Name: Willowsun.

Quite a nice name - the suffix -sun isn't used very much, nor the prefix Willow. They make a nice combination!

Age: 15 moons.

That's quite young - she'd only be about 3 moons into being a warrior.

Gender: she-cat.

Fair enough. I've seen quite a few she-cats, to be honest.

Sexuality: straight.

Fair.

Clan: ThunderClan.

I think ThunderClan is a bit overrated, but it's your OC!

Personality: clever, honest, witty, stubborn, feisty, and adventurous. While sometimes she can be impulsive, she always means well and is trying to do what she thinks is right for the protection of her Clan. When she wants to be, she can be kind, motherly, attentive, loving, and caring.

I think you need to balance out these traits with some negative ones. You've listed quite a wide range of some pretty different traits, and they don't exactly make the most sense together.

Appearance: a pretty, light-coloured tortoiseshell-and-white she-cat with green eyes and a fluffy tail.

Do you mean a dilute tortoiseshell cat? If so, I love them! Green eyes are used quite a lot with torties though.

Quote: "Every single warrior in the Clan faced pain. Whether its wounds or losing the cat you love... we've all faced it either way. I know you're struggling to deal with losing your mother, but we've all been there. If you ever need to talk about your feelings, you should Shimmerpaw. Don't let it get trapped in your heart. You'll suffer because of it."

That's a long quote XD. Wise words, though. I'm guessing Shimmerpaw is her apprentice and grieving.

Mentor: Blazewhisker - spikey-furred dark ginger tom with blue eyes.
Apprentice: Shimmerpaw - a glossy-furred white she-cat with bright green eyes and a long tail.

I do like the name Blazewhisker, and his ginger appearance fits perfectly! I do love blue eyes on a dark ginger cat too. I'm not a big fan of the prefix Shimmer, but it certainly fits her appearance. What's her warrior name?

Kin -
Mother: Flowerwing - brown she-cat with darker stripes on her back with amber eyes and a white-tipped tail.
Father: Greyclaw - handsome dark grey tom with green eyes (deceased)
Brother: Goldshadow - golden-brown tabby tom with deep green eyes.
Sister: Snowdust - pure white she-cat with amber eyes and pale brown paws.
Mate: Nightflame - black tom with blue eyes.
Kits: Gingerpelt, Pinewing, Suncloud, Dawnpaw, Featherpaw, Darkkit (deceased)

First of all, I'm loving all of these names. (Also wondering about the other kits' warrior names?) But I have a few minor issues., Flowerwing's appearance doesn't really fit her name - I don't think you'd call a brown kit Flowerkit, and the suffix doesn't make much sense either. I'm not sure about Snowdust's brown paws either, but other than that they're alright. Also, Nightflame confuses me. There's nothing orange about him, which -flame suggests. The last thing I have to say is that I don't think a cat so young would have kits - it looks like she's had two litters too! For her to have kits that are already warriors, which is at least 12 moons old (age of becoming a warrior, roughly) she'd need to be a lot older than 15 moons. At the youngest, she'd be 24 moons I'd say.

Backstory: Willowkit, Goldkit, and Snowkit were born to Flowerwing and Greyclaw. Greyclaw was ThunderClan's deputy and tried his best to see his kits as often as he could. As a kit, she loved to play with other kits, especially her best friend Nightkit, who was a few moons older than her.

A nice start, and I'm loving Greyclaw already, but I'm getting a bit bored of the best friends to lovers thing.

Upon seeing Nightpaw get apprenticed, she wanted to be an apprentice as soon as possible. When that day came, she was apprenticed to a strong and respected warrior named Blazewhisker. He trained her well and was patient with her enthusiasm and fierceness. Willowpaw sometimes trained with her littermates, but she mostly trained and hunted with Nightpaw.

Nothing much to say here - Blazewhisker seems like a good mentor.

They trained together and hunted a lot of times. They attended Gatherings together, too, and when the one was not going, the other would fill them in on what had happened. Three moons after she was apprenticed, another older apprentice, named Hawkpaw, said that he liked her.

Ah, wonderful love drama. I wonder how Nightpaw felt about that?

Willowpaw rejected him, but Hawkpaw kept following her around, disturbing her. About a moon before Nightpaw was becoming a warrior, (now named Nightflame) Willowpaw realized she liked him.

Ew, Hawkpaw is a bit weird. Honestly getting Dovepaw and Bumblepaw vibes from these two. Did Willowpaw literally just ignore him? I feel like she would have said something.

Soon after, it was her warrior ceremony, and the leader, Ripplestar, named her Willowsun. Hawkpaw, now Hawkclaw, kept following her and trying to get her attention. She "accidentally" screeched in his face, and Nightflame was the first one to comfort her.

A bit confused how she could "accidentally" screech in his face. And why would SHE need to be comforted for it?

Willowsun stuck close to him from that forward, and then one day, he said that he liked her and asked her to be his mate. Willowsun obviously said yes and they became mates. That night, StarClan visited her in a dream and said that she was the key to stopping a war between the Clans.

At this point, Willowsun seems to have pretty much a perfect life - and now she's destined to save the Clans? Realistically, they'd give some vague prophecy to the leader and/or medicine cat.

Willowsun was confused, until a few days later at the Gathering, ShadowClan, RiverClan, and WindClan all accused ThunderClan of stealing and trespassing. The three other Clans were all accusing ThunderClan and Birchstar, the leader of RiverClan, insisted that ThunderClan should stop by the next moon, or there will be a terrible war.

Oh Jesus they all hate ThunderClan? I find that a bit unrealistic as one of the three Clans would be opposite TC, and it'd be pointless to steal from them. Plus, a war is a bit dramatic over some trespassing nd prey thievery.

ThunderClan didn't do anything wrong, but where was the scent coming from? This stressed Ripplestar, who was getting older, and Greyclaw the deputy, had to help take care of him. However, before the moon was up, a surprise attack (by ShadowClan) in the ThunderClan camp left it in ruins. Greyclaw was dead and so many other warriors were injured.

I like how you included Ripplestar getting stressed and Greyclaw having to do some extra work to help him out. But the other Clans agreed on waiting til next moon until taking actions and starting a war? It seems a bit stereotypical to make ShadowClan launch a surprise attack.

Willowsun was sure that this was the war StarClan had spoken of but had no idea how to stop it. everyone grieved for Greyclaw, especially Flowerwing. Ripplestar appointed Lightfur (a cream furred she-cat) as his new deputy.

Didn't she grieve? How did her siblings react to all this? What's happened to Nightflame?

A moon later at the Gathering, all three other Clans said that the scents were everywhere. Ripplestar tried to defend his Clan, but no cat listened. WindClan, ShadowClan, and RiverClan all declared war on ThunderClan and warned Ripplestar to be ready.

Well in this story all the other Clans are being unreasonable XD I feel so bad for Ripplestar. It's a bit unnecessary to have all three Clans team up - and couldn't StarClan send clouds to cover the moon as a warning?

A day later, during the night, Willowsun caught the scent of strange cats. She woke from her bed and yowled a warning to her Clanmates. Just then, a whole crowd of cats poured out, attacking ThunderClan. The battle went on, until Willowsun saw the ShadowClan leader kill Ripplestar.

Nooo Ripplestar :( was he on his final life or had multiple taken at once? And of course it was the ShadowClan leader :/

That was it. She couldn't bare to see the four peaceful Clans fighting, and her Clanmates dying befor her eyes. She leaped onto the Highrock and yowled loudly. Every cat stopped with a startled look. Willowsun told every Clan to stop fighting and that StarClan wouldn't want any of the Clans fighting.

Surely in a battle everyone would be yowling and being noisy? There's four Clans there!

"There's supposed to be four Clans. We cannot harm any of it. StarClan willed for us to be four Clans, and we mustn't break that by some random scents. Which, by the way, wasn't us." she said with hostility. Although WindClan, ShadowClan, and RiverClan wanted to get back at ThunderClan, they agreed.

Why would they listen to a random warrior when they hadn't listened to Ripplestar? And I assumed the scents were ThunderClan, and they were being framed? If they were random, the Clans couldn't assume it was ThunderClan - all the Clans, kittypets and rogues/loners smell different to each other.

Whitestar, the leader of ShadowClan, said "If you can prove that you weren't responsible for the scents, we will have peace between us again. But until then, there is no peace." And the other leaders (excluding Lightfur) agreed. Lightstar appointed Nightflame as her deputy and sent out a patrol immediately to investigate the scents.

Again, if the scents were random they couldn't accuse ThunderClan. I expected Willowsun to be picked as deputy with the way things are going, and I'm somewhat glad it was Nightflame instead.

Willowsun was leading a patrol to WindClan. Indeed, there was ThunderClan scent. Stale, but noticeable. Willowsun's patrol hurried back to camp and she reported that the scent was there.

Oh so it WAS ThunderClan scent? This has really confused me.

Lightstar told Nightflame to take three patrols to stay the night at the border and see what was there. At RiverClan border, he chose Brightfeather, Gingerpelt, and Flowerwing. At WindClan, he chose Willowsun's littermates, Goldshadow, Snowdust, and the hated Hawkclaw. For ShadowClan, he decided to go himself, along with Blazewhisker and...he looked around, looking for a cat. "Bring me with you!" Willowsun insisted.

Surely at one of the borders they wouldn't be welcome? If we're following one of the cannon maps (forest/lake) either WindClan or RiverClan wouldn't be directly next to ThunderClan so they would be unable to watch it. I'm assuming your following a cannon map as you haven't said otherwise. And it's strange how almost every cat chosen has some relation with Willowsun.

Nightflame shook his head. ShadowClan was the fiercest Clan out of the three and he didn't want to hurt his mate. But being the stubborn cat that she is, she insisted and Nightflame agreed reluctantly.

Again, a bit stereotypical to use ShadowClan as the "evil" Clan.

When they arrived, three ShadowClan warriors, Lilyfur, Robintooth, and Shadewhisper, were watching too. The six rolled in fox dung and hid in the ferns, waiting for something, anything, to happen. After waiting silently for a long time, the three cats heard rustling. A huge black tom stepped out, covered with the sweet scent of ThunderClan. He trotted around, hunting, before disappearing. Proof. Now that it was proven, peace was there between the Clans again. (Long story short they chased the cats out (took all four Clans working together) and had the forest to themselves again. Peace was found.

This ending is a little confusing to me. Firstly, were ShadowClan working with the ThunderClan cats or was it by chance all six were watching at the same time? Secondly, why was the black tom randomly trespassing and carrying ThunderClan scent? And thirdly, why we're 'the cats' chased out and who were they? You haven't really explained what happened.

Legacy: Trying her hardest to defend her Clan and stopping a huge war.

Fair enough.

Strengths: hunting, selflessness, making cats feel better, racing, climbing trees.
Weaknesses: Swimming, lack of patience, changes mood easily.

Those strengths and weaknesses do make sense together, but you've listed twice as many strengths as weaknesses - maybe add some more flaws to Willowsun to balance things out.

Likes: Being with her littermates, hanging out with her friends, kits, racing with her mate, her family.
Dislikes: getting her fur wet, Hawkclaw, any type of disturbance.

Considering how all her likes are to do with her family, in what you've actually told me she's barely interacted with them. Maybe because it wasn't big parts of the story? Idk I'm running out of things to say XD. For the dislikes though, 'any type of disturbance' is a bit vague and you could add some more dislikes to balance it out.

Hunting: 9/10
Fighting: 6/10
Swimming: 1/10
Climbing: 8/10
Running: 8.9/10
Stalking: 6.2/10
Memory: 5/10
Healing: 3/10
Leadership: 6/10

These all make sense with the story - not much to say here.

---

Apologies for harshness
Overall, Willowsun is a fairly interesting character. She has nicely named cats in her life and a somewhat unique story. I especially liked how you included Greyclaw and Ripplestar's relationship - Greyclaw having to take extra time to care for the eldery, stressed leader while the other Clans gang up on them. But I feel there are a few areas you could imrpove on, the biggest one for me being the age Willowsun had her kits. As explained earlier, a cat likely wouldn't have kits until she became a warrior - at least 12 moons old, and I doubt starting a family would be someone's first instinct when getting their name. So, for Willowsun to have kits that are already fulll grown (12 moons) while she's 15 moons would mean she'd have to have given birth at 3 moons old 0-0.  I think you should maybe change something in there.

Thank you for sending me your OC @Golden_Silver_Cloud - I hope my advice helps - and feel free to send in more!

- Grey