Me: *shift ends and I'm about to leave while talking on the phone*

Cody and Chris: *enter the break room*

Cody: Who are you on the phone with?

Me: My mom.

Chris: *walks up to me and yells into the phone* KATE STOLE MY DRUG MONEY!

Me: NO I DIDN'T!

***
Me: *hands a wrapped hamburger to my manager* Here this is the one that goes in the bag right?

Zack (Manager): I can't touch this! Kate touched it and now it's un-pure!

Me: Hey! I'm very pure!

Zack: How do you know?

Madison: She's dating Chris. She's extremely pure.

***

Me: *sees my other manager (Rob) walk towards me with a box* Need help opening this?

Rob: Yeah, can you cut it open? *gives me a box knife*

Me: Oh you trust me with a knife? Marc doesn't even trust me with scissors.

Chris: *notices that I'm holding a knife* WhY wOuLd YoU gIvE hEr A kNiFe?!?

***
Dawn: I can't get the key magnet off the cash register.

Me: Let me try. *tries for 20 minutes* Yup. It's stuck.

Dawn: I'll try one more time. *takes it off* Oh! I got it!

Me: *walks off into the lobby*

***

Customer: I'd like to order a sausage egg and cheese without the sausage and egg.

Me and Dawn: *silent confusion*

***

Me and John: *notice that Marc is leaving*

Me: Where are you going?

Marc: Going to Stop n Shop to get money. *leaves*

Me and John: *confused*

***

Marc: Kate I have another parked order!

Me: *sarcastically* Yay. Send me out into the heat.

Marc: Aw come on! It's good for you!

Me: Yes, cause heat exhaustion is great for your health.

Marc: I just walked around outside for 30 minutes and I turned out fine.

Me: You're just nuts.