Nothing quite felt the same without T. I would've hated myself if it had. Chase found me sitting in her room.

He pointed at the rough sketches hung all over the walls. "You drew this, right?"

I nodded numbly. I fell asleep in her little bed. Her father went straight into hard core mourning mode. That's what a good citizen would've done. T was dead. Never coming back. Gone.

Except everyone knew she wasn't. And that was the infuriating part of it. I couldn't say "no, my girlfriend got abducted." Because as far as anyone was concerned, we all deserved whatever we got in that respect. The second reason is, she wasn't my girlfriend. Not really.

I hadn't slept much that night. I hadn't even taken my dead hearing aids off. Not until Chase came in and changed the battery for me. I didn't change out of my school uniform until Chase forced me to.

I slept at some point in the night, but it wasn't nearly enough. Maybe an hour. Two at most. My head pounded.

"Can I stay home?"

Chase shook his head. "Get dressed. We have to go."

"Where? It's Saturday. I don't have to go anywhere."

"No. I'm walking you to the park. You'll draw or something. You need to be seen. You were with her when... You'll be on a watchlist now."

"Let them have me."

"Get dressed."  I didn't move. He sighed. He lowered his voice. "Sonnet, please."

"I'm not five anymore."

He sat on the floor. "We'll miss the busy time."

"I'm not going."

He sucked in his breath. "What do you want me to say?"

I just sat in silence. I didn't want to move. I didn't want to expend any energy to breathe. The last thing I wanted to do was see anyone.

"I don't want anyone to say anything. I want to go back in time. If I'd just done something differently—"

"None of it is your fault."

"Do I really have to go?" I looked down at him. The bed wasn't tall at all, but it gave me a little bit of a height advantage.

Chase nodded. That nod was the only reason I brushed my hair and put on semi decent clothes. Housekeeping had ironed it at some point in the night. I would've been fine to wear the dumpy clothes I normally wore after tragedy struck. Chase wouldn't have it.

I didn't look at Rob. If I ignored him hard enough, maybe he'd blink out of existence. My only other route was strangling him. I walked onto the train and sat down. I was robotic. I was like the patrols that picked up litter in back alleys.

We made it to the park, which was only called green because that was the closest description to the weird hues that it actually was. The whole soccer team was there, kicking a ball around. Groups from school milled around. I'd spent this far avoiding them when school wasn't in session. Couldn't Chase let me have senior year too?

I avoided Jamie despite having an escort that was a Jamie magnet. I knew Chase also wasn't at the best point he'd ever been, but I wasn't in the mood to be a good sister. I was only in the mood to sit still in a dark room.

My headache only got worse.

I drew like Chase had suggested. But the only thing I could picture was her face. I was drawing the lines before I even knew what I was doing. When I looked down at the rough sketch of T, the lump threatened to choke me.

"I'm going to the bathroom."

I was up and running toward the small building at the edge of the park before he could chase me. I stepped into the smell of cleaning products. I barely registered the scene until I saw who I was sharing the space with.

Jamie was in the middle of talking to someone. She didn't notice me, but her companion did.

"I'm sorry. We'll get out of your way, Miss Alam. Sorry to both you ma'am."

That was it. I was about to cry.

"Oh, don't say that made you cry. I thought being an orphan gave you thick skin."

"Not that it matters to you, but I came here to have a breakdown anyway." My voice cracked too much for it to be a good retort. I could barely understand what I was saying as I was saying it.

I ran into the stall and slammed the door. The tears came out. I was back on the street, only now the tears finally came.

When I finally came out, I didn't expect Jamie to be waiting there for me.

"You didn't turn her in, did you?"

I gulped. This is why I had needed to be in public. Chase was right. The rumors were flying.

"Turn her in for what?"

I turned and walked out of the bathroom.

✰ ✰ ✰

The day was antagonizing. Sonnet was avoiding me. It had to be coincidence. She seemed to be avoiding everyone.

Maybe it wasn't a good time... no. The man's voice echoed in my head. Mr. McShane. He was a higher-up government official. Not elected. The head of the DSUI. He had a wife and a happy family. He had the pictures to prove it.

Somehow or other, I don't know exactly how, Sonnet had come up. Not by name, just as a girl. I liked a girl, but she was engaged to someone else and not interested in me. What do I do?

Mr. McShane told me with a chuckle he could handle the engagement part if I could handle the interested part. He said I needed to be direct. I needed to tell her that I liked her and be romantic.

I'd never been romantic in my life, but Mr. McShane assured me I could do it.

"Tell her you like her, tell you how much you could provide for her, and let biology do the rest," he'd said, a smile on his face.

I knocked on her door. There wasn't an answer. School had been over for a while.

The kid in the next room over poked his head out the door.

"Turn around."

Sonnet was at the end of the hall. If I could've sunk into the floor, I would've.

"Hey, Sonnet."

Sonnet looked downright murderous. "What do you want?"

"I was hoping we could talk."

"I'm not in the mood."

"Then maybe I could talk?"

Sonnet shrugged and pushed open the door. I followed her in.

"Nice room."

She didn't say anything.

"So, basically what I came to say was," I paused, "I really like you. I've never had a girlfriend before, but I think me and you could really work."

Sonnet swallowed. "I haven't had the best experience with girlfriends."

"What?"

"Girlfriends. Haven't had the best outcomes."

That hadn't even occurred to me. I choked. "You're gay?"

Sonnet rolled her eyes and pulled out her chip. "Pan," she said. The chip confirmed it. "Pansexual."

"Oh. So, have you had boyfriends yet?"

"Nope."

"So... would you want a boyfriend?"

Sonnet stared me down.

"I'll let you know."

It was completely expressionless. I wasn't sure Mr. McShane's biology would do its work.