Here I am, thinking of stuff like how the football game I played Friday was not fun (we won but my arms hurt, I got my monthly subscription to Satan's blood waterfall, and my blood sugar was low and people were being so rude) I finished the second season of Minecraft Diaries (I never meant to get so into it but it my friend pushed me to watch it and I can't stop!) and as I lay here in bed, cautious as to not stain my sheets, I sigh and realize that I have never felt love towards another teen, well maybe one but I don't know if I have a crush or if I just love talking to him and stuff. I am kinda lonely, my two friends are slowly growing further away, except my third and fourth friend. The one has a job so I don't see her as much after school and the other sticks by me.

Maybe if I at least experience love then heartache, I won't be as heartless. I can be pretty mean and I never intend to be rude, I just have a cold heart. I'm in my junior year of high school, my grade is doing prom and almost everyone will go, except me. I won't have anyone to go with, I want to be nicer to others, but I just- I don't know. To be honest, I don't know why I am even saying this. Maybe I am really tired and I want to get this out of my head, or maybe I just want to let you all know I am still active on here.

If only I could have the balls to maybe talk to other people, you know expand my horizon, I could find a nice, kinda attractive boy or girl who would love me for my curves, my flaws, and my personality. Maybe I just have too high of standards, or I just get overshadowed a lot. I don't know, maybe I am just hanging out with my one friend too much. He really needs a boyfriend like he has told me that he needs affection from a boy, like he needs it.

There are three guys in my school. There are the football players, they are kinda judgmental yet if I am forced to work with one they can be pretty chill. There are the kids who try to be class clowns but fail, they are so annoying, carefree, maybe even high as a kite, and sometimes even kinda creepy. The third type is those who are nice to others, but they can be really mean behind other's backs. This has been this way since I was in about second or third grade. Maybe this is why I can not find any redeeming qualities in the boys in my school.

To be fair, there has been one or two boys who have caught my eye because they are nice, were my best friend in kindergarten, and they liked me for me.

The first, let's call him Brock. He is a sweet, kinda cute, funny, happy, patient guy who is my age. He goes to another school and we met at a ceramics program after school. He and I got a long perfectly. He and I would talk so much, even over steam. At one point, him and I were making bad we puns and as I was laughing I think he said, "this is why I like you" and idk why but I was kinda caught off guard and I felt so happy on the inside. Like, maybe it's because I have been treated like I am a nobody but it made me happy (also idk if he said like or love because he said it quietly and I was laughing but it was most likely like)

The second on was my only real friend in kindergarten. He was the sweetest boy. He treated me like a real friend, and maybe as we small children danced on the last day of school we said we would get married, ah my young childhood years. So, that didn't last long though because he moved and I haven't really seen him since but he is a happy memory. I want to know what happened to him and what he is doing now.

So, I also have a minor issue with people that just stop hanging out with me. I know a guy (ugh I don't like him now) and he and I were really close. His sister and my sister were friends and our parents were friends so the four of us were a group. But as we all grew older, he stopped hanging out with and and started hanging out with my sister. This wasn't subtle too, like one day he just went to my sister instead of me, keep in mind he is about two years older. I was heartbroken and then I started to hold a grudge. I had two or three friends at the time, him and a girl who I barely talked to then.

He never realized what he did as I hid it but I sometimes had to hang out with him before because his dad and my dad would take us to go watch fireworks. I usually got food out of it so I was fine. I sometimes wished he would have stuck around but his sister now likes me more which is a bonus.

So, he graduated last year and I am the last one. At his graduation party (I went for the food and fireworks) his sister, my sister, and I were walking and we stopped to look at the old pics, and I was in the one where both families went to Disney. His sister looks at my sister and I and says, "You know, you are the last one to graduate XXXXX," and it hit both my sister and I, I censored my name. She is right, we all spent our lives practically together and the youngest is going to graduate in two years.

Wow, this chapter has gone on long enough. It got a little personal, I'm sorry. I'm tired. I'm going to go to bed. I'm sorry that I haven't posted art, but I tried out the animation option in Krita and it is still kinda complicated to me. I did do a little work on my main piece though.