It was an early start for the six weebs, they had woken up in the early hours of the morning with intent to cause as much chaos as humanly possible, stuffing their school bags full of random stuff.

Smol for example, filled his bag with no less than five dildos as well as a butt plug. Cheese brought his own brand of buffoonery with a soundboard connected to a small speaker. Pine had a bell attached to her bag while Reaper just kept his bag clean with a few notebooks and a laptop in case he needed it.

Red had already headed out before the others so he could get to work on time. Upon the weebs arrival, they were met by a variety of reactions. A few guys fell for the trap that was Smol, much to his amusement. Cheese got a few looks due to the beanie atop his head, but he paid them no mind as he just kept talking to Smol. Reaper was in a very relaxed mood as he chatted with Pine, of course, the others kept sneaking the odd tsundere comment, making him act like just that, a fucking tsun.

None of them payed any real mind to the other students aside from those who would walk over and try to talk to them. Rage was busy looking at his timetable for the day when he spotted a flash of red in his peripheral vision.

He smirked to himself before seeing that his first class was biology with the rest of class 3-A. Reaper was in mathematics with class 2-B while Cheese and Smol had P.E. with class 1-C.

Needless to say that shit got stupid really quickly. Cheese and Smol complained through much of the exercises, which was mostly to annoy Red. Too bad he was onto their games by this point and knew what to expect from them. Reaper just vibed throughout the day, unless one of the others poked their heads in just to call him a tsundere, to which he chased them up and down the corridors. Rage and Pine managed to make a decent first impression. But Rage managed to make it abundantly clear that retardation was ingrained in his DNA. During physics he asked the teacher, and I quote:

Rage: "If kinetic energy can be turned into thermal energy, then how hard would I need to punch the sun to cook it?"

There was stunned silence for a solid five minutes, Rage knew what he said, nobody else did. It was frankly too retarded for the others to calculate.

Thankfully, the retardation didn't get any worse...during class anyway.

Cheese ended up putting a bucket on someone's head before Smol set about him with a metal dildo.

Red trying to explain that to Sona was probably the funniest thing those two had seen all day.

Anyway, the school day passed by the group quickly due to the fact that they couldn't care less about anything the teacher was trying to tell them. Being as powerful as they were made things very simple for them. So to answer Rage's earlier question, he just had to hit it really really fucking hard to cook the sun.

Lunchtime was an interesting time for the seven of them. Reaper hung out with some of his new pals in 2-B while Cheese and Smol made a mad dash for the canteen.

Red sat in his office before Sona walked in.

Sona: "Ah, Red. I see your kids are settling in well."

Red: "They aren't kids at this point, despite their behaviour and attitude."

Sona: "Yes. But something doesn't sit well with me."

Red: "And what may that be?"

Sona: "I was in physics class earlier today when Rage asked a rather...odd question."

Red: "What did he do this time?"

Sona: "He asked, and I quote: 'If kinetic energy can be turned into thermal energy, how hard would I need to punch the sun to cook it?'"

Red: "*sigh* how is that an issue? It's just him acting like an idiot."

Sona: "It's less the question itself. More the way he spoke when he said it. He spoke like he already knew the answer."

Red: "..."

Flashback

Red groaned in annoyance on the bridge of the massive battleship.

Red: "Why is this the first thing you buffoons decide to do?"

Cheese: "Big fuckin' boom. That's why."

Red groaned once again as Pine dropped down from above.

Pine: "We're looking good on orbital distance."

Rage: "How we doin' for payload, Smol?"

Smol: [We've got three hundred virus bombs and around four hundred cyclonic torpedoes.]

Rage: "Once we do this, we've gotta haul ass. Astartes are gonna be on our asses as soon as we do this so get ready."

Reaper and Pine both laughed before they heard a voice coming over comms.

???: "Unidentified inquisition ship. This is Marneus Calgar of the Ultramarines. State your purpose for being in this sector without authorisation or you will be boarded."

Weebs: "...Oh fuck."

It took them three weeks to outrun the bois in blue after dropping a virus bomb on the planet that was below them. Not like it was an important one...

Though they pissed off some necrons because it turns out that the planet they bombed was a tomb-world.

Only reason they managed to escape was due to Rage literally punching a sun hard enough to cook it and make that bitch go supernova. Of course that was his forty-fifth experience dying, but he thought it was worth it.

So that was fun.

Red sighed as Sona looked at him with a confused expression.

Red: "Don't mind him. Whenever he does that, it's to unsettle people. Even though he definitely knows exactly how to do that. To this day I still don't know how he managed to do it."

Sona: "I see. Then I'll leave that one alone. However, I must say, that entire group has been the talk of the school all day. A lot of other students are struggling to concentrate because of the things they do or say."

Red: "Right...I'll have a word with them when I get home, but I can't promise any change. If anything, knowing Cheese, he'll ignore me and just get worse."

Meanwhile, in the school library, Pine studied for an upcoming history test. Some of the other students were astonished by the fucking F O R T R E S S of books that was around her. Eventually the group all met up outside, minus Red who was still doing paperwork, and Rage who was nowhere to be seen.

Smol: [So...does anyone know where Rage is?]

Reaper: "I haven't seen him since this morning so I don't know myself."

Pine: "He's been in class. Though it's math next so he's probably trying to avoid it."

Cheese: "I do not blame him. Fuck math, all my homies hate math."

Reaper: "Heh. Sounds about right to be honest."

Smol: [Lucky ass.]

Cheese: "But where could he be?"

Reaper: "Check the infirmary. He's done this sort of thing before."

Just as she said, Rage was in the infirmary with a fifty calibre bullet wound in his foot.

Smol: [H-... How... THE FUCK!?]

Cheese: "Why do you have a fucking bullet wound in your foot?"

Rage: "I can explain."

Smol: [Explain then.]

Rage: "Denial of Nothingness."

Weebs: "Ah, yeah. That makes sense, yeah."

The rest of the day passed by without much trouble, though the school nurse struggled to comprehend Rage's insane regeneration. His explanation?

Rage: "It wasn't the right kinda bullet. 45 acp kills the soul, ya gotta make sure I don't come back as a lich. Even though that might be a hilarious way to annoy Apricot... Hm, I'll have to keep that in mind."

Anyways, back at the mansion, the weebs found a familiar face on their couch.

???: "You guys are really starting to grind my gears with all the avoiding death shit. I mean come the fuck on, Rage, I know I gave you guys immortality, but it's getting insulting now!"

The group just laughed as the reaper that gave them their new lives was laid out on their couch with a bag of crisps (Because fuck anyone who uses Americanised English, you're wrong.) and a glass of cheap wine.

Cheese: "Good to see you're as overworked as ever, Calli."

MORI "TSUNDEREAPER #2" CALLIOPE

Calli: "Shush your face."

The weebs laughed before taking a seat on the adjacent couch. Calli swirled the wine she had in her glass as the other weebs took a seat.

Calli: "Also, Cheese, still got no hits on that guy you wanted me to look for. Must've gone by a different name."

Cheese: "Right, thanks for trying though, Calli."

Smol: [Who was it you were looking for?]

Cheese: "It's nothing, don't worry about it."

Pine: "You okay, Cheese?"

Cheese: "Yeah, I'm fine."

The other weebs hung out with Calli while waiting for Red to get home. Rage sat out on his balcony with a sniper scope to see if he could see him coming up the road.

Eventually, Red managed to get home after dealing with a fuck ton of paperwork that was the result of Issei Hyoudou perving out on some of the girls during P.E class which lead to him getting his ass beat by bamboo swords. That resulted in Red trying his best to not burst out laughing at the buffoon. He walked in the door and deadpanned when he saw Calli.

Red: "You're here again?"

Calli: "To be fair, this is my first time here. Nice place by the way."

At this point, Red wasn't even remotely surprised. Calli had been with the group for a long time now. Ever since their rebirth she had paid everyone occasional visits. She cursed Red with having a shit ton of paperwork to do due to disrespecting her at one point, which the others found hilarious. She spent quite a lot of time around Rage though due to a sudden increase in soul traffic in the underworld.

Thanks to her giving the six buffoons partial immortality, there had been an increase in soul traffic for her to sort through. She acted like they were neutral, but she actually liked Rage because his kill count was exponentially higher than everyone else's.

The weebs rarely ever took anything seriously, the few times they did resulted in massive body counts. Cheese had once lost his composure because of a hunter when they were in America. The hunter had shot a bear, causing Cheese to maul him to death in his bear form. He then went on to maul a further twenty-six hunters to death. Reaper had never once lost his temper so far, neither had Red or Pine.

The only ones that had actually lost their composure were Cheese and Rage and both for pretty similar reasons, though Rage almost destroyed an entire state for one hunter murdering a pack of wolves. Red had his work cut out for him that day. So many orphans...

Anyway, the weebs were just getting ready for dinner that night, which it had been decided was going to be Indian, because why the hell not?

As a bit of a prank, Smol attempted to spike the curry with ghost chili flakes, only for his plan to completely backfire and he ended up with all of the flakes on his plate. Needless to say he felt like he was shitting out a hedgehog afterwards, to which the others laughed.

Red then remembered that he had to try and curb the weebs' buffoonery, which is much easier said than done.

Red: "Right, I've had a chat with Sona earlier due to some observations from the student council. They need you lot to calm the fuck down with the belligerent fuckery."

Cheese: "And you honestly believe that we're gonna listen?"

Red: "I know it's literally forcing you to put some effort into your usual behaviour, but it'd make everyone's lives much easier."

Rage: "By everyone's, you mean your own."

Red: "I know what I said."

Pine: "Well, I don't think I've been that bad."

Red: "I was mostly talking about those three."

Red pointed to the three main causes of multiple explosions at their previous home. One of those was due to mixing alcohol, monster energy and gasoline.

Nobody knew how it worked, but the explosion took out a city block, so that was all that counted. As if that wasn't bad enough, there was also one time where Cheese managed to randomly guess the launch codes for the entirety of the united states nuclear arsenal. The only reason that a third world war hadn't broken out was because Rage managed to open a rift into the vacuum of space before the missiles could go off.

All in all, Red had his work cut out for him in every sense of the phrase.

Anyways, the second day at school was far calmer, mostly because Red had put shock collars on Smol and Cheese to keep them from causing shenanigans. Red himself had a relatively calm day ahead of him, with the only class that may cause issues being class 3-A. I.E. Pine and Rage's class.

Reaper had a fun time showing up everyone else in their class due to his higher intelligence stat. For reference, the weebs all use stats to gauge their powers said stats range from D- to EX+. The smartest person in the school had an intelligence rank of G-. Meaning that even the dumbest of the group was still far superior in intelligence to the average student or teacher. But it still left plenty of room for some retarded ideas.

During P.E. Pine and Rage thought it'd be a fun idea to use more than their "normal" strength during a match of dodgeball. The two having a strength stat of C and A respectively meant that if they were to go all out, they could quite easily destroy the gym hall.

Thankfully, even when they cranked it up a notch, they managed to not destroy everything. Though it wasn't exactly fair on the other team. But who really gives a shit about them?

Sona was also on Pine and Rage's team and she was astonished at how much force they could put behind a throw, though Pine used magic to subtly enhance her throwing abilities while Rage relied on brute strength to eradicate anything on the receiving end of the ball.

After the game was over, Sona approached the two.

Sona: "That was a rather impressive display, you two."

Pine: "Thanks."

Rage: "Mhm."

Sona: "Though I am curious, how did the two of you become so strong?"

Pine: "Red usually gets us to work out when we can to keep us in shape."

Sona: "I imagine that has to do with his military background?"

Pine: "Yup."

Sona: "Still though, that was impressive. Maybe if you put as much effort into your classes as you did in that game, you'd be far ahead of the others."

Rage: "Maybe if you put more effort into your last name you wouldn't be so obvious, Sona."

As soon as those words left his mouth, Red's head snapped in their direction before he barrelled over to them.

Red: "Heheheh, don't listen to anything he says. Shut the fuck up, Rage."

Sona's glasses flashed as the light reflected off of them before giving them all a stern glare.

Sona: "... Meet me in the student council office after class. All three of you."

Rage: "Damn, didn't know you were that desperate."

Rage was immediately clocked upside the head, causing him to laugh as he hit the ground.

After class, the three headed to the student council office where Sona was waiting for them, Tsubaki was also there for protection purposes.

Sona: "I think we should start with the obvious here then. Who are you?"

Red: "Well, the cat's out of the bag now. Thanks for that, Rage."

Rage: "Yer welcome."

Red: "Right. Well, as you know, my full name and rank is Admiral Red Scorpion. My personal fleet consists of five battleships, one destroyer and one carrier. Links to the British royal navy and the Navy of the greater Japanese Empire. What you didn't know however is that our job is to discover and contain any supernatural disturbances that may pose a threat to humanity."

Sona: "I see... so you knew what we were before you even arrived here."

Red: "Pretty much. Besides, we aren't exactly entirely human ourselves."

Sona: "Oh?"

Red: "Pine is a kind of hybrid between a human and a demon that she's named Sizzle."

Pine: "Ye."

Red: "Rage is probably the second most human out of everyone, except for his strength. That just ain't normal. Don't even get me started on that fucking skill of his."

Sona: "Skill?"

Rage: "You're unlikely to see it due to my demeanour. But if I get in an actually challenging fight, then you'll know what he's on about."

Sona: "I see. I think it's safe to assume that the others are like this as well?"

Red: "Yes, that's right. I would also recommend you inform the other devil household in the school that we know who and what they are."

Sona: "I see. Very well, I'll have Nimura inform them later. For now, I have a few more questions."

Red: "What might those be?"

Sona: "Namely who that woman standing behind you is."

The three turned and saw Calli on one of the open seats with a glass of wine in her hand.

Red: "Really, Calli?"

Calli: "Oh, don't mind me. I'm just enjoying the show."

Rage then smirked and brought out his phone.

Rage: "I got this."

He dialled a few numbers before holding the phone up to his ear.

Rage: "... Yo, Kiara. You up for a threesome later?"

Calli: "NopenotdealingwiththisSEEYA!!"

With that, the tsundereaper was outta there, leaving the others to laugh. Eventually, after a few more minutes of questions, Sona let the three go.

Red: "Welp. Congrats, the devils are now onto us."

Pine: "Isn't that good though?"

Red: "If I get more fucking paperwork, Imma be angy."

Rage: "Good. Suffer."

Red: "Now then. We need to locate the fallen angels."

Rage: "Question. Can we kill shitsei?"

Red: "Can you figure out a way to remove his sacred gear?"

Rage: "Bitch, I have access to the worlds biggest toyshop of reality bending bullshittery. Of course I can figure somethin' out."

Red: "Then as long as you keep it quiet, I don't mind when he dies."

That gave Rage an idea. They wanted to find the fallen angels, so why not use a pawn?

Rage: "Murder time!"

End of Chapter.

Next Time: Perv Punting.