میں نفرتوں کے جہاں میں رہ کر،
جدا کروں گا تو کیا کروں گا،

ٹہیک کہتے ھو بے وفا ہوں،
وفا کروں گا تو کیا کروں گا،

بس ایک تو ہی تو رہ گیا ھے،
جہاں سارا تو کھو چکا ہوں،

تجھے بھی اپنی انا میں آکر،
خفا کروں گا تو کیا کروں گا۔

Afaaf

3 long months later!

I flickered my eyes to my sister's again. Seeing her stand by the window, behind the caramel curtains. I switched off the light. Darkening the room, allowing the moonlight to illuminate the room now. The silence of the night ringing through my ears.

Upon the lack of light, Shaya protested sighing out loudly and huffing like the drama queen she was. I ignored her and proceeded to my bed. Lying down, I turned to my side. My head turning to face the window. My stomach churning.

Shaya pushed herself away from the window and sat on the foot of my bed.

" He's still here." She said softly. Low enough for my ears only.

Hearing her, I pinched my eyes closed. My hands folding under the side of my face.

" Afaaf." Shaya shook my toes lightly, trying to get my attention but I managed well at ignoring her again.

It had been three months, countless night's that the man would stand under my window and just stare. As if I would glance down at him. But I knew better not to. The first night when I accidentally saw him outside my window, my heart had shook with fear and I had cried. The second night had brought the same emotions back. But as nights went by, I became stronger.

I wouldn't peek at the moon anymore, knowing that Zaryaab Alam Khan would be under my window to catch a glimpse of me. And I didn't want that. I didn't want him to see me, to feel me.

Sometimes my heart would break and I'd cry in pain that he would stand there like a dutiful soldier and never move an inch from his place until the first rays of sun. And my heart would tremble in fear of Abba seeing him. But if Abba ever saw him, he didn't question me nor ever said anything. What scared me more was Office Saim seeing him. I didn't want even the shadow of officer Saim falling upon him.

Shaya would beg me at times to talk to him or even glance at him for once. She couldn't bear the pain of the man. My little doctor was weak at heart, but she didn't know I was more weaker at heart.

I was controlling myself, I didn't want the repeat of what happened three months ago. A repeat of the day I had been hooked to IV for six hours. Or the panic attacks I had to go through. I wasn't strong enough to encounter the man just yet. But with much courage I had gone to the intensive Care unit and the nurse there informed that Dadi Gul Jan and Khan Dada had returned back to Swat.

And if Officer Saim had seen me and Zaryaab Alam Khan that day he didn't say anything but he was there when the elevator doors opened on the ground floor and he had clasped my arm tightly the moment I stepped out of it. And had practically dragged me to the car with his eyes blazing fire. And I let him do it to me.

" Afaaf!" Shaya emphasize lying down besides me. Making me sigh out and open my eyes. Raising my eyebrows at the young woman, I shifted back as she rolled towards me.

" You know, the day when he came here the first time and introduced himself, Abba was growling profanities at him. But the man did not once talk back at Abba."

I listened quietly. It was the time when I was at Mahzala's place and he had disappeared from swat. I never got to know what had occured here.

" That man tried to speak to Abba in the politest way possible. But fate had other plans that day and officer Saim also came over. The men kept talking for a while. Basically he was quiet while Abba was shouting and Officer Saim was playing the role of the manipulator he was, giving horrible accusations to him. Abba was so angry that if you would have came with the man, he might've shot you both at the spot."

I gulped and clenched my fists together.

Shaya was hesitating as she now flickered her large dark eyes at me.

" When Abba said that he wouldn't even allow you near his coffin, the man had snapped and stood up but as he started to say something Abba had slapped him across the face. Afaaf, you don't know the scene that had unraveled before our eyes."

I stared horrified at her.

What?

" And?" I whispered.

Shaya shrugged her shoulders.

" He left after that, but I discretely remember officer Saim following him out."

I closed my eyes as my fingers travelled upto my temples and I pressed at them softly.

" You think he has done wrong to you. You weren't there Afaaf when he was fighting for the honor you deserved all your life. When he was defending you for all the accusations that were being thrown your way. And you didn't see the pain that caused him when Abba talked to him about the divorce."

After listening to all of it, I wanted nothing to curl myself around Dadi Gul Jan and sleep my worry off. To bring comfort to my restlessness.

I waited for Shaya to change and sleep. And I lay awake absorbing whatever she had told me. Restless, I flung the thin sheet from over my body and stood up. My hand instantly curled around my protruding belly. Padding softly to the window, I glanced down.

Seeing the man stand there, leaned against his large black vehicle. His eyes transfixed on the window. But the caramel curtains prevented his gaze from noticing me. And I stood there. The light from the moon shined down upon him and the black of his car. His beard had grown but was freshly trimmed yet he sported a long black coat and black pants with a white tee underneath. His hands stuffed in his coats pockets. Whilst he remained standing with his back to his car.

Tonight his hair were brushed back with not a single strand disturbing his eyes. And he looked just as always. A mirage, a beautiful figment of imagination that could destroy someone's life upon contact. And those forest green eyes of his, they were deep. Like pits of endless green that could swallow you whole.

But his lips were in a thin line, a blank expression plastered against his features. My heart was already fluttering in my ribcage. My hormones taking control over me.

I was doing what I did every night, in the darkest of hours. When the world would sleep. I would stand here behind a thin barrier to look at him. But tonight something was different, I was afraid of offering him a glance. I was afraid I'd break the barrier myself. My own self scared me to no limits.

And then it happened, the warm air buzzed in. And before I would grasp the situation. The caramel curtains swished to the sides, dancing on the tunes of the crazy air. And I closed my eyes in fear as the barrier removed and I was bared to his eyes.

With the ringing of silence of the dark night, I opened my large eyes. Seeing his body now pushed off the car as he stood with his lips parted and more lively eyes. The expression on his face showed that he couldn't believe the sight of me before him. And his body language changed as if suddenly all of his body fibers had come to life. As if he had come to life.

With weakening legs, I swiftly moved away and turned my back to him. My hand resting on my belly while the other moved to my chest, feeling the soft thudding of my heart.

Did he- did he see me?

I sat on the bed softly. And took deep breaths in and out. Repeating the process again and again. Fire was travelling in my veins with blood now. My skin warming up from the little toes upto the curves of my neck.

I tightened my arms around my belly, my little baby. It was a relief that other than my family and officer Saim nobody knew about the baby. But I knew it wouldn't be hidden from him for long. And ultimately someday he'll come to know about it.

As I slipped in bed again, the divorce papers danced before my eyes and I pressed my eyelids closed. I hadn't signed them but I had to.

Soon.

-

I rolled down the car window, seeing the unfamiliar society greet me. Green trees lined the track as the car moved steadily. Officer Saim was quiet besides me, not that I ever wanted him to talk to me while we were alone.

This morning, the man had chirped in our- his house early and had asked Abba if he could take me to the new apartment he had bought not a while ago and where he wished for us to settle after the marriage. Abba had agreed in a blink of an eye. Declaring that he- officer Saim was allowed to take me anywhere he wished as we were to marry.

I hadn't objected, believing that one day Allah would turn tables.

" And this is the lane-" the man said and I looked towards where he pointed and then steered the wheel.

Officer Saim wasn't that bad, or maybe I had stopped seeing anything in him that make him bad or good in my eyes. When he parked the car before a three- storeyed house and killed the engine, I knew it was time to get down.

Opening the car door, I got out of the car carefully and closed the door behind. Seeing the man already making his way inside the building. Following behind, I looked at the all white house.

" Our portion is on the first floor and you'll have a little problem-" he said as he scrolled through his phone and climbed up the stairs. I held the metal railing and maneuvered my way behind him. He unlocked a heavy dark brown door and pushed it open.

The fresh smell of paint wafted past my nostrils and a wave of nausea hit me. Tightening my hold on the dark green long chaddar around me, I stepped inside the apartment. It wasn't small but rather spacious. From where I stood in the hall I could see the balcony opposite to me. All the light from outside penetrating in.

Three doors were to my left side while one remained in the corner near the balcony. Officer Saim was still busy on the phone and I traced the fresh paint on the walls and walked to the doors. The room were empty and were small. With wooden cabinets and cupboards made in the walls. And the white colour reminded me of the white haveli that was dear to my heart.

" This is the kitchen!" The man pronounced now stepping closer to me.

I stiffened yet smiled.

" You don't seem to like the place." He asked.

And the edgy-ness in his voice made the hair on my nape rise.

" No, its-" I hesitated tensing suddenly.

" You see-" he stood before me and crossed his arms across his chest. His moustaches raised as he smiled wickedly.

" You see, I cannot provide you with the luxuries your ex-husband awarded you with. And nor can I buy you a house on the top of the hills and buy fancy cars for you."

I tensed sensing that with each word he was getting angrier and angrier.

" No, I never said-"

" Ah! Sweet Afaaf, you don't even have the right to say anything. Look, you lost the right when you disrespected me by running away."

I gasped as he reached forward and gripped my jaw between his fingers. Inflicting pain on my sensitive skin. He turned me around so that my back was to him as he walked us over to the balcony room. My jaw still in his grip.

" And look so generous of me that I am still ready to marry you, accept you while you have already been married once." He hissed in my ears and I trembled.

Jerking me forward, officer Saim brought me before him. His hands landing on my shoulders.

" Why did you do it? Huh? Run away! I could have been merciful to you. But you just had to be very smart. You ran away and look BAM!" He clapped his hands. And I shrieked.

His eyes taking over my belly.

" You enjoyed a lot with him, didn't you?" He chuckled and I shivered in fear.

What was wrong with him?

" And this is the cause of your enjoying, huh!" He shouted all of a sudden and the once brimming tears now blurred my vision. As I kept shaking my head. His finger pointing towards my belly bump.

" You go around throwing dirt on my face and spreading legs for other men!" He shouted and I broke up.

" He wasn't other man, I was in his nikkah. We were married!" I shouted back.

Officer Saim's dark eyes blazed and he lifted his hand and slapped me across my face.

The impact made stars dance before my eyes and I held my dizzy head. A small gasp ripping off my mouth out of pain. The animalistic man growled and gripped my jaw again.

" Don't talk back!" He shouted on my face.

" You get married to me and I'll show you, who to spread your legs for!" I shivered in his hold. His words disgusting me. And in utter loathe for him I pushed against his chest. Making the man reach towards me and lift his hand. I waited for his slap, for his palm to make contact with me but it never did.

And opening my closed eyes, I saw officer Saim look at someone behind me in utter shock. His hand held midway by another hand. I gasped seeing Abba stand there with Mama. His face red with fury.

" I never gave this right to you." My father said and officer Saim moved back.

I stepped away from the two men. And casted a glance at my father. My lips trembling as I spoke,

" You wanted me to marry him!"

Seeing the man look at me ashen. Before anyone could stop me, I was already walking out of the room. Abba and officer Saim exploded and I walked out carefully. Stepping down the stairs, I wiped away my tears and puffed out deep breaths.

This was it.

To hell with everything now.

Coming on the main street, I stopped a rickshaw before getting in and directing the way. And as the ride continued I couldn't help but thank Allah. And for sure I knew after this day, officer Saim would not be able to even breathe in the same air as me. A dull throb began in my head and I tilted my head to the side seeing the familiar roads.

My lips pressed together as the rickshaw turned in the street to prevent the bursting sobs from my mouth. Getting down, I pulled out the money before paying and walked to the house with shaky legs.

Someone moved forward in my peripheral view and before I could turn, large hands cupped my cheeks and I was pressed to a hard chest. The most soothing and comfortable scent after past my nostrils and I closed my eyes for a second.

Upon opening them, I saw the fury on the man's face as he looked pointedly at the probable fingerprints imprinted on my cheek.

" Who did this?" Zaryaab Alam Khan hissed. His green eyes flashing with fire.

The words choked my throat and I tried to remove his hands off me. His hold only tightened and he ran the pad of his thumb softly over my cheek yet I winced. Making the man turn my face towards him. His nose almost brushing mine. And the feel of his skin against mine sending shivers straight to my heart.

" Who did this to you, Afaaf!" He hissed again.

I pushed his hands away and stepped back. Fresh tears rolling down my eyes.

" Stay away." I warned as he stepped closer. And I turned around to go to the main door.

" Afaaf."

" No." I shouted back at him.

***

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