This Oc belongs to GabbyPotter1111

Name: Shadowclaw
Two very overused prefixes XD
(As evidenced by the last Shadow)

Maybe consider changing them to something that doesn't sound so basic, like-

Shadow: Shade, Storm, Gray, Black (okay, these are basic too, but just suggestions) Coot, Raven,  Burr, Thistle, Sedge, Spruce, Pine

Claw: Strike, Fang, Pounce, Bite, Jaw, Flame, Blaze, Flare, Ember,
Sting

Past names: Shadowkit and Shadow paw
Ok

Name reason: Her pelt is all black, thus for the prefix shadow. She also is short tempered, therefore her suffix claw.
I like the reasoning behind claw, but Shadow is still very overused to me

Apperence: She has a long tail. She has short legs. She is broad. She is also all black. Her fur is short hair and she was Green eyes.
Uh, consider making the description one or two complete sentences? It's kind of hard to read like this.

Besides that, I think it could be more detailed, like maybe add some scars or something and her actual pelt color even though it was already given

Gender: She-cat
Ok

Age: 48 moons
Well, she's definitely old enough to get some scars

Personality: She is short-tempered, loyal, and stubborn.
That's..... A very generic personality. It needs to be longer and more fleshed out

Sexuality: Straight
K

Clan: Windclan
Interesting

Rank: Warrior
I assumed so

Kin: Mother- Leafpelt: a shorthaired twany she-cat with green eyes.
Tawny as in brown? Also, the appearance needs to be more detailed

Father- Hawktail: a shorthaired black tom with green eyes.
Makes sense with Shadowclaw's appearance but his needs to be more detailed

Littermate- Brownlight: a shorthaired twany she-cat with green eyes.
Makes sense with the parents but it still needs to be longer

Crush: Falconwing
Ok

Mate: Falconwing- a small tom with a white pelt and amber eyes. He is playful but knows when to be serious.
Cute description, but make it LONGER

Kits: One Litter-
Ashkit: a short haired black tom with amber eyes.
That's cute

Leapkit: a short haired black she-cat with green eyes.
Why is her prefix Leap? That's kind of a bad name in my opinion, (same category as Snap, Flip, and Pounce) but I give it credit for being cute

Icekit: a short haired white tom with green eyes.
I like him

All the kits make sense with the parents and are cute! But they need more detailed descriptions :)

Mentor: Ivyheart- a short haired brown tabby she-cat with blue eyes that is now an elder.
Ok, could you give a little more description

Apprentice: Sootpaw- a gray tabby tom with green eyes. He is now Sootfang.
I would just make his entry "Sootfang" then instead of explaining he's a Warrior now, since it's implied. Also, his description needs more detail

Friends: Falconwing
Of course

Honeyseed- a sweet goldenish she cat with blue eyes.
Detail, but otherwise it's nice

Wait, she only has two friends? Out of the whole clan? I think that's a bit unrealistic

(The rating is spaced this time to make it easier for you to comment, and me to see them! Tell me if you like this format or not :3)

Backstory: Her father paced around the nursery when she was born. It was leafbare.
This intro makes me think all of the backstory is going to be detailed, but it's not so- CLICKBAIT

The snow was deep (this is important to remeber) and it was day.
Ok

(forgot to put this in the Review, but this was never mentioned again :/)

Fast foward a half-moon later and two kits, one Shadowkit and one Brownkit, tumble out of the nursery.
Yeah, this kind of description is misleadingly detailed to me, even though we just skipped over the birth.

Shadowkit was trying to get Brownkit to play fight. Brownkit was trying to get to the medicine and hang out with Milkheart.
I'm guessing he becomes a medicine cat.

Fast foward to the apprentice cermony were Brownpaw become a medicine cat apprentice.
I was right!

Shadowpaw was very dissapointed.
Uh, no? She should be amazed because medicine cats are supposed to be highly respected. Maybe she's a little disappointed they can't train together, but that shouldn't be her only emotion

(sorry if this is a rant I really hate when people misuse the medicine cat position)

There was one battle in her apprenticeship were she got minor wounds.
Ok...? Why is there no scars listed in appearance then? This is a perfect opportunity to add something interesting to your design.

When she became a warrior, she had to wait five moons till she got a apprentice.
That's not very long. I wouldn't recommend having a 17 moon old warrior train an apprentice yet. Unless it's like a super small clan or something

She trained that apprentice for a while.
As assumed. I'd like to know the relationship between her and Sootfang though

In her mentorship she had her kits.
Uh... tf? Does she even have a freakin mate? Why is he not mentioned at all? Where are her friends?

Sootfang became a warrior under a temporary mentor.
You might say "Sootpaw" to avoid confusion :3

It has been four moons after her kits being born.
Why does this matter? Is this the end? What about the rest of her life??

Review: Um, so ShadowClaw. Uh, well to put it bluntly she's.... generic. I don't really see anything that makes her stand out from the average Oc, and her overall form is lacking in detail as well. Moving on to the backstory, we gave a semi-detailed description of her father pacing the nursery because...? Why?? It's not really important in any way, unless you were going for her parents reactions at their birth, in which case where is the mom? And more detail on her actual birth. Anyways, we go to the next part which is also semi-descriptive for some reason, and we get the idea that she wants to be a warrior but her brother really wants to be a medicine cat. Unsurprisingly that exactly what happens, and she's disappointed or whatever. But THEN we skip past her WHOLE APPRENTICESHIP and relationship with her mentor (even though Ivyheart is mentioned in the "Mentor" section) to a random comment of her getting in 1 battle as an apprentice, to her being a warrior and getting an apprentice of her own fairly young. All of this happened so quick with so little detail, honestly it's boring and frustrating to read. But that's not all, there's also a throw away line about her getting pregnant during her mentorship (I would recommend taking this out because it's stupid of her and I've can't see a reason why she would have kits at this time. And this is the real world where we all know how kits are made, so I don't want any of that Leafpool "I woke up pregnant one day" crap.) but we haven't even seen of heard of her mate (and we won't in the backstory) besides his appearance in the "Mate" section. Her apprentice is also not mentioned by name until he's a Warrior, and I want to know who his temporary mentor is. Finally, we get to the part where it says it had been 4 months after her kits were born.... and that's it. Much like the last Oc, I'm frustrated by the abrupt ending with no clear conclusion. It says her kits are 4 moons old but then what? Why do I need to know that? It doesn't say anything past that so I'm confused as to why it ends with that. My main criticism on this Oc is just to me it more detailed, because Shadowclaw is skin and bones right now XD. Make her personality, descriptions (on everything), relationships (parents and littermate were barley mentioned) and backstory more detailed. Just finish the backstory. Please. Add stuff in all the little blanks that need filled, like more on her kithood, sister bond, mentor bond, apprentice moons in general, where are those friends that were never mentioned? How did she meet them? Her relationship with Sootfang? Seriously, there's so much you can do with her at this stage, so experiment! Try out different things you may or may not like and fix it as you go. After all, this is supposed to be constructive criticism. Hope you like my advice! :)