A/N:
SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME THE ATTACHED PICTURE IS FAKE I CRY

anywho-

42 days remaining

Dylan's pov

I could feel something was wrong the moment I woke up the next day.

As I sat up in bed, wiping drearily at my eyes, there was a strange twisting in my gut. My first thought was crap, I'm sick, and then grudgingly reiterated, no actually, just lovesick. I rolled my eyes at myself, pushing the covers aside. Shaking my head, I convinced myself that maybe a cold shower would whip some sense into me.

The feeling didn't go away though, not even after dousing myself in soap and rubbing my skin raw, as though I could wash away my unease. With the water cascading down my back, I watched the water collect near the drain, wishing my worries would trickle away as easily. Thirty minutes after entering the shower, I gave up, but the ominous feeling in my stomach continued to linger.

When I sat down for breakfast, the food didn't taste quite right either. There was a bitter tang in my mouth, one that didn't fade no matter how many pancakes I downed, or how many glasses of milk I chugged. It stayed there, as though tasting that something was wrong too.

My day on set was relatively quiet. That was perhaps the most unusual. Usually Thomas or Kaya or Will or Ki would show up to make me laugh, but no one came by. It was just me, alone, with only the sinking feeling in my gut to keep me company.

And throughout the day, I couldn't help but notice that I felt as though I was unbalanced. Not physically, but in a way I couldn't quite explain. Something was most definitely wrong, and I felt helpless not knowing what it was. I texted my mom, I texted Tyler, I even called my manager, but everyone was quick to reassure me that they were fine, everyone was fine, everything was just as it always was. And when they asked me why I was so concerned, I couldn't explain to them the helpless feeling of regret and remorse that had followed me like my shadow all day; I couldn't tell them that I kept picturing a little kid on a windy day, trying desperately to gain control of his kite, when a strong gust of wind suddenly came by and tore the string from his outstretched fingers. I couldn't tell them that I was that little boy, knowing the wind was going to do something terrible, and yet completely hopeless as I watched my greatest fear come to life. I couldn't explain the helpless feeling of confusion and fear, so I didn't. I just said that I wanted to say hello.

It was like standing on a thin rope, teetering towards falling to my death and yet somehow managing to keep safe. Something had happened, I could feel it. The universe was not working in my favor, and though I couldn't quite explain exactly how I knew, it felt quite obvious to me: something had gone amiss in my life. I knew with utmost certainty, the same way I knew the sun would rise tomorrow and the Earth would keep rotating, that something or someone I had trusted had not acted as I had planned.

And it wasn't until I had dinner with Kaya that I understood why.

__________________________________________________________________________________

"...and the stupid thing bit me!" Kaya finished her story with an indignant cry. She dropped her fork and flourished her hand in my direction, showing me her scar.

"Well, you shouldn't have taken the koala's food," I replied, half laughing, half exasperated. I took another bite of my dinner, eyeing her carefully from across the table.

Kaya rolled her eyes. "Someone could have warned me," she said with a huff.

I snorted, but didn't bother to answer. I nudged my chicken with my fork, not exactly full, but not really having the desire to eat it either. It was quite strange, but my stomach refused to settle comfortably enough for me to eat. The dubious feeling from earlier had yet to cease, and now that I sat with Kaya it seemed to have increased tenfold.

"So, Dylan," Kaya started again a few minutes later, obviously unaware of my internal struggle. "I have a confession."

My eyebrows crinkling in, I looked up at her startled. Her eyes were twinkling in a peculiar way, with the light of secrets and excitement and youth dancing in her blue eyes. She pushed her lips together and glanced around, making sure we were alone. Then she leaned forward and whispered five horrible words.

"Thomas knows you like him."

My crinkled brow slackened, and I stared at her. I blinked, once, twice, three times, just watching, waiting for her innocent smile to fall. For her piercing blue eyes to warm, to tell me she was joking.

When she remained silent, my disbelieving expression faltered. More to reassure myself than accuse her, I said in a forced calm voice, "Very funny, Kaya."

Kaya bit her lip in childish excitement. Just watching as her entire face lit up like New York City at night, as she smiled wider than what should be possible, I already felt my heart sinking further. She began shaking her head, and my stomach stirred again, a tug in my gut that told me to run, to get away before she said anything else--

"He knows, Dylan. I swear on my life--"

But her next words were drowned out as my jaw slackened, as my eyes grew round. There was a buzzing in my ears, louder than the lull of conversation that echoed in the dining hall around us. I froze. I dimly felt my fork clatter to my plate, but that felt like it was miles away. My vision tunneled, the only thing I really saw being the innocent expression on Kaya's face.

"Are you sure?" I asked through numb lips. I felt as though I had plunged into the Arctic sea, and now all of my body systems were shutting down, ceasing to function. My hands were shaking in my lap, as if waiting for my worst fears to be confirmed.

Kaya shrugged, not once realizing how awful her news really was. "Of course I'm sure. He was ecstatic when I told him, and I'm like ninety percent positive that he--"

But I couldn't hear her again. A numbness was washing over me for the second time. I couldn't understand why Kaya thought this was all good news; after all, I could kiss my friendship with Thomas goodbye. It was over. All of it. Thomas would be too disgusted to even speak to me anymore.

This explained why he hadn't swung by on set today to say hello. He probably didn't want to see me, too embarassed to look me in the eye. What was I thinking? What was Kaya thinking? How could she have possibly thought that telling him my personal secret would be a good idea--

I froze as that last part finally processed in my mind.

"You told him?" I breathed out, my voice barely above a whisper. And though I was numb before, now all I felt was a low stinging on my skin. It was as if Kaya had tried to light me a fire to keep me warm, but in the end only burned me with the flame.

Kaya nodded hastily, seemingly oblivious. "Yes, yesterday. And he--"

"Why would you do that?" I bit out, unable to stop the cold accusation from leaking into my tone. I shook my head in absolute horror, as if seeing her in an entirely new light. A friend, someone I trusted to stay quiet, now admitting her betrayal...

Kaya's mouth fell closed abruptly, perplexed by my reaction. When she opened it again, no sound came out, but she shook her head slightly.

"I didn't think it mattered that much..." she finally managed weakly. Her entire persona changed from excitement to hesitant regret as she stared at me.

"Of course it mattered! Would I have begged you not to tell him if it didn't matter?"

My words were harsh, but I didn't care. I had trusted her not to tell, and she had gone behind my back. Now Thomas knew about my budding crush and Kaya was the only one to blame.

I pushed my chair out, the wood creating a horrible grating noise on my ears. Kaya stared at me in confusion, fear and hurt, but I ignored her. After all, it was her fault that this mess was created in the first place.

"I was just trying to help," Kaya said in a small voice as she watched me forcefully clean up my dinner.

My eyes rose to meet hers, a clash of blue and brown. I saw the apology lacing her teary eyes, I saw the regret and remorse spelled across her lips. But I also saw her betrayal, portrayed like a tattoo plastered grandly across her forehead. So instead of caving into her wordless apology, I shook my head slowly, my mouth opening despite my brain's objections, and I spat the words that we both knew I didn't mean, but yet didn't regret in the heat of my anger.

"Next time, just don't."

Blinking away tears that had crept up unknowingly, I quickly hurried away.

__________________________________________________________________________________

I didn't cry over Kaya. I didn't waste my tears on Thomas. In fact, to a bystander, nothing about me or my feelings changed at all.

But inside, I was crumbling.

My trust had been abused years ago by someone I had never thought would fault me. And now here I was again, placed in a precariously similar situation, just under slightly altered circumstances. I could have laughed at the irony.

I avoided both Thomas and Kaya the next day, and the day following that. Kaya tried desperately to approach me, and I had a feeling Thomas was waiting until the right moment to say something to me as well, but by the third time I had left her standing alone in the hallway, I figured she had given up. Will and Ki Hong, who I had found to be satisfactory replacements for my old friends, were treating me with a fragile apprehension. They had no idea why I was suddenly so cold towards Kaya and so distant from Thomas, but both knew me well enough not to ask. I appreciated it more than they knew.

I threw myself into work. We had only three days left to film, and then three days of press in California, and then I had a month back at home. Knowing that I would soon be back in New Jersey, even though I'd have to leave it a month later to promote The Maze Runner, allowed me to release a breath of relief.

I was almost convinced that I wouldn't have to deal with either Kaya nor Thomas before our month break. In fact, though I loved being on set, I was looking forward to the time spent away from them, just so that things between us could cool down a bit.

Thomas however, always had a knack for throwing my plans off course.

When relaxing in the front lobby three days after Kaya had told Thomas about my crush, two hands came down on the arms of the chair I sat on. I jumped, whirling around in my seat so fast that my back cracked. Upon seeing the brown eyes and blond hair that greeted me, I tensed, my every muscle as taut as a wire.

Though it had really only been a few days since I had last been without such close proximity with Thomas, it felt like it had been years. My heart clenched when he smiled, his face hovering just a foot above mine. His wide grin faltered slightly when he met my fearful and concerned expression, but he fixed it so quickly I might have imagined it. I jumped up to my feet, restraining myself from stumbling away, and watching him with scared, tense eyes.

After a few seconds of silence, he said, "Hello, Dylan."

Every word in the English language flew from my mind when I heard his soft British accent for the first time in days. Another beat of dumb silence, and then I managed a quiet, "Hi."

Thomas let out a breath of air, letting it puff out his cheeks as he did so. Silence again. Then he asked, almost grudgingly, "Have you been avoiding me?"

"No, no, I've just been busy, that's all," I lied, ruffling my fingers through my growing hair. I glanced away, afraid that he would see the deceit in my eyes reflected back at him in cold clarity.

Thomas grimaced, so I knew he didn't believe me. "Look, Dylan, if this is about what Kaya did..."

He trailed off. I couldn't meet his eyes, but as he confirmed the fact that he knew I liked him, I blushed a deep crimson.

The silence between us was so unnatural. It wasn't awkward or anything, but filled with so many unsaid words that we both wanted to say and couldn't. It was like having duct tape over my mouth but my hands untied; if I wanted, I could use my hands to rip away the tape and start talking, but for some reason I didn't--I let the tape silence me.

Eventually I couldn't take it anymore, not with the humiliation clawing like a wild beast inside of me. Unable to stop, I burst, "I'm sorry."

"For what?" Thomas asked, his eyebrow raising in confusion. He shifted his weight on his feet, eyes never leaving my face.

"For...you know..." I blushed again. I took a step back, eyeing my feet warily.

"Oh," Thomas muttered. I cringed. "Don't apologize. It's okay."

With my gaze on my feet, I felt tears of embarrassment start to prick up behind my eyes. This was exactly what I feared would happen. I was never going to be able to look Thomas in the eye again. He would always feel uncomfortable around me, afraid that I would make a move on him or something. The prized jewel that had been our friendship was now dust and shattered remains, crushed unceremoniously beneath Kaya's heel.

"Dylan, will you go out with me?"

My head shot up.

Thomas's voice didn't waver with the sudden question. He looked ruffled, biting his lip after the words left his mouth. It almost seemed as if the words had poured out of him before he had the opportunity to stop them.

The hand hanging by my side twitched to pinch my thigh. My mouth fell open, my head pitching forward just slightly to express my utter shock. This must have been a dream. I shook my head, convinced that none of this was real.

Thomas grinned shyly at me, but he reeked of an air of confidence. I was too shocked to notice how his hand trembled slightly by his side, or how his Adam's apple bobbed when he swallowed. My own palms grew sweaty the longer I went without saying anything.

"W-what?" I finally sputtered. I was as red as Rudolph's nose, my stomach repeatedly flopping over in nerves.

Thomas licked his lips nervously. "Would you go out with me? On an actual date?"

I wanted to scream, YES at the top of my lungs, but something told me that might scare him away. Instead I stayed silent, knowing that anything I said would come out wavery in the still air. I tried nodding, but my neck wouldn't work. We just stood there, feet apart, me quaking in nerves, him shaking in suspense.

I hardly dared believe that he had actually asked me out. It seemed way too farfetched; crushes only ever like you back in movies, not in real life. But it was actually happening, and Thomas was waiting for my answer. I could have danced in joy.

But then a horrible thought struck me. It was too good to really be true. Did Thomas really want this? Or was this just something that Kaya was forcing him to do, in a way of apology from her part? That honestly seemed like a more likely choice than him actually wanting to go out with me. Perhaps this was all just part of some bigger plan.

I blinked, my cheeks now burning with embarrassment. It was all too likely that this was some great plan of Kaya's to make me look stupid.

"No," I suddenly spat with more conviction than I intended. I wasn't going to be a puzzle piece in whatever game Thomas and Kaya were playing.
Thomas's smile fell. He looked as though I had slapped him in the face.

"You won't?" he asked. His shoulders sagged, and he looked genuinely crestfallen.

His believable hurt did nothing to lessen my anger. "No, I won't. And you can tell Kaya I'd much rather appreciate the apology from her not you."

I started walking away, brushing his shoulder as I left. I was fuming, in mortification and anger, and I knew I needed to be alone. Part of me was screaming, what the fuck are you doing, idiot! Say yes, say yes! But I ignored that tiny voice. Saying no would save me more trouble in the long run.

"What does Kaya have to do with this?" Thomas asked, spinning around to watch me as I left. His tone was so genuinely confused that I knew it was sincere. I froze in my steps, turning around to justify myself, though I already felt as though I had made a mistake.

"Kaya put you up to this, didn't she?" I asked, my voice so loud and rough that it echoed on the tiles of the lobby floor. I paused, watching Thomas, wishing he would prove me wrong. He appeared too baffled to reply, however, so I rolled my eyes and stalked away.

_________________________________________________________________________________

Thomas caught me again as I sat down to eat lunch.

I expected it to be weird between us. After all, he knew I liked him, and yet when he asked me on a date, I had rejected him with barely any hesitation. It sounded stupid even in my own head, and I had spent hours regretting it. But I couldn't take back the past.

Or could I?

It appears that fate was willing to give me a second chance today.

Thomas sat down across from me, no dinner plate in sight. I raised an eyebrow, so he raised one back. I stared at him, so he stared right back. I huffed, so he huffed right back.

"What?" I asked finally, breaking under his unwavering glare.

"Will you go out with me?" he asked again without hesitation.

His voice was loud though, and it attracted the stares of everyone at our table. I wasn't comfortable with all the eyes trained expectantly on me though, so I got back up and walked towards the exit without answering him.

"I'm gonna take that as a no?" I dimly heard Thomas call, but I was already out the doors.

__________________________________________________________________________________

At around three o'clock I was heading towards the costume department down a long, dark hallway, when I met Thomas again. He was walking towards me from the opposite direction. I tried angling my head down, as if to hide my face, but it didn't work. He saw me, and his face lit up.

"Do you want to go out with me yet?"

"Nope."

And we kept walking.

__________________________________________________________________________________

I think Thomas snapped at nightfall.

I stepped into the elevator, my only thoughts trained on finally going to bed. Humming a dull tune, I hit the button that lead me to my floor, and turned around to wait for the doors to close.

And then I saw him.

He was ten feet away, carrying a cardboard box in his arms. Our eyes met, and it was as if everything around us froze. Recognition flicked across his face, and alarm spread across mine, and then we both burst into action simultaneously.

My hand flew out, and I repeatedly slammed my finger into the "close door" button, hoping that the incessant pushing would make the doors close faster. I watched from the corner of my eye as Thomas hollered, as if in slow motion, and then he released the box in his arms. It clattered to the ground but he didn't show any signs of caring; he was leaping towards the elevator, hand outstretched in a desperate attempt to stop the doors from closing.

The doors were four inches from shutting, and I still attacked the button. Thomas was five feet away. Two inches of space between the door, and Thomas was gaining quickly. I pushed my entire fist into the "closed door" button, letting out a small squeak as I did so, glancing over at the now almost entirely closed door. There was no way he'd make it, not even he could--

But his thin fingers had slipped into the miniscule opening between the sliding elevator doors, and they automatically opened again. I groaned, falling back against the wall.

"Good try," Thomas said with a smirk as he slipped inside the elevator. The doors closed behind him, and he finished, "But not good enough."

I rolled my eyes, crossing my arms across my chest. "What do you want?" I asked. As the elevator began to move upwards, I knew I just had to stall for a few moments before we got to my floor.

"You know what I want: a date. Preferably with you. Preferably at the park. Preferably tomorrow night," Thomas shrugged every time he said 'preferably'.

"I'm not going on a date with you!" I exclaimed. I want to, but I know you are only doing this for Kaya, I finished in my head.

"Fair enough," he said with a wicked smile. My eyes widened as he reached towards the paneling behind him, pulling the knob that said, "stop elevator" without a second thought.

"Are you nuts?" I exclaimed, pushing myself off the wall. I threw myself at him, determined to turn the knob to get us moving again. Lord help me. I'm stuck in an elevator with a psycho.

For such a small-framed guy, Thomas was surprisingly strong. He held me back, placing both his hands against my chest to stop me from fixing the elevator. "Thom--agh--what the hell is wrong with you?" I muttered, more to myself than him, as I struggle to bypass him. Why the heck do they have a 'stop elevator' button anyway?

With one strong push, Thomas shoved me back against the wall. His arms caged me in, preventing me from getting to the button paneling beside the elevator doors. "It's just one date, Dylan. Why won't you say yes?"

Thomas looked desperate, not hurt as he should have after so many rejections, but serious. His chest was heaving from our little struggle, his breaths puffing out against my face everytime he breathed. My eyes flickered back and forth between his own brown pair, catching my breath. I felt as though he had asked a question that would be the difference between going to war and world peace.

"Kaya's making you do this," I said. My voice was low, even but gruff. With my words, his eyes clouded with confusion.

"What are you talking about?" he asked, his voice as low as mine. His lips barely moved as he spoke.

I gulped, feeling as though someone had just shoved a sword down my throat. Each word I said sliced through the air and cut up my mouth, hurting me, but confusing him further.

"This is her way of apologizing for outing my feelings, isn't it? You take me on a date, give me one night of happiness, then pretend like it didn't work out, right? That way we can go back to normal, and Kaya doesn't have to feel guilty, because she can act like you had at least thought you reciprocated my feelings."

Thomas looked bemused. He panted, not replying, but then his gasps turned into breathy laughter. He shook his head, a single blond strand of hair falling into his eyes.

"You're an idiot," he said, but his eyes held a look that I could only name as fondness.

"I'm not," I said, though I was starting to realize that maybe I was, "I know this is all a joke to you. You just feel bad for me and this is your way of repaying me."

Thomas stared at me for a second, his smile melting from his face. We held eye contact, as strong and sustainable as a piece of steel, for one second, two seconds, three seconds...Blinking abruptly, Thomas moved his hands to my open mouth, and for one scary moment, I thought he was going to kiss me. Instead he stuck his dirty fingers past my lips, pushing around against my tongue and teeth.

I shoved him off, and he pulled his hands back, wiping them on his jeans. "What the fuck are you doing?" I asked, wiping at my own tongue with my hand to express my disgust. I even tried fake-gagging, just to prove my revulsion with his previous actions.

"I was trying to clear your mouth of all the bullshit you keep spitting out," Thomas replied easily.

I rolled my eyes and groaned. My eyes jumped from the control panel behind him, back to his face. Frustrated, I bit out, "You are actually insane. Completely off your rocker. You need to take some crazy pills, there, buddy--"

Thomas cut me off before I could continue my rambling. "Dylan, Kaya has nothing to do with me asking you out. The last time I spoke to her was when she was telling me about your conversation in the hallway."

Gosh, do I ever stop flushing around him? Feeling stupid now, all I could manage was a weak, "Oh."

Thomas was silent for a second, his mind a million miles away. I felt stupid, even more so than the time I thought brown cows made chocolate milk or when I asked who's the green guy in the Grinch?. I shouldn't have jumped to such conclusions, and now my entire body buzzed with humiliation.

"So was that it? Will you go out with me now?" Thomas pleaded.

I don't know why, but I didn't like the fact that he wouldn't take no for an answer. He was too confident but still trying to play vulnerable, like Superman without his cape.

But I couldn't bring myself to say no again. At the same time, I was too embarrassed to just say yes now. So instead, I avoided the question altogether.

"Why can't you just accept the fact that I don't want to go on a date with you?" I said, half exasperated.

Thomas groaned again. Licking his lips and looking at the wall above my head, his face creased. With an air of finality, he said, "Just give me a reason why you won't say yes, and I'll leave you alone."

I opened my mouth immediately, but nothing came to mind. What was I supposed to say? That I was honestly afraid? That the last time I had a boyfriend, it went horribly sour? That the only reason I was making up excuses not to date him, was because I had far too many reasons why I should date him? I couldn't say any of that. So instead, I stayed silent.

Thomas's voice lowered to just above a whisper. "Exactly," he muttered, "you don't have a reason."

"Thomas, I--I can't..." I said. Ignoring how vulnerable I suddenly seemed, I shook my head, silently reminding myself that I didn't want to get hurt. I trusted boys like Thomas in the past, and I only ended up with a broken heart and a few shattered memories. It wasn't worth it. I liked him, but I didn't want to date him. I clenched my jaw, feeling as though it was the only thing that still showed any strength within me.

Thomas pushed his blond hair off his forehead. He shook his head, saying wistfully, "I know you like me, Dylan, so why won't you go out with me? I know you...and I know that you want to."

It was clear he didn't mean to sound cocky, he was just being honest. And he was right, I did want to. But I couldn't.

"You don't know anything about me," I trembled through clenched teeth, my little restraint trickling out of my body as quickly as I had watched the water drain away in the shower.

"Then let me learn," Thomas whispered in a low voice.

His shoulders sagged, and for the first time since entering this elevator, he looked sincere. He looked human.

My breath caught. I looked into his eyes, now shimmering in a manner I had never seen before. I didn't move, and neither did he. Standing just feet apart, we stared at each other more intimately than we ever had in the past.

"Look, Dylan," Thomas broke the strained silence. "If you really don't want to go out with me, you don't have to. I'm not going to force you into anything. But if you give me one date, just one night, I promise you won't regret it."

My eyes fell to the floor, my neck bent low. I took a deep breath, then released it just as slowly, and with my final exhale, all of my restraint left my body. I looked up. Thomas was already staring at me.

"One date," I finally agreed. Thomas's expression morphed from shocked to euphoric to victorious, and then softened into one of happiness as his eyes met mine. His arm reached out and pulled me into a tight hug, and a small smile curled on my own lips as well.

And with Thomas's arms around me, my heart didn't race, my stomach didn't flip, my pulse didn't jump; though I knew that he'd likely make me feel that way again, right now, I welcomed how simply secure I was in his embrace. For the first time since I had realized I liked him, I felt prepared, at ease, completely peaceful. I felt calm.

If only I had remembered that there's a calm before every storm.

//

A/N

hi friends

um um so this was v v hard to write for some reason and at one point I got so frustrated that I almost deleted this story whoops

hA so on another note, funny story; I was writing the sentence, "My eyebrows crinkling in, I looked up at her startled." but instead of typing startled I wrote, "I looked up at her squirtled." I think this is a sign that I need to stop playing Pokemon Go smh

I'm recommending Faking It (Newtmas AU) by mychemicalrainbows it's recently been my obsession and I think it should be your obsession now too

joke:

who goes to the bathroom in the middle of a party?

a party pooper

hehe I believe that's all for today, friends. hope you are all doing swell, keeping up with your school work, or are enjoying your time off. if not, that's okay, you're human.

ps remember to brush your teeth or you'll end up with 6 cavities like me
until next time,

//sam\\