A/N Hello!
I hope you enjoy, I have to start work at 8am (Insert internal screaming) So leave me comments to brighten my morning up if you wanna!

*UNEDITED*
(I'll get there one day)

EDIT: For some reason wattpad glitched and posted the same body of text twice in the chapter... sorry to those whom it affected - should be okay now tho!

*****
I loved someone once
in a way that should 
have lasted a lifetime.

- Salma El-Wardany 

*****

Brinley couldn't take her eyes off of Octavia. 

She'd seen something in the younger girls eyes as she'd stared up at her brother, something that hadn't been there before. Octavia was hurting, that much was obvious, but there was an almost desperate look in her haunted eyes that had Brinley more worried than before.

Octavia was going to snap, that much she was sure of.

It didn't take long, a few hours maybe. After Marcus had followed after the grounders, Brinley had suggested the group head back towards the cave they'd inhabited, and when she was met with no complaints, they went on their way immediately.

Miller, Harper, Bryan and Sinclair had launched questions at them the moment they appeared, and Brinley had been only too happy to explain what had went down, putting as much space between herself and Bellamy as she could. Finally, after she'd caught the others up, she'd just posed the question as to what they'd do next when a familiar, frantic sounding voice had come through the radio, muttering about Jaha, Clarke, Raven and chips at a rapid pace.

Brinley massaged her temples. What Jasper had been rapidly reporting through the radio sounded completely insane, and Brinley silently hoped that Jasper had got his hands on some of the herbs that had got he and Monty shipped off to the skybox in the first place.

Because the alternative was too frightening to consider.

Brinley must have unintentionally drifted to sleep, because the next thing she knew, she awoke with a small gasp, a feeling of panic enveloping her and ebbing away in the next second as she realised she'd been dreaming. She couldn't remember what her mind had conjured up, but whatever it was, it had scared her more than a little.

Brinley blinked, realising that someone was crouched down in front of her, their fingers barely touching the arm of her jacket as though worried about her reaction.

'Still having nightmares?'

Bellamy's voice was low, his dark eyes showing nothing but curiosity and concern, but still Brinley couldn't bring herself to trust him. Instead, she pulled her arm out of his reach, her eyes drifting to the space behind him.

'Leave me alone, Bellamy.'

Bellamy's brows furrowed, but before he could speak, there was movement behind him as Octavia hurried towards her bag, seemingly out of nowhere.

'O, wait, you can't just leave-' Bellamy immediately hurried towards his sister, his damaged face glowing in the firelight.

'Watch me.' Octavia sounded unconcerned

'You heard what Jasper said on the radio, Arkadia is not safe.'

'What Jasper said, sounds insane.' Octavia continued packing. 'Pike's gone, I can handle myself.' She paused, her eyes briefly going to Brinley who'd moved closer to stand behind Bellamy. 'Grounders burn their dead.'

'I know that, and then what?' Bellamy's voice softened slightly. 'Where you gonna go?'

'You don't get to ask me that.' The anger in Octavia's voice increased.

'What more do I have to do to prove that I am on your side?'

'Bring Lincoln back.' Was Octavia's prompt response. Bellamy seemed to tense up and freeze as Octavia walked past him, nodding at Brinley who moved out of the way with a half smile as she did so.

Months ago, Octavia had let Brinley leave, no questions asked, and now Brinley had the chance to return the favour. There was no way Brinley was going to stop Octavia from making her own decisions.

But Octavia wasn't quite done as she whirled back around again to face her Brother's back. 'Turning Pike in does not make you one of the good guys, Bellamy. You did that to save me, not because what you thought Pike was doing to the Grounders was wrong.'

Bellamy turned to Octavia, a dark look crossing his face briefly. 'The Grounders were starving us out.'

'Because you massacred an army that was sent to protect us!' Octavia fired back.

'That army could've attacked us at any time and you know it.'

'But they didn't attack.' Octavia reminded him. 'You did that. You were hurting, and you lashed out, because that's what you do. There are consequences, Bell.' The familiar nickname rolled off of Octavia's tongue. 'People get hurt. People die, your people. Monroe's dead, Lincoln is dead-'

Octavia seemed to choke on her words as she turned and stormed out of the cave. Bellamy went to follow her but Brinley put herself in his path, her arms crossed.

'Move.' Bellamy demanded.

'Let her go Bellamy.' Brinley crossed her arms, her voice emotionless.

'What, like she let you go all those months ago?' Bellamy's voice was cold.

Brinley's expression flickered; shock making it's way through her carefully composed mask for a brief moment, before anger replaced it. 'I wonder how you know that? What else did you hear on that radio of yours?' Brinley's eyes narrowed and Bellamy had the good sense to look away, and not say anything else.

'They're here.' Bryan's voice drifted down into the cave, sending everyone into a flurry of motion as the hum of the rover's engine cut off.

'- Need your help! We have to get her inside before she wakes up!'

Brinley barely had time to process Jasper and Clarke's arrival before Jasper was barking orders, an unconscious Raven in his arms.

'Were you followed?' Bellamy asked immediately.

'Maybe...I... I don't know.'

Brinley's eyes caught movement as Octavia hesitated, her eyes darting between their group and the dark expanse of tree's ahead.

'Give her here.' Jasper passed Raven to Bellamy who moved towards the cave quickly.

Brinley hurried after the two, giving Clarke a friendly smile as she did so. The blonde girl gave her a small smile back, looking over her shoulder as she spoke to Octavia.

'Octavia, come on. We need you.'

Octavia let out a sigh, grudgingly heading back into the cave.

'Raven is not Raven anymore, none of them are.' Jasper was frantically trying to explain the situation. 'Jaha has been chipping everyone.'

'Jasper's right, I've seen it with my own eyes.' Clarke jumped in, much to Jasper's annoyance.

'I don't need your help, alright?' Jasper tried to walk towards Clarke, but was stopped by a firm hand from Bellamy.

'Just take it easy, and explain.'

'Jaha is using the chips to control everyone.' Jasper seemed to have less of a problem with Bellamy than Clarke. 'You swallow it, and then it changes you. You forget who you are, and then you see this thing, A.L.I.E, only she's not really there. She made Raven slit her own wrists; she was trying to get it out of her head. I was trying to help her, but...'

Jasper sounded upset, so Brinley hesitantly put her hand on his arm, feeling relieved when he didn't push her away even as she squeezed it reassuringly.

'Okay, so let's help her now.' Sinclair was obviously distressed by Jasper's words. 'Did she say how?'

'She was working on building something. She needed one of our old wristbands, but Jaha destroyed all of them.'

'Fucking Jaha.' Brinley growled under her breath.

Realisation crossed Clarke's face. 'Wait a second.' She pulled something from a small tin. 'Does it look like this?'

Clarke held up a small chip, a symbol etched into the surface.

'Not exactly.' Jasper eyed the chip with revulsion.

Brinley's eyes drifted to Raven just as the girl sat up, making a run for it immediately.

'Raven!' Brinley called, alerting the others to the girl's conscious state.

Raven punched Jasper out of her way, rushing outside. It took all of them and a reaper stick to stop her from running into the night as she spoke to the invisible entity Jasper had spoken about.

'We have to go.' Clarke was standing apart from the group slightly.

'Why? A.L.I.E doesn't know where we are.' Bellamy seemed confused, and Brinley didn't blame him – she was confused by Clarke's words too.

'Because I know where we can get a wristband.'

*****

'She's not going to appreciate this Clarke.'

Brinley was entirely against going to the trading post. So much had changed in the time since she'd last seen Niylah, and there was no saying what kind of reception they would receive from the grounder woman. Even though she was kinder than most, Niylah was still a skilled warrior and she'd participated in more than her fair share of combat.

Clarke ignored Brinley's words as the rover pulled up, the headlights illuminating Niylah's form, making it easy to see the woman pull a sword from her belt.

'Told you so.' Brinley sang mockingly.

Clarke shot her a look. 'I'm going to talk to her.'

'I'll come with you-'

'No you won't.' Brinley interrupted Bellamy. 'Clarke and I can handle it.'

Niylah's expression gave nothing away as they walked towards her. 'Skaikru is not welcome here, Wanheda.'

Brinley didn't miss the way Niylah didn't mention her presence. Maybe the annoyed look on Brinley's face gave her true feelings away. As much as Brinley wanted to help Raven, dragging Niylah into it wasn't the answer.

'Niylah, what's wrong? Is your Father here?' Clarke seemed genuinely confused, but Brinley caught the slight tightening in Niylah's hands as Clarke mentioned her Father.

Oh no.

'My Father's dead, part of an army killed by your people while trying to protect you.'

'Niylah please-' Clarke pressed.

'I said no.' Niylah's turned her eyes on Brinley. 'Get your friends away from here.'

'I-'

'We haven't got time for this, move.' Bellamy appeared, training his gun on Niylah, and to Brinley's anger, Clarke said nothing.

'Sto-' Brinley tried.

'Move!' Bellamy spoke over her.

Niylah did move, Brinley moving quickly behind her. Everyone followed Clarke's directions into another room, except for Bellamy and Brinley. Bellamy because he refused to lower his gun from Niylah and Brinley because she knew leaving the two would result in chaos.

'Niylah I'm sorry, I tried to tell Clarke-'

'Don't.' Niylah wouldn't look at her.

Raven's screaming echoed towards them as the remainder of the group filed into the main room, Niylah watching them warily all the while.

*****

If Brinley had doubted A.L.I.E's existence before, all of that doubt was gone as she watched Raven's expression flatten and her thrashing stop as Clarke spoke directly to the woman they could not see.

Monty and Octavia had gone to the dropship to retrieve the part they needed in order to remove the chip planted into Raven's brain, hurrying into the night not fifteen minutes before. Clarke had also spoken to Niylah and convinced her to help them not long before Jasper was screaming for help as Raven reopened her wounds, spilling thick, red blood everywhere.

A.L.I.E wanted the chip in Clarke's possession, and it was clear now that Raven would do anything to get her hands on it.

'Clarke, she's never going to stop trying to get away. We can't let her hurt herself again.' Bellamy's voice was quiet, still looking slightly shocked at the out of character display that had come from Raven.

'I'll be first watch, we'll take turns-'

'You don't give the orders Clarke!' Clarke was clearly getting on Jasper's nerves.

'Guess he doesn't forgive you for murdering his girlfriend.' The voice that came out of Raven's mouth was so un-raven like that it sent shivers down Brinley's spine.

'Jasper, take a break.' Bellamy encouraged, to which Jasper nodded slightly as he left the room with a tight look on his face, Bellamy following seconds later.

Brinley stayed by Clarke's side, watching Raven carefully as Clarke made sure Raven's injuries were sufficiently cared for.

'Clarke, I heard about Lexa. I'm sorry.' Brinley's words were quiet as she tried her best to ignore the eerie feeling she got whenever Raven's eyes were on her.

'I know you didn't like her, but she was more than just the Commander.' Clarke didn't meet her eyes as she retied a loose bandage on Raven's arm.

Brinley examined Clarke's expression, her furrowed brows smoothing into a look of realisation. 'You loved her.'

Clarke bit her lip. 'It doesn't matter now. She's gone. What matters is helping Raven.'

Brinley nodded, realising immediately that Lexa was a sore subject. 'You're right. I'm sure you'll have Raven back to her usual self in no time.'

Clarke nodded, seeming to hesitate as she turned to look at Brinley, distracted from her task for a moment. 'I saw Murphy.'

Brinley's head spun and her chest tightened. 'What?'

'Murphy was in Polis, I spent some time with him Brin, I thought you'd want to know.'

'Murphy's okay?' Brinley choked on the words, tears gathering in her eyes.

Clarke's expression fell along with Brinley's heart. 'There's a new Commander. I couldn't get to Murphy without being caught. But he's a survivor, I'm sure he's fine.'

That wasn't what Brinley had wanted to hear. 'Right.' Brinley swallowed back her tears. 'Yeah, sure.'

'Brin-'

'It's fine Clarke, thank you for telling me, but like you said, all that matters right now is Raven.'

Clarke nodded, realising that Murphy was a sore subject for Brinley, as she refocused on the wounds and bandages on Raven's arm while Brinley stood guard by the door.

'Thank you.' The words escaped Raven's mouth a moment later; sounding far friendlier than before, as Clarke dressed the wounds on her wrists.

Clarke did nothing but smile in response.

'Do you ever see their faces?' Raven's voice took on an almost childlike tone, filled with curiosity.

Brinley felt the chills down her spine again, as though she were being watched from the shadows.

'What?' Clarke walked right into the trap.

'Of all the people you've killed.' The monotone was back in Raven's voice again, no longer sounding faux friendly like she had only moments ago.

'I know what you're doing, but you can't get to me A.L.I.E, so don't even bother.' Brinley could tell from Clarke's voice alone that Raven's words were indeed getting to her.

'It's not A.L.I.E, Clarke. It's Raven.' And for a moment she sounded so much like Raven that it was hard to believe that she was anything but. 'And I'm not trying to get to you, I'm just trying to tell you the truth, because no one else will. Everywhere you go, death follows. You always want to save everyone, but what you don't realise is you're the one we need saving from.'

'Clarke.' Brinley warned.

But Clarke was listening intently to Raven's words.

'Wells is dead because you couldn't see that Charlotte was a basket case, Finn is dead because you broke his heart and then slid a knife into it-'

'Clarke, walk away.' Brinley tried again.

'Hell, I bet you got Lexa killed, too.'

'Shut up.' Clarke's voice was deadly.

'And then there's dear old Dad-'

'I said, shut up!'

'Your Mum's in here with me, Clarke. She tells me you tried to convince him not to go public about the fact the Ark was dying, guess you should have tried harder! His blood is on your hands too.'

'Shut up!' Clarke was really upset now, and Brinley was trying to forcibly remove her from the room.

'You hide behind the selfless martyr act, but we see you for what you really are. Poison to anyone who gets close-'

Clarke shoved a heap of material into Raven's mouth, but the girl bit into Clarke's skin, drawing blood. Brinley wrapped her arms around Clarke, pulling her backwards with all her strength as the girl screamed.

'You're done A.L.I.E, you hear me? We're gonna fry you!'

Brinley felt hands pull her gently away as Bellamy took over, pulling Clarke out of the room much faster than she had been able to.

'Get off!'

'Stop! Stop, just calm down!'

Brinley watched Jasper cast a wary look at Raven before he followed after Bellamy and Clarke. Brinley hesitated, leaving the room long enough to ensure that Clarke was beginning to calm down.

When she re-entered the room, Raven had an accomplished look in her eyes, though she said nothing as Brinley settled into one of the few chairs in the room, her eyes trained on the ceiling, flicking down towards Raven every once in awhile. Raven's expression stayed the same calculating one it had been since Brinley had entered the room-

- Until Bellamy walked in.

And then Raven's expression lit up like a kid on Christmas morning.

Bellamy said nothing as he settled into the chair closest to Brinley, and Brinley didn't once glance his way, only too aware of Raven – A.L.I.E – watching them.

'I can almost see the tension.'

Brinley stared straight ahead, as did Bellamy, neither one of them wanting to give A.L.I.E any satisfaction.

It was only a few minutes later that Jasper joined them, bringing the total occupants of the room up to four. Brinley could see the cogs ticking in Raven's brain as A.L.I.E instructed her on what to do.

Jasper had become A.L.I.E's new target, and Brinley knew it wouldn't take long for her to get to him.

'Look at your united front.' Raven's voice sounded amused. 'Tell me, Jasper, why do you give Bellamy a pass for murdering your girlfriend?'

Bellamy and Jasper's attention was caught by the words as the two turned their eyes on Raven's form.

'What was her name?' Raven pressed, frowning as though she truly couldn't remember.

'Don't talk about Maya.' Jasper's voice came out sounding low and quiet.

'You don't have to listen to this.' Bellamy inclined his head towards the door.

'Take a break, Jas. Bellamy and I can watch Raven.' Brinley prompted, her mouth pulled into a thin line.

'Let's protect Jasper. Jasper's so sensitive, Jasper's lost someone, everyone cater to his feelings. We've all lost someone; you don't see us falling apart. You don't see us getting wasted, being useless.'

'No, you took a pill to take your pain away. You gave up your memories.' Jasper had that unhinged look in his eyes again.

'-But then, why should we expect anything more? You used to get high off people's medicine.' Raven and A.L.I.E ignored Jasper's obvious jab. 'Being a selfish loser is your only move.'

'Stop.' Jasper sounded hopeless, his expression falling.

'That's all we see when we look at you. A coward, a waste of breath. Why do you even bother living? You're weak, pathetic, you can't save me, you can't even save yourself.' Brinley could see Raven working up to the final blow as she let out a light laugh. 'You couldn't save whatshername-'

There it was.

Jasper snapped.

'You know her name!' Jasper advanced towards Raven with his finger pointed in accusation. Brinley jumped up in front of him as Bellamy gripped Jasper's shoulders, turning Jasper to face him.

'Jasper, think. It's not Raven talking; you're giving her what she wants.' Bellamy shook his head. 'Go.'

Jasper looked like he wanted to protest, but Brinley shook her head at him. 'It's okay, Jas. You got her to us safely; you've helped more than you know. Take a break.'

Jasper's eyes were still filled with rage, but his shoulders slumped slightly as he nodded, and left the room.

Brinley retook her seat, just as Bellamy took his. Brinley knew it wouldn't take long before she became the subject of A.L.I.E's torment, and she could do nothing but wait.

Raven let out a sigh. 'Shame it isn't just you and me, huh?'

Brinley's eyes flicked up, noting that Raven's gaze was on Bellamy, who was staring at her with a blank expression, giving no reaction to the words.

'Oh come on, Bellamy. We've had our fun together, haven't we?'

Brinley grit her teeth, hating the surge of jealousy that ran through her at the reminder Raven's words gave her. It doesn't matter, Brinley reminded herself, Bellamy doesn't matter anymore.

'It's okay, we don't have to talk about it.' Raven half shrugged as her eyes moved to Brinley. 'There's really not much to talk about anyway, Brinley. Not that you'd know.' She added slyly.

Brinley's face didn't change.

'It scares you, doesn't it? People getting too close, maybe that's why you were so eager to leave Arkadia behind.'

Brinley said nothing.

Raven's eyes refocused on Bellamy. 'I do have one question for you. Does it bother you that you don't get any credit for the genocide at Mount Weather? You murdered all those people, too, and you're just forgotten. Then again, you didn't get any credit for the culling on the Ark, either. How many people suffocated when you threw away my radio?'

Bellamy shook his head, looking away from Raven.

'You know, atleast Clarke was saving her own people. You were just saving your own ass. Of course that's nothing, compared to killing your own Mum-'

'Don't talk about things you know nothing about.' Brinley didn't look at Bellamy as she interrupted Raven's little speech, A.L.I.E's words clearly beginning to have an affect on Bellamy.

'How sweet, even after everything you still come to his defence.' Raven's expression lit up and Brinley knew immediately that she'd done exactly what A.L.I.E wanted.

Fuck.

'Did it even bother you? Leaving all your friends behind, leaving Bellamy behind? It must have hurt to come back and find out he'd moved on.' Raven waited for a response that didn't come. 'Why did you leave in the first place?'

'You seem to have all the answers, why don't you tell me?' Brinley pursed her lips. 'Whatever you think, it's probably wrong.'

Unbeknownst to both Brinley and Bellamy, A.L.I.E was looking to Raven with a serious expression. 'Tell her.'

Right on queue, Raven began speaking. 'I think you got scared, and after almost dying, who could blame you?' Raven sighed. 'And let's not forget about that guard-'

Brinley's breath caught in her throat.

'Does it bother you that he died so quickly? After what he was going to do-'

'You don't know what you're talking about.' Brinley's hands had tensed into fists. There was no way anyone other than herself; the dead guard and Monty knew what had happened in that corridor...

A frown crossed Bellamy's expression as he watched Brinley's face drain of all colour. He was missing something, he was sure of it.

'Oh, does Bellamy not know?' Raven feigned an apologetic expression. 'Ouch, but I guess it's okay, we all have our secrets, right Bellamy?'

'I don't know what you're talking about.' Bellamy's voice was rough.

Raven hummed slightly. 'Do you think Brinley would still have run away from you without a word if she knew that you are the only reason she's still alive? After all, without the transfusion and your blood, she would have bled out before Clarke could reach the bullet.'

Brinley swallowed thickly as her head turned towards Bellamy who wouldn't meet her eyes. Brinley had known her situation at Mount Weather had been bad, but she'd assumed Clarke had used Mount Weather's extensive blood supply to help her, and as much as that idea made her feel sick, she'd accepted that there really hadn't been another choice.

But apparently there had been, and if what A.L.I.E was saying proved to be true, Bellamy had offered his own life force to help keep her alive.

'The King always stays by his Queen's side.' Raven snickered. 'Too bad you were never that devoted to Gina.' She paused as Bellamy tensed. 'Oh, don't worry; Gina was already dead when Mount Weather blew up, and you avenged her, right? I mean, you picked up a gun and slaughtered an army that was sent to protect us, that had nothing to do with blowing sweet Gina to bits, but hey, a grounders a grounder, right?'

Brinley heard footsteps coming towards them, and so did Bellamy who stood up from where he'd been seated.

'My father! You killed him!' Niylah had clearly heard Raven's speech.

'Niylah-' Bellamy looked regretful even as Niylah reached up and slapped him across the cheek.

'Niylah! You can't be in here.' Clarke tugged Niylah back.

'It's too late; Raven's already seen her. A.L.I.E knows we're here.' Jasper was watching Raven cautiously.

Bellamy grabbed his jacket and took off out of the room angrily and Brinley tried to fight back the urge to go after him and confront him. She'd all but resisted entirely when Niylah followed after Bellamy. Clarke went to chase them but Brinley shook her head.

'I've got it.'

Brinley hurried out after the two, only to stop in the shadows as she realised that Niylah was standing away from Bellamy while he kicked and punched at everything in his reach. Both Niylah and Bellamy had yet realised she was present.

'Feel better?' Niylah's voice wasn't as angry as Brinley had expected.

Bellamy didn't seem surprised that Niylah had followed him, perhaps he'd been expecting it. 'All I wanted was to protect my people.' Bellamy was holding the hand he'd injured when he'd struck out at a metal heap.

'By destroying mine.' Niylah stated, no accusation in her voice. Because Niylah wasn't accusing Bellamy of anything, she was simply stating a fact.

'I'm sorry.' Bellamy's voice was quiet, and in the dim glow from one of the fires, Brinley could see the way Bellamy's eyes were shining.

'People like you always are.'

Niylah turned around, casting Brinley a strange glance as she breezed past her. Niylah's retreat drew Bellamy's eyes to where Brinley was standing, and upon realising whom it was, Bellamy turned his back on her.

Brinley advanced towards him, stopping a few feet behind him, suddenly feeling unsure of herself. 'Are you okay?'

Bellamy shrugged. 'I'm fine.'

Brinley nodded, though Bellamy couldn't see. 'Why didn't you tell me about the transfusion?'

'It wasn't important.'

Brinley scoffed. 'You didn't think I'd want to know?'

Bellamy turned to face her, his dark eyes staring at her intensely. 'I didn't think it mattered where or who the blood came from, as long as you survived.'

Brinley found herself lost for words, but it didn't matter because Bellamy had a few questions of his own. 'What happened in Mount Weather? What happened that was so bad that it made you run away? Because no matter how much I try, I can never seem to find an explanation.'

Brinley's mouth was dry. 'You already know what happened, I was shot.'

Bellamy shook his head. 'No, something else happened. Don't you think that, after everything, I deserve an answer?'

'Don't you dare.' Brinley saw red. 'Don't you dare use that against me. It was your decision to go through with the transfusion Bellamy, you could have easily said no.'

'That's not- that's not what I meant.' Bellamy shook his head. 'You left me. You left in the middle of the night without so much as a goodbye. I want to know why.'

'I wanted to leave, so I did.' Brinley shrugged, her voice sounding defensive. 'What else is there to say?'

'What did A.L.I.E mean? What happened with the guard in Mount Weather?'

'He died.' Brinley answered simply though her heart was beating against her chest painfully at the turn of conversation. 'Next question.'

Bellamy stepped towards Brinley with every word he spoke, a sinking feeling in his stomach. 'What did he do?'

'Nothing-'

'Tell me what happened-'

'Bellamy, back off-!"

'What did he do to you, Brinley?'

'Stop it!' Brinley shoved Bellamy back a few steps, small tears forming in her eyes. 'Just stop it!'

Bellamy's voice shook when he spoke. 'Brinley, please.'

'You already know.' Brinley's hands tensed into fists. 'I can see it in that pitying look on your face that you already know what he tried to do, so don't make me say it.'

Bellamy's stomach rolled, and for a moment he was almost certain he was going to be sick. 'No...'

'It doesn't matter.' Brinley relaxed her expression, wiping it clean of emotion. 'He's dead.'

'Of course it matters.' Bellamy gripped Brinley's wrist when she tried to walk away, his voice cracking on the words. 'The nightmares... oh sweet-... oh Brin.'

Brinley turned away from Bellamy, clenching her teeth and willing the tears gathering in her eyes to go away. But Bellamy wasn't deterred by Brinley's obvious reluctance to engage in conversation; instead Bellamy used his grip on her wrist to spin her around again.

'I'm sorry I wasn't there.' Bellamy's lips were downturned as he stared at his hand, still gripping Brinley's wrist. 'I shouldn't have let you go alone.'

Bellamy had replayed those few hours in Mount Weather over and over in his head. Time and time again he'd played out different scenarios that could have altered the events leading up to the moment Brinley had been discovered, and every single time, he felt his stomach twist with guilt as he remembered watching Brinley walk away from him in that hallway. If he'd gone with her or if he'd made her stay, Brinley would never have been shot, she'd never have come into contact with that guard – and ultimately Brinley would have never left Arkadia.

Brinley laughed, a breathless and broken sound. 'What happened in that place is not on you Bellamy, not this time.'

Bellamy looked down at Brinley, suddenly overcome with the desire – the need – to have her closer incase she slipped away from him again.

Something in his expression must have given him away because Brinley's face hardened as she stepped away from him, jerking her wrist out of his hold. 'Don't.'

Bellamy opened his mouth to reply when headlights hit them, illuminating the scenery, and whatever moment of honesty they'd been having was extinguished as the lights from the rover washed over them.

'This entire conversation, it stays between us.' Brinley warned as she turned to leave, freezing in place before she spoke again. 'This doesn't change a damn thing.'

Bellamy stayed in place for a moment longer, even after Brinley had run up to meet Octavia and Monty. His mind whirled with the onslaught of information and emotions that the brief conversation had stirred up. The nauseous feeling hadn't left him and Bellamy doubted it would for a while yet.

Bellamy squeezed his eyes shut momentarily, pushing the images and thoughts to the back of his brain. The conversation had raised more questions than answers, but suddenly all the anger and betrayal he'd felt at Brinley's decision to leave all but disappeared.

Because Brinley wasn't just being selfish, and she wasn't on some incredible journey of self discovery – Brinley had been suffering; spending her days and nights tormented by memories of people who no longer existed.

This doesn't change a damn thing.

But in Bellamy's mind, it changed everything.