Crazy on You - heart

He had to get out of there. The music he loved was now noise to be despised. The friends surrounding him had become suffocating. The fire burned too hot. Everything was grating on his nerves and if he didn't get up and move he was gonna lose it. And it wouldn't be pretty.

"I gotta take a walk," Ethan said to Will as he got up to leave the bonfire.

"You need company?" Will offered.

"Nah, I need to be alone."

She had left. And he had let her. He was trying to be okay with it. He felt like he knew her, which was ridiculous after just talking to her for the first time today. But he felt like her need to leave was so strong that trying to stop her would have created a wedge between them that he would never be able to overcome.

But now what?

Three years wasted? Was it hopeless anyway? Ha, hopeless, ironic, which he seemed to notice frequently.

Ethan had tried to shake it off, enjoy hanging out with his friends and celebrate the last summer before college. It just wasn't in him anymore.

So he walked alone, down to the shore and then along the waters edge. When he got a good distance from the group, he sat and watched the slow lapping of the waves, calmed by the distant sandbar. This funk was consuming him, stronger than any summer without her had so far. He was close enough to touch her but then she was gone. He tried to tell himself not to give up, she would still be there in the morning and maybe he would have another chance.

"Damn, this is depressing..." He muttered to himself after sitting in silence for who knows how long.

"It doesn't have to be," said a voice he knew well. What the hell?

He turned to the voice and saw its owner standing not two feet behind him. Melanie.

"Hey, what do you want?" Sadly he already knew. Him.

"I saw you leave and when you never came back, I thought I should check on you. You okay?"

"Yeah, I'm great," he growled at her. Then felt bad. This wasn't her fault.  "I'm just not very good company right now."

"That's okay but if you're feeling that way maybe you shouldn't be alone."

He stayed silent, continuing to look out at the water and away from her gaze.

"I'm a good listener. Do you mind if I take a seat?"

He gave in, feeling like it was inevitable anyway. She wasn't going anywhere now that she had found him.

"Go ahead."

"Good. Now, tell me all about it." Melanie put her arm around his shoulder.

Sighing, he did tell her that he had invited Hope, and that he was interested in her. He mentioned that she was shy and had been uncomfortable so she left. He did not, however, say anything about it being a three year ordeal. That was more than he was willing to admit to anyone other than Will.

"Well, if you ask me, she's an idiot if she doesn't see what a great guy you are."

And while he appreciated her attempt at making him feel better, he couldn't help bristling at the way she referred to Hope as an idiot.

Ethan sat with Melanie like that for a while, her arm around him, saying things about how great he was. Trying to cheer him up in her strange female manner.

After a while she adjusted her position to be sitting facing the opposite direction but still right next to him. This brought their faces closer together. Eventually she leaned her head on his shoulder too.

She was saying things that started messing with his head, things like why would she just leave if she really liked him? Or how someone that shy would be really hard to get along with. He was more confused than before, and unfortunately also more depressed about the whole thing.

That's when she leaned over and kissed him. He gasped in shock and pulled away, looking at her in surprise. She just had a come-hither look, trying to fein shyness. But then she leaned in again. This time he didn't pull away. He let it happen as his doubts about Hope filled his mind.

She's probably not interested, anyway. Three years wasted. She just left... Why can't I get her out of my head?

He let himself kiss Melanie back. And this time is was much more than a peck. He didn't feel anything though, no spark, no fire, no longing. That's when he pulled away, and the guilt washed over him. What have I done?

He got up and ran his hand through his hair.

"I'm sorry, Melanie. I shouldn't have done that."

"Well, I can't say I'm surprised. But it's okay, my fault anyway." She just shrugged her shoulders and smirked, getting up and walking back to the bonfire.

Ethan couldn't face people anymore. He just snuck back to his place and went to sleep, guilt taking over.

*********

He stayed in bed much longer than usual, sleeping in an effort to avoid reality. He had planned to try to talk to Hope once more before her family left for the rest of the year. But he couldn't face her. He felt awful for allowing Melanie to kiss him, and then kissing her back. Talk about self-destructing.

He was forced to face life when Will called in the afternoon.

"Hey man, you talk with her today?"

"No."

"What? Why not? This was your year, man I know it."

"Melanie kissed me last night. And I let her." Then he groaned.

"So, what are you saying, you like Melanie now?" Will sounded incredulous.

"No! I just... I don't know, I was confused and depressed. She just pounced on me and then I was kissing her back. I feel like I cheated on Hope and I couldn't face her. Now she's gone, again." Story of my life

"Well, you can't cheat on someone you're not dating. Listen, if there's one thing I know how to read, it's females. She may not know it yet, but she's into you. It was written all over her face. But you make her nervous. She's the kind that doesn't understand how great she is, yet. Don't give up, I can feel it."

"Since when are you a romantic?" Ethan was shocked by Will's response. It was certainly the last thing he expected.

"Eh, it's always been there. I just hide it well. Anyway, trust me, will ya. This isn't it. And besides, we've got college to get ready for." There was a smirk in his voice.

Ethan took in a deep breath and sighed. "I guess."

******

The summer continued without much out of the ordinary. Other than prepping for college. Surprisingly, Will had actually done well in school. He and Ethan had never compared grades much, and Will never seemed overly dedicated to his studies, unless it was studying girls. But apparently he's a pretty smart guy because his GPA was almost a 4.0.

Will had managed to get accepted to Cal Poly as well, so the two of them planned classes and schedules to drive together. They didn't want to take out loans for dorms, and their families certainly couldn't afford to pay for them. So they figured they were close enough to commute.

Freshman year was a bit overwhelming at first, but the two settled into college life quickly. Ethan enjoyed the campus and got involved in different student activities. He and Will had gone out for the baseball team, and although they were not starting players, being freshman, they enjoyed the comradery of the team.

Ethan continued to do what he did best: throw himself into his studies and any distractions he could, and wait for that weekend in summer. He was feeling more than pathetic if he thought about it too long, so he just tried to avoid thinking about anything other than what he was doing at that moment.

Will, to his credit, left him alone about it. He did his best to keep Ethan occupied and happy, which surprised Ethan. He had figured that once Will knew, he would never let it go. But thankfully, it seemed Will had sensed Ethan's need to focus on other things. Thinking about Hope was too much for him to take.

The two made a good group of friends, both on the team and within their classes. Will's major was still undecided, but Ethan was set on Engineering so he had started meeting some other students in that department. He made a good friend named Josh who was in a few courses with him. Josh lived on campus and Ethan would occasionally crash at his place. It got so frequent that the two thought about getting an apartment together for sophmore year. Will got along with Josh pretty well, so he was included in the plan. Ethan looked forward to the possibilities ahead.

Once baseball season was in full swing, however, it was a different story. The anticipation of the summer was getting stronger and Ethan knew that something would be different this time. Perhaps he was more determined. Perhaps it was Will's insistence that Hope was interested in him, whether she knew it or not. Maybe he was feeling that her confidence in herself was growing after being able to speak up more the previous year. Who knew what it was, but he felt it.

And that feeling was starting to carry him closer to that weekend. He was feeling excitement, which was a welcomed change from his previous funk. Will noticed the difference too.

"Someone spike your OJ or something? You're awfully perky lately." He mused one morning on the way to class.

Ethan just shrugged, "Just ready for the summer, man. You know..."

"Yeah, I know. You got a plan yet?" He wondered.

"Nope, just gonna let whatever happens happen. I dont want to over think it, over plan something. I just wanna talk with her, that'll be enough."

Will clasped his hand on Ethan's shoulder, "Ok, but if you need me, or anything, let me know. The guys from the team wanna have a bonfire, so I planned one for that weekend. Just letting you know, no pressure."

"Yeah, I'm thinking the bonfire isn't such a good idea for me, and her. It didn't go so well last time." Ethan shook his head.

"Right. Well, whatever you need, you know I'm here."

"I know man, thanks."

Before either of them knew it, that fateful first weekend of summer was upon them. Cal Poly's spring quarter had ended in May so the boys were already into their summer break, fishing and surfing daily, along with working and saving. Ethan had finally convinced Will to save up for rent the next year, rather than blow all his money on parties and dates. Things were looking up and going well.

And then, finally, that day arrived. The day that Hope would return with her family. Ethan woke up with a smile, and anticipated what was ahead. He wanted to get things ready for her family, so he went looking for his mom.

He found her out by the shed.

"Hey, mom. Which site are the Smiths in this year. I can get it ready if you need me to."

Diane stopped what she was doing and looked back at her son. Ethan noticed right away that she had a strange look on her face.

"Yeah, mom. I'm still thinking about her, but I think things will go better this year." He knew his mom could read any emotion on his face at any time, so he figured he should just fess up.

"Oh, Ethan, I'm sorry. They didn't reserve a site this year."

The air was sucked out of his lungs. How could that be? He must have misunderstood.

"What do you mean, where are they gonna camp if they didn't set it up ahead of time?" His brain couldn't make sense of what she had said.

"No, hon. They aren't coming this year."

"Oh," was all he could manage to say. He finally understood. It was over.

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Author's note

Fallout. I thought a lot about how this chapter needed to be written. When I wrote Hope's POV, I wasn't sure how things had gone for Ethan after she left. Originally I thought he would have been really casual about it, but the deeper I got into his story, the more I realized he would have been devastated. And I had always planned on Melanie interupting Ethan and Hope's story but it turned out to only be a small hiccup. Thank goodness, she's bad news.

Notes on chapter title - crazy on you

Well, Melanie certainly went crazy on Ethan. She didn't even feel that bad after. A total opportunist. Don't worry, she's out of the picture for good now. Ethan also went a little crazy when Hope left. And if you know her story, you probably realize that things are going to get worse before they get better. As a consolation, the next few chapters are shorter... Well, at least you don't have to bear witness to his pain for too long.

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