A/N: Well the worst has happened. The unthinkable. Mary is gone. Sadly Alice's sorrow is only just beginning. Hang in there...

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When I opened my eyes again I was entirely disoriented. My head was foggy only registering that I was in a bed and it wasn't my own. My clothes had been replaced with a thin cotton shift. The room that blinked into view was not overly crowded with beds. Not and of the main bunks then. My body was sore. Bruised. I couldn't quite remember why. I'd been in the kitchen. I'd been looking for Mary. Snippets of memory threatened to enter my conscious but couldn't quite reach me. That was when I saw the figure in the doorway, clothed in a in a plain dress. A child.

I tried to raise my head trying to make out the identity of the girl. As she walked towards me I felt hope spring to life in my chest.

"Mary," I felt my lips moving and a raspy voice echoing in the silence. Why was my throat so sore? The memory of my own screams began to register in my mind. And then the dead grey eyes...

"I came to check on you."

The figure beside me spoke and my vision focused more clearly. Lina. The girl I had saved. The girl who'd cost my child her life. Memory rushed back to me in a crushing wave, refusing to be pushed away again. I closed my already exhausted eyes and fought back the hot tears welling.

"Dreda prepared you some tea"

I could see the guilt in her face as I forced myself to look at her. She set down the tea she carried and fluffed my pillows, helping me to a seated position. I didn't resist, too numb to even try. When she handed me the steaming cup I drank. It seemed better than attempting words.

"Is there anything you need?" the young girl asked, awkwardly filling the silence.

"How did I get here?" I replied, not answering her offer to serve. I couldn't even look at her living form. I hated the child. She was alive. Mary was dead. This was her fault!

"You were found in the kitchen," Lina answered.

I could hear the catch in her voice. She must know.

"You'd fainted. They brought you here to make sure nothing was wrong".

Nothing wrong... it was everything I could do to contain the maniacal laugh I bubbling inside at the ridiculousness of her statement. My daughter, my world was dead. Everything was wrong and nothing would ever be right again.

"Miss Dreda asked me to see if you needed food. She has been assigned to look after you until you are well enough to go back to work."

I wondered how Dreda had managed to insert herself into my care. Not that it mattered much. I had no intention of ever rising from my bed again. I was annoyed by Lina's inane question as well. As if I had room for sustenance with the pain and sorrow filling my entire being. I shook my head.

The girl stood there, shifting her weight from one foot to another in restless movement, her eyes not quite able to focus on me.

"Miss Dreda said it was important you keep your strength," she said, almost inaudible as she stared at the ground, speaking softly, as if afraid her voice might physically harm me. "are you sure there is nothing you might eat?"

I shook my head again. I needed nothing but her silence. I wanted nothing more than to be alone in my misery. I did not even have words or strength to answer aloud.

The girl nodded and turned to leave, probably as eager to be free of my presence as I was to be of hers. But as she reached the door she stopped there. Slowly her head turned back to me, our eyes meeting for the first time.

"I'm sorry, Miss. Alice," she said. "For everything. I never meant to...I'm sorry."

There was true regret in her voice but I only found it grating. What was sorrow now to me. Nothing could bring Mary back.

When I refused to answer her plea for forgiveness the girl left, closing the door behind her.

I closed my eyes and breathed deeply before opening them again and taking a better look at my surroundings. The infirmary cabin. That's where they'd put me. But the barracks were better known as "the cull". Few who were placed there would ever leave. If I was lucky, Dulane would end this quickly.

None of the other beds were occupied and thus, the sound of the door opening again, not long after Lina departed, surprised me. Who would dare bother me again so soon?

"I've brought you dinner."

I sank back into my pillows and sighed at the sound of Dreda's familiar voice.

"I told the girl I wanted no food," I answered, closing my eyes in hopes she'd simply leave me be. No such luck.

"And I decided I didn't care what you wanted," Dreda answered, setting the tray she carried right beside my bed.

"I have some soup, some bread."

I didn't answer.

"You can't allow yourself to waste away to nothing, Alice," she said, eyeing me with her signature no-nonsense face. The same she used on any rebellious children she cared for. "Mary would not want this."

"How dare you!" I snapped, her invocation of my child's name bringing me from my apathy, stirred by rage and grief.

"You know nothing of my daughter! She no longer has lips to eat. Why should I be granted such privilege."

I felt the tears streaming down my cheeks as Dreda grabbed me in an embrace to contain my outburst, even as I struggled against her.

"Let it all out," she said, stroking my hair as if I were a child. "Let it all out."

"She's gone Dreda," I sobbed, pure grief taking over any fight within me. "My sweet innocent child."

Dreda didn't answer. She just let me cry until I wasn't sure there was enough moisture left in my body for tears.

"Everyone knows what you did for Lina. ," the older woman said finally when I lay limp in her arms, too drained to do anything more. "You've saved so many."

"I couldn't save my own daughter." I countered bitterly, untangling myself from Dreda's embrace. "She was only seven years old. She was meant to outlive me.

Dreda nodded, her expression neutral. "There is no real comfort I can give, Alice," she said, offering more honestly than I'd expected. "Dulane is a cruel man. You did not deserve this. Mary did not deserve this."

"Just leave me be," I snapped. I didn't want her sympathy. I wanted to be alone to waste away in private misery. No such luck.

"I'm not leaving until you have eaten somthing, she said matter of factly. "We need you, Alice. Your daughter was a fighter. She would wish to see you strong."

I didn't have the energy to continue my protest. I let Dreda prop me up without resistance, as if I were nothing more than a ragdoll. I opened my mouth and she spooned the soup into it like she might for a child. I even managed to nibble a corner of the bread. All was tasteless. The act of consumption perfunctory. I knew she would not give me peace until I followed her command.

To Dreda's credit, she did not try to speak again, feeding me in and respecting my silence taking my closed eyes as a sign I wished to remain locked in my own world of misery. It wasn't long before I heard the door close and I let my mind drift, sleep overcoming me in exhaustion. I wished I might never wake again.