Since You've Been Gone - rainbow

The rest of the summer moved slowly for Ethan. He tried not to let his disappointment show, especially not to Will. He must have been doing a pretty good job because Will never asked anything. His mom was another story. He thought she looked at him funny a few times, both when Hope was there and again right after she left, but she never said anything.

Ethan did the same thing he had done the previous summer: surf, fish and work. A lot. Too much. More than a normal 16 year old kid would, for sure. Even one that was saving money to buy a truck and loved surfing more than food.

The one good thing that came out of the Smith's time at the campground, he had found out Hope's birthday. He was playing soccer on the beach with Brad and some other kids. Hope wasn't there at the time so he decided to get some info on her. He had to make it casual so he started asking all the kids their birthdays. Brad didn't seem to notice the repeat of the conversation he had with Ethan last time.

All the kids chimed in, Ethan replying, "Cool," or "That's a good date," or some other comment. Then he started asking about older/younger siblings, "Anyone with a brother or sister who's birthday is in July?" He kept asking until Brad piped up that Hope's birthday was in August. And then Ethan got the date, 27. For some reason, that made him feel victorious, he had real information on her!

But later, in August, on the 27th, he was sad. He wondered what she was doing. She was 15 now, would she come out of her shell? Would she be more open to him next year? It was torture.

As hard as it was, Ethan got through the summer. The school year was about the same as it had been before. He threw himself into his studies, worked and saved money, played baseball (now on the varsity team) and hung out with Will. Although they went to parties and social events, Ethan didn't date. He couldn't, it felt like cheating for some reason. Even though Hope had never given him an opening to talk with her, he felt connected to her. He needed to be loyal.

The best thing about that school year was right around February. He finally had enough to buy a truck. Will's dad, John, went with him to work out the deal, and helped him get a good one. He was beyond excited to have that level of freedom. He still worked, and saved, and stayed out of trouble.

His grades continued to be at the top, and now he was working toward a scholarship. His counselor at school had told him that between his grades, his mom's single income and his home status (deadbeat dad) that he could easily qualify for a full ride. That was now his goal.

While trying to keep his mind off of Hope, he had started excelling in school, and found that he really enjoyed science and math. He was really interested in studying engineering and the local university, Cal Poly San Luis, had a good program. Now that he was a junior, it was time to get serious.

Somebody needed to get the memo to Will. That guy was all about fun. He still never saved a dime, and was a serial dater. He had continued to back off of Ethan about girls, but every once in a while it would come up.

"Lonely yet? Want me to set you up?"

"Nah, I'm good."

"Ok, choir boy, just checking."

"Yeah, thanks."

Melanie was still around. She would bat her eyelashes at him at parties, grab his arm and drag him around, all the usual controlling girl stuff. Ethan tolerated her, but he still wasn't interested. It actually turned his stomach to think of kissing anyone but Hope, and he knew that was kinda wierd. What was wrong with him?

The worst part was keeping it all to himself, not being able to talk about her to anyone. As it got closer to summer, to that weekend in June that he waited all year for, he felt like he was loosing his grip on things. He decided to finally confess to someone, and it wasn't gonna be Will.

His mom. She was the only one he could talk to without making him feel like a creep. She would be able to listen, and offer reasonable advice. He wondered why he hadn't tried talking with her before.

"Hey mom..."

"Yeah, son?"

"Can we talk?"

She turned her full attention to him, "Of course, what's going on?"

"Um... I don't know where to start."

"The beginning is a good place."

"Right, okay. Remember when you asked me to get the Smith's site really clean and I asked what was the big deal? That was a while ago, a couple years, you might not remember."

"I remember," she said with a knowing look.

"Okay, well. When Will and I were getting the wood ready for the bonfire, they got to their site. And I saw Hope." Ethan coughed, "Um, yeah, well, that was kinda it for me. I haven't been able to stop thinking about her since." His heart was racing, his breathing hitched. It was as if Hope was standing right there.

"Well, that is a problem. I can't say that I'm surprised, though. Have you tried to talk with her?"

"No, she seems really shy. Last summer I tried smiling at her a few times, but she either looked like she was gonna be sick or she wouldn't make eye contact. I just hang out with Brad and try to find out stuff about her. I know she likes being in plays, and does a lot of school work..."

"Just like you." His mom smirked.

"Yeah, like me I guess. I was just keeping busy to keep my mind off of her. But now I kinda like it, I guess."

"Good, maybe she has a similar motive."

"Who knows. This is torture."

"Well, maybe this year she'll be ready, she is getting older so who knows. If not, try spending time with Brad and James. They like fishing just like you, maybe you can meet her through them."

"Okay, it wouldn't hurt to try."

So when the family finally made it up there, Ethan tried smiling and eye contact again. But, he got a similar response.

Although Hope didn't look as sick with nerves as she had the previous summer, she was certainly avoiding eye contact with him. He continued hanging out with kids, including Brad, and organizing games for them. He felt like a camp counselor.

One of the days they were there, he was able to hook up with James, who was an avid fisherman. Ethan suggested going out on John Hoskin's boat, Will's dad. James was all over that and excited to fishing on a bigger vessel.

They went out for most of the day, and Ethan gleaned any tidbit of information he could about Hope. James casually asked him about high school. So when Ethan finished telling about his classes and the team, he asked what Hope's school was like.

James had spotty details. He knew where the school was, but he didn't seem to know that much about what Hope was involved in. He mentioned the theater club, which Ethan already knew about. The whole conversation was pretty disappointing.

Ethan spent some time later with Brad. He finally got up the courage to ask if Hope had a boyfriend. He had been wondering, but after seeing how she reacted to his smile, he thought she probably didn't.

To his relief, Brad said no. Actually what he said was, "No way, man. She doesn't even talk to boys." Which made a lot of sense. He knew right then that getting her to open up to him would be a bigger task than he had thought. It would take all the patience he had, and then some more, in order to finally get her to be comfortable around him.

His confidence wasn't great that he could even do it. But he didn't want to give up. He was more resolved than ever and knew that even if he had to wait another year, he would.

Turns out he did.

He never had an opening that summer. Hope steered clear of him again, and he let her. He didn't want to put her in an uncomfortable spot trying to talk to him. He decided to do what he had gotten really good at, waiting.

He once again surfed, worked and fished. He hung out with Will, his teammates and a small group of girls. Baseball groupies was what Will called them. Melanie was one of them, of course. But Ethan could put up with her for the most part. She seemed to respect his need for space.

He still got the feeling that if he ever changed his mind, she would be ready and waiting for him. She started going out with another teammate, but Ethan could tell she was just doing it to make him jealous. It didn't work.

He didn't want her. He didn't want any of the girls he already knew. He wanted Hope. He was gonna do whatever it took to get her.

September. October. November.

Time ticked by. Ethan was getting out his college applications and waiting for the replies. It was finally Senior year. He couldn't believe he had spent his entire time during High School waiting for a girl who wouldn't even look at him. Part of him felt really stupid. The other part of him felt incredibly determined.

December. January. February.

It was almost the third trimester of Senior year. Baseball was in full swing, finally, and Ethan threw his whole attention to that, along with his other time fillers. Colleges had responded positively to his applications. He had gotten a really strong scholarship and acceptance to Cal Poly San Luis, as he had hoped, and would be enrolling there in the fall. He was going to pursue a degree in Engineering, something that never would have happened if he hadn't been so hung up on Hope. If nothing else, there was that.

March. April. May.

It was finally time to graduate. And almost time for Hope to return. Ethan's nerves were raw. He felt like this was it, the final chance he had. He wasn't sure why, exactly. Hope was only 16 now, almost 17. She still had a couple years before graduating and would most certainly return for the family camping trip.

But something told him things were changing. He needed to make some kind of move. He was really worried that he would scare her off, or make her so uncomfortable that he ruined it. He had more knots this year than any past year yet. And now his anxiety was obvious to those around him.

No more hiding.

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Author's note

Well, what do you think? Its a little painful, like I've said before, but the reward later will be great. Don't give up on this story! But I will say it does get worse before it gets better. Sorry about that. I still just love this character, and in some ways I feel this version of the story is stronger than Guarded Hope was. Chalk it up to having had more practice at writing I guess...

Notes on chapter title - since you've been gone

Yes, Ethan is going crazy all year waiting for her. The song is about a break up, so it doesn't exactly apply. But the line about "I'm outta my head, can't take it" certainly does apply to him. As you've noticed, Ethan's playlist consists of mostly classic rock. As Hope becomes a bigger part of his life, the music will reflect that by becoming influenced by her taste, more contemporary artists. But to quote Will, "enjoy the classics!"

https://youtu.be/_Q_CKzWqIHQ