I wish I could feel something.

Even with Daryl and Theo alive and well, even though Rick and Michonne and the few remaining members of my group have reunited with me, even with everything that has happened, I feel blank. It's not like I'm numb, like I can't see the colour of the sky or relish in the feeling of the breeze, but I am blank.

There is so much that's been lost and I can't even bring myself to shed a tear.

The days go on with little excitement. Carl wakes up, recovers, and Eric's leg gets stronger. Eventually, Rick decides that it's time to go. We pack up our things and hit the road.

We don't talk much. The only noise comes from the wind in the trees and our boots crunching on gravel. Maggie and Glenn stick together, lingering in the middle of the group, holding hands once in a while, murmuring about something to each other. Rick and Michonne lead the pack, silent, watchful. Carl carries Judith. Eric and Aaron constantly watch the woods as if something is going to jump out at us.

Elliot and Lightning bring up the rear, right behind Daryl and I. I focus on keeping Theo asleep. I don't sing, but I wish I wanted to.

We walk. Daryl's hand brushes my own as if to remind me that he's still there. I smile weakly at him and I see his baby blue eyes twinkle from behind those horribly shaggy bangs. I have him, I have Theo, and all is okay.

If only that could last.

Daryl

The rogues came out of nowhere.

One minute we're scavenging for berries and the next, we're surrounded. Hope and I get separated from the others, held at gunpoint by three men that look more like walkers than actual humans. Their faces are gaunt, their eyes sunk into their heads and laced with fear, with madness. They've done a lot just to survive too.

They demand food and I want to tell them that they can fuck off, but I somehow keep my mouth shut. I do tell them that that ain't gonna happen, but they don't take no for an answer. 

The guy at the front has his gun aimed at Hope, at the baby in the carrier snuggled against her chest, and I can't breathe. She has her hand on her gun, her eyes are wide, but she won't be able to shoot. She's never been able to shoot anything that's living and breathing, even if the person is someone sick enough to think about shooting a baby.

I make a choice. It's a goddamned stupid choice but it's worth it. She is worth it. Theo is worth it.  As that son of a bitch pulls the trigger, I put myself between it and my family and suck in one final breath. Blinding pain rips through my chest, making the breath leave me in a rush. Hope's scream fills my ears, and another shot goes off and embeds itself in my rib cage. I feel my mouth opening like I'm trying to scream, but I'm already far away. Everything is slowing down, my vision blurring. This is it? Damn.

They always said that when you die your life flashes before your eyes. I guess this is the closest I'll get to that since this is the only part of my life worth remembering.

I can see her so clearly, the first time I saw her. She was so fresh-faced, so clean and young with her freckles and bouncy brown curls. She looked like a city girl. She still had that light in her eyes. Damn it if she wasn't the prettiest thing I had seen in a while.

"Daryl? There's something we need to tell you. About Merle."

Merle. He's gonna kick my ass when I get to where I'm going. 

"You can keep whatever you're thinking locked up, Dixon."

That mouth...didn't think she had that in her. I think I liked her a lot more then. Didn't realize it of course, 'cause I'm an absolute goddamned idiot.

"I hope you save Merle."

I still think she was lying to me. Merle wasn't anything anyone wanted to save, but maybe, just maybe, she did care. She had the heart for it.

"We didn't get off on the right foot. What do you say to trying again?"

Yes, I'd love to try again. Give me another chance.

"You know, you're actually kind of sweet and caring when you try."

She can still see right through me.

"So you really consider me your friend?"

A friend. I didn't deserve a friend.

"Daryl...I'm glad you're here. The deer we saw. It was so beautiful. So close to us. You would've shot it..."

"Thanks for being here."

"Those scars...did your father do that to you?"

Yes.

"Is that why you have a hard time trusting people? Is that why you're scared of any love anyone wants to show for you? You know that I care about you. You can trust me."

Yes, I can. It scares me half to death, but I can. I will.

"You don't have to be like this. Scared to trust or love. You can start over."

"We've both got bullet wounds now."

"We don't know if we're gonna find her, Daryl. We don't...I don't."

"I can't lose you. I just can't."

"You trusted me to believe in you! You...you said I was the only one who still believed. I failed at staying supportive to you, so now you probably think that I'm a horrible human being, and—"

Impact; that moment my lips met hers for the first time. The moment I let my walls down and wanted nothing more than to hold her. Not to shut her up...no, I'd listen to her voice forever if I was allowed. No, it was just a feeling that came over me, and I had no words to reply to her. Only actions.

"I know something about him. It's something he doesn't want anyone else to know about. He threatened to kill me."

"I...I love you."

Why? Why do you love me? What did I do to deserve you?

"Be careful."

"You saved me again."

"I look out for you..."

"I'm insecure when it comes to relationships."

"I love you, and I can't say that enough."

"I'm not leaving you!"

"Please don't leave me. We need you."

"You came back."

"Good morning, Mr. Dixon."

"Don't cry...please. What'd I say about not cryin' anymore?"

"Hey babe!"

"Daryl..."

"You're alive. You're alive. Oh my gosh, you're alive."

"Yes. A thousand times, yes."

"We're married."

"This was when I realized I loved you."

Every smile, every touch, every kiss, every moment I spent near Hope. Everything is her. Her laugh, her eyes, the way she spoke, her movements, the way she sang her heart out as she danced around our kitchen in her pyjamas during our time in Alexandria, not caring when her voice cracked or she was slightly off tune. The way she smiled at me, the way my name rolled off her tongue, the way she insisted on taking pictures of me, the way she looked at me like I was the most important thing to ever walk into her life.

There are things you never forget. For me, there are things I want to forget, and then there are the moments that will never leave no matter how hard I try. 

I will never forget the way she looked when she woke up in the morning, her hair tangled and her eyes drooped with sleep, her arms surrounding me in their warmth. I will never forget the way she rocked Theo in her arms as she sang to him. I'll never forget the way her brown eyes would seem to come alive whenever she read her favourite part of a book, or how she had a mild obsession with Italian food. I'll never fail to remember the way her lips would turn up in a smirk and she would roll her eyes whenever I teased her, or the way she would blush and hit my arm whenever I whispered dirty jokes and innuendos in her ear. I will never forget the way she would fall apart in my arms during our nights of passion, the closeness we felt and the love we shared.

Those moments, those precious times that you can never get back or replay. The only ones that I have worth anything involve my family. Hope, my angel. Theo, my gift from whatever God is up there. 

Maybe J.C. was taking requests.

The woman who gave a redneck asshole like me a chance. The woman who gave me a family to love and cherish and start over with. Hope, with her killer long legs and crazy hair and the freckles splashed across her nose, but altogether the woman who I think is perfect. She was never truly perfect. She can be naïve and too innocent, too nice to those who don't deserve it. People like me. 

She is the woman who gave me Theo, the little boy that I only got to know for a little piece of forever. I would never imagine that someone like me could be the father of a kid like him, even if he's still so young. He proves to me that, even if my past wasn't the cleanest, someone like me can still deserve wonderful things in life.

I want to tell her, "Thank you." I want to tell her that, although I know I won't get to. I'm already fading fast. 

Hope kneels over me, hugging me to her chest as she sobs. Theo is wailing. Son, please don't cry. I'll be okay. You'll be okay. You're damn strong. You're a Dixon. I love you. There's more gunshots. My limbs are heavy, my brain is foggy, and I take one more weakened breath before I slip away, forever in the arms of my angel.

Thank you.