Ross

Eddy. Noun. [ed-ee]. A current at variance with the main current in a stream of liquid or gas, especially one having a rotary or whirling motion.

I still can't believe Riley kissed me.

Granted, she ran back to the pizza shop right afterwards without so much as a goodbye, but still. She kissed me. Or maybe I kissed her. Honestly, I don't know; there was a gravitational pull between us that drew us into each other against our will. We were intoxicated by the heady aura of the black sky and crashing waves. I shouldn't have been surprised that her kiss matched her spirit: wild, hungry, searching.

Now, in the light of day, I wonder if things will be different. I wonder if she'll even show up to our psuedo-date tomorrow morning. It's taken everything in me to keep from jogging over to the pizza shop to say hi like some sort of clingy stalker, but there's something about her that draws me in like a siren from the sea. I don't just want her; I want more of her, the same more I want from the entire world. Riley has become synonymous with my desire for escape and exploration.

I lean against the wooden back of the lifeguard chair and stretch my legs out, casting my gaze between the two black and white checkered flags that mark the swimming area. With the official start of summer, the beach swarms with sunscreen-slathered tourists and shrieking children and I have a headache from just sitting here. Even the distraction of Riley just makes me anxious to leave the beach so tomorrow comes sooner.

"Hey, Ross."

I lean forward and look down at the beach below me to find Earnest staring up in a t-shirt and swim trunks. "Please tell me my shift's over and you're here to relieve me."

"You still have ten minutes."

I groan. I remember when this job used to be fun. Teenage me had hopes of Baywatch-esque rescues of hot girls in bikinis, but I pretty much only go after screaming kids in floaties or guys who drank too much and lost all muscular control.

"Mind if I join you?" Ernie asks and I scooch over to make room for him.

He sighs and leans back next to me, eyes skimming the ocean. "So you were out late the other night."

I groan. I expected friendly ribbing from Javier, but not from Earnest. Not after he ditched us summer after summer to spend time with Lucy.

Ernie laughs. "I'm just saying. You guys were still on the beach when Lucy and I went home, and we're usually the last ones."

"Oh, screw off, Ernie. Not all of us are destined for serial monogamy like you and Lucy."

This just makes him laugh harder. "I didn't expect to see you coupling off at the beginning of the summer."

"I'm not coupling off."

"That's not what I heard. I heard you're taking the new girl on a date in the morning."

I glare at Earnest. This is what happens when the girl you're into lives with your best friend's girlfriend. There are no secrets on this island.

"That sounds an awful lot like a date."

I check my watch. "Six minutes. Give me one good reason why I shouldn't shove you off the chair."

"Seriously, Ross, what's going on?"

I can't look into Earnest's eyes. What's going on? I want to get off this island and go travel the world for a year. I want to talk to a girl I just met even more than I want to make out with her. I hate so much about my life right now and this rich girl with pain hiding behind her emerald eyes is just about the best thing to happen to me in a long time.

But I can't tell him any of that. We're friends, but Javier and Earnest don't know what life is like here after the end of the summer. They go back to their own lives, and I stay here, loading crap into the backs of semis and babysitting. We're friends, but I'm not about to spill my deepest thoughts to him. Not like I did with Riley.

I just shrug my shoulders. "She's hot. What can I say?"

It's more than that; I can't explain it, but it's so much more.

"Whatever, man. I was just curious. What are you guys doing tomorrow?"

I push off the back of the chair and jump into the sand, knees bending on impact. "And my shift's over." I grin up at Ernie. "Have fun."

As I walk home, I can't get my mind off of her. The kiss was phenomenal, earth-shattering, intoxicating, but I've only known the girl for a week. What was I thinking? But I know the truth; I wasn't. I was feeling, and that's even more dangerous. So we kissed. Will she even show up tomorrow for our first date or whatever it is?

I shake my head as I walk. I need to get her out of my head; none of this will last beyond the summer, so I'm stupid to let her take up so much of my mind. The problem is, the alternative distraction is much less pleasant. Dad. Yesterday, he got drunk before the bike shop even closed and I had to leave my afternoon shift to come home and watch the kids.

He didn't used to be like this even after Mom. As I got older and was able to take more responsibility, he slowly lost himself to drinking. At first it was just on an odd weekend or two and then once a week, but now it's almost every night. I've tolerated it because who am I to fault him for trying to deal with all the crap that happened? We're all upset, but the way he handles it punishes not only himself but all four of his kids as well.

And it's been years, almost five years. I understand that the grief doesn't ever really go away, but at some point, he has to take responsibility and be a dad. At least I hope he does. I've been waiting for him to get his act together for years, but if I actually take the global internship and leave...I can't leave the kids with him the way he is now.

I pull the door open to the house, the screen banging across the frame as it slams behind me. I can hear Mason screaming and he zooms past me, an old toy fighter jet in one hand that I played with when I was his age. I slide my flip flops off and head into the living room where Ivy sits on the floor, combing her Barbie's hair and talking to herself. Dad is 'watching' her from where he lies on the couch, a beer in one hand and the remote in the other.

"Rossy!" Ivy cries, dropping the toys and throwing her arms around me. "You're home! Will you play Barbies with me?"

I grin down at the redheaded little girl and her face full of freckles. "Sure. Go find me a Ken doll to play with."

She scampers down the hallway to oblige and I walk over to the TV and hit the power button.

Dad curses at me. "I was watching that!"

"We need to talk."

Dad rolls his eyes, wiping a greasy hand on his stained t-shirt and forcing himself into a sitting position with a groan. He wasn't always like this, with a beer belly and no interest in anything. I don't remember him if ever being a great dad, but he used to come to my soccer games and help Sammy with his science projects. He at least tried.

"About what, exactly?" he says, taking a swig from the half-empty beer bottle.

"You. This. What if I weren't here? What would you do with the kids?"

Dad rolls his eyes and leans back against the faded teal couch cushion. "Ross, we talked about thi-"

"No, we didn't!" I start to pace in front of the TV, running a hand through my hair. "All you ever say is that we need to work together and take care of the kids, but I'm 24, Dad. Twenty four. I can't live here for the rest of my life, but I can't leave as long as you're lazy and don't give a crap about your family."

Dad's dark eyebrows gather together and he stands up slowly. "So that's what you really think of me, huh? That I'm some drunk loser, a good for nothing?"

"Well, if the shoe fits."

Rage races through my bloodstream and I step closer until we're nose to nose. I'm taller and stronger than him thanks to years at the warehouse, but I can tell Dad would rather beat me to a pulp right now than continue this conversation.

"So you're gonna run off and leave us and you expect me to do all the work?"

"I'm not their father!" I yell back. "You know I'd do anything for them, but I'm not their dad, and I want more out of my life than this." Dad's face pales and I wonder if I've finally gotten through to him. "I want you to actually care about Mason's baseball team or Ivy's spelling bee. I want you to take some responsibility."

"You want a dad, is that it? Someone to take care of you?" He steps closer to me, raising a leering finger in my face. "Well guess what, Ross. Life isn't all rainbows and unicorns and sometimes we have to do things we don't want to do."

"So you can sit around all day and drink while I work full-time and take care of three kids? That's what the rest of my life looks like?"

My head starts to buzz and I squeeze my eyes shut. I'm trapped. I'm freaking trapped. Dad's never going to change, and I'm never going to leave this island.

Dad picks up his beer from the scarred coffee table. "Stop being such an idealist, Ross. Life's never going to get better without her."

He lumbers out of the room and I sink to the couch, my face in my hands. There's absolutely nothing I can do to get away from this life fate has made for me. I need to take the Global Internship letter, rip it up, and toss it into the ocean; instead, I think about it all the time. The opportunity haunts me, but reality prevents me from pursuing it.

"Ross?"

I hear Ivy's soft voice and I curse myself. She heard me and Dad. Mason is too young and Sammy too disconnected from reality to pick up on the tension between Dad and me, but Ivy knows something isn't right.

I stand up and go to the stairwell where I see her standing with her arms around Mason who softly sobs into her chest.

"Mase, what's wrong?" I say, running towards him and kneeling on the wooden step.

He turns his freckled face towards me, round cheeks wet with tears. "Are you leaving?"

I'm such an idiot.

I reach for the little boy and he falls against my shoulder, hands balled into fists over his eyes. "Mason, I'd never leave you unless there was someone who could take even better care of you. I swear."

Ivy trembles behind him and I reach for her hand, pulling her towards me. Tears burst into my eyes as I hold the two kids close, wishing I had more of myself to give them. How could I be so selfish to think about leaving them? The three of us huddle on the stairs, all broken by our parents with nothing to do but cling to each other.

And even though staying on the island to take care of the three kids sometimes feels a prison sentence, I also know I'd never leave them without someone to take care of them. They are my prison and my purpose. They're the reason that I got back on my feet and kept living after Mom, and even if I have to give up everything I have and work at a warehouse for the rest of my life, I will if it means they're happy.