THE SONG 👆👆👆

Afaaf Zaryaab Khan

The vast land was booming with the sounds of Azaan from the beautiful mosques whose tall minarets could be seen from the heights towering over the valley. The sleepingq flowers awakening by the first glimpses of the sun. The wind coming to life.

I couldn't resist coming to the main terrace on the top floor of the haveli. My duppatta still wrapped around my head as I finished praying. And just as I had opened the heavy double doors of the terrace, the surge of cold wind had whisked around me. Bringing its own tunes and melancholy. I reached the boundary overlooking the garden of the haveli, seeing the men of the household pray in jamaat. I spotted Zaryaab in the first row with Jahan and Khan Dada.

And in that heavenly moment I realized heavily that before our Lord we were all equal. Did Zaryaab look like the ruler as he prayed behind the security guard in uniform that led the prayer. Or did anyone differentiate them as the gardener, security guard, guard and driver all stood in one line to pray.

Aik He Saf me Khare Hogaye Mehmood Aur Aayaz,
Na Koi Banda Raha Na Koi Banda Nawaz.

I moved away from the parapet feeling as if I was an intruder. Tracing the white boundary, I walked to the other side. A large cage of pigeons was kept there. A very large one. Filled with pigeon as they muttered in their own language. They maybe happy here but to me they looked trapped. I traced their cage with my fingers. Sensing them immediately still.

I moved to the opposite end, it gave the view of the backside of the haveli and from this high, I could see the stream that ran between the mountains. The water, energetic and gushing.

The sun peeked from behind the mountains and I opened my arms welcoming the morning for the first time in my life in such a carefree manner. The morning spreading around slowly and I wrapped my arms around myself feeling the cold wind leave a trail of goosebumps on my skin.

The birds weren't left behind as they greeted the nature in their own enthusiastic way, chirping and singing melodies. Making me feel at peace.

" What are you doing up here?" A manly voice asked as he came to stand besides me. A cigarette dangling from his lips.

" Nothing. Just-feeling." I whispered softly.

We didn't face each other. I even avoided looking at anything closer to him. And just like that we fell in our own thoughts. But my mouth couldn't be shut as I voiced them.

" Do you know Zaryaab, what you have given me?" I asked softly, I was afraid that if I spoke any louder, the tranquility surrounding us would be broken.

" Questions." I spoke feeling his eyes staring at me as he remained mum.

" Lots of questions. That even sometimes I question my existence." I swallowed down my throat, almost painfully and that talking to him alone caused me pain and reminded me of every invisible wound sewn on my skin.

" Teen alfazon k saharey, tumne mjhe apne wajood se band liya hai. A relationship, that I don't know is of compromise or had been forced." My hands shivered as I placed them flat on the white surface. My voice filled with emotions I couldn't decipher at the moment.

" Yet still, I am clueless. You keep things hidden from me. Wallahi, I don't even know you properly."

" So do I." He stated and I suddenly laughed lightly.

" Out of the whole damn thing you only caught this?" I raised my eyebrows and turned to him noticing the wind making a mess of his hair. The smoke exhaling out of his mouth as he smiled as well.

" You see the pigeons?" I asked.

" They are happy here." He simply said shrugging and I shook my head.

" Any outsider would say the same about me." I whispered in honesty. He remained silent.

" If you give me one reason or any one reason I find myself to trust you enough with my life, I'll change my behavior. I'll forget that I was brought here forcibly. I'll forget about every allegation I have in my heart against you." I stated.

But I had no energy or confidence to face him and wait for his answer and so I turned around and walked back to the way I came from.

The morning went by as usual with Dadi Gul Jan instructing me all around. I even had an argument with her that led us both glaring at each other. But as I noticed her eyes, I had whispered sorry before ascending the stairs and walking into my room.

" Norie-" I called out as I heard her singing a Pashto song passing by the hallway outside.

" Yes?" She answered back.

I came to stand before her and held her hand.

" Can you lend me those clothes you and Dadi Gul Jan were talking about. I've been repeating these two pairs since the day I came here." I said pouting.

The woman nodded her head.

" Sure, come I'll show you the way." She said gripping my hand.

We had taken only two steps forward when Zaryaab had interrupted us.

" Where are you two going?" He inquired and Norie looked perplexed as she bowed her head.

She answered him in Pashto as the both conversed pointing at me and I stood completely unaware of what was going on. But by the end Zaryaab had stopped speaking to the woman, he looked angry. The warm in his green eyes had turned cold and now was frozen.

" Go get your bag, we are going to the market." He ordered me and turned around walking down the stairs.

" Wha-"

" Now go fast, don't make him anymore angry." Norie ushered me pushing me back in the room.

I managed to brush my hair while descending the stairs and a guard in uniform already waited for me.

" Madam, this way." He led as I looked at him hesitantly.

" Boss is waiting for you." He said and I nodded following behind him.

I felt excited and nervous and frantic going to the swat market for the first time. But as I cast Zaryaab a look, I frowned. Would he go like this, dressed in a three piece suit? I'd look like a slave before him.

" Would you go like this?" I asked as he opened the door to his large black vehicle.

" Yes, why?" He asked looking irritated.

" Aren't you a little overly dressed?" I squeaked as he ushered me towards the seat.

" No." The guard from before got in besides the driver as I tried to climb in.

" How do you even-"

Zaryaab had lifted me effortlessly and placed me on the seat before I could even catch my breath.

" get into this damn car." I finished suddenly flushed. Heat crept up my skin at the man's actions. I casted a glance at the two men sitting before us but thankfully they hadn't noticed anything.

I didn't get time to think much as we hit the road. We travelled down the slopes and roads. Swat was nothing like my hometown. It had all shops and every facility but while back home everything was filled with anguish, tension and speed, this city was all about nature and peace.

The car came to a stop and I looked out noticing that we had reached out destination. My door opened and I stilled seeing the guards by my side.

My eyes widened more when I saw another car parked behind us filled with guards. Zaryaab was by my side as soon as I stepped down. My hand was clutched into his as walked into the market.

" Go get your necessities." The man said as he let my hand loose.

Before the shops were stalls selling what not. Afghani carpets, woolen shawls, dry fruits, the traditional antique jewelry. The scarfs themed in autumn colours caught my attention as I went before the stall seeing the elderly bearded man already dealing with the customer.

I traced the pattern on the scarf, the tiny beads tucked with thread work. A manly hand took the scarf from my grasp and I almost protested. But seeing Zaryaab speak to the vendor in rapid Pashto, I remained quiet.

We moved to another shop that displayed the types of clothes I liked and I selected a few pairs, Zaryaab was hot on my tail as he dealt with the vendors.

" Afaaf." A cheery voice called from amongst the crowd and I turned my head to see Mahzala waving at me.

She came to us greeting, embracing me in a warm hug.

" It's good to see you here, shopping? Let me see what you got." She looked through the shopping bags and gasped.

" You haven't got one thing that'll make you look like a new bride." She grinned clutching my hand.

" Let's go get you some jewelry." She walked with me and I turned around seeing Zaryaab follow closely behind us with a blank face.

" look, this looks good on you." She placed a head piece on my forehead and I nodded seeing the beautiful antique piece.

We wondered around the shops and I easily befriended Mahzala. She was beautiful inside out. She helped me shop through and we talked alot. We were on our last stop. Confusion had filled my head and I couldn't decide between a black and red shalwar suit. Both were equally beautiful. Simple and elegant.

Mahzala was besides me looking through different prints. I flipped the cloth again and again trying to see which one to chose. The woman turned to me and said,

" I think you should take the black one."

" This one." Zaryaab whispered from besides me, making me look up at the man seeing his eyes on the red one, his hand playing with fabric.

" This one?" I asked just to confirm.

" Yes. Red looks good on you." He stated as I looked up at him. His green eyes warm again. I could see the tiny flicker on his skin breaking the resistance just to smile but he composed himself.

" When did you see me in red?" I asked confused. A soft smile playing on my lips.

" On our wedding day." He spoke as if he was telling me about the shop name but just something about the information was so intimate that I blushed as if water had frozen and stars had shined.

" Oh" I managed to say and as I looked at Mahzala averting my gaze, I saw a strange shine in her eyes, the one that stretched her lips. She gulped and nodded. Clearly, she had seen the exchange and I could not guess how much that would have affected her.

At last, I got the red dress.

We parted ways with Mahzala, the guards were outside waiting for us and just as we came out from the crowded place, I noticed how tired my legs had gotten.

Zaryaab opened the car door for me and just as he snaked his arms around my body, I moved away.

" Uh hun." I shook my head and finger at him.

With great difficulty, I got in the car leaving the man chuckling. The evening was falling as we crossed the main gates of the haveli. Before I could take the bags, two women were already hurrying to take them. I had seen them work around the house.

Norie offered me tea but I shook my head, but one stern look from Dadi Gul Jan's eye corner had me stumbling towards the large hall where everyone was seated. I greeted everyone and sat down on the single seater plush chair.

Dadi Gul Jan gave me another look, her eyes moving between me and her grandson. As she pointed to the seat besides Zaryaab. I ignored her once, twice as the men talked about some silly business. But the intensity of her glare had my legs shaking as I stood up from my place awkwardly and settled besides my husband.

The atmosphere suddenly just changed and everyone felt silent. Zaryaab turned to look at me, a sparkle of surprise swimming in his eyes. Khan Dada acknowledged my presence and I offered a soft smile to the man.

" My grandson wasn't very harsh on the shopping, was he?" He asked sipping his tea and I shook my head maintaining the smile. I felt nervous with so much attention directed at me.

This was a family, completely different from mine and now somehow I was a part of it- Gosh!

" Bakhtiyar Sahib, would you like some biscuits?" Dadi Gul Jan asked her husband, seeing him shake his head. But the woman pointed towards me and biscuits giving me her clear signals.

I stood up from my place, almost tumbling over the posh carpet. As I took the plate filled with various biscuits and served them before Khan Dada.

" If Afaaf serves, I won't refuse." He said making the environment lighter. And I almost wished that I had a family like this.

When the men left for Maghrib prayer, I rolled the trolley into the kitchen area seeing Dadi Gul Jan instruct the cook and check on dinner.

Upon seeing me, she touched my hand and said,

" Go rest now, I'll call you down for dinner." I nodded my head before leaving the kitchen. The bright lights were on, the windows closed and curtains drawn. I took the stairs on the opposite side, taking the longer route to my room.

This haveli was filled with two things: tapestries and photo frames. I had noticed many frames covered with white sheets but I hadn't intruded, yet. Many pictures were in black and white of ancestors. Of young Dadi Gul Jan and Khan Dada.

I traced the wall.

What was with tracing everything, today?

My eyes spotted a frame and I narrowed my eyes at it.

It was a degree, framed of Zaryaab Alam Khan. I gasped reading that he was a Civil Engineer, graduated from one of the most elite and prestigious university of the country. There were many certificates framed as well and I frowned before I composed myself, smiling slyly.

Might have gotten the degree through money. He would have snapped his fingers and people would have placed it on a silver platter.

No Afaaf. No. You are not to think like this. NO.

My mind shouted and I shook the thoughts away.

*

Time passed away as I made space between Zaryaab's clothes and hanged mine. Glancing at the clock, I saw it strike eleven and on queue a yawn escaped my lips. Pushing the remaining bags in the cupboard, I closed it.

The door burst open and a shriek left my mouth. My hands rummaged on the bed as I draped my duppatta around my shoulders and turned to see the intruder.

Zaryaab stood by the door, in his black sweats and a matching hoodie. The hood on his head as he glared at me menacingly. Two pillows tucked under his arms.

" Get out." I said half shouting.

" What?" He gave me a blank stare as he casually walked towards the bed making me walk in the opposite direction as him.

" Yes. Because this is my room." I stated as he placed his pillows on the bed. He chuckled.

" Oh really? Where is it written?" He asked amused.

I gasped and narrowed my eyes at him.

" Well- I.. I have be..en staying in th..is room si..nce I've been here." Why was I stammering?

" It doesn't changes the fact that it's my room." He grinned wolfishly and I glared.

" Fine, you stay here. I'll go in the guest bedroom." I said firmly walking to the bed and snatching my pillow from his grip.

" Go. Where ever suits you." He said loudly as I opened the bedroom door.

I hugged the pillow to my abdomen as my eyes took in the darkened haveli. Why were the lights so dim?

With hesitant steps I walked to the other halfway. Chills creeping up my spine before travelling down. My throat went dry as I saw the guards strolling downstairs.

With a heavy heart, I rushed back towards the bedroom.

There was in no way I was staying in the guest bedroom with bulky men walking around the house.

" What? Afraid of ghosts?" Zaryaab mocked as he stood at the foot of the bed.

" Shut up." I said very angry at him.

He smirked only before reaching towards the packet of cigarettes.

" Oh ALLAH!" I whispered under my breath.

He turned around with the unlit cigarette tucked between his lips. His eyes widened and his jaw dropped, the cigarette falling soundlessly on the floor. I draped my duppatta properly as he eyed me.

" Is that my shirt?" He asked shocked.

I looked down and grinned at him.

" No way. It's an expensive shirt. Why are you wearing it? I bought you clothes today." He spoke.

" What? Do you except me to wear new clothes while I sleep." I stated shrugging my shoulders.

Although the shirt was baggy and reached mid thigh yet it matched my grey trousers. Making the perfect night suit. His eyes burned my back as I pulled my hair in a ponytail.

" Now, please go back. Because I am not sharing a room with you."

" It's not as if you've not shared one before. That wooden hut was very smaller than this."

Before I could control myself, I had aimed the cushion at him. It hit him on the head and he turned to me.

" You did not just do that." He gritted yet I smiled tightly at him. He picked it up and aimed at me. I ducked it effortlessly and laughed at his failed attempt.

" You just wait." He said with confidence as he threw a pillow at me.

And before we knew it, we were pillow fighting.

I hissed as a pillow hit my back but I laughed as my cushion hit his abdomen. Mirth fell around us, as we laughed and ran around the room.

The mattress of the bed pressed from my light weight as I climbed on the bed, taking more soft pillows from there.

" That's cheating." The man shouted lurching towards me. I laughed getting down as he chased me.

" No. No. No." I chanted between my heavy breaths.

My chiffon duppatta came between my feet as I slipped, falling back on the ground. Zaryaab bumped into me, his pillow hitting my stomach only pushing me more, his body falling over the pillow.

" Oumphhh." Zaryaab's hand shot out and cupped the back of head before it could hit the wood of the floor. I groaned loudly.

Zaryaab was hovering over me, the pillow pressed between our body.

" Ouch." I hissed as my elbows scraped against the cold wood.

" God! You're heavy." I protested pushing against the man's chest. He chuckled loudly looking down at me.

" Well that's for troubling me in the first place."

I mocked a smile and shook my head. His hand was still cupping the back of my head and my actions made him look down in my eyes. Green, they were so green like a forest that never ended. Deep and sharp and soft and cold at the same time.

From this close, I could count his lashes. His growing beard. His eyes traced my features and heat crept up my skin. The once laughter filled room fell silent all of a sudden. And I feared that my drumming heart could be heard. I could feel myself feverish as heat filled my cheeks and I blushed.

I looked up at his face again, seeing it leaned a lot closer to me. He gulped and I lowered my gaze as his other hand brushed over the tiny remnant of scar left on my forehead.

" It healed well." He whispered.

His words were almost against my skin just as his breath. His fingers brushing the tendrils away as he whispered something in Pashto. His weight crushing my ribs and I was afraid that if I remained under him in the next few minutes, I might pass out.

His eyes met mine.

" Afaaf."

" Zaryaab."

We both spoke at the same time. And a smile fell across our features but before we could share it, the door was pushed open.

I gasped and with all my strength pushed the man off me, he rolled over, cursing something loudly in pashto and we both stood up at the same time.

I panicked and my eyes went wide seeing Dadi Gul Jan standing at the door looking as shocked as us. She composed herself and asked looking around the room. I followed her gaze and found the room all upside down.

" What was the commotion about?"

" He was fighting."

" She was fighting."

Zaryaab and I spoke at the same time. The woman placed a hand against her hip and narrowed her hazel eyes. Pointing towards the bed, she said.

" Both. On the bed. Now." My heart thudded as I rushed to my favourite side of the bed and laid down. Lightly giggling at the whole fiasco. Hiding myself under the comforter, I felt the bed dip. But Dadi Gul Jan's fear had my eyes tightly shut.

And I did not open them till the next morning as sleep basked me.

***

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