diving a layer deeper into already-established characterization. Bucky was the one character I felt got the short end of the stick, which disappointed me as I'd anticipated diving deeper into him as a person, and the story that the movie chose to tell didn't really allow for that. Once again, I knew virtually the whole plot from my years-long Wikipedia snooping so I was at the advantage, or disadvantage, of not really being caught off guard by the depressing sequence of events/ending. It was still depressing though. Yikes.

Black Panther

Stunning! Beautiful! Show-stopping action that's actually driven by the heart of the story. Sassy dialogue, memorable cast. Can't say enough good about this movie. Along with CA:TWS, Dr. Strange, and Thor 1, it's in my absolute untouchable tier of MCU quality.

Iron Man 3

Good character development, villain stuff too creepy for my taste. I had to put the movie on a hard pause when that first woman on fire showed up.

Spiderman saga

I found the Spiderman movies fun and heartwarming and love the vibe of "everyday high school + superhero life". That said, none of them really reach my top tier. Homecoming being the possible exception. Far From Home is RIFE with plot holes despite being, as stated, fun. No Way Home has really sweet/moving parts but it was different from the movie I expected it to be, and I was spoiled for certain parts but not others which all detracted from my immersion.

Plus, Dr. Strange being one of my favorite MCU characters, I was quite excited to see him in NWH but his role turned out to be lackluster and honestly kind of annoying.

Also. Far From Home. The whole Nick Fury not being Nick Fury but an alien? HECKING WEIRD.

I'm really not here for that level of weirdness and it's one of the various reasons Marvel lost me for the most part in Phase 4.

The Falcon and the Winter Soldier

It took me a while to try TFATWS out because I *love* Steve Rogers and knew enough about the plot to hate John Walker. I just genuinely did not want to see my Captain America's politicized "Walmart" replacement on screen.

Ironically, it's in my favorites now.

Not favorite in the sense that it's flawless. It has a mixed rep, and with reason. I'm not a fan of what they did with Sharon Carter. Karli and the Flag Smashers had much more potential than was actually realized over the course of the show. Karli's inspirational monologues honestly get a little... boring (and Sam's, while less boring, are a tad long). There's a scattering of little things like that that could have fractured my focus and pared down my interest levels.

But they didn't.

Instead, I was gripped from the first episode and binged the ENTIRE thing in one evening. I don't think I did that with a single other Marvel show.

I wanted more of Bucky, and of Sam, and I got them both. Their individual lives and issues, their growth, their friendship in the wake of Steve's absence, the sense of struggling to move on -- a sense echoed on a broader level by the world around them, and really the entire show. I loved the glimpses of regular civilians and superheroes alike affected by the events of Infinity War and Endgame, y'all, I could watch a documentary on that.

Which leads me into the uniquely tailored focus of TFATWS that made it my show. You see, it gave so much time to the small, the everyman, the ordinary things, and dude if that's not my bread and butter I don't know what is. I am here for that. The scenes in Sam's Louisiana hometown are probably my favorite MCU moments, ever.

I didn't care if it didn't fit with some other parts of the MCU. I didn't care if it was its own weird thing. I didn't care if the pacing was slow (kind of savored the slowness tbh) or the plot progression was clunky (didn't really notice) or the social issues were on-the-nose (kind of enjoyed them and their discussion potential actually).

It was down-to-earth and it was Sam and Bucky and it was heartfelt and complicated and genuine and I loved it.

The only thing that actually upsets me is that at the very end, when Bucky makes his admission to the friend whose son he murdered, that's ... it. That's all we see. I firmly believe there should have been more to that conversation, and if there was, that we should have got to see it. Bucky doesn't get to just drop a bombshell and walk away. We need to see him putting the lessons he's learned into action -- the hard uphill road of restoration and reconciliation. I was denied that, and I am Miffed.

Also, you know, I think something I enjoyed about this show is how much it grapples with consequences. Not as much as it could, perhaps, but more than a lot of Marvel content. It showcases heroes trying really hard to hold themselves and others accountable in a world where that's become exponentially difficult. Which leads me into...

Loki

The music is STUNNING. The acting, off the charts. I loved watching Loki and Ravonna. I love love love Mobius. I don't like multiverses, or time travel. I also wasn't into the whole driving conflict of "humans are beings with free will trying to escape from the predestination of an evil bureaucracy". The latter might have been more palatable if one could take the show more as its own thing and ignore the (blatant) tie-ins to the rest of the MCU, but as it stands, it kinda cheapens the stories that come before, if literally all of it is just some depraved human dictating the script of the universe.

Finally *clears throat* consequences. Yeah. That thing. I love a redemption arc as much as the next person, and obviously there is still some considerable story to go for Loki, but he is... a serious criminal with serious bad choices that go deeper than some temporary mind control or daddy issues. Are we ever gonna see Loki trying to make reparation to sundry parties for the way he messed up? Or is he just going to kind of wander along his scot-free road, gradually becoming a nicer person but not needing to face the impact he left on everyone somewhere up the line?

This isn't to diss the growth arc he got at all, because I did love it. And that DESPITE my initial skepticism toward bringing Loki back from le dead. His journey hit in all the right places and I liked it even more on a second and third watch. But I guess I've never been especially on board the Loki obsession train, especially not "Loki the poor sad traumatized meow meow he did nothing wrong" vs. "Loki the brilliantly realized villain/antagonist whose choices you are supposed to understand but not ROOT for".

I'm happy for him that he's getting a second chance but the fan culture surrounding his character just weirds me out a lil. :)

Moon Knight

This show definitely scraped the edge of my comfort zone when it comes to gore/creepy stuff. Also, talk about SAD and DARK. I don't mean that in a bad way, it was just definitely a lot heavier than most of what I watch and a notch above most other MCU. A lot of care clearly went into this one and I did like it quite a lot. Touching, fascinating, leaves one with a lot of food for thought. Probably ties with TFATWS for me, but because of the heavier/darker nature I might be slower to follow up on future season installments.

Wrapup

Overall, Marvel does certain things well. They know how to put on a good visual display. They deal for the most part in superb acting and characterization. Quips and banter are a staple. When it comes to actual plot strength, and delivering on really good arcs with that excellent characterization, the quality tends to be spottier/less predictable. And the general philosophy/outlook that drives their conflicts has been hanging together less and less well as phase 4 wears on.

By autumn of '22, when the effort of taking Marvel seriously was wearing me down, I turned around to dabble in a franchise that I had never felt the pressure to take seriously whatsoever.

*blaster noises and lightsaber buzzing*

Star Wars

In 2017, my siblings and I watched Star Wars. The original originals, an old VCR set that my brother found at Goodwill. My dad watched them with us, probably a fun callback for him to seeing them in movie theaters as a kid. He cheerfully exposed the Eastern philosophy driving the concept of "the Force", waxed analytical on the "cowboys in space" aspect, and mocked "Death Star numero dos". (Where do I get my fascination with literature analysis from? I have nooooooo idea.)

Anyway. Star Wars was fun. We enjoyed it as the story it was meant to be and felt no shame in criticizing its weak points to high heaven. I enjoyed the movies enough that I decided, for a long time, that I didn't want to watch whatever "worse" Star Wars had been invented since.

By 2022, my mindset had been softened to "I'll get around to the prequels someday" and "I'll probably watch The Mandalorian".

The Mandalorian

I felt in my soul that I was going to fall in love with this show. And I did. Every last little part of it.

I savored the atmospheric landscapes, the relaxed pacing, the seamless and powerfully layered storytelling, the unashamed Star Wars aesthetic of glitchy holograms and blaster fire, the lawless Wild West vibes, the shiny man who won't show his face and can't say no when someone needs his help, the "small protagonist in a big universe (galaxy)" feel. It was a story of fidelity and knights and questing and it was everything I expected from Star Wars refined to a level I hadn't dreamed of.

I came into The Mandalorian with nothing but the original trilogy (and an abundance of prequel meme knowledge) under my belt, and I needed nothing else. I didn't need reams of Mandalorian culture backstory or cartoon trivia to inform my appreciation of the show. The story, with its subtle throwbacks to the recently-closed Empire era and hints at the broader world beyond, was enough.

I don't know what to expect out of season 3. Season 2 closed the chapter so beautifully (according to my preferences; I'm aware others don't share my view) that I almost don't want it to go on. But we shall see :)

The Book of Boba Fett

*clears throat* I just don't know?? why? they had to resurrect this gentleman???

Idk, some characters I'm cool with coming back. Some choices blow my mind in a not great way, like Boba Fett. I do not get it fam Im sorry. I don't think they should've resurrected Cobb Vanth at the end either. If you were gonna shoot him dead then just DO IT. If not then DON'T. And I love Cobb Vanth to pieces so that's my storyteller brain talking, not my fangirl brain. It just didn't sit right.

Anyway I think we can all agree TBoBF has less-than-quality execution. A more linear plotline might've worked better, who can say? Also Mando stealing the show was so appreciated... anddddddd yet. Using his appearance to backtrack on the biggest decision of The Mandalorian season 2? And doing this in a spinoff miniseries?

I feel like this show is a trainwreck of fan service decisions that are simultaneously awful storytelling and it's just the strangest mix. It could've been a pretty compelling narrative, which is sad.

Obi-Wan Kenobi

Some flimsy/overly repetitive plot choices notwithstanding, the emotional journey was perfection as far as I was concerned. Although, after watching Rebels, I understand the Inquisitor portrayal complaints.

And Leia. Bby Leia is perfection. But that goes without saying.

The prequels

I had immense fun watching these. The dialogue was kind of excruciating and I got confused a lot and the Jedi prophecy/philosophy bunk was borderline incoherent. But given that I knew the actual plot front to back, I was generally just able to settle along for the ride and anticipate the better exposition that I knew I was gonna get in the Clone Wars series.

Revenge of the Sith was def the best out of the three. Decently compelling movie all around. Also, the color schemes and symbolism, yes yes. Very pretty and fun.

The Clone Wars

TCW is fantastic. I had it on several good authorities that it would be, and it delivered on every one of those recs.

I can pinpoint the beginning of my emotional investment to S1E13, the first teary eyes to S1E20. I love how it's a story of expansion, a story that's been handed to you already in condensed form. Where you know the end from the beginning but you come along for the journey taken and the memories made and the lessons learned.

So much intentionality in the animation. *SO* much meaning in so many little facial expressions, body nuanced language, tones of voice.

So much beauty in the visuals. In the choreography. So much to be LEARNED in terms of artistry, of the way direction and movement can tell a story.

When I mentioned way back there about watching with the mind of a viewer *and* a writer, nowhere did I experience that more keenly than with TCW. It really woke my "I am the kind of writer who writes precisely what I like to read" brain up, and woke it up hard. Mortis. Umbara. Ahsoka's trial. Moments that took my favorite types of emotional conflict and made it resonate to the depthssssssss of my soul.

TCW: *makes rending choices that play into the weight of the wider story and drive valuable character decisions but are also just very acutely and satisfyingly angsty*

Me: ahhhh do I ever know exactly what you are doing :) and do I ever relish it :)

Also the sheer scale of what was achieved and the "some good some meh" nature of the myriad episodes kinda made me think from time to time of the Mercy-Verity talkplays era so that was fun and nostalgic. And again, helped revive my memories of how to think like a writer and shored up my confidence in my abilities.

But yeah. Love it. Love even the way the less riveting parts lay the groundwork for the parts when the rubber meets the road, for the best and most beautiful moments to come together into a story with SUCH power.

Brb I'm currently wrestling with the urge to rewatch the Siege of Mandalore arc for the 5th? 6th?? time.

The Bad Batch

After Clone Wars, of course, I was unstoppable. I succumbed to The Bad Batch despite doubting its merits and am shamelessly enjoying it for the semi-plotless Space Dads Content and extension of TCW that it is.

Rebels

I know Ahsoka is the favorite female character for a lot of Star Wars fans... but Hera might be mine. She's... she's like if Laufeia ever joined up with a galaxy-wide rebellion. She takes no nonsense and she loves and supports her family and she cares tenderly and she stands up to tyranny and she DOES NOT GIVE UP and gahhh I just. Love her. To bits.

So, like, apparently the animation on this is a deal-breaker for some people? It definitely wasn't that for me. It's still detailed and pretty, if more artistically simple, and it kinda suits the show's lighter style. BUT it did throw me for a loop on characters that I'd grown familiar with in the TCW animation style. Yoda, Rex, and Ahsoka were all a huge mental adjustment that kinda messed with my brain and sometimes made it harder to be "into" what was going on.

I didn't fall in love with it the same way as, say, The Mandalorian or TCW. But it's still so special, and it really grows on you. Wholesome, full of heart. I adore the way it ties into so many OT details as well as prequels.

And you bet That One Episode had me crying.

 Rogue One

I watched this somewhere in the middle of Rebels. I?? Loved it??? I want to adopt EVERYONE in the crew??? Everyone in the MOVIE (minus the obvious concerning choices, if you want to adopt Tarkin for instance I will question your stability)

It was so beautifully put together. The kind of self-contained story that transcends expectations not by doing anything flashy, but by being so good at what it is. Down to earth, deeply human, a hard-earned victory, a hope forged in the gritty depths of sacrifice. The best of Star Wars multi-planet aesthetic, and desperate found family, and grungy bases, and Imperial officers with their neatly pressed uniforms, and droid humor, and blaster fights.

Andor

I really wanted to enjoy this show on the same level everyone around me had been doing. But I wasn't in the right headspace to immerse + properly appreciate at the time I watched it. I definitely liked a lot of it, but it just didn't click. I'll be coming back for a rewatch when the time feels right for the slower pace and heavy themes.

Wrapup

... welp I guess that's it. I've been rewatching a number of these with my 16-year-old sister, who feeds my analysis-fangirl brain with her teenage fangirl enthusiasm. I in turn educate her with memes and hours of character/general storytelling analysis spiels. We play shamelessly stupid games with her crocheted Star Wars dolls every now and then.

Speaking of, she's a freaking talented craftswoman and I must beg leave to show off aforementioned dolls.

She did these ^ via a kit and pattern, but this next guy...

... was entirely her own handiwork.

As soon as we went through his arc in TCW she's like "I'm making a Fives doll" and she literally invented this by herself. I mean look at him his little shoulder pauldron and his kit and the 501 blue and his belt and the little "5" tattoo and the goatee and EVERYTHING.

Anyway I'm done now thank you all for your time ^.^ and let me know if you want my reaction to any specific movie/show listed that I didn't go into depth on! I didn't have the mental energy to do All The Marvel Stuff in one post but I would be perfectly happy to rattle off some targeted thoughts in the lesser-pressure zone of the comment section haha

In conclusion, I have a somewhat self-indulgent post about my various written romantic ships that I should probably finish soon...