CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
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i. we need to talk !

— THE SILENCE BETWEEN THE TWO WAS ALMOST DEAFENING. Anthony had gathered all his painting things and set them up on a small table next to his easel. Jasper finished looking around and came to sit on the couch next to him.

Once a canvas had been set up, Anthony found himself staring at the blankness and wondering what sort of story he should paint on it.

Jasper got comfortable on the cheap material, shuffling around to lean back against the cushions before looking up and studying Tony's face.

"What is it?" He asked, searching through the emotions Anthony had.

Tony just sighed and pulled up his stool.

"I don't know what to paint."

Jasper glanced at the Swan's old sketchbook, sitting closed on the desk.

"Paint what you want to see."

Anthony stared at Jasper with a pointed look.

"I can't- I can only- I can't paint-..." he sighed and composed his thoughts. "I can't paint what I want to see."

"And why not?" The blond asked.

It was quiet. The CD had ended a few minutes ago so the only other sound was rain pattering against the garage door.

"Because a few months ago all I wanted to see was nothing." Tony squeezed his eyes shut before turning away from Jasper's view and picking up his palette, covered in dry paint from when he was younger and didn't know how to properly wash his art supplies.

Jasper's eyebrows furrowed in slight confusion, he felt Anthony's guilt creeping up on his subconscious and desperately wanted to help calm him down. Though he also felt if he did that, Tony would become more bottled up than before.

"What do you mean?" Jasper could barely get out his sentence before Tony had snapped.

"I mean I wanted to die, Jasper." He tried to sound angry, if only slightly, at the blond's prying, but he only sounded defeated. His throat closed up on his words and it sounded more like a sob than a bark of anger. "It was everyday- treatment after treatment each one leaving me breathless and in pain. I tried to stay optimistic when I got there, but then they said I had gone terminal?" Tony hung his head and clutched the side of the stool with his left hand, as if trying to keep himself on the ground.

"I had never wanted anything more than to just not exist." He muttered, his right hand clenched into a fist. With his eyes closed, the sudden cold against this hand came as a shock, but slowly he loosened his fist and intertwined his fingers with Jasper's. "Do you understand the amount of stress I had put on Bella?" Anthony continued, his voice becoming softer.

"My mom could hardly look at me, my dad has been dealing with my whining and bitching since I got here. I'm not their son anymore, I'm just a problem. A problem that they can't fix." Tony sighed.

Jasper then realized why Tony was feeling that bottled guilt. In his eyes, he was the reason people's lives were on hold. He was the reason behind cancelled plans or broken relationships.

"Tony," Jasper wanted to comfort him, but he didn't know what to say so he simply tightened his hold on Anthony's hand.

"Look... let's just talk about something else okay?" Anthony used his left hand to rub at his eyes, using his sweater sleeve.

"Okay darlin'... but you need to paint what you want to see and know that there are people in this world that love you. You are not and have never been a burden." Jasper made sure to look directly into Tony's eyes and get the point across.

Anthony shrugged it off and rubbed his eyes again with a heavy cough.

Finally, Tony nodded and picked up a tube of paint, squeezing it out onto his canvas. Expertly, he capped the tube of paint with one hand before grabbing one of his paint brushes.

Luckily for both boys, Tony was left handed so his right hand remained at his side, clutched in Jasper's.

"So," Tony sniffed quickly, trying to act like he didn't want to curl up and cry again. "You're a vampire." He stated matter of factly.

"I am." Jasper's southern voice was very soothing on Anthony's mind and he found himself wanting to hear more, so he invited conversation.

"And you aren't gay?" Anthony didn't want to sound eager, so he just continued painting as if he wasn't interested, though he remembered their midnight conversation.

Jasper chuckled slightly.

"It's a little difficult to explain."

"So you are gay?" Tony raised his eyebrows.

"I guess?" Jasper leaned into the cushions a bit more.

"You guess?"

"Well I'm a bit new to the idea."

Anthony laughed, "You're over a hundred years old and you're still only just figuring out your sexuality?"

"Like I said, it's difficult to explain."

"Well, we've got time." Tony set down his paint brush and grabbed another tube of paint, examining it with a furrowed brow.

"What is it?" Jasper sat up slightly.

"I don't know if this is the right colour." He frowned, turning it over. "Can I use your hand?"

Jasper looked down at their intertwined hands for a moment and asked,

"For what?"

"To test it? I'd use my pants but these are brand new jeans and I'd use my other hand but it's kinda occupied. It's acrylic so it's fast drying but it's relatively okay on hands- I mean you're a vampire anyway.."

Jasper just nodded and held out his free hand with his palm to the floor.

Tony uncapped the paint and put the tiniest amount on the back of Jasper's hand, using a smaller brush to spread it into a line.

"That doesn't look right." Anthony muttered to himself and put the cap back on.

"Do you need your hand back?" Jasper asked, seeing Tony struggled slightly to find the colour that his mind was calling out for.

Tony shook his head.

"Nah, I'm fine. I like the challenge of painting one handed." Anthony waved off, finding another tube of paint and testing it on Jasper's hand. It seemed like this was the one he needed as his lips pulled up in a slight smile and he picked up a pallet knife.

"Good."

"Good." Tony agreed. "So, you. Gay?"

Jasper sighed slightly.

"I really don't wanna freak you out with the explanation."

"Oh, please. I took the vampire thing pretty well." Anthony rolled his eyes playfully, desperate for Jasper to just explain and get it over with.

"You called me a bitch." The Hale pointed out with a laugh.

"You earned the title, what can I say." Tony laughed along, trying to mockingly defend himself.

"I think I liked the pet names more than the curses." Jasper tossed out jokingly.

"Oh so you like my pet names?" Anthony raised an eyebrow with a wink, only to turn back to his canvas a second later, too soon to see Jasper's wide eyed reaction.

When Tony heard no verbal response from Jasper, he sighed slightly and looked to see the Hale's stare on him.

"Sorry, that was probably too strong. God, I'm so awkward." Anthony muttered.

Jasper tightened his grip on Tony's hand.

"Not at all, darlin'." He teased. "I'm just admiring the view."

Anthony, surprising himself, didn't blush. He thought, in a situation like this, he would. It's what you read about in romance novels and see on tv. You get flirted with, and you blush.

But he felt so incredibly comfortable with Jasper. Yes, the subtle comment sent his heart soaring but instead of stuttering and making a mess of himself, he smiled. Genuinely smiled.

He couldn't tell if it was Jasper, handling his emotions. Though he had a feeling that it wasn't.

Whatever it was, it made him confident enough to raise Jasper's hand to his lips and place a feathered kiss against the back.

He didn't look for Jasper's reaction, focusing on his canvas as their intertwined hands fell back to his side.

"Alright cowboy, tell me all about your kinda-being-gay."

"Cowboy?" Jasper smirked.

"Don't change the subject."

Jasper sighed heavily before leaning forward slightly.

"I wouldn't have known for sure if it wasn't for Alice. She saw you coming." Jasper began, trying to put together his words in a way that would make sense to Tony.

"Us vampires have these- people... they've been called 'mates'. Basically.. uh... when a vampire falls in love, they fall in love for life. It's an unbreakable bond and it's incredibly overpowering to bloodlust, something we've recently found out. Esme and Carlisle have the bond, as do Rosalie and Emmett." Jasper explained, studying Anthony's profile. Tony was listening intently but tried to seem disinterested, moving his palette knife against his canvas.

"And you've fallen in love?" Anthony asked.

"Not yet, but judging by the way I feel with you I can assume it's gonna happen sooner rather than later."

Tony stopped moving completely, frozen after what he'd just heard.

"You- I'm- you think I'm- are you sure?" Anthony stuttered, gripping Jasper's hand tightly.

"Alice has seen the future and speaking from experience, the future is difficult to change." Jasper squeezed Tony's hand back.

Anthony looked down at the floor.

"And... would you.. would you want to change it?" He asked, a feeling of self doubt slowly wrapping around his mind. He began thinking how terrible it must be, to finally find the person you're supposed to be with for life only to see that they don't have much life left.

Jasper smiled.

"Not for anything." He spoke, gaining Tony's surprised attention. "I think I was destined to love you."

Anthony tried to keep himself from grinning, he really did. But nothing could stop the sheer amount of happiness that took over his face. Tony turned away from Jasper quickly to the table of his paints, trying to make it seem like he was looking for a new colour. Though he then realized, he did need a new colour.

"Hold out your hand please."

Jasper did as told, and Tony tried a new colour on his skin.

It was quiet for a while until Tony spoke up again.

"Are you gonna keep talking?" He asked.

Jasper's eyebrows raised.

"Did you want me to?"

"Yeah." Anthony replied in a 'duh' tone.

"What should I talk about?" Jasper asked.

Tony hummed in thought for a moment.

"Hey, are you going to prom?" Anthony settled on asking him about the upcoming dance.

Jasper frowned slightly.

"I don't think I should. I'm hardly fine in the cafeteria let alone a tight room full of humans. No doubt Rosalie and Emmett would go and their bloodlust is enough to drive me crazy." Jasper looked at Tony apologetically. He'd realized that Tony actually enjoyed those sorts of things and wished he could go with the boy.

Tony shrugged.

"That's okay." He stated, and it was. They didn't have to go to some frivolous dance together, as fun as it might have been.

"You should ask Alice to go with you." Jasper offered. "She's been waiting years for someone to take her and she would go alone but she says that even the idea of going alone is just depressing."

"She was my number one candidate actually." Anthony smirked. "But I figured I'd try my luck with you first." He winked.

"So she hasn't found her mate yet?" Tony changed the subject. "Alice, I mean."

Jasper shook his head.

"She knows they're out there, though. She hasn't had any visions but she says she can feel them." Jasper said.

"Did you have a feeling?" Anthony asked.

"I never really focussed on it, but maybe. I think 'the feeling' is just something she says though." Jasper laughed.

Anthony joined in as he changed colours.

"Yeah that sounds like her."

Playful banter and curious thoughts continued back and forth for hours until they realized it was almost eight o'clock and they'd spent a near five hours in each other's company.

Eventually, Anthony decidedly finished off his painting and showed it to Jasper, who just stared in awe.

A sense of pride washes over the blond as he looked at the painting.

Draw what you want to see.

A few months ago, he was drawing dark pictures of destruction and ruin.

Now, he sits in his own makeshift art studio, with his hand locked firmly in Jasper's, and he's painted a beautiful picture of a tree, it's leaves in tens of different colours creating a rainbow affect.

To the rest of the world, it was a tree. A really pretty tree.

To Jasper, it was an image- a symbol almost, of hope.

It was a message.

The message that now, Tony wanted to live long enough to see the leaves change.

He wanted to live.

author's note

Finished at 4:24 am, I am a tired mess I haven't slept in like 4 days or smtn I don't know what to dooo

I accidentally wrote a kinda sad scene and I'm sorry but hopefully the Tony/Jasper fluff made up for it

Also: new species update: I've gotten a lot of positive feedback so I have begun my research and oooo I'm so ready to introduce the idea. I hope you guys like it as much as I do

I feel like this chapter also might be a bit messy please excuse that,
I'm sleep deprived and relying on monkey brain 😂

Like I spent 20 minutes tryna figure out what an acrylic knife was called yikes
Sorry if paint stuff isn't that well written too, I draw more than I paint so I don't even know proper terms for stuff 😂😂
I meant to learn how to paint, but it just isn't happening so I'll stick to my pencils for now