On 14th April, I visited all of my relative's houses alone.

 I felt like I was visiting some strangers because I did not have any contact with them for the previous two years. Nevertheless, they all welcomed me with warm yet sorrowful smiles, I could not make out if the smile was for me or her. There were many new members in my family by then and I was introduced to all of them as Sarah's brother. All of them knew about Sarah's brother.

What if Sarah was alive? Would she have introduced me to all the new members by herself?

When I went to the final house, my cousin's house, his son gave me a box of shells to give to Sarah. None of the other members said anything when he extended it to me. I accepted it gladly. I did not know who to give it to but I certainly knew that it did not belong to me.

I took a lot of selfies with my relatives but she was not with me. That night I sent all the pictures to her email ID.

SisAli @gmail.com

I made that account for her when she was a 7th grader. She acted like an annoying brat when I said that I decided her username to be SisAli but anyone could easily notice that concealed smile on her face.

On 15th April, I took my parents to Payyambalam beach. They resisted my offer a lot until I told them about my motive behind it. I wanted to spend my days in Kannur as if Sarah was there beside me... as if my sister was alive...

I stood there and tried to let my regrets fly away with the wind. I sat on the beach and stared at the horizon that I can never reach as I thought about the time that I can never get back. I drew my knees towards my face and let my arms and head rest on it. My parents were busy spending time in their own worlds as they kept wiping their tears while looking at the sea, together.

What if Sarah was alive and I was the one who left?

There was only one more thing left in the list and that was to meet some boy named Aflah. The remaining wishes were numbered but they were not completed. She must have left it mid-sentence when she went to town with her friends.

"Ali kaka," I turned around to see the owner of the voice.

He was a teenage boy with curly hair and round spectacles. One of his eyebrows were raised as he looked at me from head to toe. He smiled at me before raising his pointing finger and running somewhere.

After some time, he came back with a gift box in his hand.

"Who are you?" I asked him as he extended the box towards me.

"Oh, I am sorry" He smiled sheepishly "I am Aflah . Sarah wanted me to give this to you when you come " he gulped heavily before continuing " with her to my house. But I am leaving for Bangalore tomorrow so I wanted to give this to you."

He smiled at me when I accepted the box. He ran away from me while shuffling his hair. He did not say me about who he was to Sarah and I did not ask him how he knew her but it felt like there was a comfortable conversation between us about her when he looked back at me one last time before running to a group of boys.

I did not open it until I reached our home.

I opened the box to see three shirts of different designs. I took the first shirt and noticed a small note in its pocket. I opened the note.

"Happy 19th birthday bro"

I quickly took the next shirt to find another note in it's pocket and my body felt warmer as I started feeling weaker.

"Happy 20th birthday kaka"

I took the final shirt from the box and read the note in its pocket.

"Happy 21st birthday Ali kakka, now you are permissible to marry according to Indian law, congratulations"

I clutched the shirt and brought it closer to my face as I kept weeping. The previous two years, I had always forgotten her birthday and wished her only when my mother called me and reminded me about it but she...

She had bought gifts for me, gifts that she never gave, gifts that she could never give...

I had to leave Kannur on 16th April so I started packing my bag in the afternoon that day. Before I left my house, I went and sat in front of her laptop . I had actually forgotten to switch off her laptop so I closed the Microsoft word document and that was when I noticed that the name of the document was '10 wishes', I opened the document again and scrolled down again to find that number ten of the list was on the page next to that I thought was last. The last wish was written in the list.

"You should smile more often and talk a little more with me"

I burst into tears as I held the screen of the laptop and lied my head on the table .That was when I realized that I had isolated from myself when I isolated from my family for my studies.

What if Sarah was alive?

I would have had a person who could make my world more beautiful than it ever deserve to be.