I tried to write a poem--
It didn't go to well.
I tried to write a heaven,
But ended up in hell.

The demons seem pretty chill though,
They don't pay me much mind,
So I figure I might as well write--
Just leave the rest behind.

The flames can be annoying--
I'm running low on pants,
And it it's really hard to feel at thome
When they keep consuming my potted plants

It's awfully inconvenient,
And life here kinda sucks,
But I guess it's what I got now,
Just me and a gang of ducks.

The ducks ward away the demons,
And I write them a theme song
To blast on their massive stereo
As they go marching along.

We kinda just vibe around now,
The gang of mutants and I;
I feed them bugs, they let me write,
And then, at dawn, we fly.

They flap their wings, I flap my arms,
We fly across the land.
We seek out more demons to beat the crap out of,
While we blast metal from our favorite band.

The ducks have taught me their ways of life,
And also I'm pregnant now.
And yes I'm a guy, so don't ask why;
I still have no idea how.

And now I'm a cranky son of a gun,
So I sit and keep on writing,
And whatever's inside my newfound womb
Is getting good at fighting.

An update: It seems I'm no longer pregnant!
Yep. I've laid an egg.
And now I have to sit on it,
With my writing notebook on my leg.

And one day the egg begins to break;
A baby ostrich demon is born!
His name is Cliff, and he eats ducks--
The gang and I are quite forlorn.

Cliff has grown very hungry and fierce,
Eating duck drumsticks baked and fried.
And though I literally just want to sit down and write,
I guess this crap is my life now. Well... I tried.

(Author's Note: Yep, here it is! The poem this book was named after. Also, just to say this briefly: this poem was not meant to be taken seriously. As a Christian I do believe in the reality and seriousness of hell. This is not in any way meant to be an accurate depiction of anything, Biblical or otherwise. I just felt I should say that.)