CHAPTER FOURTEEN
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i. apologies, apologies !

— WHEN ANTHONY SWAN HAD FINALLY DECIDED ON GOING TO BED, the tears on his cheeks had dried, but that didn't stop him from looking like a train wreck.

When he looked in the mirror the next morning, he didn't like what he saw. Partially bloodshot eyes, dark rings surrounding them. His nose was red from attacking it with his sweater sleeve.

Maybe he looked more sick than usual, but that didn't mean he was staying home from school.

Normality. It's what he needed. Or at least it's what he thought he needed.

So, in a routinely order, Tony got dressed, hooked up his oxygen tank, washed his face then had breakfast with Bella.

They were both quiet, as per usual, but this time there was no because to the why. It was just, very simply, they had nothing to say but appreciated each other's company.

So he finished his bowl of Cap'n Crunch, put his dishes in the sink, then grabbed his and Isabella's coats.

— MAYBE THE MORNING AT THE SWAN RESIDENCE WAS EASY, but when Anthony and Bella pulled up in the beaten down red-orange vehicle, Tony quickly realized who he would have to face in his art class, and then history class after that.

"Hey Tony!" Bella called just as Anthony sighed and had started walking away.

"Yeah?"

"D'you maybe- I don't know," Isabella began, stumbling over her words. "You could sit with my friends and I today? At lunch?" She asked. "I promise they'll behave." The woman added quickly.

Anthony glanced around for a minute to see Mike Newton and Jessica Stanley leaned up against the wall of one of the school buildings along with Angela Weber and Eric Yorkie.

"Sure, might as well." Anthony agreed with a shrug.

"Okay! I'll see you later then?"

"Yeah." Tony laughed. Then he stuck one hand in his pocket, the other one glued to the handle of his oxygen tank, and stalked off to his art class with a face in his mind and an apology on the tip of his tongue.

When he made it to art class, after lugging his life support up all those stairs, he saw Alice sitting at the back of the class preoccupied with a sketch she was working on.

Tony practically flew to his seat and pulled out all his art supplies. Despite the fact that he basically stopped drawing when his cancer became terminal, he still had all the materials.

For the entire period, the two worked in silence for the first time since they'd met. Though Tony sent the Cullen glance after glance.

Tapping his pencil against his paper, he looked up at the clock and saw that they'd still had thirteen minutes left. He decided to make the most of it.

"I'm sorry." He muttered, loud enough for Alice to hear but quiet enough that the eavesdropping students couldn't quite make it out.

Alice looked up from her art piece, which depicted a pretty painted ginger in a striped blue dress.

"What?" She asked to confirm it was him that spoke. Though she knew perfectly well it was Tony, she'd practically memorized his voice.

"I'm sorry." Tony stated firmly. "Yesterday, I shouldn't have unloaded on you like that. You deserve better."

Alice allowed a small smile to grace her face.

"It's okay, Tony."

"No, it isn't." Anthony shook his head. "You and your family are one of the only good things at this school, and I really care about you, Angel." He set down his pencil and turned in his chair to face her. "And I guess I thought if you saw me as a normal person I could trick myself into thinking the same thing. Once you started talking about my condition, I guess- I don't know- I think I got scared."

"Scared of what, Tony? You shouldn't have to be afraid." Alice furrowed her eyebrows and put a hand on Tony's upper arm.

"I got scared because I never want anyone to love me and lose me. I got scared because if you get too close, too attached, it's gonna hurt you in the long run, and I never want you to get hurt." Anthony sighed, placing his hand over hers.

"But Tony, seeing you like this? So bitter and angry, it's what's really heartbreaking-" Alice was cut off by Tony.

"Fun fact, Angel. Hearts can't break. They can bend and be crushed, but they can't break." Them the bell rang and Tony's rushed to put everything away.

Once he had all his materials situated in his bag, he slung it over his shoulder, grabbed his oxygen tank and wheeled it out the door.

"I don't see how that's a fun fact." She called after him.

— HISTORY CLASS HAD BEEN PARTICULARLY AWKWARD. Anthony has absolutely no idea how to say the things he wanted to say to Jasper. How does someone just come right out and say, 'look, my sister and I think you and your foster family have some weird witchy stuff going on and by the way, I'm super gay for you'. He couldn't. So instead Tony spent the period avoiding eye contact with everyone. Specifically Jasper. Though the Hale could, as always, feel Anthony's inner torment, and was both nervous and confused.

When the class was over, Tony practically bolted out of his seat and spent the free period just hanging out in the medical building after getting his oxygen tank refilled, not wanting to risk running into Jasper.

That period was over in a flash and once it was time for lunch, Anthony was actually somewhat hungry for a change, so he grabbed himself a tray with a peach fruit cup, a salad and a water bottle.

He spotted the Cullens at their usual table, and noticed a few of them staring at him as if waiting for him to come sit. His usual chair was even sitting where it normally was, now empty and unused.

"Tony!" The boy heard his sister's voice and spun around to find her. She was sitting at a table with all her friends.

He did agree to join them this time.

So he strolled on over, expertly balancing his tray on one hand and dragging his oxygen tank behind him with the other.

"Hey." Tony greeted, specifically to Bella but it was more so an open statement.

"Hey, so guys this is Anthony." Bella introduced, gesturing to him.

Anthony noticed the same group that he had seen earlier, adding on Tyler Crowley who still had a white gauze bandage covering up the stitches on his forehead.

The group was sort of quiet, like they didn't know what to say. Mike Newton looked like a fish, opening and closing his mouth trying to find a response.

Anthony's reputation seemed to spread to 'bitter and scary' and it only made this situation more unbearable.

"Hey, we've met. Angela Weber." The pretty brunette with slender glasses reached her hand forward to shake his. Anthony had to free up his right hand to return the gesture.

Angela actually seemed the most polite and respectful out of the bunch. Anthony could see them being good friends.

"You've met me too, I'm Jessica."

Anthony knew him and Bella were on a good page right now. He couldn't ruin it by being a jerk to her friends, even though people like Jessica were the bane of his existence.

So he smiled and nodded. Then the boys of the group jumped up to introduce themselves, not wanting to seem like a whimp for being scared to talk to the sick kid.

Then, Anthony took his seat between Angela and Eric, making Eric nudge his chair way. It seemed as if the boys were avoiding Anthony like the plague, having heard about the girl's previous encounter and the fact that Tony had been practically adopted into the Cullen family.

Soon enough, the conversation kicked back in as Tony dug into his salad.

"Yeah. Hey, the Push, baby." Eric stated. "You in?" He asked Bella, who just looked at him confusedly.

"Should I know what that means?" She chuckled.

"La Push beach, down at the Quileute res." Mike explained. "We're all going tomorrow."

"There's a big swell coming in." Jessica added.

"And I don't just surf the internet." Eric stood on his chair to emphasize that he did, in fact, know how to surf. Mike stood on his chair and mocked the action.

"Eric, you stood up once." Jessica pointed out, "and it was a foam board."

"But there's also whale watching." Angela smiled, knowing how prone to accidents Bella could be. Surfing was definitely not her forte. "Come with us."

"La Push, baby. It's... La Push." Eric said, making Tony roll his eyes.

"Say it one more time and I'm La Pushing you off your chair." Anthony laughed, ripping off the plastic lid for his fruit cup.

Eric looked slightly threatened, a scared look in his eyes, while the others surrounding the table chuckled.

"Yeah," Bella agreed. "I'll go if you stop saying that."

"Hey, uh Tony, you should come too."  Angela smiled.

Tony paused and glanced up from his food.

"Uh, I can't." He said, sending a look to his sister.

"Why not, man?" Mike asked, leaning forward.

"Well... I can't exactly surf." Anthony stated. "And it rains a lot in Forks, wet sand isn't good for the wheels of my oxygen tank. Normally I don't have to worry about it because there's plenty of pavement in all the places I need to be." He said as he put a bite of peach in his mouth.

"Hey, that's okay. We could- uh... we could take you in the van and you could hang out with Angela and Bella. You wouldn't even have to step out." Mike offered. "And we were planning on having a bonfire later if the weather was nice enough, we could just move the van and park it so you can still hang with us."

Mike was just trying to be as nice as possible to Anthony Swan. Despite looking like a ghost on life support, Tony was the picture of intimidation. Tyler Crowley was almost certain the boy would have picked up his heavy metal oxygen tank and whipped him across the face with it for that near fatal accident with his sister.

As luck should have it, Anthony beamed at the idea of hanging out at the beach when Mike put it in such terms.

It could be fun, and Tony needed friends other than the Cullens.

"Yeah actually, that sounds nice." Anthony nodded, turning his attention back to his food to hide his smile.

Normally, he might have ripped their heads off for acting like he was so fragile, but after his talk with Charlie he realized he had to come to terms with the idea that he was, in fact, very breakable.

Isabella's friends seemed like a good place to start. He had no emotional attachments, and if he screwed up it wouldn't matter too much because Bella knows he really is trying his best to stay polite and open. He knew if he snapped and yelled at the Cullens he would kick himself for it later and the guilt would eat him alive.

Across from him, Isabella looked at her brother in surprise at his reaction, but behind her eyes there was a certain pride.

"Hey, maybe you could bring your sketching stuff. Draw the ocean or something." Bella suggested, knowing how much the boy missed his art.

Not the kind of stuff he did in class, that was all controlled and in a frame. He's being told what to do.

But his old art pieces were something completely different. Like a bird without a cage, he painted freedom like it wasn't some fantasy that he had been denied, he drew a story of health like it was always there, his art would depict the things he'd always wanted to see in the world. Freedom for a gay man, health for a cancer patient.

They were beautiful, and Isabella was right, he did miss it.

For the longest time he was scared of his art. After his cancer became terminal it was more difficult to draw what he wanted to see in the world. So much suffering and torturous treatment with no end in sight, it was like all he wanted to see was the end.

And that scared him.

"I think I will." Anthony nodded, looking past his sister at the table of Cullens. "Maybe I just need to see something new."