They hadn't ended up actually ever fucking, an extra two hours notwithstanding. Namjoon had very quickly realized how desperately clueless he was (he was very very interested in every single aspect of Jin's body while somehow simultaneously utterly terrified) and Jin, thank god for him, had picked up the cue easily and pulled back. Didn't push. Let Namjoon set the pace.

It had been three weeks, and Namjoon was absolutely sick of the pace he had set.

It had been three weeks, and (besides Jimin and Taehyung glaring at him as though trying to read his mind while Jeongguk stared at the floor as though trying to fade out of existence) nothing much had changed. The house was still basically the same, though that horrible tension had dissipated into nothing. The frat had been an argument in the shape of a house for quite some time but now things were... they were okay again, they were reasonable, for a while everybody tread lightly just in case but eventually everyone came around to the idea that things were somehow back to fine like they were supposed to be.

Jin and Namjoon still slept in their own beds, in their own bedrooms. They still worked on their own projects on their own computers. They still went to their own office hours. They kept the same names for one another in their cell phone contacts, didn't change their relationship statuses on Facebook. They were still friends.

They still had movie nights, except instead of these nights taking place in the common room on the middle floor of the house now Namjoon would inevitably end up in Jin's bed, under the covers, watching whatever on the abominably tiny screen of Jin's laptop with its abominably tinny speakers with one arm looped over Jin's abominably broad shoulders - trying like hell to pay attention to the story instead of Jin's profile. Instead of Jin's mouth. Instead of Jin's collarbones, peeking out over the loose collar of one of the stretched-out t-shirts he tended to wear around the house.

They still had movie nights, except instead of finishing the movie Namjoon would inevitably find himself pulling Jin in close. Pressing a kiss to his temple. Slipping the fingertips of one hand down the neckline of Jin's stretched-out t-shirt to trace the curve and angle of Jin's intoxicating collarbones. Namjoon would inevitably find himself incapable of keeping his hands to himself and Jin would inevitably respond rather positively, which meant that they hadn't managed to watch a whole movie through to the end credits for the last three weeks... but they still hadn't done much beyond make out very, very excitably.

It had been three weeks, and Jin had let Namjoon set the pace, and Namjoon had no earthly goddamn clue how to step on the gas.

His first problem, (he thought furiously to himself, as he scrolled through pages and pages and pages of gay sex advice articles while absolutely burning to death with horror and humiliation), was that he had no idea what Jin was interested in doing in the first place. Maybe all Jin wanted to do was make out excitably. Maybe Jin was one of those mythical creatures who never actually needed to get off in order to achieve inner peace.

His second problem was that not only did he have absolutely no idea what Jin was interested in doing, he also had no idea of what he, himself, Kim Namjoon, was either interested in or capable of achieving. Some of the positions he'd accidentally stumbled across looked downright dangerous, if not impossible, and where was everything supposed to go? None of it made any sense! He couldn't even touch his own toes without bending his knees.

Maybe he just wasn't cut out for same sex relationships. Maybe he should go live in a cave, grow a beard, forage for mushrooms in the forest. Anything would be better than sitting at his computer in the middle of the night watching gay porn with the sound turned as low as possible while still being just this side of audible, clutching a pillow over his lap and trying desperately not to think about how he would absolutely inevitably be a huge disappointment in bed.

Jin might have been one of those mythical creatures who never needed to get off in order to achieve inner peace, but Namjoon was horrendously human in the absolute worst meaning of the word. He had no inner peace. He barely had outer peace. He definitely didn't have any outer peace when he stumbled over a small database of amateur porn featuring a guy who looked like he could maybe be Jin's close relative if you sorta squinted and the light was just right, but that discovery did lead him to a different kind of peace altogether.

"Do you remember when you confessed," Jin said one evening, flopped over Namjoon's chest as they tried watching A Beautiful Mind for the third time (they'd made it almost a whole thirty minutes last time before breaking down and making out excitably - a personal record), "and I told you to defend your thesis?"

Namjoon, for his part, had been very cautiously sneaking over to ruin their chances at breaking any personal records as far as Length Of Movie Watched was concerned, and now found himself quite suddenly flustered into stillness. "What?" he said after a second. "My thesis?"

"Mm." Jin kicked one leg out from under the blanket (and jesus, how had Namjoon managed not to notice that he was only wearing boxers? more importantly, how was it even possible for even Jin's calves to be cute? it defied reason) and sighed, nestling in a little closer to lay his head back on Namjoon's shoulder. "I was just thinking about it. Because of the movie. You know." He glanced up, and even in the uneven flickering light of his laptop's abominably tiny screen Namjoon could see the pink in the tips of his ears. "You did a pretty good job, all things considered."

Namjoon was cupping Jin's chin in one hand before he was even thinking about it, tipping Jin's face up to kiss him very, very softly at the corner of his mouth. "Yeah?"

"Yeah," Jin breathed, his left hand tightening a little where it had been resting (relatively innocently) on Namjoon's thigh. "Yeah. I mean... you know. Like I said. All things considered."

Namjoon gingerly nudged the laptop down to the foot of the bed and leaned in, until Jin overbalanced and tipped over sideways on the bed. "All things considered? Are you saying that it wasn't a good defense?"

"A good practice defense, I suppose," Jin conceded, a little breathless as he shrugged. Reached up to loop his arms over Namjoon's shoulders. "Your bibliography seemed to be a little lacking. Not a very large variety of sources. Data was a little shallow."

"Lacking. Really?" Namjoon settled in between Jin's legs and curved down into him, nuzzling at the skin just under the line of his jaw. "Shallow?"

"I didn't say it was bad, just—" But then they had officially given up on watching the movie at the twenty-three minute mark, and there was nothing for it. Just making out excitably until the credits rolled and they realized that they'd lost yet another ninety-some minutes to the slow pace Namjoon had set three weeks ago in a fit of nerves.

It was three hours later in the depths of early morning when it came to him - as he was back with his nightly routine of scrolling shame-facedly through any number of terrifying porn thumbnails (jesus fucking christ on a goddamn pogo stick, was a penis that size even possible?! it boggled the mind) and wishing he had the guts to just go over and fucking ask Jin what he liked to do, like a goddamn adult human. After all, Jin had, supposedly, done... stuff. This kind of stuff. Stuff with guys. He had at least a passing acquaintance with the concept of touching somebody else's dick until the aforementioned somebody else reached climax, ideally.

But maybe he didn't have to ask? He'd spent weeks doing what essentially amounted to research. He was a doctoral candidate, he had a whole - okay, he had most of a completed dissertation. This was what he did. He was great at collecting data and coming to conclusions. This would be fine. It would be absolutely fine.

It took him two weeks to pull the presentation together, and it wasn't until he was printing out all nineteen pages of it that Namjoon paused to briefly consider how ridiculous all of this was. A presentation. A sex presentation. A... sex-entation? (No.) He stood there in a t-shirt and boxer briefs, looking at the title page in his hands as his printer worked industriously to churn out page after page of mortifying sin, and wondered who, exactly, he'd become.

Namjoon determined that the answer to this was fairly simple, a decision he came to while struggling to staple the stack of pages together without breaking his ancient stapler with the thick sheaf of paper. The answer was that he was who he had been for what amounted to years now: Kim Namjoon, completely and utterly whipped for Kim Seokjin.

From: Kim Namjoon
Sent: 14:12, Apr 15

hey bro

From: Kim Seokjin
Sent: 14:13, Apr 15

I can't help but feel as though we should come up with something other than "bro" to call one another.

From: Kim Namjoon
Sent: 14:14, Apr 15

hey pudding pop

From: Kim Seokjin
Sent: 14:14, Apr 15

On second thought, "bro" is fine.

From: Kim Namjoon
Sent: 14:14, Apr 15

hey, yo, tender morsel

From: Kim Seokjin
Sent: 14:14, Apr 15

Joonie. I get it.

From: Kim Namjoon
Sent: 14:15, Apr 15

hey kitten tits

From: Kim Seokjin
Sent: 14:15, Apr 15

Stop. I'm serious. Please go back to bro. What do you need.

From: Kim Namjoon
Sent: 14:21, Apr 15

i want to talk to you about something

From: Kim Namjoon
Sent: 14:21, Apr 15

something super super awkward

From: Kim Namjoon
Sent: 14:22, Apr 15

... you have to promise not to laugh at me

From: Kim Seokjin
Sent: 14:25, Apr 15

Joonie.

From: Kim Namjoon
Sent: 14:25, Apr 15

?

From: Kim Seokjin
Sent: 14:25, Apr 15

1) Are we breaking up? If no, 2) is it a sex thing?

From: Kim Namjoon
Sent: 14:25, Apr 15

NO

From: Kim Namjoon
Sent: 14:26, Apr 15

... and maybe

It was at this point that Namjoon heard Jin laughing in his bedroom across the hall, far more than he believed was reasonable.

From: Kim Seokjin
Sent: 14:27, Apr 15

Okay. I was about to go take a shower, I'll text you when I'm done and you can come over and we can talk about your sex thing.

Namjoon had done a practice defense of his dissertation before. It wasn't that bad. He could do this. He could hear the sound of the showerhead going through the wall of his bedroom, the water rushing through the pipes in the bathroom he shared with Jin. (A few months ago that was fine, it was normal, it was no problem whatsoever. Now he found himself facing down a dragon every day when he heard the water come on in the bathroom and he knew, he knew, Jin was completely naked just on the other side of the door.)

Jin took long showers. (Medium length. Longer than Yoongi, shorter than Jeongguk - but then most people took shorter showers than Jeongguk. What was so interesting in there? Actually, no. Never mind.) He took long showers, it would be fine, Namjoon had a few minutes.

There was a horrible moment where everything he'd ever learned about giving presentations vanished from his mind and he stood in the middle of his bedroom in his boxers and an undershirt with all nineteen pages of his terrible research paper in his hands and tried like hell to remember what he was doing. He could do this. (He could do this.) It would be fine. How did he normally do this?

He was buttoning up his oxford when he heard the tap squeak closed. Heard the shower curtain pull back, metal rings scraping over the rod and echoing against the tile. Heard Jin's hair dryer turning on. Okay, so what - five minutes? (Also, how embarrassed should he be that he knew Jin's schedule this well? Medium embarrassed? Extremely embarrassed? More or less embarrassed than he felt over having researched and written a nineteen page paper on gay sexual intercourse?)

The hair dryer turned off. There was the sound of a latch clicking. A few moments of quiet... and then his text notification, buzzing in his pocket.

From: Kim Seokjin
Sent: 14:54, Apr 15

I'm done in the shower if you want to come over to my room and talk about your awkward sex thing.

From: Kim Namjoon
Sent: 14:55, Apr 15

remember you promised not to laugh

From: Kim Seokjin
Sent: 14:55, Apr 15

I did no such thing. Get over here before I change my mind.

Namjoon only felt a little bit like he was walking to his own execution. It was an infinitely more pleasant sensation than it had been five weeks ago when he'd decided (at the drop of a hat) to tell Jin to take the offer to go to the US instead of saying nothing at all. Five weeks ago when he accidentally told Jin that he liked him. Five weeks ago when he was very briefly convinced that he'd fucked up everything completely and absolutely and irrevocably.

Were you supposed to knock on your boyfriend's bedroom door? Jin had texted telling him to come over. That was like knocking, right?

He stood there for what felt like almost no time at all but was actually about four minutes, staring at the knob on Jin's bedroom door as the cold thin fingers of existential dread crept down his spine - until Jin's voice came through the wood, sounding caught halfway between annoyance and amusement. "Joonie - I can hear you breathing! Just come in, all right? I'll try not to laugh."

God damn it. Once more, into the breach.

"I should probably ask Yoongi to oil the hinges on my door," Jin said, wincing as Namjoon stepped awkwardly over the threshold. He was nested up on his bed, big white duvet pulled up over and around him like a little cocoon, only his face and hands showing. He didn't glance up from his phone when Namjoon closed the door behind him, biting his lower lip a little as he tapped something out. "I feel like it's a little loud, don't you?"

"I didn't notice," Namjoon said.

There was a problem: Namjoon had momentarily forgotten how utterly fucking adorable Jin was. What was he thinking, assuming he could be straightforward and professional about this?What was he thinking, assuming he could be straightforward and professional about sexual intercourse? Why did he keep calling it sexual intercourse? Fucking. It was fucking. He wanted to... he wanted to engage in sexual intercourse with Jin. (Fuck. God damn it.)

Jin looked up, and - yep, nope, he was cute. He was just cute. This was terrible, and possibly the worst (best?) idea Namjoon had ever had in his life. "I've been doing some research," Namjoon stuttered out, gesturing a little with the sheaf of papers in his right hand.

"I've noticed," Jin replied mildly, eyes flickering from Namjoon's eyes to the top few buttons on his oxford that he'd thoughtlessly left undone. "You know our walls are kind of thin up here, right? I could send you a few links, if you wanted. Some personal favorites."

"Oh." Oh, god. Oh god, Jin could hear him watching gay porn through the walls. He'd been watching gay porn for weeks and Jin had been able to hear it. "Um. That's... that's okay. But, y'know, gosh, that's really thoughtful of you—"

"You said something about doing research?" Jin set his phone down on the sheet next to him before reaching out to pat the mattress invitingly. "I'm just assuming it was sex research, for a variety of reasons. Not the least of these being the cryptic series of texts you sent over a little while ago. What's the super super awkward thing you needed to talk about specifically?"

"Okay." Namjoon sat down on the edge of the mattress, incapable of meeting Jin's eye as he flipped through the papers in his hands. What had he been thinking? God, he'd even made a table. A table, for gay sex. A gay sex table. A table. Why? This whole thing was terrible and maybe the cave idea was the best option. "Um. Right. So... sex."

"Sex," Jin repeated dutifully, mouth working a little as though he were working very very hard to keep a straight face. "What about it?"

"Don't get me wrong," Namjoon said hurriedly, "what we've been doing has been, I mean... it's been really fuckin' fantastic, but I, uh, you seem to be... I guess... waiting for me."

"Right," Jin said, scratching the bridge of his nose. He regarded Namjoon curiously for a second. "Should I not be? Joonie, you're younger and less experienced than I am, I'd feel a little weird pushing anything."

"And I appreciate it!" Which wasn't strictly true. He was the president, sure, he knew how to lead, but... maybe not necessarily when entirely new sexual experiences were involved. He'd sort of been hoping that Jin would have jumped him by now and taken care of the whole goddamn thing. But no, no, Jin was respectful and conscientious and thoughtful and so... so Namjoon had had to take matters (as it were) into his own hands. "Um. So uh... right, so I've been doing some research." He flipped a page and felt his face go hot. "First I looked at, um, oral—"

"Oral," Jin said, voice flat. He leaned over to glance at the papers in Namjoon's hands. "You turned to the internet to learn how to give a blowjob? You could just ask me what I like."

"There are other types of oral," Namjoon muttered shame-facedly. "I don't know about all of them. Didn't," he corrected. "Didn't know about them. I did research," he repeated.

There was a moment of somewhat weighted silence. "I can see that," Jin commented after a moment. "That's..." He angled his head slowly to one side, eyes fixed on the page in a manner that seemed almost horrified. "You've got drawings. Fascinating."

"I'm good at research," Namjoon said. "It's one of my primary academic skills."

Jin cleared his throat. "Well done, then. So after oral, you proceeded to...?"

"Do you know that there are a ton of things you can do?" Namjoon choked out, flipping through the pages desperately as he tried to stall for time. This was going even worse than he'd assumed it would, which was pretty bad in and of itself. "There's like, seriously, fuck, I dunno—'

"There's a lot," Jin agreed - then smiled up at him. The light coming in through his bedroom window reflected off of the white duvet, the white paint on the walls, the white of the paper. Jin's cheeks were still flushed slightly pink from the heat of the shower, and he looked comfortable and warm and adorable and sweet and just... way, way too innocent to be having this conversation. "Did you research enough to form an opinion on anything you might like to try?"

Namjoon opened his mouth. Closed his mouth. Opened his mouth again. "Maybe?" he hazarded, feeling heat creeping up over his chest, his neck, his throat, his cheeks. "I mostly just, um... I mostly just want to do, uh, stuff. With you." He flipped back to the title page. "Maybe this whole thing was kind of stupid."

"No," Jin said, beginning to lean forward just a little. "It's not stupid. It's important that you feel comfortable, Joonie. I know you need to do research sometimes, to figure out new stuff before you jump into it." He seemed to consider this for a moment. "I wasn't expecting a two-dozen page research paper on the mechanics of gay sex, but—"

"Nineteen," Namjoon protested weakly. "It's only nineteen pages. And that's only if you count the bibliography."

"Bibliography," Jin said, covering his face with both hands. "You've got a bibliography. How does one cite gay porn, exactly? MLA style? APA? Chicago?"

"I didn't just—"

"Tell you what," Jin interrupted, reaching forward and gently tugging the papers from Namjoon's loose grip. "We can go over this in more detail at a later time. Before that, I have a question for you."

Oh god. Oh god. This was the worst. Namjoon took a deep breath. "... Okay?"

"What," Jin said, "do you think I'm wearing under this blanket?"

Namjoon's brain shut down briefly. "A trench coat," he said.

Jin glared at him. "A what?"

"I mean, no, that's—" Namjoon scrubbed both hands over his face. "What do you mean, what do I think you're wearing under the blanket? Probably some - some sweatpants and a t-shirt or like—"

But Jin was pulling the comforter off of his shoulders, letting it fall gently to rest around his hips, and the light coming in through his bedroom window reflected off of the white duvet, the white paint on the walls, the white of the paper... everything turning his bare skin into something incredible, unbelievable, something very very close to angelic.

Namjoon's mouth went dry. "Oh," he said. "You don't have a shirt on. That's. Hmm."

"You've seen me without a shirt on before." Jin ran a hand through his hair, cocking his chin to one side to shoot Namjoon a funny look. "It's not new."

"Yeah but if you don't have a shirt on—"

"If I don't have a shirt on what?" Jin bit his lower lip and smiled, eyes curving sweetly. "Tell me - in all of your research, did you come across what 'prepping' means?" He seemed to consider this for a second. "It's not really a necessary part of the whole 'oral' thing you seemed to have gotten stuck on, but—"

"I know what prepping is," Namjoon cut in quickly, hands wringing a little with nerves. "I know that it's, um, important. If you wanna have a certain kind of sex."

"Do you?" Jin arched his eyebrows. "Want to have a certain kind of sex?"

God damn it. God damn it, all of this and Namjoon had never once stopped to consider (after the unfortunate misunderstanding back in February, anyway) whether Jin would be, ah, under or above. "Oh," he said, hands tightening on his knees. "A certain kind of... you mean with you?"

Jin reached out and bapped him lightly on the shoulder. "No, with Hoseok - yes with me you idiot who else are you going to have sex with?"

"Well, I don't know, it's not like we've ever—"

And then Jin was getting up on his knees, letting the blanket fall from his hips. Leaning forward, gripping both of Namjoon's shoulders and nudging him back onto the mattress. He was... okay, well, he wasn't naked. (Namjoon was a lot more disappointed than he thought he would be.) He was wearing underwear - a pair of Super Mario boxers that looked like they should belong to someone half his age - but still, he wasn't wearing much of anything. His skin was still flushed a little pink from the shower and he was warm from being under the blanket and he was swinging one leg over Namjoon's hips and settling over him...

... picking up the sheaf up papers again and flipping through until he got to the penetrative sex section. "I have to admit," Jin said after a moment, "this is pretty impressive. You really covered all your bases here. A good variety of beginner positions." He flipped a page over. "You really don't have an opinion?"

"Besides 'yes please'?" Namjoon cleared his throat and flexed his hands over Jin's thighs. His hips. His waist. Hooking his thumbs into the elastic waistband of Jin's boxers to trace the v of his pelvis. "Um... I mean I've never been, uh, on the receiving end before, so I'd kind of... like to start slow—"

"Kim Namjoon," Jin said, eyes still fixed on the paper. "Would you like to have sex with me?" His gaze flickered upward briefly, lips quirking slightly. "It's okay if you're not ready, really. We can do whatever. Or not. Whichever you like." He bit his lip. "But would you?"

"Yeah," Namjoon breathed out, hands tightening. Pulse thumping in his veins. "Yeah. Yes. I'd... yeah. What do you want to—"

"I didn't strictly have to take a shower," Jin interrupted smoothly, throwing the paper lackadaisically over one shoulder and moving to slowly unbutton Namjoon's oxford, tugging the hem out of the waistband of his trousers. "I suppose you can never be too clean, but it was really more extracurricular than that."

"Extracurricular," Namjoon echoed stupidly, watching Jin's fingers slip down the plackets of his shirt. "Um. What do you mean by extracurricular?"

"I suppose I'm an optimist?" The shirt was unbuttoned all the way and now Jin was sliding his hands over Namjoon's collarbones, over his shoulders, down his arms until the shirt was all the way off and left on the bed. "I was sort of hoping that this would be what your super awkward thing would be. Asking about sex, I mean."

"So wait—"

Jin curved in to press a kiss to the corner of his mouth as his hands slipped down to struggle with Namjoon's fly. "Are you interesting in fucking me?"

Oh hell. Oh, hell. At some point over the past five weeks Namjoon had developed an almost Pavlovian response to curse words coming out of Jin's mouth - he only seemed to swear when he was losing control for whatever reason. Rarely (if ever) when he was angry, but when he was excited? Happy? Relieved? Shocked? Turned on?

Jin definitely swore when he was turned on, and when Jin was turned on that usually meant Namjoon was turned on, and so Jin swearing meant it was Go Time despite Namjoon never having had the guts to truly Go when the getting was good.

But Jin was swearing (he'd said are you interested in fucking me? like it was a completely natural question) and it was Go Time and Namjoon had spent two goddamn weeks working up the nerve to go when the getting was good - and it was good. It was so goddamn good. Jin was on top of him wearing only boxers, skin almost unbearably warm to the touch and flushed pink underneath the surface. Jin was on top of him systematically removing his clothing, the tip of his tongue peeking out from between his lips with concentration. Jin was on top of him, and Namjoon's dick had been ready for it to be Go Time for roughly two years - even if he hadn't been fully aware of it for the entire time.

"I am really really really interested," Namjoon managed, at the same time as Jin slipped a hand under the elastic waistband of his boxer briefs and palmed him experimentally. "Extremely interested. Like - ah, fuck—"

"So there are a couple of ways we could do this," Jin said, voice slightly hushed and almost sing-song with how calmly delighted he seemed to be. His fingers curled around the length of Namjoon's cock, seeming to measure the girth of it for a second before moving his grip loosely down the length to push the fabric of his underwear down and out of the way. "You've had sex before, so it's not like I need to teach you everything."

Namjoon was overheated even before the blush bloomed in his chest, rushing up his throat, spreading over his face and the tips of his ears. "I mean, yeah - but - but you don't know how much or, or what kind of—"

"The walls up here," Jin repeated slowly as though speaking to someone a little bit stupid, "are kind of thin. I realize that it's been a while and you might be a little bit rusty but I know for a fact it's been even longer for me." He leaned forward to prop himself up on one hand next to Namjoon's head, bringing himself up onto his knees so he could tug Namjoon's trousers and underwear down far enough that Namjoon could kick them off. "But like I was saying, there are a couple of ways we could do this."

"A couple of ways," Namjoon echoed stupidly, not sure whether he'd rather be watching Jin's mouth as he spoke or Jin's hand on his dick or the way the muscles in Jin's shoulders rolled as he moved. (He didn't even want to think about the collarbones. He'd never thought of himself as having a collarbone kink before, but something about Jin's really did it for him. It was kind of impressive, really - under a t-shirt, peeking out of the neckline... they seemed to hold such promise, seemed like such a good destination for his mouth.) "Yeah, I mean, I looked at a lot of different positions. Some of them were kind of, um..."

"Kind of what?"

Namjoon swallowed his nerves. "... Intimidating?"

Jin stared at him for half a second before letting out a quick, surprised laugh. "Yeah," he said after a second, once he'd collected himself again. "Yeah, intimidating is a good word for it. Don't worry - like I said, I'm pretty rusty. I'm not about to get too fancy." He paused. Glanced down. Bit his lower lip. (God, he was so fucking cute.) "I..." Then - god, was he blushing? "Could I confess to something? Something kind of embarrassing?"

Namjoon shoved himself awkwardly up into a sitting position, trying desperately to catch his breath. (Here he was - in Jin's room. In Jin's bed. Naked. Would wonders ever cease? Hopefully not.) "Are you serious? Jin—" He hesitated. Jin was looking more and more embarrassed by the second. "Yeah," he said, trying to keep his voice non-threatening. "Yeah, of course. God, the only reason we're together is because I confessed to something kind of embarrassing first. You can confess to whatever. I'll listen."

"It's embarrassing," Jin repeated, pulling back a little. Sitting back on his heels, knees still bracketing Namjoon's hips. He ran a hand over his face and groaned. "God, I can't believe this is..."

Everything Jin did was cute. Everything Jin did was gorgeous. Every awkward stutter or goofy laugh or the way he hit whoever was within arm's reach when he was delighted with something, everything was so goddamn enchanting that Namjoon could barely stand it - so he didn't. Reached out, cupped Jin's cheeks in both hands, twisted his fingers into the damp strands of hair. Pulled him in. "It's okay," he said. "You don't have to confess to anything right now, but I'll listen when you do. All right?"

They'd kissed hundreds of times (thousands of times, a million) but each time was still good. It was still so good. It never got boring. Namjoon lost his breath every time. Got lost. Forgot where he was, what time it was, any and all obligations he might have. Jin's mouth was something that he could get lost in. The way he breathed, air catching in his throat when Namjoon tried new things sometimes. The sounds he made, the funny moan, the whimper he let out when Namjoon pushed hard into him, the way he responded in a way that seemed almost hungry.

"When this started," Jin breathed against Namjoon's mouth, "I said - I said something stupid, remember? Something about how I'd been trying not to like you for three years, I don't know—"

"Yeah," Namjoon mumbled back, gripping the hair at the back of Jin's head a little bit more tightly to pull his chin up. "Yeah, I remember."

"I didn't always - f-fuck, Joonie—" Jin stuttered into silence as Namjoon's teeth found the place on his throat that messed him up every time. "I didn't... I didn't always try that hard, I guess."

"Mm." Jin's pulse was beating hard in his throat and Namjoon moved along the artery, nuzzling against the skin.

"I-I used to, um, think about you. Sometimes."

What?

Namjoon pulled back. "What?"

"It's embarrassing," Jin moaned, slumping over and burying his face in his hands. "Fuck, Joonie, you have no goddamn clue what it's like to spend almost every waking second a few meters away from somebody you just... really really really want to have sex with. It's - ow, fuck—" He glared at Namjoon accusatorily, clutching at his upper arm. "What the hell was that for?!"

"I have," Namjoon managed, "a goddamn clue. Do you have any idea how much of my mental energy has gone into not thinking about having sex with you? Because it's a lot." He paused. "Wait, you used to think about me? Like... sex? With me?" He blinked. "Are you sure?"

This time it was Jin who got the pinch in first. "Am I sure?" A second pinch. "Am I sure?!" And a third. "Kim Namjoon, you—" He seemed to be momentarily at a loss for words, face pink and slightly shiny, boxers straining with the pressure of his insistent excitement. "Yes I'm sure, Kim motherfucking Namjoon, I've been fantasizing about you fucking the daylights out of me almost every goddamn day for the last three years whether I wanted to or not."

Silence.

"Fucking the daylights out of you?" Namjoon said, voice a little bit more creaky than it should have been.

"Oh my god," Jin groaned, covering his face with his hands again. "No, just - just forget I said anything, that's not—"

It was too late. It was way too late. Namjoon had heard it, and he intended on holding those words dear to his heart all the way to the grave. "So," he said, leaning forward and tugging Jin's hands gently away from his red-flushed face, "do you mean like... what are we talking about here?"

Jin bit his lower lip. "This is - I mean, if we're going to have sex the first time—"

"If we're going to have sex for the first time," Namjoon breathed, rolling them over so that Jin was on his back on the mattress and Namjoon was tucked up tight between his legs, "then I want to fuck you the way you want me to fuck you." He licked his lips, eyes flickering down to Jin's boxers - the only stitch of clothing remaining between them. "You're, um... you're going to have to walk me through the first part though."

"Next time," Jin said, hands clenching on Namjoon's shoulders. "Like I said, I was a little optimistic - I, um, prepped myself. In the shower."

Holy fuck.

Holy fuck, he prepped himself in the shower? Namjoon's head was flooded with images of Jin in the shower by himself, leaning against the wall, trying to be quiet just in case the conversation they were about to have didn't go the way he was hoping. "You prepped yourself," he echoed. "In the shower. Holy fuck."

Jin shrugged, looking a little embarrassed. "It's not that unusual," he mumbled, face pinking up all over again. "I mean, I don't know... sometimes you need a little something extra when you're stressed out, you know?"

"Are you trying to tell me," Namjoon groaned, scrambling for the waistband of Jin's boxers, "that you've been fingering yourself in that shower all goddamn year and I never knew about it?"

"Not every single day or anything, it's not like—"

"Getting yourself off?"

Jin gave him a look, almost as annoyed as it was breathless. "You can't expect me to believe you've never jerked off in that shower. Hell, I've heard you—"

But Namjoon had finally found purchase on the elastic of Jin's boxers and was finally tugging them down, ducking in quick to shut Jin up with a kiss. It was harder, deeper, more desperate than they'd kissed before, maybe - Namjoon's head full to bursting with the thought of Jin under the stream of the shower head. One hand around his cock, the other inside himself, skin flushed and perfect, head falling back against the tile as he tried to kept his breath even.

"A little while ago," Namjoon mumbled against Jin's mouth, throwing the boxers on the floor, "you told me to ask you what you like. I really... I really, really want you to show me what you like."

Jin's intake of breath was so quick it was almost a hiccup, but he hesitated a second before jerking his head once in affirmation and shoving himself up to lean against the headboard. Curved over to scramble with the nightstand drawer. "Um, not to be too optimistic, but I got—"

"If you've got condoms and lube just get them out," Namjoon stuttered, eyes following Jin's hands as he rifled through the drawer. "Better over-prepared than under, right?"

"Hope for the best, prepare for the worst?" Jin pressed a foil-wrapped condom against Namjoon's chest and then re-emerged a second later with what looked like a very nearly brand new bottle of lube in his hand. "How very Sun Tzu of you."

"Sun Tzu didn't say that, that was—"

"If you don't shut up I won't show you how I jerk myself off," Jin interrupted, settling against the pillows and spreading his thighs a little. He was - god, he was fucking beautiful. Namjoon had felt Jin's erection through clothing before, had even touched the skin of it directly a few times before he'd found himself spooked by the ever-present fear of failure, but he'd never actually had the guts to look at it. He'd seen Jin in nothing but underwear a million times maybe but this was... this was different.

His shoulders were broad and his waist was tucked in tight so that the blades of his hipbones formed an almost perfect V. He was laid back in such a way that his muscles... they weren't perfect and defined and vacuum-packed (like Jimin got sometimes) but he was smooth and toned and gorgeous, pink-gold skin shining a little in the early spring light filtering in through the thin white curtains.

He'd already started working himself - slowly, carefully, tongue flickering out to wet his lips as he watched Namjoon's face for any expression of discomfort or embarrassment. He was... he was actually a bit bigger than Namjoon expected, all things considered. Girth large enough that his thumb and middle finger just barely overlapped at the base, shaft long enough that it took a second to slowly from top to bottom and back again.

"If you want," Jin said suddenly, breathlessly, pushing himself up a bit with his free hand, "you can come over here and I can teach you?"

If Namjoon had said anything then it probably would have been something unprintable, but instead he just lurched forward awkwardly and caught his weight on one palm on the wall next to Jin's head. "Yeah," he said, tongue thick in his mouth. "Yeah. Yeah?"

"You can just start with what you like and I'll adjust as needed," Jin said, taking the hand from his dick and resting on one thigh. He bit his lip. "You're sure?"

"Remember when I asked if you were sure and you pinched me three times?" Namjoon took a deep breath and very, very gently wrapped his hand around Jin's cock. "I'm not gonna pinch you, but I just want you to think about that."

Jin sucked in a quick breath and held it, tensing up slightly as he watched, mesmerized, as Namjoon started working up and down his length. "That's - that's different," he insisted, voice a little bit whiny and pitching up into something that was almost a squeak as Namjoon smoothed the pad of one thumb over the ridge. "I've had a crush on you for—"

"—Three years," Namjoon interrupted, throat tight. Jin's heart rate pulsed in the vein running along the underside and it was like Namjoon's body couldn't figure out whether this was the best or most terrifying thing that had ever happening to him. Judging by where his blood was beginning to fervently collect, it was quickly determining that this was almost definitely the best. "I'm just annoyed that I had no clue why I got so nervous around you all this time."

"I made you nervous?" Jin groaned and arched up a little as Namjoon twisted his hand slightly on the downturn. "Why on earth did I make you nervous, it's not like—"

"Because I was fuckin' in love with you," Namjoon cut in. Breathless. Stupid. Embarrassed. Nothing left to lose. He had nothing left to lose - Jin was here, they were here, neither of them were wearing any goddamn clothes and this was it. This was it. Might as well lay everything on the table. He shifted, curved over - and Jin choked out a gasp as he realized what was happening, as Namjoon parted his lips and tried to remember every time he'd gotten a blowjob and what made it good.

"Oh," Jin said, his voice almost (almost) conversational and calm. "Oh. Fuck. Fuck, Joonie—"

Then Jin's fingers were in his hair, careful and desperate at the same time. Jin's hips were rocking slightly in time to Namjoon's awkward rhythm. Jin's breath was coming quick and heavy, hiccuping every time Namjoon sank back down. "Please," he groaned. "Joonie - I don't want to get off like this, I want you to fuck me."

Namjoon pulled back, the head of Jin's dick passing the seal of his lips with an obscenely wet popping noise. He took a second to catch his breath, to gather his wits... "Right," he said. "Right. Right. Um—"

"Condom," Jin breathed, scrambling for it and tearing open the foil. Testing the reservoir with shaking fingers. Steadying Namjoon's dick with one hand at the base and rolling it down the length with the other. "I've got the lube. How do you want to do this?"

"I just wanna fuck the daylights out of you," Namjoon sighed against Jin's skin, pressing a kiss to his throat right before popping open the cap on the lube and filling one hand to coat his dick as liberally as he could. "You said you prepped yourself, but—"

"Well, I mean, if you want to make sure for yourself you certainly can. It's not like - fuck, Namjoon—"

Namjoon wasn't a virgin by any stretch of the imagination. He'd had sex before, a lot of sex, some of it a lot better and a lot less embarrassing than other rendezvous - never with another guy, of course, and no one who he cared about as much as he cared about Jin. He was always careful, he was always respectful, but this was... he was terrified of messing up, of hurting Jin, of breaking what they had before it even got off the ground. Jin was hot under his hands, skin smooth and tight, but with the lube on his hand he slipped in easily and Jin gasped and choked under him.

Jin said he'd prepped himself but he was still tight and god - if he was still so goddamn tight than what the hell had he been like before? Namjoon tried to be careful, tried to keep his breath steady even as Jin moaned under his attention. He was tight (he was so goddamn tight) and he was so fucking hot and the sounds he was making, choking deep in his throat, gasping, responding to the press of Namjoon's fingers by pushing down against him in a way that could only be described as needy.

"Please," Jin stuttered, voice already halfway wrecked as he looped his arms around Namjoon's neck. "Namjoon, please—"

Who knew where he got the idea, but it seemed right. It seemed like it would work. It seemed like something he needed to do, he had to do - so he did it, scooping Jin's legs up by his knees and hauling him up and against the headboard (which in turn slammed hard against the wall) and kissing him like he didn't have anywhere else to be. Anything else to do. Anyone that could ever possibly be more important than Jin, here and now and at his mercy.

"You have to tell me," Namjoon breathed against Jin's mouth, "if there's anything you don't like. Anything. It doesn't matter. I'll stop. Okay?"

"Fuck," Jin moaned, cock smearing precum over his stomach.

"Jin seriously - tell me, okay?"

"Yeah." Jin jerked his head once or twice in a distracted nod, cheeks flushed. "Namjoon, please—"

He was so hard and Jin was so tight and the heat was so unbearable that it almost hurt when Namjoon lowered Jin down - giving a modicum of control over to the force of gravity for the assist. Jin's breath went from tight to stopped completely as Namjoon pushed into him, holding it, biting his lower lip, not making a sound until Namjoon was finally finally finally flush against him and he finally gasped in a breath, clenching every muscle in his body. "Wait a second," he choked out, "wait just a second—"

"Yeah," Namjoon mumbled, voice muffled against Jin's shoulder. Holy fuck. Holy fuck. Holy fuck he'd never even imagined that he'd be able to do this ever in his life and he was already dangerously close to getting off - just the heat and the pressure and the feel of Jin against him, the way Jin's voice sounded, the way he tightened up and relaxed and gasped with it. "Yeah, yeah, I can wait. It's cool. It's okay."

He shifted just a little and Jin whimpered next to his ear and it was - god, it was so much. "Okay," Jin breathed. "Okay, Namjoon, please—"

Jin was balanced almost precariously, broad back pressed against the tall wooden headboard and arms tight around Namjoon's shoulders and knees slung over Namjoon's elbows, but the tight proximity kept him pinned even as Namjoon pulled out slow (losing his breath as Jin clenched around him) and then thrust in deep. When he pulled back a second time an uncharacteristically high noise escaped Jin's lungs, then when he thrust in again Jin became louder still - mostly just breathing, gasping, moaning Namjoon's name and rolling his hips in response to meet every increasingly powerful thrust, but still growing gradually in volume until he was almost sobbing against Namjoon's shoulder.

This was, officially, way way way better than any of the gay porn Namjoon had furtively downloaded over the past five weeks. (Even the ones with the guy who kind of looked like Jin.) Jin was crying out every time Namjoon slammed into him. For a few seconds Namjoon worried about the way the headboard with thumping against the wall but when he tried to pull back Jin choked and gasped out something that sounded a lot like god, harder, Namjoon please and so he stopped caring about the headboard completely.

Jin's fingernails scratched over his back and between that and the way Jin's voice sounded and the friction and the intensity and the pressure and the heat... "Jin," Namjoon moaned, "Jin, god, I'm gonna—"

With Namjoon's hands busy keeping Jin's legs up he couldn't do anything, so Jin reached down and jerked himself in a stuttering rhythm - only a few times before he was losing himself, tightening up around Namjoon so much that it was almost unbelievable, muffling a scream in Namjoon's chest as he shook and pulsed through the release. The feeling of it was so much, it was too much, the heat coiled in Namjoon's stomach broke like a spring pushed past its limits and then his vision was tunneling, his rhythm was thrown off, he pumped hard into Jin five, six times as he spilled out into the condom—

—then lost his strength and fell backward on the mattress, Jin coming down with him as they both slowing came back to reality.

"I don't remember," Jin said after a minute, still breathless, voice hoarse, "seeing that position in your research."

Namjoon tried to shrug, but only barely managed to lift one shoulder. "I improvised," he sighed sleepily, grunting as he unhooked his arms from Jin's knees. Pulled out carefully. Rolled over to lay Jin down gently on the sheets. He propped himself up on one elbow and leaned down and press a kiss to Jin's temple, slick and salted with sweat. "Give me a couple minutes and I'll get a towel, okay?"

"Mm," Jin said back, pressing his face into the blankets and sighing happily. "I love you."

"I..." Namjoon sat up, biting back a groan as his joints protested every minute. Looked down at Jin - stretched out on the mattress, completely fucked out, stupid with sex, half asleep after coming as hard as he had. He was shining with a layer of sweat and the diffused light through the thin white curtains made him glow even more than he did already. He was... he was gorgeous. He was awkward and imperfect and human and he burned the rice, fell down the stairs, messed up and cried and ate too much but he was gorgeous, and he was Jin, and he was absolutely everything Namjoon had ever wanted even when he hadn't been able to admit it to himself.

"I love you too," Namjoon said, brushing damp strands off of Jin's forehead.

In the second floor common room, all of the other inhabitants of the Beta Tau Sigma frat house sat in awkward, mortified silence. Yoongi and Jimin had settled on one of the two couches, each with their own textbook. Hoseok had spread out a selection of magazines on the coffee table. Taehyung and Jeongguk had take over the other couch - Taehyung reading webtoons on his phone and Jeongguk frozen in the middle of playing a video game.

"Is it over?" Jeongguk said finally, voice squeaking out of him. (As if on cue, his character in the game died and there was a sad like trumpet noise.)

"God willing," Jimin mumbled, looking vaguely shellshocked.

"Do you remember," Hoseok interrupted, eyebrows arching as he glanced back down at his magazine, "when all of you were convinced they were fucking and I was the only one who knew they weren't? This," he said, pointing up at the ceiling. "This is only one of many reasons why."

"I'm moving out," Yoongi announced. "This is only gonna get worse."