SEASON 1, EPISODE 18

Mara could feel fear coursing through her body like drops of fresh rainwater trickling down her spine.

It was a curious thing to think about, how she'd never been frightened even when faced with hell itself and yet, as she stood exposed in front of a few paltry human beings, she couldn't seem to remember a time where she'd been lost in such an overwhelming state of trepidation as the one she was currently in.

It was the look on each of the Winchesters' faces that frightened her the most. Katarina - the delicate-looking girl who, Mara knew, was quite the opposite - appeared as if she wanted to scream at Mara until her tongue fell off. Sam Winchester seemed more startled than furious, and Dean's features were twisted into a heart-wrenching contortion of anger and vexation.

Having noticed Dean's emerald eyes drift to the leather journal she held in her hands, it came as no surprise to Mara when he thrust a knife into her torso. As soon as the blade was buried in her side, successfully tearing a hole in her flowy dress, he leaped back as if afraid Mara was going to offer a strike of her own in return. Instead, Mara simply stared at the imprudent man, saying, "Did you really think that would work?"

Dean's eyes remained focused and unimpressed, an answer to Mara's question in itself. A temporal knife would not work on a reaper. Of course, she doubted Dean even knew what she was, but he knew of the Winchester luck. Even a fool would be able to realize that the luck of the Winchesters was a cruel and devious snake, allowing its victims to believe everything was alright until the moment it struck. When fate played its hand so skillfully against you in such a way as that, you learned to expect the worst.

Dean shrugged and cocked his head to one side. "It was worth a shot."

Mara wasted no time in using her free hand to pull the knife from beneath her flesh. A sharp bolt of pain immediately shot up her chest, coaxing a yelp of agony to escape her lips. Dean's knife, glinting and dripping with blood as she let it fall to the floor next to her, could still harm her even if it couldn't bring her life to an end.

"Who are you?" Kat snapped, pulling a revolver out from under her leather jacket. She pointed the barrel at Mara. "I saw you. At a gas station a few months back, and again when you stole our dad's journal. Are you following us?"

Mara gave no answer to the girl's morose questioning, opting instead to hold the journal out in front of her. She reached forward and snatched it out of Mara's pale grip, the look in her eyes losing some of its defiance.

"I'm sorry for the anguish I've caused you," Mara began. Her voice was mellow and gentle, and she hoped her words would be enough to soften the Winchesters' hearts against her and her wrongdoing. "I wish I hadn't stolen John Winchester's journal, but it was necessary."

Dean whipped out a gun that was similar in appearance to Kat's, and as he eyed the journal in the petite girl's hands, Mara noticed that Sam was the only Winchester who'd yet to brandish a weapon. While his siblings were behaving in a rash and confrontational manner, he simply watched, almost as if he was giving Mara an opportunity to explain her motives. Mara figured he must not obey his heart as closely as Dean and Kat did. Or, if he did, his heart told him much different things than their's seemed obliged to.

"You didn't answer her question," Dean pushed.

Mara assumed he was referring to the inquiries Kat had recently expressed. She knew she shouldn't give them answers. In fact, it would be wise to flee and hope they forgot she'd ever appeared to them. And yet, as she gazed into Dean's fiery gaze and saw the hurt and confusion that lay beneath it, she decided it was the least she could do to amend her misconduct.

She took a deep breath, her rounded lips hanging open for a moment as she did her best to mimic the Winchesters' spirited way of speaking. "My name is Mara. I'm a reaper, and I was sent here on a mission. Your journal...it was simply a means to an end. A means that didn't work, nonetheless, but it doesn't change the fact that I meant you no harm."

Mara decided not to bring up the purpose of her mission. If the Winchesters learned that she was being forced to hunt John Winchester, just as they hunt abominable creatures of the night, they would not be pleased. They would probably even go so far as to search for her and find a weapon that could kill a reaper."

"I'm sorry," Sam spoke, holding a hand out in front of him in what Mara guessed was a nervous tic of his. "Did you just say you're a reaper?"

Mara nodded, and her willingness to participate in conversation prompted Kat to ask, "You said you're on a mission. What mission are you talking about?"

"That I cannot tell you," Mara answered.

She found herself fighting the need to make another apology. She wasn't sure why she felt so guilty all of a sudden. After all, she'd needed to steal John's journal if she wanted to escape the chains of demons that restrained her.

But the more she dwelled on the remorse that was crawling inside her, she realized it was John Winchester who was spurring her apologies. She saw him everywhere. She saw him in Dean's broad jaw and narrow nose, in Sam's kind eyes and strong set of eyebrows, and even in the way Katarina smiled like she was up to something mischievous. Mara had only seen John Winchester once or twice in her duties as a reaper, but she remembered his face well enough to know that the faces of his children reflected every aspect of it. And as she stood in front of them, staring at the copycat facial features that were scattered among them, she felt as rueful as she would have been if John himself were holding a gun to her head.

It didn't help that she was holding herself errant for destroying the natural order of life and death: the one thing she was sworn to protect.

Dean grunted, his chest rising as he did so. "Well, that's not suspicious at all."

"I understand your worry, Dean, but-"

Mara words were cut off Dean's shouting, "How do you know my name?"

Mara couldn't help but wince. The way Dean was looking at her made her skin crawl, and she suddenly wished she hadn't bothered with apologizing. If she had simply left their journal in the Impala for the Winchesers to find, maybe she wouldn't be watching as Dean stared at her like she was no different than the ghosts he hunted. The looks on Sam and Kat's face were no different, and only Sam was making a successful effort to disguise the repulsion he was feeling. It was too much for Mara to bear. She knew her sudden appearance and contact was the In-Between was alarming, and she knew the blood that ran in her veins wasn't human. But was it too much to ask to be treated like one?

"I..." Mara started, her speech almost inaudible as she attempted to form the words that would express how she was feeling. Instead, all she could manage was, "I have to go."

With those final words, the reaper with newfound wounds on her heart faded into a space between the living and the dead, ending her ominous appearance to the startled hunters. She hadn't been invisible for longer than a half second when both Dean and Kat pulled the trigger on their firearms. The resounding echo of a gunshot was piercing even to the ears of one of Death's knights, and Mara had to fight the urge to slap her hands over her ears.

When Dean and Kat finally stopped shooting at the place where she used to be, she listened more closely to the things they were saying, grateful for the fact that they couldn't see her. It was a strange thought, to remember how desperately she'd wanted to speak with them until they'd shouted at her for taking the journal, and now she was glad that they had no idea she was eavesdropping on their conversations.

Dean let out a string of curses that were shortly followed by his brother's name, and when Mara looked over at the two, she discovered the real reason Dean and Kat had ceased fire. She'd originally thought they'd given up, but she should've known better. It was not astonishing in the least both guns in Sam's hands. When he tossed them onto one of the beds, she surmised that he'd taken the guns from them to stop them from shooting.

"We don't need to kill her!" Sam yelled in response to the shrewd glares he was receiving from Dean. "She's a reaper, Dean."

Dean wasted no time in shooting back, "Yeah, and we're hunters. We hunt those things, remember?"

"Not reapers! When have we ever killed a reaper? They don't do anything but protect the natural order of things, Dad said so himself," Sam said. Mara knew he wasn't standing up for her, but she felt a flash of warmth envelop her body nonetheless. If Sam was willing to defend her right to live, and he was trying to convince his siblings of it as well, then maybe there was a chance the Winchesters would learn to forgive her.

Meanwhile, Kat had trudged over to one of the beds and seated herself on the edge of the mattress. While Sam and Dean had been exchanging comments in harsh tones, she'd simply been resting on top of the quilted covers the motel provided, staring at some invisible spot on the wall across from her. Mara had thought she'd been oblivious to her brothers' conversations, but when she stated her own opinion on the topic, Mara realized differently.

"Since when is stealing Dad's journal protecting the natural order?" she blurted out, the curls in her hair bouncing as she turned to face Sam and Dean. Even as she argued for what she thought was right, she didn't realize just how accurate her statement was. Mara was working on hell's side - she wasn't doing anything to maintain natural order.

Dean rose his eyebrows and jerked a finger in Kat's direction, a silent way of emphasizing his agreeance with her statement. He might have expected a reaction from Sam, but when the younger brother only glared at him, he groaned and said, "Fine. But when she comes back, this time holding a friggin' scythe over our heads, I will not hesitate to say 'I told you so'."