Wedding Bells

Chapter 16

The drive home felt uncomfortable. My words echoing in my head as I realized I had said something very horrible. This wasn't the end of the world, it was just going to change things more than I was ready for.

Why hadn't we been more cautious?

My mother and I sat in the car, ready to just get home, too bad that wasn't where we were going. The buildings all traveling past us as if they didn't have a single care in the entire world. I wasn't as nervous as before, but more clammy. My fingers curling up on the inside of my hand. We were heading to the bridal shop.

We needed to swing in there to see how things were going. I'd have some paperwork to do and my mother needed to finish up a few more alterations before the brides came to pick up their dresses. My heart had slowed quite a bit since we left the hospital.

At lot of me was still hoping Carter wouldn't be at the shop. That he took the day off and him and David were out seeing some sights. Or maybe he went to visit his family. His mom hasn't seen him in forever. Well since the wedding at least.

Maybe we could head over there tonight, I'd tell him on the way, simply so his mind would be somewhere else as he heard the news.

I wasn't sure if he was going to be angry, but maybe he would understand. I knew he wanted children, but we had just gotten married. This was a wedding night baby, and that scared me. We would have nine months of time with each other before we were stuck together with a child.

What would we even name it?

Would it be a boy, or would we have a girl? Will they be a pain in the butt like their father was in high school or more like me. I was a workaholic even back then and I wish I wouldn't have been.

My mother placed her hand on my knee pulling me into her with her other arm. I placed my hand on my stomach as I leaned into her warm hug.

"It will be okay, even if you think it won't. You just need a few days to think on this and then it will be okay," I started to think about it even deeper though. Had I been so irresponsible and had a drink or two in the last month? I couldn't even remember. There was no way I hadn't though, it was quite common for Clara and I to have a glass of wine after work.

My heart started racing once again. Maybe I really had screwed this kid up before I even got to meet them. I tried figuring out the drinks. Maybe four or five in the last month?

I could feel the bead of sweat building on my brow. Maybe something would happen? No that was even worse to think. I shook my head as I felt the tears start building up in my eyes.

"Mom, I can't do this,"

"Yes you can don't be ridiculous, having a child is one of the best things you can do in your life. You are stable, you are married to a man that truly loves and adores you. Erin, you are at the perfect spot to have a baby," She shook her head holding me even tighter. "Plus I need a grand baby so don't take that away from me," She chuckled and it honestly made me feel a little bit better.

"This kid will be the most loved thing on the entire planet," She placed her hand on my stomach, holding it there for a moment.

"How am I supposed to tell Carter though?" The worry was brought back in my voice. Even though it had settled down for just a moment. She rolled her eyes.

"Hey Carter, I'm pregnant!" Seems like a good way to me. The laugh that escaped her lips warmed my heart, bringing my mood up almost immediately.

"I suppose that seems like a good way to get the info out," I rolled my eyes as well, and the car pulled up to the curb of the bridal shop. Taking a deep breath I opened the door to get out.

"Just remember you don't have to tell him immediately, you just need to tell him soon."

"Is it wrong if I tell Clara first?" I felt like a child asking my mother this very question, but something felt wrong inside me. If I told Clara before I told Carter, was that unfair to him?

"Depends..." She paused for a moment before grabbing the door to the shop. "Do you need her as moral support to tell Carter?"

I thought about my mother's words for a moment. I probably would honesty. My mother only knew as she forced me into taking a test. I shook my head. I should probably wait to tell Carter first.

"You are right, Carter should know first. I'll try to wait until I can tell him, before I talk to her. Maybe if he is still here,"

I looked around the bridal shop as soon as we entered. Searching for any sign that my husband was still here. Clara was manning the cash register, and her smile beamed across her face as soon as she saw my mother and I. I tried to avoid eye contact the best I could before she grabbed another employee, relieving herself from duty to come and talk to us.

"So how did the appointment go today?" Clara smiles. She had gotten used to working as the lead when my mother and I were at her Chemo appointments, and her checkups, and every other appointment my mother had to be at. She has been such an amazing help the last month and a half.

"It was good,"

"Just good, I don't get a progress report or anything?" Clara looked between the two of us before folding her arms across her chest.

"Nope, we didn't really spend a whole lot of time talking about it," My mother smiled, trying her best to cover it up. But you could see the look in her eyes. She realized she had made a big mistake. As soon as the words had left her mouth the gears in Clara's brain were turning. She was trying to comprehend what my mother truly meant by that.

"So what did you talk about then? If it wasn't about you know your breast cancer..." Things had gotten easier to talk about since the month had gone by, and treatment had started. It wasn't such a bad thing anymore. We were fixing it, a simple problem with a simple solution in our case. We had gotten so lucky.

My mother still had enough energy to work, even if it was only a half day after her treatment days. But she managed to keep up on all of her work, and stay just as organized as before. It was amazing to watch, and everyday I realized how strong this woman truly was, and how lucky I was to be able to use her as an example.

I was going to need it for this baby.

I shook myself out of my thoughts, realizing Clara was still standing, waiting, tapping her foot as if she was growing more and more impatient. What was the question again?

"Erin, wasn't feeling good this morning, so he ran a few tests to see what he could figure out, but no news yet. All of my vitals are good and my body seems to be responding as good as we could hope it to. Everything seems like it is working really well," My mother smiled, and I could tell she wanted to wipe the sweat off her forehead.

"Isn't that a little strange that he did tests on Erin instead of you, at your own appointment?" Clara cocked her head to the side, looking between the two of us as if we were insane.

We were.

"Kind of, but I called ahead and asked him if he would. I was getting kind of worried about her," My mother tried to say herself.

"Interesting, so you were worried but now you are not...but you don't have any results back?" Clara was just pushing things further and the more she did, the more I began to panic. I could feel the words on the tip of my tongue just ready to explode out of my mouth.

I needed to get away from this conversation if I was going to hold it in any longer.

"Yeah, well doctor didn't seem too worried about her symptoms and honestly, I kind of have to trust him at this point," My mother was trying, but having conversations with Clara like this was always a losing battle. I couldn't take it anymore.

"I'm pregnant..." The words shot out of me as if they were a deadly weapon. flying through the air until they landed right on their target, and boy they did. Clara's eyes grew so wide, and my mother turned to look at me.

She looked at me as if I was insane. Like I complete forgot about the plan, and it was kind of true. I wanted to tell Carter first, but I wasn't good at keeping secrets, and I didn't like keeping them either. There was no reason for it. Clara put enough pressure on me that I just had to say something. Had to explain what was really going on. I was weak when it came to secrets.

"Erin, why didn't you tell me this before, this is the most amazing thing you could have ever said!" Clara jumped on me wrapping her arms around me so tight I could barely breathe. I shook my head trying to twist it so I could find a pocket of air.

"Well it might be the last thing I ever tell you if you don't let me go," I chuckled trying my best to work through the pain. She finally let go of me, glancing at my mother before looking back at me.

"This is the most exciting thing ever, oh sweet Erin, you are finally going to be a mom," I couldn't believe she was this excited about it. Now if only Carter would have the same reaction we would be good.

My nerves settled slightly as Clara continues to beam, pulling me in for another hug. But they quickly fade when she asks about Carter.

"What did Carter say when you told him? Was he shocked, is he happy, how far along are you?" The questions flew out of her mouth as she tried to fit them all into one long breath.

I shook my head taking a step back as if that would defend me from the flying words. I wasn't sure what to answer.

"It's okay, I'll take here to the alterations room and tell her all about it, Erin you go do some paperwork and relax," My mother must have saw the panic in my eyes, as she wrapped her arms around Clara ushering her towards the alterations room. I smiled, knowing my mother was always going to have my back.

"Thank you," I whispered, as Clara continued asking a million questions turning to smile at me once more as they walked away.

I turned to make my way up the stairs, finally able to enjoy a second to myself to think about things.

~*~

"My mother is so excited for us to come over, it's been too long since we have been at there house to just enjoy a nice dinner," I looked out the window watching the streets fly by as we make the hour long trek to Carter's parents house. It was further out of the city than our very own home.

Carter was dressed up and he looked as handsome as ever. I wore a slimming black dress, but not one that hugged my curves too much. The last month I thought I was just eating poorly, having a hard time taking care of myself while I ate like garbage. I'd put on a few pounds, and though I wasn't showing, I felt like I was.

I searched Carter's face. Could he tell that I was with child?

I watched as he aimlessly drove down the road. His eyes bouncing back and forth between the rear view mirror and the road in front of him. He was smiling, and dancing ever so slightly to the music that was softly playing through the radio. I didn't want to ruin this perfect moment, but I wanted to tell him before we got to dinner.

I knew if I didn't he'd be offering me a glass of wine, and I wasn't sure I'd be able to say no. It would be so out of character for myself.

"Hey, I have something I need to tell you,"

Carter tapped his fingers on the steering wheel before turning to look at me. The smile falling from his face. I realized I could have probably prefaced it better, but my mind was all jumbled up.

"Yeah what's up?" He asked, still watching the road carefully, but adding me to his list of places to look, to check up on.

"What do you think about starting a family?" I panicked, the words feeling so abstract as they escape my lips. What a weird way to start the conversation. He cocked his head to look at me before turning back to the road.

"I think when the time is right that sounds like a great idea," The smile returned to his face as if I had never asked the question. I shook my head looking out my very own window. We were pulling on the drive of his parents house. I had to make my move quick.

"What if I was pregnant right now?" I tried to play it off like I wasn't. Making it seem like I was just making small talk. I wasn't sure if he recognized how much I was freaking out. If he was even paying that much attention to the conversation.

"Then I guess it would have to be the right time, but I think it's a little soon, we have only been married a month, and I really don't like that you have to pay for a lot of our bills. Sure we are working together, but I'd like to wait to have kids until we have that situation fixed. I tried to get a job like a month ago but the guy that I interviewed with was absolutely horrendous. That's why I left the hospital, I wanted to tell you while we were there, but you have bigger things to worry about. I scheduled it as soon as I knew we weren't going on our honeymoon. I just want to provide more for you and right now you provide for me other than the mortgage on the house," Carter shook his head as he pulled into the driveway and shut the car off.

"Carter, you did what now?" I couldn't believe that when I needed him at the hospital he was out, doing job interviews? When I needed him by my side he wasn't. Because he was worried about money. I shook my head looking down at my feet.

"I'm so sorry I never told you, I should have." Carter looked down at the floor as well. His hand coming over the center console to rest on my leg. Tingles of electricity shoot through my veins as I wait for him to continue speaking. But the silence never ended.

Finally after what felt like forever I spoke.

"Yeah, I didn't know you were feeling that way so it probably would have been good for you to tell me. I didn't know you wanted to be more independent on taking care of us. I had no clue it was even an issue. You moved across the country for me so I assumed, I needed to make up for some of that," I wasn't even thinking about the pregnancy anymore.

"Hey look, that's not what I mean exactly, let's talk about this tonight when it's just the two of us and my sister isn't staring at us from the window," Carter pointed towards the blinds on the front window of the house as just as I glanced up to see the younger girl peeking they were pulled shut.

"I guess we better get in there then," I mutter. Carter nodded in response and we both opened our car doors, heading into the brisk winter air. I wrapped the large jacket around me a little tighter as Carter walked around the car, placed his hand on the small of my back and led me towards the front door. He turned to kiss me on the forehead as we take the last few steps up the front porch. After reaching to knock on the door, he turns to look at me.

"So tell me... why are you asking about starting a family? Are you not content with where we are currently?" I looked at Carter as if I've never truly seen him before. His words left me so shocked I couldn't even begin to decipher what was going on. I wasn't thinking about the baby anymore, I was thinking about all the possible lies. Places Carter has been. I hadn't realized how much he had been gone lately, always on his phone, or with David... at least I think he is with David.

I had so many questions for him now, and as he asked me about the pregnancy I wasn't sure what to say anymore.

"Oh um, well Carter, I'm pregnant." It was out there, and there was nothing I could do to take it back.

The door opened, casting a large glow of golden warmth over us, bleeding out onto the snow behind us.