I'm SO sorry for now long this took! I got super lazy and then when school started I was really busy and stressed out. I probably won't update for awhile again, but stay tuned!

This OC belongs to TheREALMoonChan

Name: Duskpool
Dusk is kinda overused, but it's so cute! I like the pool part too, I don't think I see that one as often. 5/5

Past Names: Duskkit (Kit), Duskpaw (Med cat apprentice), Dusk (Loner)
Nothing wrong here 5/5

Name Reason: She is a dark gray she-cat and her father thought Dusk fit her for that reason. The reason for pool is that her mentor believed is that her heart was a flowing pool of water that would overflow.
Interesting. I like that her suffix is 'pool' rather than 'heart' 5/5

Appearance: A dark gray Maine Coon she-cat with a white fluffy chest, she is the smaller side of the Maine Coon spectrum, but she hates it and does whatever she can to make herself seem big. Her right paw is white, she has a small scar on her left cheek from fighting with a former clanmate named Tipnose. Her right ear has a year in it from the fight with Tipnose, her tail is slightly ripped at the end from the fight, and she has a scar on her right arm from Tipnose. She has dark green eyes, and she also has a darker gray almost black marks on her pelt.
Honestly, this is probably the best description I've had so far. Usually I have to ask for more body description, but since you specified the breed I don't really to this time. I really like it though, but for some reason I expected her to have blue eyes.
Also, Tipnose is such a cute name! I love it! 10/10

Gender: Female

Age: 132 (At death, so about 11 years in Twoleg terms)
Congrats! This is the oldest Oc so far! 5/5

Personality: Sarcastic, blunt, naive, hopeful, clingy towards those she's close with, annoying, easily angered, careful, smart when she needs to be, childish, Tsundere?, Kind of bratty, easily jealous, and she will kill for her clan.
......... This is disturbingly accurate to my real personality.
Some might say she needs more good traits, so I'll through in a couple of my real virtues since we seem to match so well (though I don't think she actually needs them).

Literally cannot hold a grudge (so far), smart with academics (in this case Medicine), but has the brain of a three year old when I'm with my friends in family (I'm basically a retard outside of school), nice? Like I'm nice on inside or I want to be, but I got bullied in elementary so I was kind of an ass from then on. Wow, this was supposed to be positive traits, ummmm... I hate kits (That's not positive either). Ah, um, well... I'm sensitive on the inside (is that a good thing?)

Okay! Moving on, sorry to turn that into a Pity Party about me. Your score is 10/10!

Sexuality: Bisexual
.....Are you sure your not stalking me?

Clan: RiverClan, Formerly of WindClan
*Nervous laughter* Ha, totally not my favorite clans or anything 😅 On a serious note, A Maine coon in WindClan seems like kind of a stretch, though RiverClan suits her more 9/10

Rank: Former- Loner, Windclan Medicine cat Current- Riverclan Elder
I'm a little confused on the ranks. Is from first to last or last to first? Also, was she never a medicine cat for Riverclan? And in the past names 'Dusk' which implies she left both clans to be a loner, but on here it's first, implying she was a loner first. 3/5

Mother: Nightrose- A black Maine Coon warrior, she had bright yellow eyes that shone in the darkest night in her mates opinion, she was blind in her right eye from a hawk that had failed to take her but had struck their talon into her eye when it dropped her. She had white tabby like markings, and was said to be very brave and risk taking. Even though Duskpool never met her, she wished to be exactly like her. She had sadly died from kitting, so Duskpool never new her and never formed a relationship with her.
She sounds really pretty! I like her personality too. And so far I'm liking the bits of backstory your giving me.

Adoptive Mother: Harefoot- A creamy tan she-cat with brown splotches all over her body, with light blue eyes, and black sprinkle-like marks covering her entire body. She was a snarky and cold she-cat, but she had a soft-spot for her kits (her adoptive one as well). She was very protective and smart, and she died while trying to stop her apprentice from going into a lake, though Duskpool didn't know because she was in RiverClan. They had gained a good relationship over the years.
Huh. She reminds me of a couple of Ocs I have of a similar description. And no offense, but the black dapples are kinda weird with the brown in my opinion. I've tried that before, but I always end up hating it.
And I'm guessing she drowned in the lake, but did her apprentice live?

Father: Jaggedbreeze- A big Tom with just as big a heart, but most think he was missing his brain. He had dark gray that was laced with black and white splotches all throughout his pelt. He was a very tall and stealthy cat, and had one of his ears practically ripped off after a Fox attack that happened long ago. He is also missing his back left leg after wandering into a badger den, where the badger ripped his leg off when he was trying to escape. He had dark green eyes and was a mostly liked cat, but he had his enemies. He died from old age. Duskpool was very upset by this, as he was her father and they had formed a great bond.
You gotta love a great dad. But why was he named Jagged? Was that for his scars? (pls say no)
I see where Duskpool gets her colors though.

Sister: Darkwhisker- A black Maine coon she-cat with white tipped ears and a gray underbelly, she has a scar under her eye from trying to defend Duskpool form Tipnose, her right shoulder is demolished from Tipnose latching onto it and refusing to let go. She had followed Duskpool to RiverClan because she wasn't ready to let go of her sister. When Duskpool died, Darkwhisker immediately went to her mate for comfort, as he was what she felt was all she had left. Duskpool and Darkwhisker has a great relationship though.
Her description makes sense with Duskpool and their parents, and I really like the white ears.
Also I'm starting to get REALLY curious about Tipnose. I imagine him as a mottled Siamese with a white nose. Don't ask me why 😝

Adoptive sister: Fernsky- A light ginger she-cat with with slight cream markings on her pelt. She is smart and kind, but very dumb. She has light blue eyes and white markings on her face. She also has a small scar from Tintfur when they were kits. She and Duskpool got along great and Fernsky was shocked that Duskpool left, but it was Duskpools decision. Now she is an elder.
The first thing really bothering me is that she's described as 'Smart and kind' but immediately after you say she's very dumb. That doesn't make much sense. If it was intentional though, add a reason or example of how she could be smart and dumb.
The second thing is that she's got lots of detail on her pelt and scars, but not her actual body type.
I'm also wondering who her father is.

Adoptive Brother: Tintfur- A small Tom with light creamy fur that is very matted and rough. He has a tough guy persona that can be really obnoxious, but Duskpool has learned to deal with it and even teased him about it sometimes. He has green eyes that are almost blue, and a nick in his ear from when he accidentally hurt Fernsky and she got back at him when they were kits. He sadly died of Greencough around the time Duskpool left WindClan. She missed him very much, since they had maintained a good relationship through the years and he was proud of her when he saw her in StarClan.
Does 'green almost blue' mean teal? Or some other color in between? I like the detail on his fur, but what about his body?
I like that he has a persona he puts on to hide his feelings.

Family Score: Duskpool, has a surprisingly good relationship with her family so far, and I'm liking the descriptions, but some of her family have no body type listed. There's seems to be a lot of effort in everything else about them though so I'm giving a bonus point! 8/10

Crush: Russetflight
Cute name 5/5

Mate: Russetflight- A dark brown she-cat with black tabby markings. She has a scar on her muzzle from a ShadowClan warrior, a scar on her left leg as a result of attacking her ex-mate Yarrowfur, and her tail is torn at the end. Russetflight was Duskpool's first love and Russetflight immediately asked her leader if she could retire to the Elders den when Duskpool's death struck her. Though they had their fair share of ups and downs, Russetflight and Duskpool definitely loved each other and Duskpool never regretted leaving her Clan or Medicine cat position to be Russetflight's mate.
Oop, I thought she was a boy.
ANyways, I like that she and Duskpool had a realistic relationship. I'm also SUPER curious about Yarrowfur. Is he evil? He sounds evil.
The only thing I have a problem with is that her actual description is really lacking. I only got her pelt color and scars. Fur detail, body type, and eye color would be really nice. Since you have so much detail on the scars though, I'll give you a bonus point. 3/5

Kits: Rainpaw (Adopted)- A small calico she-cat with big beautiful brown eyes. She was extremely witty and smart for an apprentice, and had always tried to make her Moms smile, even when there was nothing to smile about. She was very confused when Duskpool died, but she tried to make the best of life, even without her Mom's guidance.
Awww. She sounds adorable! At first I thought that being "witty and smart" kind of contradicted being "being very confused when Duskpool died" but I can see that innocent cleverness in a younger apprentice. I'm curious who her real parents are though.
Also, even though I like her appearance, she still needs more detail.

Twigpaw (Step-son)- Twigpaw was a well-built Tom with dark brown fur and was the result of Russetflight and Yarrowfur, though that didn't work out. He has creamy light ginger paws, bright yellow eyes, and black swirl markings. He never knew Duskpool that well, but he knew she was the girl his mama loved, so he tried to put last himself that Duskpool had broken his parents apart and find in his heart to care for her. In the end she was one of the coolest cats he knew. He missed her when she died, but he focused on pleasing his mom Russetflight and making sure she wasn't hurt.
Oooh. I'm guessing he's a marbled tabby by the "black swirl markings" and I can picture him pretty clearly. I really like his relationship with Duskpool and Russetflight, but what about Rainpaw? They're both apprentices so even if they weren't raised together, he would still know her right?
Kits Total: 9/10

Mentor: Addernose- A bright ginger Tom with small black spots coating his fur. He had a scar over his eye from fighting with the leader and getting kicked out of the clan (Duskpool's training was done by then). He never liked Duskpool much and thought she was just like her father: a big, dumb, happy moron. His nephew Tipnose, hated her as well, but he didn't care he just wanted her gone. He was glad to find out from Tipnose that she had left the clan.
Nooo! His appearance fooled me! Tbh, I though he was gonna be a good guy.
Anyways, his description is actually pretty short. I don't know his body type, eye color, or the type. This isn't a suggestion, but I'm imagining him with long fur and yellow eyes. One more thing! Why does he dislike Jaggedbreeze so much? Does he have some type of standard for how smart a cat needs to be? And why does Tipnose hate her too? I'm guessing his uncle influenced him. 3/5

Apprentice: Lilacheart- A big solid white she-cat with a black, back right paw. She had kinky fur that bounced every time she walked and bright green eyes. Although she came off as a sweetheart, she was really a grumpy little brat. She did care deeply for Duskpool though, and wished her well when she left for RiverClan, becoming Lilacheart the new medicine cat of WindClan.
Oh, I like Lilac. You don't see that prefix too often. I did think she was going to be terrible like Addernose 😝 I also really like her kinky fur. Does she have Selkirk Rex in her?
Wow, this review is feeling very spilt up. But anyways I'm glad she liked Duskpool. 5/5

Before we start the backstory, I'm gonna try rating this in sections since it's so long. If I like it, I might continue doing this for the other Ocs as well.

Backstory: As a kit, Duskkit always felt she was missing something. She knew she had Harefoot and Jaggedbreeze and of course her litter mates, but she just felt empty like she needed more of something, but she just passed it off as her being greedy.
I'm curious to know what this feeling is. Though it seems kind of odd that a kit would even think they were being greedy.

She soon met Willowkit, a Tom-kit with an interesting personality. They did all kinds of stuff together and had plans for their future to be the best warriors, but then Duskkit met Volerose, the Medicine cat of their clan. She had taught Duskkit quite a few herbs and Duskkit was amazed by all the things the small plants could do, but sadly once Duskkit had hit 5 moons, Volerose was attacked by a ShadowClan warrior. Duskkit decided then and there she would be a medicine cat when she was 6 moons.
I kind of wish you had included him in "Friends" since he seems to be her best friend. I'm also guessing Volerose died, but why would a warrior kill a medicine cat for no reason? Also, I'm kind of disappointed that Duskpool's siblings aren't mentioned.

Once she became an apprentice and got her Addernose as a mentor, she was terrified. Addernose taught her, but he also hated her. Anytime she made a slight mistake he would snap and tell her that she shouldn't have been his apprentice if all she was going to do was slack off. Of course, she thought he was right, I mean after all he was her mentor, she couldn't just deny his words.
So her mentor is emotionally abusive. Nice
Sadly, her father Jaggedbreeze soon died at this time and she couldn't believe that the Tom who raised her was dead. She had then met Rosepelt, a she-cat who was 7 Moons older than her and very kind. She started trying to hang out with her more than anyone as she was scared of mentor and didn't want to be near him. But then she met Tippaw, and he was almost as bad as Addernose. He always said stuff about her birth mother dying and she was sick of it all.
Hmm... The events seem kind of disconnected. I think her feelings about her fathers death could be elaborated on, and I want to know how he died. And I wish Rosepelt was mentioned in "Friends" too.
Also, why does Tippaw hate her? There's no reason given, he just seems like another Breezepelt.

One day, 6 Moons into her apprenticeship, she had traveled deep into the forest to get some herbs for Addernose.
Wait, she's in WindClan. Why would she be sent to the forest? Unless this is in the Lake territories, because they have some woodland on their territory.

She had been searching in a bush, when suddenly she felt herself being shoved to the ground. She quickly shot her eyes towards the cat who tackled her, and saw a brown tabby she-cat. The she-cat hissed out the words, "Who are you, and why are you on RiverClan territory!?" Duskpaw freaked out at said "I-I'm sorry! I didn't know I was in RiverClan!"
Umm.. if she's in the lake territories how would she accidentally cross into RiverClan without going through the Horseplace. Or if she's in the forest territories, how would go in RiverClan territory without crossing the stream.

The brown tabby got off her and sighed. "No, it's fine. I don't really care honestly... I kind of wish it didn't matter you were here. You seem pretty cool. I'm Russetpaw. You?" After that little montage, they had a small talk. Then they agreed to meet at the border every moonhigh. And they did just that.
Hmm... I think you should go more into detail about their first meeting since it seems a little choppy. Also, it seems kind of random that Russetpaw immediately told Duskpaw she didn't care she was there and wished it didn't matter.

They continued to do this for many moons, and Russetpaw soon became Russetflight. She bragged to Duskpaw about it continuously, until one day Addernose decided to make Duskpaw a full blown medicine cat, or at least give her medicine cat name. She finally received the name Duskpool and it went on like that. But Addernose was found attacking their leader. Duskpool wasn't shocked, as he had been so rude towards her, but after about 2 Moons she had been given an apprentice named Lilacpaw.
Wow, that went by fast. Russetflight and Duskpool get full names, Addernose attacks the leader, and Lilacpaw becomes Duskpool's apprentice.
I think you should slow down, and go into more detail, especially around Addernose attacking the leader and Lilacpaw becoming a medicine cat apprentice. Why did Addernose attack? Why didn't Tipnose help him, since they seem to hate the same cats. Did Addernose get killed or banished? What did the clan do after? And what got Lilacpaw interested in herbs? What was her relationship with Duskpool when she was a kit? Things like that.

Russetflight started acting weird around her though. She decided to ask her what it was about. When she asked, Russetflight explained that she hoped that Duskpool would come with her to RiverClan and that'd she didn't want to live without her. Russetflight had told Duskpool she loved her. Duskpool was hesitant at first to accept, but then she actually thought about it... Duskpool made a compromise that she would come once her apprentice had been made a medicine cat.
This part seems fine. But maybe Duskpool should hesitate a little more because of her kin.

It went on like that, Russetflight and Duskpool meeting in secret and Russetflight hoping for Lilacpaw to finish her apprenticeship. Around this time, her adoptive brother Tintfur died from greencough. Everyone was confused as no one knew it was in the camp because he was the first death.
Again, this death seems pretty random. Why didn't he tell anyone he had greencough? What was Duskpool's and her family's reaction?

Soon it was time for Lilacpaw's apprenticeship to end. When the day came no one was ready. Duskpool chose the name Lilacheart as she felt Lilacpaw had the biggest heart of anyone she had ever known.
Yeah, I feel like something's been skipped over. It feels too soon that Lilacpaw is a medicine cat already.

But Duskpool knew she had to confront her leader about leaving or she would feel guilty. She immediately did so at a clan meeting. Everyone was shocked but the person who took it the worse was Tipnose. He had sprang at her  as soon as the words had processed through his head.
Why does Tipnose care if she leaves? He doesn't like her anyways.

He tried to bite down on her neck but Darkwhisker tried to rip him off Duskpool. He quickly turned on Darkwhisker and bit deep into her shoulder, but Duskpool slid under him and attacked his underbelly. Tipnose ended up letting go as he was in pain.
How come no one else tried to help Duskpool?

Duskpool and Darkwhisker darted into the woods, well Darkwhisker tried she more so fast limped.
That's the sentence where I couldn't figure out what you meant.

Willowpelt had followed them not wanting to leave his mate and best friend.
Wait, what. He's mates with Darkwhisker? I think this definitely should've be mentioned somewhere.

Soon they made it to the RiverClan border, and when they got to camp, they found Russetflight with a small she-cat who they later found out was the leader of RiverClan. Surprisingly, the leader Tallstar accepted Duskpool as she cared for all cats.
I wouldn't recommend using canon names, especially for leaders. And it seems a bit weird that Tallstar "cares for all cats". Idk why, but it sounds weak to me. I'm probably just being particular, but maybe instead you could put, "was a fair and kind leader" or something more like that.

Soon, Duskpool had met the medicine cat Esterflow. Esterflow had taken a liking to Esterflow.
Esterflow? Was he a loner or kitty pet before, because cats wouldn't know what ester is since it's a chemical compound. Or did you mean "Aster" the flower?
Also, this sentence says "Esterflow had taken a liking to Esterflow" so I'm not sure if you're talking about Duskpool or not.

Duskpool also met Twigkit, he was Russetflight's kit. Duskpool was slightly hurt that she loved someone before her, but she tried to get over it.
Realistic. I like it.

When Duskpool had been in the clan for awhile, she took in a kit she found alone in the forest. She named the small thing Rainkit. Twigkit soon became Twigpaw. Russetflight and Duskpool were happy with everything going on.
Okay, but not much is mentioned about Rainkit. Her relationship with her parents and "brother" aren't mentioned and nothing about what the clan thought or the condition she was in.

Sadly, around the time Rainkit became an apprentice, Duskpool was attacked by Tipnose again. They had met on the border while Tipnose was on patrol, and he attacked her.
Wait, he's still in the clan? Why didn't he get kicked out for attacking Duskpool? And why does he still hate her? He seems oddly obsessive of her.

He left her corpse at the border and Darkwhisker found her. She dragged her body back to camp.
RiverClan's camp? Also, does he get banished for killing her? It's against the warrior code to kill a cat intentionally, especially unprovoked. I want to see some justice!

No one knew how to react, but it wasn't a good day for Russetflight. Duskpool watched her family in StarClan happily. Everyone's reaction to her death is kind of lacking. You seem to use the "no one knew how to react" card a lot. Also, what about her kits? What did they think? I know some of this was mentioned in the family, but it should be included in the backstory as well. 12/20

Total: Your total is 97/105! A pretty good score, I'd say!
I really liked this Oc at the beginning of the form, but I think that the backstory was your biggest problem. It was just kind of confusing. All the events seemed disconnected and rushed, like there were details missing. One thing I suggest, is putting the details of her family in the backstory instead of the kin section. That way it fills up the personal gaps in her backstory. Also, more detail on her relationship with Willowpelt, Rosepelt, and her kin would be good too. The last part of her backstory, when she goes to RiverClan, is also really lacking. More on how the clan accepted her, she transitioned from being a medicine cat to a warrior, and generally how she interacts with Russetflight, Twigpaw, Rainpaw, and Esterflow. Really, just fleshing out the backstory more would make this almost perfect.