#73 on spiritual!! YOU GUYS ARE AMAZING!! 😍😍😍

Afaaf

I jolted up in bed. My eyes popping open.

I heaved deep breaths, in and out. My forehead sweaty as I rubbed my hand over it before braiding my brown hair. Sun light streamed in from the large windows as I groaned from the intruding light in the large room. My pounding heartbeats had me wondering, what had me waking up like this.

I fell back on the pillows, the strings of sleep still lulling me. Yet, last night's events came rushing back to me. Scorching my mind, hard. For some unknown purpose I knew, that last night could never be erased from my mind. And no matter how hard I try, it would never be forgotten. Not that I wanted to forget it. Each breath, each tear, each painful tale was memorized by me.

But it was painful. Very painful and heart wrenching that I wanted to reach out the ones who did such an inhumane act. Who killed Ronaq. Who destroyed such a beautiful family. And now, as more and more I thought about it, I wished that the criminals get the worst of punishment.

As my brown eyes silently roamed around the room, my lips dropped in a low bow. Finding that Zaryaab was already gone. Disappointment filling me for some odd reason.

What was with so many odd reasons these days.

Last night, I had the most peaceful sleep I had in ages. Curled in Zaryaab's arms, I felt as if I was drowned in abyss of darkness where I was secure, where I was home. And where I had nothing to fear. Nothing to lose. Being with Zaryaab was a feeling I couldn't decipher.

It was hard to even explain, what I felt.

Sometimes, I'd think being with him was totally wrong. But we were bonded religiously what could be wrong. And other times it felt so right that I'd stick to the fact that this was my only home. Where Khan Dada and Dadi Gul Jan geniuenly loved me and adored me, not because I was a copy of their late granddaughter but because I was me. Where Norie gossiped around and where I was respected, treated like royalty.

My focus returned back to Zaryaab. His forest green eyes and those annoying smirks of him. He wasn't a bad guy, bad was what I had perceived. And now I only wished for peace and happiness for him.

As I got up and dressed, glancing at the table calenders seeing the month complete. It was the last date of the month.

And time passed by quickly. Day after day flying. Bringing more colour to the seasons and new emotions. Now I blushed on every smile I received from my husband. Now I glanced at every possible place he could be.

It was true, Zaryaab had anger management issues. And controlling him at that time was very difficult. Almost out of my hands. Jahan had to control him each time until he was calmed down. I still feared his anger. His anger was as if tornadoes and hurricanes were clashing causing destruction all around until nothing but he left. Until the person in front of him was shaken and a sobbing mess.

Days were passing smoothly, until one afternoon I heard from the guards there was some shooting in the main city, it was a threat again. I was shaken from the news. Hugging the cushions in the hall until late at night when Jahan and Zaryaab showed up. Both the men were tensed. But after that nothing happened. And more days passed.

" Here" I handed over the brown jacket to the man. Seeing a small boyish smile play on his lips.

" What?" I asked softly raising my eyebrows at him. He shook his head innocently.

I leaned against the vanity table, so that my back faced the mirror as Zaryaab got ready to leave for work.

" What is it?" I asked once again, annoyed that he kept stealing glances at me with that smile on his face.

" Come here." He instructed. A huskiness mixed to his deep voice. I stood before him as his towering figure leaned over me. His breaths washing over my features. My nervous hands found the table behind me as I supported myself on them. I gulped as he neared.

My breaths were rapid and so were his. I could even hear the thudding of his heart from under all those layers of clothing on him.

" Zzzarr-"

" What!" He acted innocent. His large eyes, playful as he nuzzled my cheek. I bubbled the squeak in my mouth, wanting not to embarrass myself.

His growing stubble was ticklish as he rubbed it against my skin. My fingers were quivering by then, anticipating his next move. But he moved back and in a flip second turned me around. Making a soft surprised gasp escaped my lips. Snaking his arms around my waist, he dropped his chin on my shoulder. As we faced the mirror.

" What do you think, how do we look together?" His question baffled me and I blinked at his reflection.

To me the word perfect was on the tip of my tongue but I didn't say it. Instead I whispered a soft,

" MASHALLAH."

" Huh?"

I turned around in his arms. And faced him. His forest green eyes were of the softest of colours as he stared down at me.

" MASHALLAH. You look very handsome today, and I don't want any evil eye to catch you." I smiled softly in all honesty. The man chuckled.

" This is cute. Very cute." He tucked a lock of my brown hair behind my ear. I circled my arms around him and embraced him. And as his familiar cologne wafted past my nostrils, a void started to open up. The smile from my face dropped and I hugged him tighter. Something twisted in my stomach, a weird feeling coiling around my neck but I suppressed it as Zaryaab tightened his hold on me.

I couldn't let go of him. Something was stopping me. I just couldn't unwind myself away from him.

" Afaaf?" He called out softly and only did then I break apart from him.

His concerning eyes bored through my figure as I moved to fold the blanket, keeping myself busy.

" Afaaf?" I hummed in response. Ignoring looking his way as I picked the book up and kept it back down, just the way it always was.

Arms reached towards me, as Zaryaab turned me to him. Cupping my face, he ran his eyes over all my features before staring in my brown orbs.

" What's the matter?" He said.

I shook my head. Afraid that if I uttered a word, I might end up crying.

" Are you sure?" He probed and I nodded again trying to give him the bestest of smiles I could. Yet I knew better who was I fooling. Zaryaab even read through me when we weren't even married and now looking at his features I knew that he had it all figured out.

" Tell me or-" He started to say but was cut off shortly.

" Zaryaab Bhai the cars are waiting for you outside." Gulroz's exasperated voice came from the other end, making the man give a sharp look to the door.

" God" he whispered before turning his eyes.

My face was still cupped in his palms as his lips came crashing down on mine. I didn't get time to respond as he pulled back. Giving another quick peck, he stuffed his wallet and phone in his pocket before turning to the door.

" We'll talk in the evening." He said as he gave me a smile. Fluttering my heart. Before walking out of the door.

I sighed, my lips dropping the smile when suddenly the door opened again. I hadn't even turned when soft lips met mine. Slow and steady. Stealing the breath out of me as Zaryaab kissed me. When we pulled away, he had a grin on his face as he made his way to the door, walking backwards.

" Wait for me Afaaf!" He winked before saying lastly and then he was out of the room.

I smiled at his words and made my way over to the window. Seeing the large vehicles all ready to leave. Jahan and Zaryaab settled in and the cars were rolled out of the main gates.

With a huge smile on my face, I started the day. My heart pulled at it's strings, making me want to reach the phone and call Amma but everytime I held myself back. I just couldn't. Maybe I didn't want to.

The day passed quickly as I helped Dadi Gul Jan and the house help with dinner and then setting the table. Jahan rang while we waited for the men, informing that he'd be late. I smiled politely at the old couple and told them to continue with dinner and that I'd wait up for the men.

Dadi Gul Jan insisted that I eat with them, but I refused.

Wait for me Afaaf.

Zaryaab's words didn't allow me to do so. I shivered from the cold, sitting on the patio steps. A honk sounded and the gates were pulled open. The large white car rolled in the driveway and I stood up. A flutter going straight to my heart. The doors opened and Jahan came out, the guards walking over to their mates.

The man saw me, offering me a smile.

"Where's Zaryaab?" I asked following my eyes to the car seeing the car dark and locked now. The man frowned craning his neck up as he stopped mid step.

" Zaryaab?" I nodded. The smile wiping off my face.

" He left early. Did he not reach?" Jahan pulled his phone out, scrolling through something as he called out for the guard.

I just shook my head.

" Don't worry. He must have stopped somewhere." I could see the shakiness of his fingers as he dialled his cousins number. The guard and Jahan muttered something in Pashto. Increasing my anxiety.

" Where is he?" I asked again. As Jahan's amber brown eyes connected to mine.

" Afaaf. Go inside. I'll just go get him. Probably his car must've broken down."

I stared at the man hard, knowing that it was a lie but nonetheless walked back inside. My legs draining of energy.

I knew there was only one way road to the haveli, if by chance Zaryaab's car broke down, there was a hundred percent chance that Jahan would have caught up with him before returning home. But he did not.

Wait for me Afaaf.

My heart was screaming that something was wrong. I knew something was wrong. Something was definitely wrong. I closed my eyes, as the tires screeched and the main gates were opened. The hustle of the guards could be heard from where I sat curled on the sofa in the large hall.

A shadow moved and I saw Gulroz sit on the floor by the double doors that led out to the patio. He didn't say anything, nor did look my way but the grim look on his face told me that he too knew that something was wrong. And that he was send by Jahan to look after me.

Hours passed, just like that. I sat idly not once moving from my place. I didn't straighten my legs, I didn't close my eyes for more than a minute. Afraid that if I closed them any longer and if Zaryaab returned that moment, I'd miss the chance to have a glimpse of him.

My heart prayed. But my eyes didn't shed a tear. Why would I cry. He said to me before leaving to wait for him, not cry for him. My brown eyes glanced at the round clock seeing it read past three in the morning. And just then the main gates were disturbed and I heard the car.

Standing up from my place, I leapt towards the entrance barefooted. Hearing Gulroz call out from behind me. The guards also rushed to my side, restricting me from crossing the doors to the entrance but I pushed them back with all my might.

I heaved, glancing at the man's disheveled state. His amber brown eyes ashen. As he rubbed his face, breathing in large gulps of hair. I gulped the lump in my windpipe, catching my own breath.

" Where is he?" My voice cut through the air and everyone stopped their movements. The guards moved back, their eyes turning to the ground and their heads lowering. Jahan was not readable. He was frozen, somewhat in the same state as me.

" Afaaf, come inside." He instructed walking past me.

I walked behind him,matching his strides.

" Where is he? Tell me? Where is he? Answer me?" I asked the man as he fell on the sofa. Covering his face behind his palms.

" Tell me! I am asking you something!" I was exasperated now.

" Afaaf." Jahan looked up. His jaw clenching as he shook his head at me.

" Don't Afaaf me. You said you were going to get him! Where is he now? Why did you not bring him with you?" I sighed.

" Please calm down. Sit down." The man said softly. His eyes pleading me. I stood before him stubbornly, demanding my right.

" Do you want to know where he is?"

I nodded.

" Then please sit."

I obeyed this time.

Gulroz brought water for us. Jahan gulped the water down and my anticipation only increased. Gulroz sat with us. All humour gone away from him.

" Now listen carefully-" I nodded.

" Zaryaab left with his two guards on time. He told me that he was leaving early. And that he's-"

" Where is Zaryaab!" I grit out cutting off his twisting story.

The man looked at me, his eyes shades darker than the original colour.

" We found his car on the outskirts of the city, his guards were there. Badly injured that they were rolled directly to the hospital. They were drugged, unable to speak."

" And Zaryaab Lala?" Gulroz interrupted this time.

Jahan looked down, his shoulders slouching as he whispered loud enough for us.

" He was taken."

My ears numbed and I shot up from my place so fast that the bones in my feet, protested.

" Me nahi manti. I don't believe you." I said to the man, shaking my head at him.

Giving the two men one last glance, I turned around running to my room. The wooden floors extremely cold underneath my bare feet.

" Afaaf!" Jahan kept calling after me in the dark of the night, but I didn't stop. Climbing two steps at a time.

" Listen to me, please. Afaaf!"

I shut my bedroom door and locked it. Running a hand through my hair, I walked into the bathroom. Returning, I switched off the lights only letting the lamp glow. Spreading the prayer mat, I stood to pray.

And all night, I prayed. But didn't cry.

Wait for me Afaaf.

The words kept playing in my mind, as the next day I sat in my room. I didn't know what time of the day it was. Dadi Gul Jan was crying, hysterically. Attempting to feed me a morsel but I couldn't take a bite. Thinking of swallowing was a poisoning process. Dadi Gul Jan kept shaking me, saying that I had lost my mind. Worried that I wasn't speaking, I wasn't crying.

But I failed to explain to her that there wasn't any reason to cry. Why was she crying even!

Everyone was worried about me. But I was worried about someone else.

I finished praying Isha, feeling that the day was very weird today. Stepping down the stairs, I saw the lights dim in the large house. The guards patrolling all around. Giving the heavy builted man a nod, I pushed open the doors to the garden. Fresh air passed through every pore of my skin, as I slowly walked down the steps. My long duppatta trailing behind me as I draped it on my shoulders.

I tensed seeing the man sit, his back towards me.

Fire burning in a small metal pot before him, his eyes fixed as he sat on the ground. I went around to stand opposite to him. The warmth of the fire contrasting with the cold wind.

Jahan noticed my presence, his body stiffening before he relaxed.

Wait for me Afaaf.

" Please bring him back." I couldn't even recognize my throaty voice as I uttered. My voice box scraped as I spoke.

Jahan took in a large breath.

I joined my hands before the man, seeing him stand up. His head shaking, his eyes pleading.

" Please." I cried out. My tears bursting as I cried the first time since Zaryaab was taken. I closed my eyes tightly, a pain to throbbing in my head.

" Afaaf. No."

I shook my head. I couldn't take any longer. The burden of pain on my shoulders was very much.

Jahan stepped closer to me, lowering my hands and I cried more harder. I leaned my tired body on his shoulder, and he froze. Before his hand came to rest of my arm.

" Please, I beg of you. Bring Zaryaab back." I sobbed.

Jahan's own breaths were shaky and I knew that he was also crying.

He had to go through the same waiting time, twice. What was his mistake? why was he being punished like this!

" I cannot wait any longer. He said to wait. But I cannot. Bring him back to me." I whispered.

I wanted Zaryaab. I wanted to be in his hold.

" I promise. This time. Just this time, I won't let Zaryaab down. I'll bring him back to you. I swear to God Afaaf."

***

I am sorry guys!! Something happened to my internet!! 😭😭

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Until next time,

_Hafsa💕