It's weird. It's very weird for Yoongi to feel like this.

He's used to anxiety residing in his bones every step he takes. He's used to feeling the pressure on his shoulders whenever he stands up. He's used to the voice inside of his head telling him that he's worthless, that he's annoying, that no one really likes him and that he'll end up all alone. He's used to the paranoid feeling of being watched, judged all the time. He's used to feeling like he'll suffocate any second and now...

It feels like it's been forever since he woke up in the morning and didn't feel like wanting to sleep forever. When it didn't feel like jumping out of the window was the better option than actually living his life. Yoongi remembers the nightmares, insomnia. All the things haunting him for years now, for his whole life actually and suddenly, suddenly feeling like everything is just a little bit lighter, a little bit easier is – weird.

Scary even.

The digital alarm clock on his nightstand shows a big red three. Three o'clock in the middle of the night. Normally, when Yoongi is awake around this time it's because he woke up from one of his nightmares.

When he was a kid those nightmares were filled with shadows, with people without faces chasing after him, with the feeling of drowning, with running away without being able to move while the danger just comes closer behind him. As a kid those were the dreams that made him wake up drenched in sweat, heart beating somewhere in his throat as he laid in bed unable to move a single muscle, paralyzed with fear.

Even in his adult life, his dreams didn't change that much – not until there was something in his life that never made him this afraid. Usually, he would wake up around this time with cold sweat clinging to his skin, his whole body shivering and breath coming too short to be normal. He would lay gasping in his bed, tears on his cheeks as he scratched down his own neck, pressing his nails painfully into the skin so that he could be sure that there was nothing restricting his breathing.

His mind would replay the same dream over and over again. The same scene, it's always the same scene and it feels way too real for his liking. Too real for his mind to separate reality from a dream in those few minutes after directly waking up.

It's always the same. The dream feeling so real that Yoongi could swear he's actually laying on cold tiles, hands of a faceless shadow above him around his neck – squeezing, always squeezing so hard that he couldn't draw in a single breath. The hands around his neck feel too real sometimes, even when he's awake.

The nightmare just never leaves him alone and Yoongi has tried everything to forget about it. But no matter how long the dream stays gone, how good Yoongi thinks he has everything under control – in the end, it always comes back to him.

But it hasn't been as frequent since he met Taehyung. Since there's someone in his life that knows how to take care of him – which should sound weird. It should sound weird because what has Taehyung done by now? He calmed him down when Yoongi had a panic attack once, put him in his headspace without crossing any kind of line.

No, Yoongi is not awake because of nightmares, insomnia, or panic attacks. He's sitting at his open bedroom window, feeling goosebumps rise all over his body from the cool breeze because he just wants to. Okay, he might rather be sleeping but he's not awake because of something bad. His mind is just busy. But not like it usually is.

There's no anxiety twisting his thoughts and no tension making his muscles cramp all the time. He feels weirdly content with his life and himself. It's been so long since he felt this relaxed and it's only because Taehyung is there to help him release all the tension for a little time. It's just because Taehyung is there to take control of him because Yoongi just can't do it anymore alone.

For years he told himself that he wouldn't need anyone. That he wouldn't need a Dom to take control over him, that he didn't need to rely on someone else to live his life peacefully but he has been wrong. Of course, he has been wrong. He knew that from the start but he didn't want it to be true. He wanted to believe that he could do it on his own. He needed to believe that he could do it on his own because what happened two years ago was so much worse than being left alone.

But he isn't the same person that broke two years ago. And Taehyung isn't someone who intends to hurt him, someone who is looking to control Yoongi outside of the BDSM world.

Yoongi takes a deep breath, leaning his head against the window frame he looks up at the night sky. There aren't as many stars visible in the night sky as there were in Daegu. To add to that the night isn't as clear as it could be. A few clouds linger and prevent a few stars from shining as brightly down on earth as they usually do. But it's enough. Enough for Yoongi to remember his father's arms around him, his deep voice rumbling through the night as he calmed him down all those years ago.

It's enough for Yoongi to be able to relish in the feeling of calmness that he missed in the past two years.

Twenty-one days. Yoongi read somewhere that it takes a human twenty-one days to get used to something new. To get used to it so much that they feel like they lived like this since forever. It's been twenty-one days since he accepted Taehyung's offer. It hasn't been this long since he signed the contract but twenty-one days with Taehyung's presence in his life have passed. To be precise Taehyung has been a presence in his life even before – just differently.

But those twenty-one days have passed and looking back, Yoongi can see how much he already changed. It might only affect small areas, small aspects of his life, his behavior, his emotions but he sees the smallest steps. He acknowledges them. Like right now. How long has it been since he just felt calm? Since he hasn't worried about anything? Since anxiety hasn't been the thing controlling him?

Right now there's only Yoongi and the stars.

-

It's a busy day at the office. Yoongi had two coffees by now and he's craving for a third one to keep him awake but under all the stress from the hectic schedule of today, the calmness of last night is still residing beneath everything.

His desk – though almost filled to the brim – is still as organized as usual. That's the reason why he could immediately locate the right stack of papers as he sees his boss hurriedly walking past his desk. Taehyung's father has been looking to expand their business, even more, also with international connections and tomorrow, they have a very important meeting with possible clients in Thailand.

As the CEO is about to close the door of his office behind him, Yoongi is already on his feet, calling after him. "I have the files for tomorrow's meeting ready for you, sir." Mr. Kim stops and turns around, still in the process of entering his office and Yoongi knows, once that happens the CEO won't be really in the mood to listen to Yoongi's briefings about tomorrow.

"Great," The man answers, still not turning around fully to face Yoongi. It's subtle but Yoongi knows what it means. He's not going to listen to him for a long time and it seems like he won't even take the files from him. "Can you give them to Jung instead?"

Yoongi only hesitates for a second. "Jung Hoseok?"

"Yes," The CEO answers and he takes another step inside of his office. The conversation is about to end and Yoongi gets more stressed out – Because he is not done talking yet. "He will handle the meeting tomorrow."

"Uhm, of course, sir." Yoongi knows Hoseok. The younger male has been working for the company longer than Yoongi did. He has been the one to show him around back then but since then they didn't have a lot of contact – only work-related business. But Jung Hoseok is known not only as the sunshine of the company but also as the top candidate in the race for the position as the new CEO once Taehyung's father retires. But even though he's the best candidate at the moment, Yoongi is skeptic about entrusting him with so much responsibility as managing the meeting tomorrow with only one day to prepare for it.

He tries to voice his concerns but Mr. Kim shuts him down quickly. "Don't you think that you give him too much responsibility with this case though? If we would manage to get a deal with them tomorrow then –"

"Then that would be the greatest thing that happened to this company this year. It is supposed to give him much responsibility. It's a test."

"A test?" Yoongi splutters. He can't believe this. He worked overtime to prepare his boss perfectly for tomorrow. He went through everything there is to know about their client tomorrow, he prepared the perfect presentations, went through various briefings with Mr. Kim and now Jung Hoseok is supposed to secure them the deal without any real preparation? He's going to lose his shit if his work has been for nothing just because his boss gave such an important meeting to someone who isn't as good as him in this.

"Aren't you risking too much with this?"

"I hope not." And he has the audacity to laugh. He hopes?! Yoongi can't believe it. He worked his ass off and now it could all be for nothing because the CEO decided to suddenly give away their most important possible client? Just like that? "Jung Hoseok is currently the number one candidate for taking over after me. If he proves himself of course," He adds.

Yoongi knows that. He knows that Hoseok is rumored to be the best possible successor but officially nothing has been stated – nothing needed to be stated because there's still time. Taehyung's father is not going to retire in the next – what could it be – five years or so. He's probably going to keep working as the CEO for another – maybe ten years. Yoongi doesn't know – it's just that it's way too early to put someone to test.

"You're already choosing a successor now? Shouldn't that be done in a few years though?"

"You never know what might happen, Min," The man says. Yoongi doesn't even notice the weird way he worded things before he's already collecting the files in his arms again. He doesn't know if Jung Hoseok is even in the office at the moment.

"Of course, sir," He nods to himself. Third floor, second door to the right. The office of Jung Hoseok. "I will be going then. And I'll give Hoseok-ssi the information for tomorrow. And I'll brief him, of course." As good as I can in such a short amount of time, is what he wants to add but doesn't for the sake of his job.

"Do that," Taehyung's father says and just as he's about to close the door behind him he turns around once more. "Oh and Min?"

"Yes, sir?"

"Can you please call my son and cancel our lunch tomorrow?"

It's such a drastic change of topic that it almost gives Yoongi a whiplash. He freezes in his movement and his eyes search for the face of Taehyung's father. It doesn't give anything away. No expression that might indicate what the elder might be feeling. His face is blank and it only increases Yoongi's unsureness and suspicion.

He switches the files to his left hand so he could use his right to brush an annoying strand of hair back behind his ear. "Uhm yes, I can. What is the reason?" He quickly catches himself, grimacing at the invasive way he worded the question. Taehyung's father doesn't really like personal questions – especially not from his employees. "I mean, what should I schedule instead?"

"A personal appointment," He replies curtly. His eyebrows are pinched together and Yoongi knows that the elder is annoyed and will probably snap the second Yoongi will bother him longer – especially with this topic. "I will be unavailable from one to three tomorrow."

"Okay, sir." Yoongi nods, balancing the files against his hip as he leans down to scribble the information down on his notepad which is still on his desk. "I'll let him know, sir." This time he winces at the honorific title – Why on earth is he thinking about Taehyung, right now? Is it weird that he calls his boss, who is Taehyung's father, 'sir' while also calling Taehyung 'sir' but in a completely different context? It shouldn't be weird but it is. It makes Yoongi cringe slightly. Hopefully, he won't think of Taehyung's dad the next time – (he can't even finish his thought, shuddering just at the imagination of it.)

He's been busy with his own thoughts so much that he didn't even notice that the CEO has already left him alone at his desk. A sigh leaves his lips and he sets the files down again. His gaze wanders towards the watch around his wrist. His lunch break is soon but if he has to brief Hoseok then he either doesn't take it at all or cuts it down drastically.

But first, he will call Taehyung to inform him about tomorrow. As he waits for the call to connect, he types the change of plans for tomorrow into the schedule. The telephone is clamped between his left cheek and shoulder and the second the call connects Taehyung is already speaking to him.

"Is that my favorite hyung in the whole world calling?" The younger singsongs and Yoongi won't admit that his chest feels slightly warm because Taehyung has the number of his work phone either memorized or saved to his phone.

"Shut up," He giggles, switching the phone to his right hand and casually leaning back in his chair. His gaze quickly scans the floor, searching for anyone who might be looking in his direction. As if someone's gaze on him would make it possible for them to know who he's talking to and how that person is talking to him. Taehyung talking affectionately to him still makes him feel all giddy inside. "I'm calling because of work, not because I want to." Even though he actually did want to call Taehyung – but he also didn't want to seem clingy.

"Don't act like you don't want to hear my angelic voice every day," Taehyung chuckles and well – seems like his plan of no seeming clingy didn't really work. But at least Taehyung doesn't sound annoyed as he jokes about this. And he's right after all – Yoongi did want to hear his voice. It's just so relaxing and calming that he sometimes wishes Taehyung would sing him to sleep in the evening.

"Oh my god," He silently laughs – hoping that no one would come by right now and witness that he's definitely blushing and smiling at someone he's on the phone with. After all, he has a reputation to uphold.

"Just listen," He tries to sound strict – switching back to his professional personality as his gaze falls back on the schedule opened on his computer. "Your father can't make it to lunch tomorrow."

There's a short pause on the other line. Yoongi patiently waits for Taehyung's response. When he talks the playfulness is gone from his voice and he sounds a little concerned. Yoongi just doesn't know why. It's strange but he doesn't dare to ask him about it.

"Why?"

"I don't know. I'm just supposed to tell you that he can't come tomorrow," Yoongi explains. He notices the way his right leg couldn't stop jumping up and down. It's a nervous tick he always had and he mostly never notices when he starts bouncing his legs but it hasn't happened since the last time he was together with Taehyung.

Since then he felt good. He actually felt pretty good and calm – not so full of anxiety but now that he's thinking about it... Suddenly his chest feels tighter than before, something heavy settles in his stomach and he starts drumming his fingers on top of his desk. Maybe he just wanted to believe that something so little would change him longer than that – would make it easier for him just for a little longer.

But the feeling is back and he feels trapped again.

All of this realization happens without Taehyung noticing a single thing. "Okay," The younger sighs and normally, Yoongi would take this as his opportunity to ask him about it but he doesn't. He's not really sure if he would get his voice to cooperate at the moment. "Thanks for letting me know."

He doesn't reply. He's trapped all over again. His skin tingles all over and he wishes Taehyung were here – he wishes the younger could take that feeling away again. But he's alone at the moment. There's no one to help him.

"Hello?" Taehyung's voice echoes through his head. "Yoongi? Is everything okay?"

He snaps out of it, shaking his head quickly. "Of course," Yoongi replies instead of what he should have said. But maybe it's better like this. He shouldn't bother Taehyung too much or he'll grow tired of him. After all, Yoongi knows that he's not a Sub that's easy to handle and he just hopes that it'll take Taehyung a little while longer until he realizes that Yoongi isn't good enough.

"Hey – uhm – because we're already talking," Taehyung interrupts his thoughts once again. "I was going to text you today. Do you want to come over tomorrow evening? I got a new movie and your collar arrived today."

At the mention of the collar Yoongi's mood lightens again. Immediately there's excitement thrumming through his veins, rushing under his skin and electrifying him. He can't wait to try it on – the beautiful diamond choker has been on his mind since he saw it on Taehyung's phone. He couldn't wait to feel its weight around his neck, see the diamonds sparkle in the light and finally feeling like he completely belongs to Taehyung now.

"It's so pretty and I would love to see it around your neck right now," Taehyung whispers through the phone. His deep voice sends a shiver down Yoongi's back and he instantly feels himself getting smaller. With a pounding heart, he looks around to search for someone who could be looking at his direction right now.

"I'm at work..." He tries to scold Taehyung but the younger has a plan of his own.

"And I bet you look so stunning behind your desk, with your professional expression and the spotless suit. I would love to ruin you right at your desk."

The words make a deep blush appear on his cheeks. His skin feels like it's on fire and Yoongi has half the mind to turn around in his chair to hide his face from the rest of the floor. Taehyung and his damn voice should be illegal. "I'm going to hang up, Taehyung," He whispers, knowing that his words are nothing more than an empty threat.

"Do you want to get punished tomorrow?" Taehyung's voice has dropped an octave and Yoongi freezes in his chair for a second. Punishments. He hates punishments. Normally, he really hates punishments because he can't take the thought that he did something wrong. He always wants to do his best, wants to be praised and satisfy the other person. But punishments... He thinks about the constricting feeling in his chest and he makes a decision.

"Maybe I –" He turns around in his chair again, looking around to make sure that really no one is eavesdropping on his conversation because if someone would hear him he would literally die of embarrassment. "Maybe I wouldn't mind a spank or two."

"You're driving me crazy," Taehyung laughs, "Don't be late tomorrow."

"And what if I am?"

"Then I will have no other choice but to punish you."

Yoongi takes a deep breath. He knows – deep down he knows he could just ask but he's scared. Not really sure about what but it feels easier to do it this way. To do it without actually admitting what he wants in the end. If he's lucky Taehyung won't suspect a thing and just punishes him for his behavior tomorrow. Just the imagination of feeling pain exploding in his body makes it a little easier to breathe through the anxiety in his chest.

Sometimes physical pain helps him forget mental pain and Yoongi learned how to safely apply pain. How to do it without harming himself in any bad way. Punishments in BDSM are a perfect opportunity to experience pain safely.

"Goodbye, Taehyung."

He hangs up with a heavy feeling in his stomach. It's better like this. Taehyung wouldn't understand – no one understands what goes on in his mind. No one understands why he used to do what he did – not even himself. How could he expect someone else to understand it?

It's better if he keeps it to himself. As long as Taehyung is going to hurt him tomorrow everything will be okay.

-

There has been a time in his life when Taehyung found inspiration wherever he looked. To be honest, it had overwhelmed him sometimes. The different impressions, colors, ideas, and pictures flooding his mind wherever his gaze would land. But once he started losing this inspiration he started missing it.

It didn't happen suddenly, there was no cut. He didn't wake up one day and didn't feel as inspired by everything around him like he did yesterday. It happened slowly, very slowly. So slow that it took him almost a year to notice that he had used his painting utensils less and less, that his back didn't hurt anymore every day because he's been sitting in one position for too long. It took him almost a year to notice that his fingers didn't itch every time he saw a sunset, a particularly pretty flower or just any other thing that used to get him excited and ready to paint.

His inspiration faded from him one day after another. At first barely noticeable but now Taehyung couldn't wake up without feeling an ache in his chest whenever he looked over at the corner of his living room where he used to spend hours splattered in paint. Having feelings fade from you slowly is in the end, just even worse than suddenly having a cut.

Because once Taehyung finally realized that he must have left his inspiration and passion behind somewhere, he never felt more empty. Every small occasion where he could have noticed that something felt off, that something was missing came up in his head and he kept feeling worse and worse.

Art.

Art is a lot of things and neither of them at the same time. At least that's what Taehyung always thought. There are a lot of people to claim to create art but it's just the product of greed and hunger for money and fame. Those pieces of art don't make you feel anything. You look at them and you see that there are no emotions behind it, that the artist didn't put a piece of themselves inside of it.

At the same time, some small things can still be art. As long as there's a part of the artist involved it becomes art. It becomes something living, something breathing – something that makes you feel. For Taehyung art has been a shelter since he was a little boy. It made him feel loved when no one else did and it was the first genuine friend he ever had. That's why he's also so immensely happy to have the opportunity to work with art his whole day. Jimin and he built the art gallery from nothing. They got judged because they were too young, because they rejected to exhibit every artist that applied but now they're one of the best galleries in Seoul.

Maybe that's the reason. Maybe being surrounded by art all the time made Taehyung lose the interest in it in his private life. But that couldn't be the reason. It couldn't be... The fact that it didn't feel satisfying anymore is to blame. The brush in his hand didn't create life anymore, the paint all seemed dull and the empty canvases mocked him, didn't eagerly wait to be filled with the images in his mind.

Taehyung is sure he knows why everything felt wrong. Why painting hasn't been at the front of his mind. He lost his inspiration. Obviously, he did and the reason is simple. There was nothing new that inspired him – as sad as it sounds but Taehyung has been stuck in a repeating circle of doing the same things over and over again for the last few years since he started working in the gallery and he lost his passion somewhere along the way.

That thought kept him awake a lot of nights. A lot of sleepless nights were spent with him tossing and turning in his bed because he just couldn't believe that something that was such a big part of his life before was now nothing more than a memory, something irrelevant. He spent hours sitting in front of empty canvases and staring at the mockingly bright white until his head hurt.

But it only took so little time until all his passion came crashing back in. He is not really sure when he finally realized why he feels so restless, why his gaze keeps wandering to his painting utensils and why his mind has been screaming at him day and night.

Sun is lighting up the whole living room, shining through the glass front and burning on Taehyung's exposed shoulders. The air is filled with the smell of paint and the sound of the piano keys playing Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata. But Taehyung doesn't really notice any of those things. Especially not the way his back hurts from being hunched over, how his neck is already cramping and the way his knees scream at him to at least change position. Nothing of that bothers him at the moment.

His gaze is glued to the canvas in front of him. There's nothing of the white left – everything is already filled with paint but he couldn't stop moving his brush to perfect the picture in front of him to fit the one he has in his head. Different tones of purple fill the space in front of him. A dark one, mysterious, maybe even a tint seductive. The dark shade blends well with the lighter ones, almost tainting their innocent light color. Taehyung doesn't know why his mind supplies him with the whole color palette of purple whenever it wanders to Yoongi.

The elder is so versatile. Sometimes strong, hard and unforgiving, pulling everyone's attention on him just like the bright purple in the center of the piece does. But the next moment Yoongi is soft, shy and quiet, trying not to stand out too much and Taehyung sees the light purple in him. The one that's almost faded into whiteness but still purple enough to be recognized.

Taehyung adds a creamy color, mind filled with the expanse of Yoongi's exposed skin – his thighs, stomach, chest, his back – everything white, almost milky and Taehyung couldn't wait to leave his marks on him. With the smallest and most delicate brush he owns, Taehyung adds fine lines of black to the painting to complete it. As he moves the brush carefully he swears he could feel the softness of Yoongi's black hair under his fingertips.

When he sits back on the balls of his feet he could finally admire his finished artwork completely. It's been months since he had a brush in his fingers since he felt the undeniable need to paint and it's all because of Yoongi.

There's no definite 'picture' in front of him on the canvas. It's more a mix of all the different colors that come to his mind whenever he thinks about Yoongi, the feeling the elder evokes inside of his chest translated into color on a canvas. A soft sigh leaves his lips and he finally starts to feel how uncomfortable he has been sitting in front of the easel. The muscles in his whole upper body are tense, his neck cracks uncomfortably as soon as he tilts his head to either side and his legs start to prickle when the blood could finally flow back there as he stands up.

He glances up at the clock in his kitchen. Fifteen minutes past six. He sighs, brushing his hair back from his face and then noticing the slight wetness on his cheeks. Must be paint. His joints crack as he starts moving and he hisses slightly at the feeling. With slow steps, he moves towards his guest bathroom, paint brushes in his hand.

Just as he finished with washing out all the brushes and started to scrub the dried paint from his hands and arms his doorbell rings. He looks up at the mirror. Brown eyes filled with slight annoyance stare back. There's a splash of purple on his right cheek, white paint on his chin and a little yellow near his left eye. His hair is a mess and he quickly brushes his fingers through it. With a sigh he leaves his bathroom, eyes falling on the clock once again. 6:25.

He clicks his tongue, his eyebrows furrowing on their own and his frown only deepens once he opens his door and Yoongi looks at him with a grin. As if nothing's wrong. The elder almost looks happy with the annoyed expression on Taehyung's face.

"You're late," He states curtly and it's so easy to slip into his own headspace. Even though he knows that this is exactly what Yoongi wanted he couldn't help but feel his fingers itch with the need to punish the elder for his behavior. He wouldn't have trusted Yoongi to be able to be this bratty.

He doesn't even apologize, just walks past him with that stupid smile on his lips. Normally, Taehyung would find it cute but now it's annoying. No – it's disrespectful. "You're colored," Yoongi giggles and Taehyung barely refrains himself from tugging him back by his hair to teach him who exactly is in charge here.

This is exactly what Yoongi wants. He knows that. But he would have never thought that the elder would be able to play this game so well. It seemed like Yoongi was almost afraid of messing up in any kind of way before – so now acting out on purpose to get punished is not something Taehyung would have expected of him. But he can't say he doesn't like it. It's a challenge – a satisfying challenge to tame a bratty Sub. And still – Taehyung doesn't believe Yoongi actually is a bratty Sub.

If Yoongi wants to get punished so bad then Taehyung will punish him. But playing by his own rules and not Yoongi's.

He swallows his annoyance down. For now. "Are you talking back?" Yoongi turns around to look at him, his expression a little confused. Good. Taehyung did his best to not appear put off at all, even talked sweetly and he fights to keep the innocent smile on his lips.

"Maybe I am," Yoongi replies and it's so funny. It's so absolutely funny seeing how hard he thinks about Taehyung's reaction. He could almost see the cogs turning in the elder's head as he tries to understand why Taehyung doesn't seem mad at all.

That's exactly where he wanted to have him. Torn between wanting to tease Taehyung further and afraid of what might happen if he does make him snap. Yoongi is as easy to read as an open book.

Taehyung steps closer to him, invading his personal space completely and the smile slips off his lips. He basks in the sudden change of Yoongi's whole demeanor the second he came closer to him. His formerly confident posture immediately shrinks, eyes and head cast downwards. Submissive. Taehyung feels his heart beat spike.

He's been right after all. Yoongi doesn't have it in himself to pull through with the bratty act. He wants to be put into his place so bad that he can't even pretend he doesn't.

"You know where my bedroom is," Taehyung growls. He leans back enough to make room for Yoongi to be able to pass him. "Go."

It takes a few seconds for the words to register in Yoongi's brain and Taehyung could pinpoint the exact second they do. The elder's eyes widen slightly, mouth falling open and the hint of a blush starts spreading over his cheeks. Something swoops in Taehyung's stomach and he doesn't know why his heart skips a beat at the sight of Yoongi.

He scrambles to get past Taehyung as fast as possible and the younger could barely conceal the excitement at Yoongi's obvious eagerness. The control is completely back in his own hands. He could make the elder wait inside his bedroom double the time he kept him waiting for him. But he's way too eager to start the punishment himself.

Still, before following Yoongi to the bedroom he goes back to the bathroom to wash the rest of the paint off his face. A shiver runs down his spine when some of the cold water drips down his chin and onto his shirt. The light gray material starts clinging to his skin immediately but he doesn't really care.

He continues scrubbing at his skin as his head runs through the different possibilities on how to punish Yoongi. There's just so much he could choose from. Sexual and non-sexual. To be honest, his first idea when it comes to punishing is always tying someone up. Restricting their movements and then doing whatever he wants with them can be a perfect punishment. He could tease them until they were begging him to cum, he could make them cum over and over again. He could also not touch them at all, let them stay there without any attention. He could inflict pain on them while they were tied up so they would feel even more helpless.

But nothing of that could be used for Yoongi.

The elder made it very clear how he felt about bondage and when it was okay to use it and when not. Shibari has no punishing aspect for him. It's his way of letting his control go, of giving himself away completely.

That's not what Taehyung wants him to experience at the moment. His mind wanders to his closet. So many possibilities.

As he enters the bedroom and sees Yoongi obediently kneeling on the floor without having been asked to he almost forgets about the punishment. Seeing him like this only proves his former thought further. There's a difference between a bratty sub and one that just wants to please. Yoongi doesn't fit in the 'bratty' category. Not in a conventional way. Don't get him wrong, Taehyung knows that Yoongi can have a big mouth, that he's not afraid to voice his opinion and that he can be a brat sometimes – Just not when it comes to BDSM. Not enough for him to be a bratty sub.

That's why it might feel so weird to see him acting like this. But Taehyung concludes it's just because Yoongi is still a little wary. He knows that the elder opened up to him a lot – not verbally but he feels it. The way he allows him in his space, spends his time with him and the way he sometimes looks at him. Taehyung knows that there's something – something in Yoongi's past that keeps him from letting go easily. He might not feel comfortable enough to tell Taehyung everything but they're working on it.

Pain. Yoongi didn't exclusively mention it when they discussed the contract but it's obvious that it's something that helps him. Something similar to Shibari. And Taehyung understands that. A lot of Subs say that. Pain is something grounding, it reminds you that you're alive, that you're here. It's a feeling you can experience even when the rest of you is numb. It's something you can control from the outside and for someone like Yoongi, who needs to let go of basically everything to not go insane, pain can play a huge roll in forgetting about everything else.

Taehyung walks closer to him. He knows Yoongi is watching him and he holds eye contact with him through the mirror the other is kneeling in front of. His heart is beating fast in excitement and he finally stops right behind him, cocking his head a little to the side.

If Yoongi isn't comfortable in asking for everything he wants this early in their relationship then that's alright. Normally, it isn't. Normally, behavior like Yoongi's is a deal breaker for Taehyung but Yoongi isn't the usual Sub. As long as he'll grow over time and learn that there's no need to hide anything from Taehyung, the younger could live with a not so perfect start.

He knows Yoongi actually doesn't want to get punished that bad. But he knows that the elder definitely wants to get hit. He wants the pain and doesn't know how to ask for it in any other way than getting punished. They'll have to talk about this afterward but for now Taehyung just wants to give him what he needs – and frankly, now he really does need a punishment.

"It's our second official scene," He says slowly, observing Yoongi's reaction carefully. The second the elder lets his eyes slip shut Taehyung reaches out to pull his head back by his hair. Yoongi's eyes fly open, a loud gasp falling from his lips as his hand goes up on instinct to grasp on Taehyung's wrist. He doesn't make any move to stop him though, just lets his fingers rest there. "And you're already acting up. Asking to get punished."

"I'm sorry, sir," Yoongi whispers and his eyes begin to get glassy from the sting of having his hair pulled.

"No, you're not." Taehyung releases his hair and steps back from him. "Take your pants off."

He doesn't look back to check if Yoongi is following his instructions. Instead, he opens his closet to look through the different things he might need. His eyes fall on two of his favorite toys and he couldn't help but smile as he takes them out.

Yoongi's eyes are glued to both of them as Taehyung turns back around. His gaze travels over Yoongi's form on the floor. The pastel purple sweater he wears falls over his thighs, covering his briefs completely. The rest of his legs is naked, milky skin on full display. His black hair is disheveled and his cheeks are already tinted a deep red. A little to his right his pants and socks are neatly stacked.

"You can choose which one you want," Taehyung explains. "I won't tell you how many hits you'll get before you choose."

He slowly sets the things down in front of Yoongi, observing the way the elder can't seem to tear his gaze away from them. He lets him look for a few seconds before starting to explain what they are.

"Riding crop." Taehyung points at it. It's long, black – sleek and elegant. Taehyung likes how easy it lays in the hand, all smooth and soft while the other end whirrs through the air with so much precision that it's almost scary. The tip is flattened, leather. Riding crop – inflicts sharp pain in a very small area. It shouldn't be used with too much force because of safety reasons. The crop can actually tear the skin apart if too much strength is put into the hit. Welts can form and bruises might last for a few days – if it's used on the ass then it won't be comfortable to sit for the next days. The area that was hit should definitely be treated with soothing lotion after the scene.

He personally likes the riding crop the most – it took him the longest to perfect the way he handles it. How much strength to use, how fast to swing his arm and where exactly he should aim and where he shouldn't.

"Flogger." It's just one of the five he personally owns but it's his favorite. It's made of faux leather, the straps are about thirteen inches long. The handle doesn't feel as good in his hand as the one of the riding crop does but the pain that will be inflicted will cover a big area. The various straps will spread the stinging pain as far as possible. Taehyung can hit a little harder with this one than with the crop. The skin will turn red and maybe swell a little but not as bad as the crop – as long as he doesn't use too much force.

He stares at Yoongi for a second. The elder is expectantly looking up at him, his pupils are blown wide and his mouth is hanging a little open to release heavy breaths. Taehyung reaches down, unbuckles his belt and takes it off. He folds it in his hand, letting the loop dangle in front of Yoongi's face.

"Belt," He says with a slight smirk on his lips. The elder seems transfixed by the leather in front of his face, mouth falling a little wider open and Taehyung couldn't contain his excitement at the sight of the other. Yoongi already looks ruined and Taehyung wants to see him cry – he wants to hear him beg for another hit, wants to leave his marks on the other's fair skin.

"Or hands." As the words fall from his lips he grips Yoongi's jaw tightly with his free hand, digging the tips of his fingers into the other's soft skin. Yoongi hisses slightly but he doesn't make any move to shy away from him, it doesn't even look like he wants to.

"Choose."

Taehyung doesn't have a personal favorite as of now – even though he would really like to see the imprints of his hand on Yoongi's milky skin. His heart is beating fast in his chest, blood pumping through him with excitement and he's about to prompt Yoongi to choose again but the elder beats him to it.

"Sir," He says – his voice already sounds so rough, used – as if he's been screaming. "I want the riding crop, sir."

"You want?" He raises his eyebrows, letting go of Yoongi's jaw and the elder almost falls forward in his attempts to follow the warmth of him.

"Please –" Yoongi quickly corrects himself, "Can you please use the riding crop on me?"

"For what?"

"To punish me – please, use the riding crop to punish me, sir."

Taehyung nods, pride filling his chest and he wants to praise him but bites his lip in the last second. This is still supposed to be a punishment. He could praise Yoongi all he wants once this is over but for now, he needs to fulfill his task and that is punishing the elder for his behavior.

A wicked idea comes to his mind. "How many do you deserve?"

He smirks at the dumbfounded reaction of Yoongi. It's not conventional for the Sub to choose their own punishment. Questions like these put them in an uncomfortable situation – they know that the Dom most likely already has a number in mind and if they go below that the punishment often gets harder. Questions like these are supposed to make the Sub think about their wrongdoings and judge themselves. It seems like no one ever asked Yoongi to do this before.

His mouth opens and closes a few times before he answers. Like a fish. "I – Sir, I don't know," He whispers, pleading gaze directed at Taehyung.

"You don't? You disobeyed me – came late on purpose just to be punished. Now that isn't good behavior, right?"

"No – it's not, I just –"

"Shut up." Taehyung crouches in front of him so that they're on the same eye level. There's fire coursing through his veins and he feels it burning under his skin. Yoongi is staring back – all the confidence in his eyes replaced by need. His pupils are blown wide, eyes almost completely black as he stares back at him. "How many hits do you deserve Yoongi?"

There's no answer. Taehyung waits a little longer but Yoongi doesn't even flinch, not even the corners of his lips twitch. He's not going to answer.

With a disappointed shake of his head, Taehyung leans back on the balls of his feet, swaying a little to keep his balance. "So now you're silent? Yesterday you were so confident, talking back and wanting to get punished," He sighs, feigning disappointment. "Now I'm offering it to you and you won't even speak to me?"

"I'm sorry, sir –" Before he could finish his sentence Taehyung has grasped him by the jaw. His fingers bore into Yoongi's soft skin, holding him in place while preventing him from speaking at the same time. He knows it must hurt, the way his fingernails press against the elder's skin but Yoongi doesn't even flinch, doesn't lean away from him.

"I don't want to hear any more lies coming from a disobedient little shit like you," Taehyung hisses from between his teeth. Even though his face might look angry at the moment he's still observing Yoongi with the utmost concern.

His eyes scan every inch of his face for any sign of being uncomfortable by his degrading words. He's searching for any kind of discomfort, any sign of a bad reaction to this but finds none. With a click of his tongue, he releases Yoongi's jaw and gets up again. He ignores the slight ache in his knees and back – still present from painting the whole afternoon.

"If you don't want to choose the amount I will and you will take whatever I give you, right?" Taehyung asks – formulating it like a question on purpose so that Yoongi knows that he can back out anytime without giving any kind of reason. He knows he emphasizes it a lot but it's necessary. Trust is necessary and he is okay when Yoongi uses punishments to ask for pain without saying it out loud but he isn't okay with doubting the fact that Yoongi could just not safeword even if he wanted to.

It's one thing to use punishments to receive pain even though you hate being punished and just want the pain. But it's a whole different thing to be afraid to use a safeword. If Yoongi ever does that then they will have to end their D/S relationship immediately.

"Yes, sir," Yoongi whispers and lowers his head. Taehyung walks over to his bed, sitting down on the edge before patting his thighs. It's funny – seeing the way Yoongi moves carefully under his gaze as if Taehyung would get up and devour him any moment. Not that the elder is wrong with that. Taehyung feels like a predator stalking his very willing prey.

Yoongi is careful as he maneuvers himself over Taehyung's lap. In the end, the younger just presses him down because Yoongi was just a little too slow for his liking with finding a comfortable position. He's holding the riding crop in his right hand, the other one is ghosting over the back of Yoongi's thigh. The muscles twitch under his touch and he could see how Yoongi's whole body tenses but not one noise spills from his lips.

"One for every minute you were late," Taehyung says, tapping the tip of the riding crop right where his gentle fingers were just a second ago. "When were you supposed to be here?"

"At six sharp," Yoongi says.

"When did you ring the bell?"

There's a slight pause but Yoongi answers – remorse obvious in his voice. "At six twenty-five."

"Twenty-five hits on the back of your thighs – you need to be able to sit tomorrow, right?" He doesn't expect an answer but Yoongi gives him one either way. Which is – weirdly something he feels proud of. He thought the elder would just accept that there are rhetorical questions which he doesn't have to answer even though Taehyung told him that he needs to give verbal consent to everything all the time. Maybe Yoongi actually listens better than he expected him to.

"Thank you, sir."

Taehyung chuckles lightly before getting serious again. "You'll count out loud and thank me for each hit." Yoongi tenses when Taehyung lightly trails the tip of the riding crop over the sensitive skin right where his briefs end. "If you can't take it anymore you know what to say."

"Yes," Yoongi replies.

"And what do you say?"

"Red," Yoongi gasps when Taehyung suddenly lands a small slap on his left butt cheek with his hand. It wasn't hard enough to hurt in any way but it still startled the elder. Taehyung doesn't even try to hide his satisfied smile. "I'll say red and you'll stop," The elder finally says quietly.

"Good," Taehyung nods to himself. He leans back a little, his left hand is still sprawled over Yoongi's ass while his right is high in the air, ready to strike with the riding crop. "Count."

The riding crop whirs through the air and hits Yoongi sharply right over the back of his right thigh. "Fu – One!" The elder hisses – completely taken by surprise. Taehyung immediately rubs over the area, the skin turns red instantly – a long red line forming on his white skin and Taehyung couldn't wait to decorate him further. Yoongi is already trembling slightly – possibly from anticipation and excitement.

"What do you say?" Taehyung asks, letting the riding crop caresses the reddening skin of Yoongi's thighs.

"Thank you," Yoongi gasps quickly, his fists clench in front of him. "Thank you, sir."

Taehyung nods and immediately strikes him again. The sound of the riding crop hitting Yoongi's skin echoes in the quiet room. It's only accompanied by the elder's heavy pants and counts. Taehyung keeps going at a fast pace for the next ten strikes and then gets a little slower.

The time between the different hits where he rubs over the reddening skin gets longer and longer. By now Yoongi is completely trembling in his lap but he hasn't started crying yet. To be honest, Taehyung is very surprised and frankly, really impressed with him. The back of his thighs is covered with red lines. They create a mysterious pattern and Taehyung can only imagine how much it must hurt to receive a hit right over an already pretty sensitive area that's been hit before.

But they keep going. They keep going until Yoongi weakly counts the twentieth hit. He's crying by now, tears dripping down his face and hiccupping with each syllable that leaves his trembling lips. But he hasn't used his safeword yet. He also hasn't tried to get away from Taehyung, hasn't begged him to stop or slow down. The only thing he does is squirm away every time the riding crop comes down on his skin – it's an involuntary reaction to the pain.

"Twenty –" Yoongi cries out. "Twenty-one, sir – Thank you – Thank you."

Taehyung lets go of the riding crop for a second, using both hands to rub over Yoongi's thighs. The skin covered in red lines is burning up, it's almost searing under his touch and the muscles tremble so much that it feels like Yoongi is vibrating. Some of the red lines have a deeper color than others, some are already fading a little but a few have already started to get bluish rims – those will bruise for sure.

Even though Yoongi is not using his safeword Taehyung feels hesitant to continue. He's a little afraid that Yoongi has already slipped so far in his headspace that he doesn't really notice the reality around him anymore. He's afraid that something similar happened to him like what did when he tied him up the first time.

He just doesn't feel good continuing with the hits right now. Twenty-one is more than enough to bring his point across and it seems like Yoongi has had enough of the pain – even though he can't read his mind.

"Tell me your color," Taehyung demands suddenly. He should have asked sooner. He should have asked the second Yoongi started crying. "And be honest. This is a punishment but I still don't want to cross your limits. You can back out any time and I won't be mad."

Yoongi sniffles and doesn't answer for a few excruciating seconds. Taehyung waits with bated breath, his hands never stop massaging the other's abused skin. His heart sinks when he hears his answer. He should have asked sooner. Should have checked on him sooner. He should have seen the signs. He knows what kind of person Yoongi is – He knows the other doesn't want to disappoint him.

He should have known.

"I don't know," Yoongi whispers through his tears.

"You don't know your color?" Panic starts to spread through Taehyung's body but he tries to stay calm. First, he turns Yoongi around in his lap so that he's laying on his back. Their eyes meet and he sees the hesitance in his glassy eyes. God – why didn't he notice it sooner?

"I – okay," Yoongi sobs and then he's curling in on himself, grasping Taehyung by the shirt as he buries his face in his stomach. Cries fall from his lips and his tears soak the younger's shirt but Taehyung doesn't care. "Red – I'm sorry – I'm really sorry but it hurts and –"

Taehyung instantly cuts him off. "Yoongi – Baby – It's okay. Don't feel bad. I'm so proud of you. I honestly didn't expect you to reach fifteen but you did so well. I'm not mad at you – I could never be."

He just holds him for a few minutes, letting him cry until there are no tears left and his breathing has returned to normal. Very carefully he sets Yoongi down on the bed, letting him lay on his stomach as he gets up to get a soothing lotion from his bathroom.

"Tell me if I'm hurting you," Taehyung whispers before he kneels down next to him on the bed. Yoongi's skin is still burning up when he applies the lotion – he just hopes it helps a little. At first the elder tenses under his ministrations but he's soon relaxing into the sheets. The trembling has stopped and he softly sighs when Taehyung massages the numbing and cool lotion into his skin. Taehyung doesn't stop showering him in praises.

He just wishes he would have noticed the other's discomfort a little sooner.

"How are you feeling?" Taehyung asks a little later. They're still sitting on the bed – Yoongi is still on his front while Taehyung is carding his fingers through his hair.

"Okay," Yoongi replies – his voice already sounds so tired like he's about to fall asleep any second. "I'm okay."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, I – completely sure," Yoongi hesitates before turning his head to look into Taehyung's eyes. This is the first time that the younger doesn't know what Yoongi is thinking. He doesn't even have the slightest idea what his gaze might mean. "Don't worry. I should have used my safeword sooner. It's my fault. I'm sorry."

The eye contact between them suddenly feels so – vulnerable. Taehyung doesn't know what this means but something is happening. Something very important is definitely happening at the moment. They stare at each other until Taehyung suddenly gasps. The moment is broken. "I completely forgot about the collar!" He scrambles to get up from the bed before stopping to look back down at Yoongi. "Do you still want to try it on now or do you just want to see the movie for now and rest?"

The way Yoongi's eyes light up the second he mentions the collar should be answer enough. "Please show me the collar," He whispers but his lips trembles from trying not to show his excited smile.

Taehyung hurries to get the box from the living room. Even the packaging is beautiful but of course, nothing compared to what's inside. The box has a pastel purple color, golden patterns trailing over it. Yoongi takes it with careful hands as if he's afraid to break it by just looking at it or something.

A gasp falls from his lips when he opens the box. The collar lays there, perched on a dark purple satin pillow – the diamonds sparkling in the light and they're almost shining as bright as Yoongi's eyes. But those brown orbs are definitely prettier than whatever collar Taehyung could have bought – at least that's his opinion.

Yoongi is still just staring at it, mouth hanging open. It's an adorable sight and Taehyung almost reaches towards his phone to capture the moment.

"Can you put it on me?" He asks. His voice is so quiet that Taehyung almost didn't catch his request. It was barely above a whisper.

"Of course." He gingerly reaches out for the box, taking it from Yoongi's hands to set it between them. He can't even imagine how Yoongi might feel with getting gifted something like this. Without wanting to sound conceited – buying this collar was nothing for Taehyung but it's obviously the most expensive thing Yoongi ever got gifted. The most expensive accessory he ever wore. Or will wear.

He reaches out to take the collar into his hand. It's a little heavier than he imagined it would be but still light enough to not bother the wearer. The diamonds feel cold against his skin, the silver settings of each stone reflect the light around them almost brighter than the diamonds themselves.

Yoongi carefully moves closer to him, tilting his head up to give him access to his neck. Their eyes meet for a second before Taehyung moves forwards to lay the collar down around his neck. He reaches behind Yoongi to fasten the small buckle and when he leans back his breath gets punched right out of his lungs.

It feels like getting hit by a train right in the chest. Yoongi looks ethereal.

Taehyung always knew that the elder has a certain kind of beauty to him. Yoongi is not bad looking and the longer you stare at him the prettier he seems to get. Every small thing about him. His small eyes rimmed with dark lashes that fan over his squishy cheeks whenever he blinks. His mouth that's almost all the time in a natural pout and his button nose. He looks a little like a cat with his almond-shaped eyes but there's still something else about him.

A beauty that Taehyung can't really put in words. He doesn't know how to describe it, he just knows that it's there.

The collar around his neck looks absolutely astounding. It just – fits so good. The elder couldn't have made a better choice. The delicate design makes him seem even softer than he already looks and at the same time, the obvious expensiveness of the collar gives him an arrogant touch without really being arrogant. It makes him look like he knows he's handsome without being obvious about knowing it.

It complements Yoongi and his effortless beauty that surprises Taehyung every time he sees the elder again.

"You are beautiful." The words roll off his tongue before he could even think about it. Well, it's not like he's lying or something. Yoongi is beautiful and anyone with two eyes needs to admit that. Especially now – he giggles shyly, exposing his teeth as his cheeks flush a dark red.

Taehyung loves making him flustered but at the same time, he wants him to understand that he isn't just joking around. Because Taehyung is sure that Yoongi doesn't really share his opinion. It's sad – It's so sad seeing someone like him, with such a unique personality and pretty face who is still thinking that they're not pretty.

"I'm serious," He whispers.

Yoongi still doesn't look into his eyes. "Thank you..."

Taehyung doesn't know when he last felt even similar to this right now. His heart beats calmly, there's a warmth spreading through his whole body, starting in his chest. He doesn't dare to call the fluttering feeling in his stomach butterflies yet but he thinks that they're pretty close. He just feels so – complete.

As if Yoongi and he were two puzzle pieces fitting perfectly together and forming a beautiful picture. The elder is snuggled up against his side, head buried in his chest and Taehyung spends his time watching his dark lashes fan over his cheeks instead of focusing on the movie that's still playing.

Yoongi looks so peaceful – so perfect and he's just sleeping. His black hair is sticking up in various directions and there are very faint noises falling from his opened lips. They're not snores but something similar – it's cute. He reaches out to embrace Yoongi's clenched fist with his own hands.

He never imagined he would grow attached to the elder male this quickly.