11 years ago

My sophomore year is in full swing. It's halfway through September. I've adjusted to my new schedule and classes, including my first AP class. I have way more homework this year but I still find time to do it between marching band practices and hanging out with my friends. Casey got her license last month, so we have been spending lots of time at the mall in the next town over. 

I'm halfway through my Honors American Literature class, just waiting for the bell to ring. We don't have rehearsal after school today so Casey, Payton, Melinda and I are going to the mall after school to look for homecoming dresses. Homecoming is two weeks away and we can barely contain our excitement! None of us have dates or anything, but who doesn't love an excuse to put on a fancy dress and go to Olive Garden?

While Mrs. Fleming is droning on about life in the pioneer days to help us understand the background of our new reading, The Crucible, I zone out. I can't help but daydream about homecoming. I imagine myself twirling in a cinderella blue dress underneath the strobe lights and streamers covering our school cafeteria. I imagine my hair in ringlets bouncing on my back as I jump along to the music with my friends. I imagine the feel of Charlie's hands on my waist as we slow dance in the middle of the room, feeling like we are the only people in the room. 

My dreaming is interrupted by the abrupt ringing of the bell and Mrs. Fleming is reminding us to read the first 40 pages of The Crucible for class tomorrow. I quickly shove my book into my backpack and close my folder on top of my papers before rushing out into the madness that is dismissal. Everyone is nose deep in their phones as they rush their way to the nearest door. Jocks are playfully shoving each other into lockers as they head to the athletic wing for practices. Lockers are banging open and shut all over the building as people gather their belongings. 

I make my way over to the history wing where Casey and I have lockers this year. As I am putting away the books I don't need to lug home tonight, I feel Casey open up her locker next to me. "Are you excited for the mall?" She asks me. "I heard Deb's is having a sale on homecoming dresses this week. I can't wait to try on dresses in every color! Do you know which one you're leaning towards?"

I close my locker door and replace my purple combination lock. "I'm leaning towards a light blue. Maybe something sparkly. I'm not entirely sure." 

Casey is digging around on her top locker shelf for her car keys. "Really? That sounds cute. Not gonna lie, I think you should try on a fiery red one though. I bet it would really pop since you're still tan from summer swim team." 

She closes her locker and we look down the hallway, waiting for Payton and Melinda to join us. "Hey, it could have been you too," I remind her. " I offered to talk to Coach about letting you join the team this summer. It would have been so fun to have you around! I was lonely now that Rachel and Kate don't swim anymore. Laaaaaaammmmmme."

We spot Payton and Melinda stopping at their lockers way down at the other end of the hallway. Casey and I start to walk in their direction. "Oh please. You couldn't have been that lonely. You had Charlie all to yourself this summer.I'm sure it was torture." Casey dramatically places her hand on her forehead as she says this. 

I playfully his her arm. "It truthfully was. Teenage boys are a mystery I have yet to fully understand."

In all honesty, it wasn't that bad having a lane to myself with Charlie most days. Sure there were other high schoolers on the team, but most of them skipped practices during the summer. It gave Charlie and I lots of time to grow close. During our conversations about vacations, books I was reading, video games he was playing, and more, he started to become one of my closest friends. We rarely hung out together besides at the pool, but we had lots of time to learn about each other.  These conversations had lead to lots of inside jokes that we shared during band rehearsals this month. 

"That reminds me, I have something I have been meaning to ask you about. But it can wait until get to the car." Casey and I meet up with our friends and the four of us walk out to Casey's white car. I slide into the passenger seat as Payton and Melinda sling their backpacks into the middle of the back row between them. 

As Casey joins the never ending traffic flow out of the school parking lot, I bring our conversation back up. "What did you want to ask me Casey?" 

She is very focused on the road in front of her. "This is kind of embarrassing but I thought you might know since you spend a lot of time with him. But um, does Charlie ever talk about me?"

Of all the directions I was expected this conversation to go, this is not one I anticipated. Did Casey like Charlie too? "I mean I guess sometimes when we talk about swimming." I shrug my shoulders and try to pretend this news doesn't bother me. "Usually I bring you up more often than not since we hand out a lot.  He's a nice guy so he does occasionally ask how you're doing. 

I notice Casey is smiling to herself. "I was hoping you'd say that. I hate to admit it, but I think I've got a crush on Charlie. I was considering asking him to the homecoming dance." 

"Do it!" Payton and Melinda chant from the backseat while I try my best not to let my jaw hit the floorboards of her car.  She wants to ask Charlie to homecoming? She has a crush on Charlie? But I have a crush on Charlie. I know I haven't really admitted it to myself or my friends out loud recently, but I thought by the way they teased us it was assumed. I can feel my jealousy radiating from my core and spreading out until it potions every cell of my being. 

"Jenna, do you think I should?" Casey asks me hesitantly. I don't want to hog Charlie as he's not mine to hog. I truly wasn't planning to ask him the dance myself. Mostly because I know it's not his thing. He has never been to a school dance, on purpose. But I also want to be a supportive friend. And who knows? As much as it kills me, maybe Charlie does like Casey. They do have a lot in common. 

"Go for it, " I consent. "Maybe we can talk him into Olive Garden with us too." 

We stop at a light and Casey leans over and gives my arm a squeeze. "I'll ask him tomorrow. Before band. I'm so excited!" 

I spend the rest of the drive to the mall, staring out the window, trying to find the courage to be happy for my friends. 

_________

The next morning, our friend group is excitedly chattering about the homecoming dresses we picked out last night. I'm glad I let Casey talk me into a red dress after all. It really does make my legs look amazing. 

As we are chatting about dresses, Charlie walks up to me. " Hey Jenna, how was your night?" 

I smile at Charlie as I attach my music to my instrument for rehearsal. "Hey you. It was pretty good. We went to the mall and I picked out my homecoming dress before suffering though 40 pages of The Crucible." 

"Ah," Charlie nods. "Exciting times. Well I'm sure you'll great in it." Noticing the other girls I was talking to when he walked over he adds "I'm sure you will all look great in the dresses you picked out."

Casey uses that as her due to bring up the big question. "That reminds me. Charlie, can I ask you something really quick?" When he nods his head yes, she pulls him about 5 feet away from out group. Far enough that we pretend not to listen, but close enough we still hear every word in the bustling band room anyways. 

As Casey leans against the band locker wall, I see her twirling her hair around her finger as she asks "Would you maybe want to go to the homecoming dance with me?"

I can see Charlie tense and blush across the room. He has suddenly become awkward and unsure of himself. He rubs the back of his head as he says. "Look, Casey, you're a nice girl but dances aren't really my thing. I'm going to have to say no. I'm sorry." 

Casey's shoulders drop. "It's okay. I understand. Can't blame a girl for trying." She begins to pat her pockets. " Oh. Shoot. I forgot my...uh...set list in the guard room. I need to go grab it before practice." She practically runs out of the room towards the guard room door. Payton hurries after her as Charlie makes his way back over to me. 

"That was harsh." I say to Charlie before locking up my band locker. 

"I know," Charlie says bashfully. " I didn't want to hurt her, but I have no intentions to go to the dance. I have much better ways to spend a Saturday night besides dressing like a money and watching people grind on each other in the same room I'm expected to each lunch in on Monday." 

"Fair enough," I respond as we begin to walk out to the practice field for practice. "I'd hate for you to lose an evening of playing Halo to have to put on a tie and get low." 

"Exactly!" Charlie exclaims as he nudges my shoulder. "I'm glad someone gets it. Besides, there's only one person I would even consider going to homecoming with and it's not Casey."

"Who?" My nosey ass asks. But before Charlie can respond, Mr. Rodgers tells us to arc up for warm-ups.

_________

A whole week passes and all I can think about is who does Charlie secretly want to go to homecoming with? I secretly hope it's me, but with only 4 days left until the dance I doubt I'll find the courage to broach the subject again. 

Since the weather is nice and it's Wednesday, we have band rehearsal after school today. We are just finishing up and begin our trek back inside.  I listen as the saxophones talk about how the girls are planning to do their hair for the dance. Before long, Charlie and I begin to straggle behind the band as friend groups wander inside.  If there is going to be a time to ask Charlie, it's going to have to be now. 

"Sooooo Charlie. Does hearing everyone bring up the homecoming dance make you wish you were going this weekend?" I try to be as unobvious as I can. 

Charlie hems and haws as he removes his reed from his mouthpiece. "Ehhhh. Don't get me wrong. Part of me is curious about all the hype, but Have no desire to embarrass myself on my own in front over our school. I have plenty of other ways to do that in the comfort of my house.

I couldn't have picked a better Segway myself even if I tried. "Well, you could go with me if you want. I don't have a date yet.You could even could to Olive Garden with my friends before the dance." 

Charlie stops walking and begins fidgeting with the keys on his saxophone. He seems to consider my offer for a long time. Plenty of time for me to feel my hopes rising that I am the one he has been waiting to have ask him to the dance.

Before I know it, Charlie responds. "Thanks for the offer Jenna, but I think I'm going to stick with my original Saturday night plans." His phone begins to ring. "That's my mom. I've got to take this." 

He wanders off with his phone pressed to his ear while I'm left alone standing in the middle of the practice field wondering how I could have read the signs so wrong. Maybe Charlie doesn't like me after all. I hand my head to hide my disappointment. I quickly put my cellphone back in it's case before hurrying out to get my bike off the rack. I'm halfway home before I finally let the first tear slide down my face.