Dear Friends,

April-22-16

I am a collection of oddities, a circus of neurons and electrons: my heart is the ringmaster, my soul is the trapeze artist, and the world is my audience. It sounds strange because it is, and it is, because I am strange. In my own way.

Empty walls is reason number #1

About 3 years ago, I live in the greener pastures of Hulu Langat, Selangor, away from the loud city with Mom and Dad. The one and only happy place I've had. It was my sanctuary, my safe haven. The place was everything I wanted. Full of trees, quite and far away from the city. I can walk freely and just hang out till dawn, you know? Just me, my journal and the woods.

But my Mom doesn't like the fact that I spend a lot of time outside. So they took me somewhere very different. We moved to the city. That's when I changed a lot. I don't go out anymore. The new house? Its great and all and Mom and Dad worked hard for it.

But I hated it. Still do. It doesn't feel like home at all. I just felt trapped. Trapped in a big room. I can't get out even if I wanted to. I never slept well since the first day we moved in the house. I just stay in my room cooped up for hours, barely talking to anyone. The last time I got out I ran far away from the house just to find more roads. Bear in mind at that time I was struggling to express myself verbally. I had to always keep it everything in.

I was disappointed.

Watching the sky is like the only medicine I have to keep up with the struggles I'm facing. I would sneak out around midnight, I'd imagine myself being a spy on a mission you know? It makes everything more interesting. After I got out, I just search for the perfect car to sit on and just watch the stars. Sometimes I would bring some snacks, read stories through my phone, or sometimes, I'd just walk around the area, listen to some music or just anything random I can think of. I know Mom and Dad would be furious if they knew about my night activities. But when I watch the skies, it reminds me of why I miss my home. This place is nothing like the one at Hulu Langat. So it's not a surprise that I fought with them about it.

Then they said they decided to keep it and let me have it when I'm 20. That made me shut up. That means I've got another 5 years left to waste. It'll be like a blink. Time flies.

Oh, just so you know, this is the first time ever I wrote or talked to anyone about this. I just don't feel like telling until now. I have a lot of ways to cope with life. I know you do too. I just never told anyone about it. Because I know they won't take it well. It's just that some people thinks my way is weird, unheard of. And that's reason number #2. Which, I'll talk about it another day.

Anyhow, that was three years ago. I'm still having trouble sleeping and I kept skipping meals lately, but I'm fine. I have a lot going on this year, which is great. It makes me busy. Being busy makes me forget the mushy stuff. I hate having to deal with the waterworks that comes after.

This year, is a big year for me. I just hope that I won't screw up

P/s: Now I'm wondering how many people thinks this is true and who thinks this is actually excuses for sleeping in class. Lol. And yes of course, The Secret Life of Walter Mitty is my all time favorite.

Signing off,
Aisya
Hopeless Wanderer Jr.