More angst

Look, I apologise for treating you like human garbage but-

Well hey, it'll have fluff so that's a thing
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~Michaels pov~
=Age : eleven=

At lunch I seek out my best friend Jade Heere, because I need to tell her the best news in the universe! Even though we're both in Year 5, we are in the unfortunate situation of being in different classes. So the only times we get to talk are before school, recess and lunch, and after school. We both hate the system and think it's super rigged, because it is!

When I see the mane of brunette hair I yell out, 'Jade, Jade!'

Jade looks like Hermione from Harry Potter, but she has big glasses to make you tell the difference! Her glasses are bigger than Harry Potter, which is super neat. She also has freckles like Ron, oh well, book Ron anyway. She's like a mixture of the trio, which is extraordinary to me!

Jade turns around to me and a smile beams on her face, she waves as I come closer to her, her other hand wrapped around her bright blue backpack. And she straightens up from her previous slouch like a cartoon character switching emotions. 'Hi!!' She says, beaming.

'Have I got news for you!' I say, rushing past her and sitting on a wooden table in the cafeteria, she plots herself in front of me and rests her head on her hand, interest swimming in her brown eyes.

'What is it, what is it?' She asks repeatedly.

I smirk as I bring out a phone in a black case, she gasps in surprise as I say 'I got a phone!' She whines, 'No fair!' She pouts, 'You got one before me.'

I chuckle as I turn the phone around and look at it for the millionth time, I got it yesterday as a surprise birthday gift. I've been thinking about getting a Star Wars episode 1 case for it, since my birthday is one the Fourth of May. Jade stares intently at my black case and states, 'You haven't picked out a case? I already know what case I'm going to have whenever I get my phone.' She adjusts her glasses, 'Something with Pac-Man on it!' I look to her and chuckle, 'Whenever that happens!'

Jade pouts and crosses her arms, murmuring under her breath.

A dark skinned girl walks past us and notices my phone, 'Oh hey, you got a phone?' She asks, that's Jenna Roland. A girl in my class. I look to her with a nod and she points to it, 'Have you taken a photo yet? What about a selfie?'

'A s-selfie?' Jade asks, looking complexed to Jenna. She stammers.

'How can you not know about a selfie?' Jenna protests, 'Brooke talks about it all the time, Brooke as in Brooke Lohst.' Jenna says, Jade darts her eyes away, embarrassed by Jenna's somewhat harsh response. Jenna shakes her head and looks to me, her fingers curling against her magenta and purple backpack. 'A selfie is a photo taken between two friends, just- like this!' She brings out her phone and shows us a photo of her and a blonde girl, who is Brooke lohst.

'Oh, I get the idea now.' I say, smiling. Jenna retracts her phone back onto her pocket and walks away without even saying goodbye. An action that's never polite.

I look to Jade, 'We should take a selfie!' I smile, 'It'll be the first photo I take! And the first photo is always the best!' Jade looks to me, nervously rubbing her arm and looking down. 'A-Are you sure? I mean...'

I beam, 'Of course!' I usher her closer, 'Come on!'

Jade smiles slightly and we stand up, she walks toward me as I open my camera app. Once she's close enough I wrap an arm around her and bring her closer, we beam as I take the photo and giggle with excitement.

I'm so excited, my first photo was with Jade!
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~Jeremy's pov~
=Age : fifteen=

Michael was looking through his phone, saying how someone on Warcraft had sent him a private message he paused and sighed.

'Spam, nothing important.'

I roll my eyes, this is a waste of time. Michael and I could be killing zombies right about now and getting past level-

'Oh! A photo memory from four years ago!' He smiled, and clicked it. I groan and cross my arms, sinking into an all too familiar dark purple bean bag that Michaels had for three years now.

Michael snorts and cringes, 'Oh man, remember you in year five?' He looks to me with a teasing smile, I groan. Back then was a time where I was in the wrong body, nobody can understand all the horrible feelings of gender dysphoria. I didn't even know what was wrong with me, and it didn't help that once I did was the time my mother decided to leave. God, I hate the past.

The universe owes me a big fat favour.

'I'd rather forget about it.' I say not looking to him, I pause, and then look to him with a mask of a smile.

'But If I remember you used to think I was the result of a threesome between Harry Potter, Ron, and Hermione.' I say, making Michael smile and chuckle. He looks to me with eyes that sparkle and he shuffles his bean bag closer to me. 'But you did! Look at you.' He says with a small smile, he hands me the phone.

I look at the photo, and hesitantly take it out of his hands so that I can get a better look. I have a mane of messy brown hair, glasses that shine with my brown eyes, freckles and a big crooked smile.

Gosh, I looked so ugly.

Brown hairs and brown eyes—good, right?—but under that critical light, which is how the world sees me, I can see how I might resemble someone like Hermione in the first movie. Just an uglier version. My face was too long and the sockets that's my eyes sit in are off-kilter size-wise, as if I were meant to have a larger eye on the left. My hair might've been thick, but it looks full of dandruff like a snow-storm.

I still look like that, you can never erase a face of a girl without testosterone. Dad won't let me have testosterone, and he won't let me have a lot of things. I got my binder of Michael, what a pal, right? I also have Michaels mothers to credit since they helped Michael buy the binder.

I groan and give Michael back his phone, 'Jeez, I was such a girl.' Michael looks at me sympathetically, 'No you weren't,' he pauses, 'I remember when you got your phone you had a case of Pac-Man. And I remember you wore some my clothes because you argued that it was more your style.'

I look to him, 'Oh shit, yeah. I forgot to give you back your Star Wars shirt. Sorry.' Michael blinks, and then smiles. 'It's all good, you should probably give it away.' I nod in agreements.

Michael smiles, 'Hey, why don't we take a selfie again? I can delete the other one if it makes you happy.' I look to him, remembering his words as a kid. 'But... b-but you said the first photo is always the best... don't you want to keep your first photo...?' Michael look at it, and for awhile he didn't say anything. He sighs and looked to me with a smile, 'I don't mind. Besides, I can delete all the photos of... Hermione you. So, no more memories of those horrible times for you.'

I look to Michael for a while, I didn't know he cared so much about my happiness. I blink. And then a small smile beams on my face, my brows frown, and I feel heat on my cheeks. 'You don't have to delete them, keep your happy memories.'

Michaels cheeks flush.

'O-Oh, sure. Uh... o-okay.. heh.' He gulped.

I giggle at his nervousness, and I think that just makes him even more embarrassed and nervous. Michael smiles though, and says 'So, what about that selfie?' I look to him remembering that Michael wanted to take another selfie. I smile to him, and nod.
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~Michaels pov~
=Present time=

As I cry, alone in a party I was never invited to. In a bathroom at the door, hugging myself as regret paints all my mistakes. I made every mistake calling Jeremy his deadname. I knew I made a mistake to not wipe away his tears when I knew he was panicking. I knew something happened to make him feel distressed.

Why didn't I help him?

Why did I...

I choke on a tear as I ask myself.

Why did I call him... that...

I cry harder as my phone vibrates in my pocket, I wipe a heavy tear as I take my phone out my phone.

New memory!
March 5th, last year

I open it, and of course it's the selfie Jeremy and I took last year...

I sniffle, remembering why we took this photo. And that March 5 was the day I fell in love with Jeremy Heere. My best friend... and...

And now look. I've lost him because of a mistake I've made. I've done the worse thing a person could do... I can't believe I've done this to him. I've made an irreversibly bad decision, and I don't know what forced that word to escape my lips.

Sure I was pissed at Jeremy, and I had every right to be pissed. But I had absolute no right to call him that. Yet, I did it anyway.

I'm the worst.

I get away from the photo and scroll back to the first selfie. When I see it, tears pour onto the phone and I have to wipe them away with my sleeve just look at the photo.

The drowning stops and I can hear everything, I can hear the people singing awfully to the music of this day and age. I can hear the laughing of people who are happier then me. And I can hear the heavy crying of Jeremy on the other side of the door.

(I hope that you buuurrrrrnnnnnn
Sorry, I'm listening to Burn right now so this is honestly ironic)

Jeremy cries like anybody else, but whenever he cries, it's the worst. It's awful to hear him cry, and the last time I heard him cry was when his mother left him. And now... knowing that I'm the reason he's crying right now is horrible.

I feel more tears run down my face as I sniffle.