NAMJOON
Christmas Eve , late afternoon

In Kim Namjoon's bedroom on the third floor of the Beta Tau Sigma frat house, three things happened so quickly one after the other that they may as well have happened simultaneously.

The first thing that happened was his overhead light flickering for just a second - just a brief flash of almost-darkness before the light bulb coughed back to life and seemed to remember what it was supposed to be doing. Namjoon glanced up (like you do) and wondered briefly whether he'd just blinked, whether he'd just been imagining things, whether perhaps his lack of sleep and intent focus and the bags and bags and bags of chemical-coated microwave popcorn he'd consumed over the past few weeks were finally combining into some kind of dangerous neurotoxin and this was just the first of many signs of early-onset dementia.

He also wondered (even more briefly) whether he should save the track he'd been working on for the last hour.

The second thing that happened was the overhead light flickering again - he found himself probably more relieved than he should have been that the neurotoxin thing was apparently a no-go - before ultimately giving up and blinking out. His computer turned off. His progress disappeared. The hard drive ground to a halt.

The third thing that happened was the scream, floating up through the house. For half a second Namjoon almost entertained the idea that he'd made the sound (it felt like he should be making some kind of sound, anyway - all of his progress shot to shit and his computer completely dead and his room growing colder and colder by the second) but the half second passed and the realization hit him that no, no, he hadn't made any noise at all (except perhaps a weak cough of desperation in the back of his throat) and that he and Jin were the only two people in the house.

Jin? Fuck, Jin!

Kim Namjoon shot upward, spun toward the door, very nearly choked himself to death on the cord of his headphones, and spent a frantic three seconds disentangling himself desperately before stepping forward and promptly tripping over a laundry basket in the dark and falling flat on his face on the floor.

It took him a truly embarrassing amount of time to gather himself and regain his bearings enough to get up off the floor, open the door to his bedroom, skitter across the short length of hallway to the stairs, bolt down the steps in such a frantic hurry to reach the source of the scream that he almost didn't care how damn dark it was until he tripped on the bottom landing and only just barely caught himself before slamming face first into the wall. The house was silent, now - no further screaming, no footsteps, no generalized unfocused hum of a fully-occupied house. Just quiet. And darkness. And Kim Namjoon, racing down the center corridor back into the kitchen.

When he stepped over the threshold into the kitchen (hand clutching the door jamb for support, chest heaving) Jin was on his knees by the counter, head bent, face in his hands, broad shoulders tense and just barely shaking.

"Jin," Namjoon choked out, leaning against the wall to catch his breath. "Jin, are you okay?"

Jin looked up at him, eyes just slightly wild. "No," he whispered. "No, I'm not okay."

JIN
Two Weeks Ago

When Kim Seokjin woke up the world was quiet.

It was an unnatural kind of quiet, the kind of quiet where everything seems muffled slightly as if covered in a blanket. There was no distant road noise, no birds making a morning racket, no doors slamming or people yelling outside like there always always always seemed to be this close to campus. Light glowed in through the curtains and it just didn't look quite right.

Somewhere in the house there was a thump. The empty water glass on his bedside table rattled against his alarm clock. And then someone yelled something (Tae, from the pitch of it) and there was a moment of excited screaming accompanied by a quickly ascending thudding noise as multiple sets of feet dashed up the stairs.

Jin stuck his head under his pillow and prayed fervently that he had remembered to lock his bedroom door the night before.

A body slammed into a wall somewhere outside his bedroom door, then slapped the surface repeatedly. Jimin's voice filtered through the wood, shouting something about GET UP GET UP GET UP YOU'LL NEVER GUESS WHAT HAPPENED and Jin knew that they'd gone to Namjoon's room first, which meant that he had at least—

The door to the shared bathroom opened and Namjoon staggered over the threshold, his eyes still closed and puffy with sleep. He was wearing nothing except for a pair of black boxer briefs and a sleeveless undershirt and his hair was sticking straight up on one side and he had bags under his eyes and when he was one foot away from Jin's bed he fell to his knees, slumped forward, and landed face down on the mattress.

"It snowed," Namjoon mumbled into the sheet. "Just so you know."

Jin sat up and stretched and yawned and groaned. "At least it happened after finals."

"Mmhmm."

"Yah. Namjoonie." Jin poked Namjoon in the shoulder. "Don't tell me you fell back asleep already."

"Your bed is warm." Namjoon sat upright and opened one eye to look at him. "Hey. Hyung. Scoot over."

Jin flopped back down and stretched his arms and legs out in his best starfish impression. "No. NO. There's no room."

"Your bed is warmer than my bed," Namjoon argued, standing up and shoving him over. "I'm tired and cold. Listen to your president. Show some respect."

"You're not my president. I didn't vote for you. I'm older than you, and anyway - hey! Namjoon! Don't pinch me!" Jin rolled over and huddled sleepily against the wall. "Fine. You're the worst."

The bed creaked as Namjoon settled in under the quilt. "I'm the best."

"Oh my god your hands are absolutely freezing."

"Thus my need to be in a bed. Jesus, Jin - you're a goddamn furnace, you know that?"

"Yes! I am a furnace! I am my own personal furnace and I stay that way by not allowing icicles to put their hands on me. No! Do not! The inside of my shirt is my own private business! Kim Namjoon I swear on all that's holy—"

Namjoon wriggled in close against him, knees tucking up to curve around the arch of Jin's body. "You never swear. I've hardly ever heard you swear. You're like a loving mother, taking care of her children. Always careful to be a good role model."

"I hate you," Jin moaned.

"Merry christmas," Namjoon sighed against the back of Jin's neck.

"Yeah," Jin sighed back, pressing his face into his pillow. "Whatever."

From: Kim Namjoon
Sent: 15:47, Dec 12

hey man i need some help

From: Min Yoongi
Sent: 15:47, Dec 12

What the duck do you want

From: Kim Namjoon
Sent: 15:48, Dec 12

Jin's parents are going to Hawaii for christmas

From: Min Yoongi
Sent: 15:50, Dec 12

Ok

From: Min Yoongi
Sent: 15:50, Dec 12

What does that have to do with me

From: Kim Namjoon
Sent: 15:51, Dec 12

so he's staying at the house

From: Min Yoongi
Sent: 15:52, Dec 12

Yeah I'm still not getting what this has to do with me

From: Min Yoongi
Sent: 15:52, Dec 12

Do you need me to buy you condoms or something

From: Min Yoongi
Sent: 15:53, Dec 12

Can't you buy your own good dam condoms

From: Kim Namjoon
Sent: 15:54, Dec 12

when are you going to add swearing to your phone's dictionary

From: Kim Namjoon
Sent: 15:54, Dec 12

it's really distracting

From: Min Yoongi
Sent: 15:55, Dec 12

Duck you too, batch

From: Kim Namjoon
Sent: 15:56, Dec 12

jesus christ, never mind

From: Kim Namjoon
Sent: 15:56, Dec 12

forget i said anything

From: Min Yoongi
Sent: 15:57, Dec 12

No, it's cool

From: Min Yoongi
Sent: 15:57, Dec 12

Seriously though, I don't know what you actually need from me here

From: Kim Namjoon
Sent: 15:59, Dec 12

he's bummed out, man

From: Kim Namjoon
Sent: 15:59, Dec 12

like super bummed out

From: Kim Namjoon
Sent: 15:59, Dec 12

like i don't know if i've seen him this bummed out before

From: Min Yoongi
Sent: 16:01, Dec 12

Yeah? He seems fine to me

From: Kim Namjoon
Sent: 16:02, Dec 12

trust me. he's not.

From: Min Yoongi
Sent: 16:03, Dec 12

Whatever. He's your wife, man.

From: Kim Namjoon
Sent: 16:03, Dec 12

be serious for five goddamn seconds here Yoongi

From: Kim Namjoon
Sent: 16:04, Dec 12

i always stay at the house for christmas and it's never a big deal but Jin ALWAYS goes home

From: Kim Namjoon
Sent: 16:05, Dec 12

i wanna like make it special or whatever

From: Kim Namjoon
Sent: 16:05, Dec 12

make it actually feel like christmas

From: Min Yoongi
Sent: 16:08, Dec 12

You're disgusting.

From: Kim Namjoon
Sent: 16:09, Dec 12

how the fuck is that disgusting

From: Kim Namjoon
Sent: 16:09, Dec 12

i'm worried about my friend's emotional state that's like the exact opposite of disgusting

From: Kim Namjoon
Sent: 16:10, Dec 12

i'm a goddamn hero

From: Kim Namjoon
Sent: 16:10, Dec 12

i should be canonized

From: Min Yoongi
Sent: 16:11, Dec 12

My idea also involves a cannon

From: Kim Namjoon
Sent: 16:14, Dec 12

why the fuck did i think texting you about this would be a good idea

From: Min Yoongi
Sent: 16:15, Dec 12

It's because I'm a sensitive soul who understands Jin's love of christmas on a deep, primal level

From: Kim Namjoon
Sent: 16:15, Dec 12

... really?

From: Min Yoongi
Sent: 16:16, Dec 12

Duck no.

From: Min Yoongi
Sent: 16:16, Dec 12

Look hyung

From: Kim Namjoon
Sent: 16:16, Dec 12

don't call me hyung, i'm serious

From: Min Yoongi
Sent: 16:16, Dec 12

If you want to make it christmas then you have to at least get a tree

From: Min Yoongi
Sent: 16:16, Dec 12

And like... lights

From: Min Yoongi
Sent: 16:16, Dec 12

Light that shut up to heck and back

From: Kim Namjoon
Sent: 16:17, Dec 12

the next time i get my hands on your phone i'm putting swear words in the dictionary

From: Min Yoongi
Sent: 16:18, Dec 12

Don't touch my ducking phone

JIN
December 13

"Did you brush your teeth?" Jin was saying in the entryway.

"Yes," Jimin and Taehyung chorused back.

"Did you remember to pack a snack?" Jin sidestepped as Yoongi pushed past him into the entryway. "Yoongi, how about you? Teeth brushed? Snack packed?"

"Yes, mom," Yoongi sighed, setting his suitcase down on the floor so he could pull on his boots and tug the massive black scarf Jin had knitted him last year off the hook on the wall. "Teeth brushed. Snack packed."

"Jimin? Tae?"

Taehyung grinned wolfishly and opened up his massive coat like a flasher, revealing an interior layered thickly with candy and bags of chips. "Don't worry, hyung," he said sneakily, closing his coat again and looping an arm through Jimin's elbow. "I got us totally covered."

Jin rolled his eyes, crossing his arms tight over his chest to guard against the cold. His socks weren't thick enough to stand on the freezing tile for long, but - his eyes narrowed. "Wait. Where's Hoseok?"

Yoongi shrugged - or something like it, anyway, it was hard to tell under the multiple layers of sweaters and coat and scarf that he'd wrapped around himself to guard against the cold. "Iunno," he mumbled, voice muffled under wool. "Said he was gonna help Namjoon with something."

Jin muttered something under his breath and stepped back up into the house to start up the stairs. "Hoseok! Hurry up! You're going to miss the train if you're not down here in—" But then instead the front door opened and he skidded around, pivoting unsteadily to thump back down, stopping in the corridor with his mouth open.

The front door had opened and Hoseok was on the other side - cheeks pink and eyes shining and hat dusted with snow and his gloves coated with dirt and mud and ice - clutching awkwardly onto the top of one of the most ridiculously warped christmas trees Jin had ever seen in his entire life. "You'll never guess," Hoseok chirped brightly, stomping over the threshold in his horrible muddy boots, "what Namjoon-hyung and I had to do to get this thing."

"Don't call me hyung," came Namjoon's voice from somewhere at the other end of the brambled mass of pine branches. "I'm serious, Hoseok."

"He doesn't like it when you call him hyung," Jin said weakly, stepping backward to make room as Hoseok toed out of his boots and shuffled up into the house, shedding needles and snowflakes and chunks of ice with every step. "What...?"

"It's a goddamn christmas tree," Yoongi said, yanking the scarf away from his mouth and shooting an incredulous glare out the front door in what Jin could only assume was Namjoon's direction. "Hoseok and Namjoon-hyung went out and got a goddamn christmas tree."

"Don't," Namjoon growled, finally shoving his way through the front door with the bottom half of the tree, simultaneously looking twice as disgusting and half as pleased as Hoseok did, "call me hyung. How many times do I have to tell you?"

Jin opened his mouth. Closed his mouth. Opened it again. "I suppose it's useless asking you not to make a mess."

"Haven't you ever gotten a christmas tree, hyung?" That was Taehyung, scooting out of his boots again in his excitement and bouncing delightedly after Namjoon and Hoseok as they wrestled the tree into the living room, past the couch, leaned it up in the bay window where it started slowly thawing in the heat of the house - dripping freshly-melted snow all over the hardwood. "The mess is part of it."

"I'll clean it up," Namjoon groaned, stretching hugely to work out the crick in his back. "Let me just set this damn thing up."

Hoseok lit up. "I'll—"

"No," Jin cut in quickly, striding forward and grabbing Hoseok's elbow. "You've pushed it to the last minute. You're going to miss your train if you don't get going. Put your shoes back on, Tae—" He glanced up. "Tae, get your hands out of the tree! It's not a toy!"

"I think there's a nest in here," Taehyung said, half-buried in the branches. "Where'd you get this tree, anyway?"

Hoseok was ramming his feet back in his boots in the entryway, swinging the door open again, stepping over the threshold. "Where else?" he called back brightly over his shoulder. "The Tau Delta grounds."

The door slammed shut and Jin spun on his heel to fix Namjoon with a dangerous glare. "Namjoon," he said, voice cold. "Did you go steal a tree from the Tau Deltas?"

"That's our cue!" Jimin chirped brightly, the look on his face shiny and slightly brittle. "Tae! Hurry the hell up!"

"It's a nest," Taehyung was insisting, even as Jimin was lacing his boots up for him and shoving his hat over his head. "I think birds used to live in it."

"Better'n wasps," Yoongi rasped, opening the door and ushering both of them out. He glanced back at Namjoon over his shoulder. "Lights," he said, an odd grin quirking at the corner of his mouth. "You need lights. Light that shit up to hell and back. Got it?"

The door slammed shut for the third and final time. Jin stared at it for a few seconds before pivoting slowly on his stocking feet - arms still crossed tight over his chest, lips pursed. Namjoon opened his mouth but stopped when he caught a glance at the look on Jin's face, blanching as he tugged his gloves off. "Kim Namjoon," Jin said again, his voice slow and careful and not terribly even. "I'll ask you one more time. Did you or did you not steal a tree from the Tau Deltas?"

Namjoon brightened a little then, in a sort of desperately hopeful sort of way - it was the look he got when he had just thought of something that might save him, caught the spark of an idea that could get him out of a particularly teeth-clenchingly difficult fix, found a straw to grasp in the midst of a storm - and spread his hands wide in a sort of general gesture of goodwill.

"Merry Christmas?" he said.

From: Kim Namjoon
Sent: 13:14, Dec 15

hey Jimin

From: Park Jimin
Sent: 13:16, Dec 15

??

From: Kim Namjoon
Sent: 13:17, Dec 15

hey i need some help

From: Park Jimin
Sent: 13:17, Dec 15

kk

From: Park Jimin
Sent: 13:17, Dec 15

sup?

From: Kim Namjoon
Sent: 13:18, Dec 15

so you know Jin's spending christmas at the house - he's super down about it and i'm trying to figure out a way to make him feel a little better

From: Park Jimin
Sent: 13:19, Dec 15

aw :3

From: Kim Namjoon
Sent: 13:20, Dec 15

no not 'aw'

From: Kim Namjoon
Sent: 13:20, Dec 15

i'm nice

From: Kim Namjoon
Sent: 13:20, Dec 15

i'm a nice friend

From: Kim Namjoon
Sent: 13:20, Dec 15

i'm a nice friend who doesn't have any goddamn ideas so throw me a bone here man

From: Park Jimin
Sent: 13:21, Dec 15

lol idk

From: Park Jimin
Sent: 13:21, Dec 15

he likes food??

From: Park Jimin
Sent: 13:21, Dec 15

make him some food

From: Park Jimin
Sent: 13:21, Dec 15

NO

From: Park Jimin
Sent: 13:21, Dec 15

back up

From: Park Jimin
Sent: 13:21, Dec 15

buy him some food

From: Kim Namjoon
Sent: 13:23, Dec 15

thanks for the vote of confidence Jimin

From: Park Jimin
Sent: 13:24, Dec 15

hyung u literally blew up his stove

JIN
December 23

With no one in the house it was... quiet. It was way too quiet. Obnoxiously quiet, even - except for when Namjoon would thunder around, thumping down the stairs sounding like a massive hamster ball banging its way down a drainpipe, whistling and humming and spontaneously breaking out into mumbled beat poetry under his breath.

The first few days Jin had sort of enjoyed it. There was a reason he lived in the Beta Tau Sigma house rather than by himself in some lonely studio apartment off campus, of course, and it was only partially because the house had a full (though currently half-destroyed) kitchen: the kids were here, and they made everything just a little bit exciting all the time. Sometimes it was stressful, sure... never really knowing what Taehyung was going to drag home, never really knowing what mysteriously gagworthy new protein shake Jimin was going to stuff into the blender and then leave to mildew in the sink, never really knowing what kind of nonsense was going to pour into or out of the house with a sort of syncopated but reliable rhythm that Jin supposed he had to expect from a rough-and-tumble pile of slightly unhinged Music majors.

For the first few days, after the initial shock of (blessed, blessed) silence had worn off, Jin had sort of enjoyed it. He'd taken the opportunity to hang out on the couch in the living room under a blanket, reading a book (a fictional book, that wasn't about food, for fun - a rarity in the life of a Food Sciences doctoral candidate) and drink tea and bask in the multicolored lights of the christmas tree Namjoon and Hoseok had stolen off of the Tau Delta fraternity grounds.

It was the kind of thing he'd never be able to do with everyone at the house, with Yoongi and Namjoon arguing or Hoseok banging around in the basement or Jimin and Taehyung having some kind of affectionate knock-out brawl in the middle of the main hallway. It was the kind of thing he'd never be able to do at home with his parents, with everyone in his family dropping by at the worst times and cookies always in the oven and a billion things to do and his mother's seemingly-constant party hosting and his father barely giving him a single minute to himself with the sort of desperate Middle-Aged Dad Trying To Connect With Cool College-Aged Son act he always put on.

But by the fifth day he still had a little over a week before the kids would start coming back (filtering back into the house in ones and twos, carting heavier luggage and even heavier stomachs) and it was two whole days until christmas and Namjoon had gotten stuck in some side project for three days and had barely come out of his room for forty-eight straight hours and Jin had run through the entire stack of books that he'd set aside over the last year to read When He Had Time (with the expectation that that time would be approximately Never) and he was officially Sick Of This Nonsense.

He was bored. He was lonely. His parents had gone to Hawaii without him (without even asking him) and the kids had all gone away and Namjoon was... Namjoon was Namjoon, and Jin couldn't rightly fault him for it because Namjoon had always been like this, getting excited about something and then getting stuck until he worked it out, like he couldn't move until the semi-gordian knot in his brain had been puzzled out.

It was at roughly four in the afternoon on December twenty-third when he was sitting on the couch in the living room scrolling through instagram updates and trying not to be desperately jealous (of Hoseok's selcas with his sister, of Taehyung's constant photo updates of his grandmother's cooking) when the front door opened unexpectedly. He glanced up, surprise loosening his grip, and dropped the phone on his lap. "Hello?"

"Hey," came Namjoon's voice from the entryway, echoing oddly against the plaster and tile. His voice was rough and muffled - hoarse with the cold (it hadn't stopped snowing for a week, the streets becoming progressively more impassible with each heavily-clouded night), dampened by the thick wool scarf he'd wrapped six times around his head. There were a few thumps and a sharp clatter (Jin winced) that was undoubtedly Namjoon knocking the coat rack over. "Shit—"

"Are you okay?" Jin swung his legs out from under the blanket, shuffling into his slippers on the floor beside the couch. "Do you need help? I didn't know you'd gone anywhere."

"Fine," Namjoon called, finally stepping up into the house, shaking one leg back out over the tile floor of the entry like a dog to rid his jeans of a particularly obstinate clump of muddy snow stuck to the stitching. "Yeah, I told you when I was leaving but I think you were listening to something." He gestured at his face, miming the action of putting on headphones. "You seemed pretty plugged in. I didn't want to bug you."

"You can bug me if you're leaving," Jin said, standing up and wrapping his arms around his chest against the cold. Namjoon's arms were weighed down with plastic bags, heavy and bulging. "Where did you go? It's disgusting out there."

"I dunno," Namjoon replied, glancing down at the slow drips of melting snow coming off his jeans and onto the hardwood. "It's kinda transcendental, bein' outside in the snow by yourself. Everything's sorta... halcyon, y'know? Bucolic, but in a sort of empyrean way."

"Sure," Jin said after a second. "Empyrean. My thoughts exactly." He cleared his throat. "Where did you go?"

"Store." Namjoon hefted the bags in his arms, that bright, brittle expression flashing over his face again. "I - I know the stove's pretty much fucked but we still got the microwave and, and we were running low on stuff and what's christmas without food, right?"

"Right," Jin said, a little weakly. If he were a swearing man (and he wasn't) the thought that would be running through his head would be motherfucking Kim Namjoon.

Every time Jin thought he had a handle on Namjoon he'd turn around and do something else, be something else, and even though he really should have learned to expect it by now it always took him by surprise. A day ago Namjoon had been holed up in his cluttered bearcave of a bedroom with his huge headphones clamped over his ears, hissing something about treble and upping the bass and not having the right sound for EDM under his breath, barely eating and probably not sleeping and certainly not showering or brushing his teeth or looking up when Jin would try to get his attention. Today he was clean-shaven and his hair was combed back and his cheeks were pink from the cold and he'd gone out to... well, from the looks of things he'd apparently bought out Lotte Mart's entire stock of microwavable goods and whatever christmas-themed candy he'd been able to sift out of the no-doubt thoroughly picked-over seasonal displays.

"I got candy canes," Namjoon was saying, working busily at taking boxes and pouches and vacuum-packed styrofoam bowls out of the grocery sacks and lining them up on the kitchen table. "And some of those weird little chocolate santas that you like."

Jin blinked. How on earth did Namjoon know he liked those little chocolate santas?

"They're always in your instagram updates over the holidays, anyway," Namjoon added, like he'd heard Jin's thoughts out loud. He paused for a second and shrugged. "If you don't want 'em I'll eat 'em. Chocolate's chocolate."

"I'll eat them," Jin said quickly, stepping forward and picking up one of the foil-wrapped chocolates off the table, turning it over in his palm. "You can have some, but I'll - god, how much food did you buy?"

"It'll keep," Namjoon mumbled shame-facedly. "None of it's perishable except for the milk—"

"You bought milk? None of us drink milk, Joonie, it's not like—"

"For the hot chocolate," Namjoon interrupted, setting the can of instant powder on the table. Jin glared at it. It was his favorite brand. The expensive one. From Switzerland. The one he only ever got at christmas. "This was on sale, and I've heard you mention that this was—"

It was too much. It was stupid, but it was too much, and Namjoon was terrible with skinship but for a second Jin didn't care cause he'd been trying like anything not to feel lonely and neglected and left behind but his parents were in Hawaii for christmas and all the kids were gone and Namjoon had been holed up for three days and now Namjoon had... he'd gone to the store in the worst weather they'd seen in years and it seemed like he'd remembered every stupid little tiny thing that Jin had ever even once mentioned in passing. It was too much, and it was stupid, but for a second Jin didn't care so he reached out and wrapped his arms around Namjoon's ribcage and buried his face in Namjoon's back and took a deep breath.

Namjoon stiffened up like Jin knew he would, but didn't pull away. "Um," he said after a second. "Um. Are you... are you okay?"

"I'm great," Jin mumbled into the back of Namjoon's sweatshirt. Namjoon smelled like snow, crisp and cool and almost dusty. He smelled like the pine sap from the christmas tree in the living room. He smelled like the shampoo he used, the heavy-conditioning kind that kept his bleached-blond hair from drying out and snapping off at the root. "I'm great. I'm fine. Thanks for going grocery shopping."

"No problem," Namjoon said finally, his voice strangely hoarse again. From the cold, probably. He reached up and tentatively patted Jin's hands, locked around his chest. "It's... I'm happy to do it. Merry christmas."

"Merry christmas," Jin sighed, but didn't let go. Just for a second, he let himself have this.

From: Kim Namjoon
Sent: 13:13, Dec 09

hey Tae

From: Kim Taehyung
Sent: 13:13, Dec 09

YES

From: Kim Namjoon
Sent: 13:13, Dec 09

merry christmas

From: Kim Taehyung
Sent: 13:13, Dec 09

AND ALSO WITH YOU MY SON

From: Kim Namjoon
Sent: 13:15, Dec 09

..... cool

From: Kim Namjoon
Sent: 13:16, Dec 09

hey look i'm trying to come up with ideas to help Jin feel better about staying at the house for christmas

From: Kim Taehyung
Sent: 13:16, Dec 09

BUY HIM A LIZARD

From: Kim Namjoon
Sent: 13:17, Dec 09

no.

From: Kim Taehyung
Sent: 13:18, Dec 09

NO NO I GOT IT

From: Kim Taehyung
Sent: 13:18, Dec 09

INSTEAD OF BUYING JIN-HYUNG A LIZARD

From: Kim Taehyung
Sent: 13:18, Dec 09

BUY ME A LIZARD

From: Kim Namjoon
Sent: 13:22, Dec 09

i don't see how that's going to help Jin feel better

From: Kim Taehyung
Sent: 13:23, Dec 09

HE LIKES SWEATERS

From: Kim Namjoon
Sent: 13:23, Dec 09

... yeah?

From: Kim Taehyung
Sent: 13:23, Dec 09

YOU COULD BUY HIM A LIZARD THAT WEARS A SWEATER

From: Kim Namjoon
Sent: 13:26, Dec 09

jesus fucking christ

NAMJOON
Christmas Eve, late afternoon

It had been snowing every night for a week and ice lay heavy on the trees, the gutters, the power cords. Namjoon had gone out a few days ago and stocked up on food (the kind you could microwave, of course) and for once he felt like he'd done something right because he wasn't sure the grocery stores would even still be open even if he could reach one without slipping to his untimely death in the street.

As it was he'd barely been eating, consuming bags of microwave popcorn almost exclusively. He'd gotten stuck somewhere in the middle of a composition and it seems like he'd spent a year listening to the same four measures over and over and over, trying to figure out what was missing, what was too much, what was in the wrong place.

In the middle of the afternoon on christmas eve the light in his bedroom flickered briefly, just for a second, and he paused what he was doing to look up - just as the power went out.

There was a soft sighing noise as the furnace shut off, as the transformer outside on the street lost juice, and then, floating up through the house, a scream.

Jin? Fuck, Jin!

Kim Namjoon shot upward, spun toward the door, very nearly choked himself to death on the cord of his headphones, and spent a frantic three seconds disentangling himself desperately before stepping forward and promptly tripping over a laundry basket in the dark and falling flat on his face on the floor.

It took him a truly embarrassing amount of time to gather himself and regain his bearings enough to get up off the floor, open the door to his bedroom, skitter across the short length of hallway to the stairs, bolt down the steps in such a frantic hurry to reach the source of the scream that he almost didn't care how damn dark it was until he tripped on the bottom landing and only just barely caught himself before slamming face first into the wall. The house was silent, now - no further screaming, no footsteps, no generalized unfocused hum of a fully-occupied house. Just quiet. And darkness. And Kim Namjoon, racing down the center corridor back into the kitchen.

When he stepped over the threshold into the kitchen (hand clutching the door jamb for support, chest heaving) Jin was on his knees by the counter, head bent, face in his hands, broad shoulders tense and just barely shaking.

"Jin," Namjoon choked out, leaning against the wall to catch his breath. "Jin, are you okay?"

Jin looked up at him, eyes just slightly wild. "No," he whispered. "No, I'm not okay."

"What?" Namjoon stumbled over the threshold, sinking to his knees in the dark next to Jin, hand coming up - hesitating, palm hovering a few centimeters over Jin's shoulder. "A-are you - I mean, the power went out, but - wait, are you hurt?!" Oh, oh god, did Jin get hurt? Namjoon felt his lungs constrict with panic and he lost all hesitancy, reaching and pulling Jin around to face him, turning his jaw back and forth to check his throat for any cuts or bruises, scrambling to pick up Jin's hands to inspect his palms his fingers his nails his knuckles—

"It's christmas," Jin said, voice going thick. "It's christmas and my parents are in Hawaii and I've never spent christmas away from home and all the kids are gone and I'm out of books—" He'd started to cry a little bit, face going pink and blotchy, but hadn't pulled his hands out of Namjoon's grip. "—and it hasn't stopped snowing and you've been holed up in your room for like a week and I'm lonely and you blew up my stove—" Namjoon blanched. "—and I was just, I was just going to make some ramen or something, I don't know, it's so stupid, but everything's ruined and now the power's gone out and it's christmas and my parents are in Hawaii without me and I'm here and you're - you don't—" But he was just babbling now, descending into embarrassed tears as he gently collapsed down into himself like a disturbed flan.

Oh, fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Namjoon swallowed his nerves. Tamped down his fears. Steeled his nerve, and reached out, folding Jin tight into his arms. "I'm really sorry," he said, feeling like the biggest fucking idiot in the goddamn universe. Jin curled up, pressing his wet face into Namjoon's throat, and sucked in a shuddering breath like he was trying like hell to calm down - and god, god, Namjoon just wanted to fucking die. "I'm - I'm really, really sorry, Jin, fuck - I'm really used to just being here by myself over christmas and it's never a big deal and I'm not, I'm not accustomed to anybody else being around so I kinda ignored you on accident, I'm really sorry—"

"It's okay," Jin mumbled thickly into Namjoon's sweatshirt, bapping him gently in the shoulder with a loose fist. "I'm just being ridiculous. Everything just sort of... hit at once. And my ramen is still in the microwave," he added - and that was just barely enough to start him crying again.

Oh, fuck. Namjoon was so unbelievably bad at this kind of shit. For half a second he wished like hell that Jin was here to deal with this before he remembered that Jin was here and that was pretty much the entire problem. Or most of it, anyway, the part of the problem that he hadn't caused by being a self-absorbed jackass. Namjoon resorted to patting Jin awkwardly on the back, the gears in his head spinning furiously, searching for any possible resolution to his predicament.

"It's gonna get cold," Namjoon stuttered out after a second. "We... we should start a fire. In the fireplace? That'd be... that'd be nice. Christmasy?" he hazarded, trying to remember the last time he'd felt particularly christmasy, whatever that meant. "It'll be okay. It'll be okay, Jin."

"I know," Jin sighed into his throat. He curved down a little and scrubbed at his face with both hands, hiccuping gently. "I'm really sorry. I know I'm being ridiculous."

"No, god, Jin, it's fine, you're not—"

But Jin was pulling back, out of Namjoon's awkward embrace - shaking his head and rubbing his eyes with the backs of both wrists, smiling that tight I'm Fine smile that Namjoon fucking hated with every fiber of his being because it only ever showed up when Jin was absolutely resolutely not fine in any way whatsoever. "I'm okay. It'll be okay. You go..." He glanced up, over his shoulder - lips parted for a second in thought. "You go collect all the blankets and pillows you can find, all right? I made everybody strip their beds and launder everything before they left so everything should be clean. Pile them up in the living room and I'll... I'll start a fire. Okay?" He glanced up into Namjoon's face, eyes still damp, face still blotchy, but his mouth a straight firm line like he'd decided that everything would be fine whether it liked it or not. "Okay, Joonie?"

"Okay," Namjoon echoed back, sitting back on his heels for a second before struggling upright. He held down an arm to help Jin up. "It'll be okay. It'll be fun. We can hang out. Eat those chocolate santas. Boil water on the hearth and drink hot cocoa. You know?"

Jin winced. "I kinda... already ate all of the santas." His eyes flickered up to Namjoon's face for half a second before he stared at the floor again. "Sorry."

"You didn't, actually." Namjoon tugged gently on Jin's wrist - once, twice - before dropping it, shaking his head and grinning as he headed out of the kitchen to go collect bedding. "I figured you would probably eat 'em so I bought twice as many as I showed you."

He wasn't quite fast enough to miss Jin's quick, sharp inhale of irritation and fury, but he did manage to duck around the punch Jin aimed at his shoulder. "You're a jerk," Jin yelled down the hallway after him. "And... thanks."

"I know you," Namjoon yelled back down the stairs. "Merry christmas."

When Namjoon tumbled down the stairs again, arms full of all the comforters off of all the beds in the house, pillows stacked up way too high and dangling precariously from his fingers, Jin was sitting in front of the fireplace in the living room with his arms around his knees, watching the tiny fire flicker and hiss into existence.

"I didn't know you were so good at lighting fires," Namjoon said, sub-consciously lowering his voice. In the quick-advancing dark (the sun setting outside, even the streetlights out) the world seemed to have changed, like the house existed in isolation; its own little bubble universe with just him and Jin and the fire in the fireplace, hissing and spitting to life.

"Food sciences," Jin said simply, shrugging. He didn't look up. "Sometimes pilot lights don't want to work. Sometimes you have to burn stuff. I can get all kinds of things to go up in smoke. Just takes patience and the right tools."

Namjoon dumped the armful of blankets and pillows on the couch, pulling a few pillows out of the tangle and setting the on the floor next to Jin. "Don't teach Tae any of that."

That's what it took to make Jin look up, but unfortunately it was with a glower on his face. "Do I look like an idiot?"

"Nah. Just taking precautions." Namjoon gave up on trying to keep things organized and just tossed the rest of the pillows on the floor, kicking them around with his stocking feet so that they were laid out in a single layer of padding over the hardwood. A couple of blankets over the top and they had something that could almost look like a bed if you sorta squinted and maybe just tried looking at it in your peripheral vision. He tossed a blanket over to flop over Jin's shoulder. "It's gonna get fuckin' frigid, Jin. It's already feeling pretty damn antarctic upstairs."

"Thanks," Jin mumbled, pulling it distractedly over himself. "When do you think the power will be back?"

Namjoon groaned as he lowered himself onto the floor next to Jin, hauling his phone out of the pocket of his pajama bottoms. God, what a perfect day for him to forget to charge the damn thing. "Power company website is estimating between twelve and twenty-four hours," he said after a minute of frantic searching. "We're in a low-priority zone. Not a lot of people around campus on christmas eve."

"Yeah." Jin sighed and closed his eyes, pressing his face into his knees. "Makes sense."

"Man, I—" Namjoon closed his mouth. Grimaced. "I fucking hate this, Jin."

"Yeah, well," Jin mumbled, pulling the blanket in tighter.

"No I mean..." Namjoon rubbed a hand over his face. "Fuck, Jin, I know... I know this is rough for you. Being here on christmas."

"I'm a grown up. I can handle it."

"I know you're a fucking grown up, but—"

"But what?"

Namjoon slouched over and stared down at his hands, turning over a piece of lint in his fingers like a nervous tic. "I'm used to being here over christmas, by myself. Just me and the house. It's nice. I like it when everyone's here but it's... it's nice. To get a break."

"Sorry to invade your private time."

"That's not what—" Namjoon glared at him. "Come on, Jin. Work with me here."

Jin glanced up, and the expression on his face softened a little when he met Namjoon's eye. "Sorry. I'm being difficult. I'm just... in a bad mood, I guess."

"It's okay." Namjoon sighed and raked his fingers through his hair. "You're allowed to be in a bad mood. It's a stupid situation and I'm sorry you're stuck here with me instead of—"

"I'm not," Jin interrupted suddenly, glancing over to stare at the fire.

"What?"

"I'm not sorry," Jin clarified. "That I'm here. With you. I mean I'd rather not be stuck, but... but I'm not sorry that it's with you, if that makes any sense. When you're not tangled up in a composition you're... you're a pretty cool person to spend time with, and I guess I kind of miss that."

It was a second before Namjoon realized he was staring at him, and resorted to staring down at his hands instead. "You kind of miss that? What... what do you miss? Spending time with me?"

"Spending time alone." Jin sighed again and closed his eyes, letting go of his knees to fold his legs crisscross instead. He slumped over a little like he was wilting slightly in the glowing heat of the fire. "With somebody else. Just one person. I don't know. It's stupid."

"It's not stupid," Namjoon said quickly, for all he understood what the hell Jin was talking about. "I don't really know what you mean, though."

"I was in this one relationship for... for a really long time," Jin said suddenly, after a few seconds of silence. "We were inseparable. We did everything together. We were together for... god—" He rolled his eyes skyward as if trying to remember. "—six years? and that's a really long time when you're young."

"You're still young, Jin, it's not like—"

"I mean younger." Jin shrugged. "All of high school. First couple years of university. It was a long time. I thought we were going to... I don't know, not get married—" He stuttered into silence for a second, seeming to go pale - or maybe it was just the strange light of the fire, inconsistent and golden on his skin. "Something like that. I thought we were going to, to be together forever. Grow old together. Raise kids or something, I don't know."

"You've never talked about this before," Namjoon said cautiously, trying like hell not to feel hurt that Jin had never once mentioned a long-term girlfriend as serious as this one sounded.

"It's not really relevant to my daily life anymore." Jin scratched the bridge of his nose, grimacing in a self-conscious way. "I only mention it now because it's - it's not the same thing, but that was the last time that I spent time alone with somebody like this. Not doing anything," he stammered quickly, head shooting up to fix Namjoon with a worried look, "I just mean... I don't know what I mean."

"I get it," Namjoon lied. He didn't get it at all, but saying he did seemed to help Jin settle a little so in the end it was worth it.

"It's just that christmas at home is always really busy," Jin went on. "And with everybody in the house I'm never alone, not really. So this is... it's nice. That's all. Spending time alone with somebody. And if I have to be stuck here—" He hesitated for a second. "—I guess I'm glad it's with you."

A feeling of warmth (strange and electric and humming like amber and velvet) filled Namjoon up slow from the pit of his stomach to his solar plexus to his lungs to his heart to his throat to his head all the way to the tips of his hair and down his legs and his arms and his hands and his palms and everywhere, everything full of gold and warmth and static. He felt like if he looked down there might be electricity sparking off his fingertips. He'd tried, in his own exceptionally dense way, to make it seem like christmas even though it had been years since he'd last felt like December was really christmas, and just when it had looked like all of his haphazard efforts had fallen short Jin was sitting in front of the fire with pink in his cheeks saying it was nice spending time here. With just him, alone.

He felt the closeness of that strange little bubble universe again, like it was just him and Jin in the whole world, just the two of them in front of the fire and it was... it was nice. It was nice. It felt like christmas, for maybe the first time since he was nine years old.

"I got you something," Namjoon said suddenly, the realization hitting him like a lightning bolt. He looked up and Jin was staring at him in confusion, lips parted curiously. "It's - I was gonna give it to you tomorrow," he stuttered out, struggling to his feet on the uneven carpet of pillows and blankets, "but it's all cold and shit and, uh, look, just hold on a second it's upstairs I'll just—"

"You didn't have to get me anything," Jin was saying, but Namjoon was already halfway up the stairs.

He'd bought it two weeks ago so that he could bribe Hoseok into wrapping it for him (he'd briefly considered wrapping it himself but that fancy had lasted all of three seconds) and then promptly stuck it under his bed and forgotten about it. It was pitch black and freezing in his bedroom and god, why the hell was all this shit on his floor? Why didn't Past Namjoon have the foresight to pick up the damn place back when he'd had light? Present Namjoon cursed Past Namjoon heartily under his breath and swore on his mother's currently-empty grave that he would do Future Namjoon a solid by picking things up in here as soon as he had enough light, knowing even as he did so that it was a promise he would surely break.

Fortune smiled on him and his hand found the package after only two seconds of increasingly frantic flailing, the metallic paper crinkling under his hand like it was telling a secret. He gripped it tight and held it to his chest and gave himself a second to send a silent prayer of thanks to whatever (surely nonexistent) deities might be listening before picking his way cautiously across his minefield of a bedroom and tumbling down the stairs in the dark.

When he stumbled back into the living room the whole room had heated up from the fire and Jin was still sitting there in the exact same spot, except now the rest of the blankets and pillows and various sleeping bags had been arranged carefully into a sort of makeshift nest. "You didn't have to get me anything," Jin said again, as Namjoon lowered himself back down onto the floor next to him. He held out his hands anyway, though, blushing a little - or maybe it was just the heat of the fire on his skin - as Namjoon shoved the silver-wrapped package awkwardly into his hands.

"It's not the best gift in the world," Namjoon stuttered, staring at it as Jin very, very carefully slipped his fingertips into the folds to pull apart Hoseok's impeccable wrapping job. "It's just—"

"Did you wrap this?" Jin was pulling the paper back slowly. "It looks like Hoseok's handiwork."

"Yeah." Namjoon raked a hand through his hair. "You really don't want me to try using both tape and scissors at the same time, it can get really—"

"Hoseok left over a week ago," Jin interrupted, glancing nervously into Namjoon's face. "You kept a secret? For that long?"

"You don't have to sound so shocked. I can keep secrets sometimes, it's not like—"

"You really, really can't," Jin said flatly, laying the wrapping paper next to him on the blankets. The box sat in his lap, plain and unmarked, and he stared at it for a second. "You kept this a secret? From me?"

"Just open it," Namjoon muttered, slouching over.

Jin blew a raspberry at him and lifted the lid of the box up, setting it aside. He paused. "Oh."

"It's stupid," Namjoon stuttered out, reaching forward for a second before thinking better of it again and jerking his hands back. "Oh, god, okay so I was like... I was like panicking and shit like an idiot and I totally - god, Jin—" He raked a hand through his hair, coughing out a wry laugh of self-loathing and embarrassment. "—you're gonna laugh at me - I texted everybody for help, even Tae, and he said this dumb thing about buying you a lizard wearing a sweater - only motherfucking Tae, am I right? - and then a couple of weeks ago I was in Dongdaemun and I saw this and I was like—"

"It's perfect," Jin breathed, like he hadn't heard Namjoon at all. He smoothed his hands over the sweater folded up neatly in the box and laughed - a real, actual laugh, bright and kind of goofy like he couldn't believe what he was seeing. "Is this.. is this seriously a Yoshi-themed fair isle sweater?"

"Yeah." Namjoon watched him nervously, vaguely worried that he was going to... who knew - explode maybe? Turn into a pumpkin. Burst into tears again, which would be the worst of all potential eventualities. "Yeah, it's—"

"It's perfect," Jin said again, a little breathless as he lifted it out of the box. "God, Joonie, this is amazing, I've never - I didn't even know they made stuff like this, this is incredible, how did you even find this?"

"It was an accident," Namjoon said, glaring down at his hands in his lap to avoid watching as Jin pulled the sweatshirt he'd been wearing over his head (his undershirt pulling up with it, showing a narrow strip of the thin skin over his waist) and pull the sweater on instead. "I was just walking around, I wasn't expecting to see it, but it was right there and I thought of you and, I mean, I know this has been really hard for you, and—"

"Shut up, Joonie." Jin's voice was muffled in the wool briefly before his head popped out of the collar, his hair sticking up and his cheeks pink. "It's amazing." He looked down at himself and grinned, pulling the hem so he could stare at the pattern upside down on his chest. "Thank you."

"You're welcome," Namjoon said after a second.

Jin laughed and rolled his eyes. "Go get the kettle and the hot chocolate mix," he said. "We'll make some hot cocoa and go to sleep."

"Yeah, yeah." Namjoon shoved himself up to his feet. "Cause if we don't Santa won't come, right?"

"Merry christmas," Jin said. "Jerk."

"Merry christmas, Jin."

It was the heat that woke him up.

Namjoon opened his eyes and couldn't figure out where he was for a second: the light was too strange, the heat was too much, the bed under him was strangely too hard and yet too soft all at once. He wasn't in his bed in his room on the third story of the house. He wasn't in his room, anyway, and certainly not in his bed, and anyway usually (unfortunately) he was alone in his bed and no one ever—

Wait, what?

He pushed himself up on one elbow and glared around the room, still half asleep and practically dreaming. Right. Right. Okay. This made sense. He was in the living room and they'd lit a fire and gathered up every blanket and sleeping bag and pillow in the house in a futile attempt to keep both warm and comfortable at the same time. He'd never realized how difficult a prospect that could be until the electricity had sputtered and died and the furnace had groaned to a halt.

The fire had died in the night, just a few scattered embers still letting off heat and light in a nest of ashes. The power had come back on at some point while he was sleeping - the kitchen light was on and beaming soft yellow light down the hallway, somewhere upstairs there was a radio (or something) that seemed to be playing mostly static and some complicated piano piece that he couldn't recognize through the interference. The christmas tree in front of the window had lit up and the yellow and green and blue and purple and red lights glowed gentle and quiet and just a little bit magical in the pitch black nothing of early morning.

Next to him Jin rolled over in his sleep. Wrapped a hand around his arm. Pulled in close against him and sighed a heavy, exhausted breath.

It shouldn't have surprised him that Jin was there - they'd huddled up here the night before and watched the fire crackle and hadn't talked about anything much and when Namjoon got tired he'd crawled in under a pile of blankets and slipped into unconsciousness with his face tucked into the quilts and every millimeter of exposed skin feeling like it was about to freeze off. He'd known that Jin would still be there in the morning because of course he would be, where else would he be? but still somehow he found it surprising, confusing, strangely upsetting in a way that he couldn't quite put his finger on.

Between them the heat was too much so he shoved off the first few layers of blankets, and—

"Did the power come back on?"

Namjoon glanced down. Jin's eyes weren't open, his eyelashes still against his cheeks, but his lips were parted and Namjoon knew (he knew) that he'd heard Jin speak. It hadn't been a dream, right? Jin had actually said something. "Yeah," he mumbled, shoving himself into a sitting position. Somewhere below them in the basement the furnace kicked back on, humming and sighing as it drew in a deep breath through the vents. "The power came back on. It's a goddamn christmas miracle."

"When I was a kid," Jin sighed, his eyes still closed, "my parents made a christmas morning rule that I couldn't come wake them up until seven o'clock at the earliest, and I couldn't open any presents until everyone was awake and in the living room."

Namjoon glanced down at him. Jin was still wearing that ridiculous Yoshi sweater and he'd slept with his head pillowed on his arm so the yarn had left a pattern on his cheek. "Man. That's... that's kind of a shit rule."

"Nah." Jin blinked a few times, slow and sleepy, before sitting up and rubbing a hand over his face. "It made it more exciting, in a way. You know when you're a kid and you hate waiting, and on christmas morning you always wake up early because you're too excited?" He looked up at the tree, hands in his lap with fingers curled just slightly and palms up. "I'd come out and plug in the christmas lights and sit on the couch and just look at it in the dark."

Namjoon stared at him. "That's..."

"What?"

"That's fuckin' adorable, Jin. When did you stop?"

Jin laughed and rubbed a hand over the back of his neck. "If I was at home I'd be sitting in the living room right now, with the tree on and a cup of coffee or whatever. I guess it's kind of a tradition or something. Sitting in the dark by myself for an hour on christmas morning. Just me and the christmas lights."

"Sorry to invade your private time," Namjoon said, Jin's words from the night before coming out of him without permission.

"No," Jin said. Nudged Namjoon with an elbow. "This is... it's kind of nice. To have somebody to share it with." Then he suddenly sat up straight. Shot Namjoon a look of embarrassed shock. "I got you something too! I forgot about it with - with the power and everything—" Jin shoved himself upward, stumbled out of their makeshift nest, went for the stairs. "Just give me a second."

"You didn't have to get me anything," Namjoon said, into the space where Jin had been.

For about fifty-five seconds Namjoon found himself alone, sitting on the floor of the living room in a mound of blankets with the world dark outside the windows and the christmas lights on the tree reflecting off the glass. He was still kind of too warm but mostly he just felt kind of embarrassed - with the power back on it was like the world had crept back in while he wasn't looking. The bubble universe had deflated, dissipated, and now he was left wondering what the hell he'd been thinking, what the hell had happened. He hadn't had anywhere to be but here. He hadn't had anything to do but make sure the house was okay. He hadn't had anyone next to him except Jin, and it had been... kind of nice. Relaxing, but somehow still charged with something he couldn't quite figure out.

Maybe it was that still, now, after all these years, Jin made him just a little bit nervous? Ninety-five percent of the time Jin was down-to-earth and human and made mistakes and tripped over his own feet and fell down the stairs and burned the rice and lost his patience and cried over ramen in the microwave, but the last five percent was a mystery. Jin seemed to know things he didn't which always made him feel a little bit awkward with somebody, but maybe it was just that he was older? Maybe. But that smile he got sometimes when Namjoon was talking, the funny little close-mouthed quirk with his lips pursed and his eyes curved - it threw Namjoon off, was all.

And now it was christmas morning at - god, what the hell time was it? he felt like he'd slept for a year but still needed another six months - and Jin had gotten him a present. A present? What the hell. Just, sure, Namjoon had gotten him one too, but that was... he was trying to make Jin feel better. Namjoon felt fine. He was used to hanging out at the house by himself over christmas. It was always something he honestly kind of looked forward to, being alone with no one getting in trouble or needing advice or having a hard time with their homework or throwing pizza on the goddamn roof. But then this year Jin had been there too and... and strangely Namjoon hadn't found himself minding, had found himself liking it, had found himself anxious and a little confused when Jin stood up and bolted up the stairs to find something only he knew about.

Jin thumped back down the stairs, a small gold-wrapped package in one hand. "It's not a very fun gift," he was saying, staring down at it, "but I thought it would be useful."

"You didn't have to get me anything," Namjoon said again, feeling suddenly even more stupid than he had when he'd just woken up. (He wouldn't have thought it possible, but then life was full of unexpected surprises.)

"You don't really get christmas, do you?" Jin folded down next to him, crossing his legs and presenting the gift with both hands and an embarrassed grin. "I don't like it because I get stuff - I mean, don't get me wrong, that's a really big point in its favor - it's also that I like giving things to other people." He glanced worriedly at the package in Namjoon's hands. "But maybe I have a tendency to pick things that are a little too... practical."

"I'm sure it's fine." Namjoon normally tore wrapping paper, partially because it was faster and partially because hell, it's not like he wouldn't end up ripping it the fuck up anyways, why delay the inevitable? but with this for some reason he found himself handling it delicately, sliding one finger under each fold to slice through the tape. (Maybe it was that the bubble universe from the night before hadn't really completely dissipated. The lights on the tree, reflecting off the window, bouncing off the white paint on the living room walls, echoed the golden light of the fire. Jin's face was lit up, warm and strange and somehow fragile.) The paper fell away, and he stared down at the gift in his hands.

"They're little gps stickers," Jin said quickly, his hands twisting together. "You can put them on your phone and your wallet and your keys or, or whatever, and then you can use your phone to call them, or if it's your phone that you lost there's a button you can push on any of the stickers to make the other stickers ring, and you can put the app on more than one phone so I was thinking I could put it on mine too so even if everything's lost you can still—" He stuttered into silence. "It's stupid."

"It's perfect," Namjoon said.

Jin went a little pink, unless it was the christmas lights playing tricks on him. "You don't have to pretend to like it, it's okay."

"No, I'm serious. This is fuckin' awesome, Jin." He turned the packaging over in his hands. "I didn't even know that they made these." He glanced up and grinned. "Just think, maybe soon I won't need you to keep track of all my shit for me."

A smile flickered across Jin's face and he tucked his knees up against his chest. "Yeah."

"Hey," Namjoon said. He set down the gift. "Jin, you okay? I mean it, I really like it, you made a good choice. It's—"

"This is nice," Jin interrupted. "I don't want you to misunderstand. I'm glad you're here. But also..." He shrugged. "I don't know."

"You're not at home."

"Yeah."

Silence settled over them, broken only briefly by the sound of the last few embers cracking and separating in the orange-red heat. Jin turned his head, rested his cheek on his knees, stared up at the christmas tree. "I mean," he said after a second, the words coming up and out of him like a sigh, "I mean I know that this is part of growing up. You leave the nest, or, or whatever. You find your own family. You make your own family. But I'm just... I'm still so attached, Namjoonie."

Namjoon flinched, felt his face go hot. "Am I your kid? That's so cutesy."

Jin closed his eyes. "Namjoon-ah. Is that better?"

"No." God. Why did he feel so stupid? His head was going so damn slow still, it was like he was still asleep. "'Namjoonie' is... it's fine. I was just joking around. Call me Namjoonie."

"Namjoonie," Jin said, tipping over gently. "Namjoon-ah. Kim Namjoon-ssi. Namjoon-oppa." He sighed and lay down again, pressing his face into the pillow. "What was that you called me? Jagiya?"

"It was a joke." He lay down next to Jin despite himself. It was so early and he was so tired and the living room was so warm. "I didn't mean it."

"Ah, jagiya," Jin breathed, voice half asleep and filled with an affectionate kind of mocking. "Come here."

Namjoon couldn't find it in himself to resist when Jin rolled over and threw an arm over him. "You're really more like my mom, anyway."

"Nah," Jin said, and now he sounded almost like he was really truly asleep, barely conscious enough to keep speaking. He wriggled a little, settling into the blankets, settling against Namjoon's side. "The joke is that we're married. I can't be your mom." He pressed his lips gently to Namjoon's temple, making an exaggerated smacking noise when he pulled away. "That's gross."

"You're gross," Namjoon stuttered, but didn't push him away.

"Mm. Go to sleep, Namjoonie. It's too early to get up."

"Thanks for the present."

Jin just sighed in response, sighed and settled, muscles loosening in the heat of the blankets. Namjoon turned his head and looked at him in the dark, in the strange light. Looked at his eyelashes on his cheeks and the way his hair had gotten all messed up and how his mouth was open just slightly, lips chapped from the cold and red from the heat. Looked at the way he'd settled in against his side so his head rested on Namjoon's shoulder, his arm slung over Namjoon's chest, one knee curving over Namjoon's leg.

"Merry christmas," Namjoon said. Closed his eyes. Turned his head so his face was buried in Jin's hair.

Fell asleep.

From: Kim Namjoon
Sent: 17:11, Dec 05

hey dude

From: Jeong Hoseok
Sent: 17:11, Dec 05

what's upppppp

From: Kim Namjoon
Sent: 17:12, Dec 05

hey so you know how Jin's parents are going to Hawaii for christmas

From: Jeong Hoseok
Sent: 17:13, Dec 05

(╯︵╰,) i knoooow sucks man

From: Jeong Hoseok
Sent: 17:13, Dec 05

he's totally down about it

From: Kim Namjoon
Sent: 17:14, Dec 05

right? okay, thank you, Yoongi had no idea what i was talking about

From: Jeong Hoseok
Sent: 17:15, Dec 05

we can all tell joonie

From: Jeong Hoseok
Sent: 17:15, Dec 05

from the way you tiptoe around (⊙_⊙✿)

From: Jeong Hoseok
Sent: 17:15, Dec 05

taetae thought you might be in trouble iykwim

From: Kim Namjoon
Sent: 17:17, Dec 05

what?

From: Kim Namjoon
Sent: 17:17, Dec 05

no, i don't

From: Kim Namjoon
Sent: 17:17, Dec 05

i don't know what you mean

From: Kim Namjoon
Sent: 17:18, Dec 05

okay look regardless of whatever weirdass emoticon that's supposed to be i still need help making Jin feel better about staying at the house for christmas

From: Jeong Hoseok
Sent: 17:19, Dec 05

buy him a present!!!!!

From: Jeong Hoseok
Sent: 17:19, Dec 05

a good one (^▽^)

From: Kim Namjoon
Sent: 17:20, Dec 05

well right

From: Kim Namjoon
Sent: 17:20, Dec 05

but what's a good present

From: Jeong Hoseok
Sent: 17:21, Dec 05

a new stove.

From: Kim Namjoon
Sent: 17:23, Dec 05

............ low blow, Jeong.

JIN
January 2

On the 2nd of January Jin woke up in his bed at the Beta Tau Sigma fraternity house and felt the thrill of anticipation roll through him even before he opened his eyes. It was today. It was today. Everyone was going to come back home and everything could go back to normal and this whole weird christmas experience would just be a memory that... that he'd remember every single time Namjoon lost his keys or when he opened his dresser drawer and pulled out that Yoshi sweater, sure, but the weird awkward tension would all be in the past and that's where it was going to stay. He'd decided. That was it. Namjoon was Namjoon and the weird tension on christmas was over.

He was in the kitchen when the front door opened the first time and Yoongi tumbled over the threshold, followed close behind by Taehyung. They'd come in on the same train from Daegu and had shared a cab from the station. The next to arrive was Jimin, banging through the door complaining about the cold at the top of his lungs because it hadn't been this fucking cold in Busan, I tell you what, this was a goddamn travesty.

The last person to open the front door was Hoseok, and when he opened the door he hung back in the entryway for a few minutes.

There was a muffled thumping noise, gradually increasing in volume as the footsteps descended down the stairs, until finally Namjoon appeared on the last landing - skidding down into the entryway and hissing something excitable and secretive to Hoseok under his breath.

"What's going on?" Jin said, glaring at Yoongi where he was seated at the kitchen table - but Yoongi just shrugged and rolled his eyes, sticking his face back into his mug of hot chocolate.

There was a thump on the porch and Jin had absolutely had enough, so he stood up and left his hot chocolate on the table and marched out of the kitchen (Taehyung and Jimin trailing after him, hissing at each other behind his back) and down the main hallway and into the entryway and fixed Kim Namjoon with a glare so fierce he could almost feel the heat of his own irritation beaming out of him, and—

"Are you Kim Seokjin?" said a voice, and Jin skidded to a stop. There was a man on the doorstep, wearing a uniform and looking vaguely disgruntled.

"Yes," Jin said. Namjoon and Hoseok grinned like idiots and shrank back into opposite corners of the entryway. "Why...?"

"You have to sign," the man said, thrusting a clipboard at him. "There, on the line."

Jin took the clipboard, staring down at it. "What am I signing for, exactly?"

"We got you a stove," Jimin squeaked out from over his shoulder.

"We pooled our money," Hoseok said, grinning his ridiculous sunshine grin.

"You got me," Jin said slowly, still staring at the clipboard in his hands, "a stove?" He looked up, glaring at Hoseok. "Was this your idea? This sounds like one of your hare-brained—"

"It was Namjoon-hyung's idea actually," Yoongi cut in, leaning around Jin. "Are you gonna sign for this shit or what?"

"Don't call me hyung," Namjoon growled at him. "I swear, I've told you a billion goddamn—"

Jin signed on the line, feeling like he absolutely positively one-hundred-percent had to be dreaming. "Kim Namjoon," he said, handing the clipboard to the man on the porch and flashing him a distracted courtesy smile before rounding on Namjoon. "What the fuck."

"Holy shit," Taehyung whispered, eyes going huge. "Jin-hyung swore."

"What the fuck Kim Namjoon," Jin choked out, punching Namjoon hard in the shoulder. "What the fuck. First the, the sweater, then half of the chocolate santas—"

"Chocolate santas?" Yoongi hissed, tossing Hoseok a curious look. Hoseok just shook his head and shrugged.

"—and now you've fucking bought me a fucking stove? Kim Namjoon!" Jin punched him again, harder this time. "Kim motherfucking Namjoon you, you absolute asshole, since when can you keep a fucking secret, let alone three fucking secrets at the same damn time—"

"Jin," Namjoon stuttered, flinching as Jin brought his fist back again, "Jin, wait, it was kind of Hoseok's idea, it's not like—"

"You asshole," Jin said again, "you asshole Kim Namjoon why are you so fucking great this is just, this is just rude and I don't appreciate it very much—"

And then he was tipping over, overbalancing, being pulled in by whatever gravitational force must have been orbiting Namjoon like some kind of motherfucking asshole tractor beam, thudding hard against Namjoon's chest and wrapping his arms around Namjoon's chest and burying his face in Namjoon's collarbone. Namjoon was terrible at skinship but Jin couldn't help it for once in his life because Namjoon had bought him a stove? he'd bought him a stove and he'd kept it a secret and gotten him a tree and texted everybody for help on how to make Jin's christmas tolerable and bought him his favorite hot chocolate and hid extra chocolate santas and he'd gotten everybody together and bought him a stove.

"You're an asshole, Kim Namjoon," Jin mumbled into Namjoon's shoulder.

Namjoon unfroze after a second and hesitantly wrapped his arms around Jin. "Merry christmas," he said.

"Whatever," Jin said back. "You're still an asshole."