CHAPTER SEVEN
the best little chapel

____________

"I TOLD YOU, you came in with a mild concussion, some bruised ribs. No big deal." The doctor succinctly explained as he shifted his attention from the partially naked old man he was examining, back to the group, who were circulated in front of the door. "Although, none of you could articulate how it happened."

"Do you remember how many of us were here?" Phil spoke up curiously.

"I don't know. I think it was just you guys." The doctor furrowed his eyebrows, almost as if he was bored, and he continued to examine his patient. "Definitely no baby. And one other guy."

"That's our guy." Stu's face practically lit up at the inadvertent mention of Doug, Chloe releasing a relieved breath that she didn't realise she was holding at the confirmation. "Was he okay?"

"Yeah. He was fine. Just whacked out of his mind. You all were." The doctor confirmed as he grabbed the old man and adjusted his position so he was now standing up. "Alright, come forward. And turn."

Pulling the man's underwear all the way down to his ankles, consequently revealing his wrinkly, naked bottom, Stu, Chloe and Phil widened their eyes and turned around to avoid looking at the sight any longer, Chloe cringing as she withheld a disgusted gag and held her hand over her mouth, while Alan just stared at the man in pure wonderment.

"There you go. And cough. Cough. Cough, give me one more. Alright. Attaboy." As the doctor pulled up the man's underwear, the group took that as a sign to look at him again, faces still filled with discomfort.

"Okay Felix, you can put your robe on. And, uh, the nurse will be here in a minute. I'll see you after the weekend." The doctor then turned to the group once he finished loudly accentuating the words to the old man, who nodded and thanked him for his services, though as the doctor stood up and approached the group, he shot them all an awkward glance and shook his head to signify that he unfortunately wouldn't see Felix after the weekend.

Stu and Chloe shared frowns as they comprehended the meaning of the look, while the doctor discarded his gloves and sanitised his hands, Alan still curiously watching Felix as if he was newly enlightened. "Guys, I've really gotta go. I'm sorry. I have surgery up on the fourth floor."

"No, I know. But, uh, we just need a couple more minutes of your time." Phil just slowly held up a one hundred dollar bill between his index and middle fingers as he stared at the doctor, seeking to bribe him for more information.

The doctor wordlessly stared at the money as he just accepted the deal. "Yeah. Tuck it right in there. I don't want to re-sterilise. Walk with me."

Phil nodded in acceptance as he shoved the bill in the doctor's pocket.

•

"Okay, here we go. Patient name, Phil Wenneck, 2:45 a.m. arrival." The doctor monotonously read out the details of the file in his hand as the group trailed behind him and processed the information, sharing wondering looks at the information. "Minor concussion, like I said. Some bruising. Pretty standard."

"Do you mind if I look? I'm actually a doctor." Stu leaned over the doctor to point at the file.

"Yeah." The doctor refused by not handing him the file, abruptly deadpanning as he blew out an unenthused breath. "You said that several times last night, but really, you're just a dentist."

Stu's, previously inquisitive, expression contorted into a disparaged one, a tight-lipped, offended smile overtaking his features as he just slowly nodded and looked away, fed-up at the constant assertion.

"Okay, this is interesting." The doctor mused after a moment, catching the group's attention once more as they each stopped at the reception desk. "Your blood work came in this morning. Wow. They found a large amount of Ruphylin in your system."

"Ruph...?" Phil let his voice cluelessly trail off as he wordlessly shook his head, seeking explanation.

"Ruphylin. Roofies. Commonly known as the date-rape drug." The doctor answered briefly.

"What?" Chloe raised her eyebrows in bewilderment, not willing to believe that Phil had been drugged.

"What, so, what are you saying, I was raped last night?" Phil scoffed out a humorous chuckle, not believing the insinuation.

"Oh my god, Chloe, you're a rapist!" Alan inhaled a sharp gasp as he dramatically widened his eyes at the woman, covering Carlos' ears with his hands as if that would make any difference in what the baby had heard thus far, whatsoever.

Chloe just exasperatedly glared at him at the accusation. "Alan, I didn't roofie or rape Phil. I wouldn't even know where or how to get roofies."

"Actually..." The doctor suddenly interrupted as he flicked through the several pages in front of him as he directed his following words to Phil, "I don't think you were raped. But someone did slip you the drug. I'm not surprised you don't remember anything."

Alan just let out an over-exaggerated giggle. "Doc, none of us can remember anything from last night. Remember?"

Alan amusedly glanced between the group as he awaited their mutual agreement, though neither of them even bothered to instil logic into him as they kept their focuses on the doctor.

"Yeah, how could someone have drugged all of us?" Phil inquired, eyebrows creasing inwards in perplexity.

"Look, I wouldn't worry about it, guys." The doctor casually dismissed the question. "The stuff's out of your system. You're gonna be fine. I have to go."

"It doesn't feel fine." Chloe uncomfortably crossed her arms over her chest, eyebrows knitting inwards as she tried to forget about the unpleasant feeling that was threatening to bubble up within her at the violation.

"Wait, wait, wait." Stu held his hand out to stop the doctor before he could leave. "Please, doctor. Is there anything else? Like, something we may have been talking about, or some place we were going?"

The doctor lightly shook his head before stopping suddenly as he remembered another factor from the previous night. "Actually, there was something. You guys kept talking about some wedding last night."

Chloe just blew out a breath as she gestured to herself and Phil. "Yeah, we figured out that was our wedding."

"No, not your wedding, another one. But, yes, you two wouldn't shut the fuck up about that too, and you would not stop making out the whole time, which was super unhygienic, by the way, so...congratulations, I guess." The doctor practically rolled his eyes at the pair, who just respectively furrowed their eyebrows at the man.

"Yeah. No shit. Our buddy Doug's getting married tomorrow." Stu just irritatedly threw his hands to the sides.

"You know what? I want the hundred back." Phil went to snatch the money back from the doctor, though before he could, the man just backed up and cut in out of protest.

"No, no, no. Easy." The doctor definitively stated as he held his hand up momentarily. "You kept talking about some wedding you just came from that wasn't between you guys. At the, uh, Best Little Chapel."

Stu, Chloe, and Phil shared questioning, interrogative looks as they tried to internally figure out who's wedding they attended that wasn't Phil and Chloe's.

Phil then tried to rummage through his pockets in an attempt to retrieve the pen he took from the hotel, hoping not to forget the name before he could write it down.

"You kept saying how sick both of them were, and getting all crazy about it." The doctor exasperatedly sighed, significantly tired of the whole conversation. "Okay, I hope this helps, I really have to leave."

"The Best Little Chapel, do you know where that is?" Phil pulled out a pen and paper and went to write down the address, looking at the doctor in an awaiting manner.

"I do. It's at the corner of Get-A-Map and Fuck-Off." The doctor abruptly quipped, consequently stopping Phil in his tracks and eliciting offended glares from the group.

"I'm a doctor, not a tour guide." He continued, dismissing their agitation. "Figure it out yourself, okay? You're adults."

With that, the doctor left as fast as he possibly could, leaving Stu and Chloe to just shake their heads, their eyebrows briefly raising and dropping as they then watched Phil write down the name of the chapel.

•

"What about the baby?" Alan started as Phil stopped the police car right in front of The Best Little Chapel, parking it securely.

"Just leave him in the car, we're only gonna be five minutes." Phil answered simply as the group exited the car.

"Woah, we're not leaving a baby in the car." Stu furrowed his eyebrows in disagreement.

"It'll be fine. I cracked the window." Phil shrugged.

With that, the group made their way into the chapel.

"What if they don't remember us?" Stu spoke up, tone slightly unnerved and uncertain as he thought of the following interaction possibly going wrong.

Chloe's eyebrows just expectedly tugged upwards as she walked in the chapel between Stu and Alan. "I'm one hundred percent sure they'll remember us."

"Well, let's just find out." Phil simply replied, noticing two staff members in the corner and beginning to walk towards them, the rest of the group beside him. "Excuse me, sir? Hi."

The man turned around, wide grin spreading across his face as he let out a lighthearted laugh and approached them. "Look at these guys! Hello, sweet cheeks! What happened? You miss me? You miss Eddie? You want more from me?"

As the group just stared at him, expressions blank with a mixture of apprehension and cluelessness, the stranger—Eddie—suddenly engulfed Phil into a tight hug, almost moving to hug Chloe before she just took a wide step back and held her hands up, effectively stopping him in his tracks. "Woah, woah."

"Classic Chloe!" Eddie just found the act amusing, letting out another laugh as he pointed at the woman and moved towards Alan, grabbing his face and squeezing, consequently eliciting a giggle out of the man. "How are you, my friend? Look at this guy. You're fucking crazy."

Then, he gestured to Stu. "Listen, I'm gonna tell you something. I know some sick people in my life. This guy is the craziest, wildest bastard I ever met in my life, man!"

"Who, this guy?" Phil disbelievingly gestured to Stu with an amused grin now spread across his features as Chloe raised her eyebrows and slowly nodded in surprise.

"This guy is out of his mind- oh, wait, sweet cheeks!" Eddie effectively cut himself off, referring to Chloe as he hurried to one of the boxes on one of the chairs in the corner, pulling out a large, diamond necklace and holding it out to the woman, one hand on his chest. "Eddie's wedding gift to his new friend. Take it, take it!"

Chloe widened her eyes as she just slowly took the necklace from his hand at his insistence and surveyed the expensive piece of jewellery, holding it up to her neck and glancing down at it. It was safe to say she was wholly impressed, her jaw practically dropping to the ground. "Woah...thanks, man..."

"No problem, gorgeous. I just had it lying around from another wedding, so it's all yours, beautiful." Eddie winked, then slapping Phil's bicep as he playfully boomed out another playful laugh. "You better take care of your girl, man, she's a special one. Hot and funny, you don't get that combo a lot, you know what I'm saying?!"

Phil just let out an uncomfortable chuckle as he briefly widened his eyes and placed his hands on his hips. "Uh. Yeah...sure, dude..."

"What's going on, you crazy motherfucker?!" Eddie shifted his attention to Stu once more as he engulfed him into a firm hug, Stu stiffening up in discomfort. "I thought he was gonna eat my dick. What happened? No love for Eddie? You don't hug me? Huh?"

"No, no. It's not that, Eddie. Uh, it's just that we're having a hard time remembering what happened here last night." Stu huffed out an awkward chuckle as Chloe clipped the necklace securely around her own neck, gently touching it, still overwhelmed and filled with awe at the expensive gift.

"Yeah, was there...was there a wedding here? Not Phil and Chloe's, though, because we already knew about that." Alan chimed in solemnly. "Do you do weddings here?"

Eddie tilted his head back and chortled out another entertained laugh. "You are cracking my balls, man."

"Eddie. Obviously we were here last night." Phil interjected, seeking to receive definitive answers as fast as possible. "We're looking for our friend, Doug. Do you remember him?"

"Yeah, the small guy. Like a monkey." Eddie demonstrated Doug's short height with his hand.

"Yeah." Stu confirmed, eyebrows raised at the affirmation.

"You saw him?" Chloe questioned curiously.

"Yeah, of course." Eddie grinned widely, eyes flickering between the group eagerly.

"Is there anything you can tell us about what may have happened last night?" Stu steered the conversation on the right track again.

Observing the group's earnest expressions, Eddie's enthusiastic exterior slightly faltered. "You don't remember nothing?"

•

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