I sat on the lounge couch, jittery as I waited my turn to introduce myself. I'd arrived late after trying to convince the indecisive Tobiath to join me. He had not come with me to the booth at the club fair, but he seemed to waver about tagging along to the first meeting. In the end, he backed out when we were halfway there, running back to the dorm.

I'd arrived in time for introductions, but would be the last one to speak. There were all sorts of people: cis, trans, non-binary, gay, straight, bi, pan...

I looked over to the girl beside me as it became her turn to speak. "I'm Sasha," she said, twisting a strand of her long, black curls with a dark brown finger topped with an amazing manicure. "Pronouns she/her. I'm in my first year. And I'm... trans."

Finally, it was my turn. I smiled, trying to look friendly."I'm Alex. I'm also a first year. And I'm gay." I couldn't help but beam as I said the last sentence. It was the first time the words had ever come out of my mouth, and I was nervous yet proud to say them.

"Awesome!" Bradley, the president, exclaimed with a charming smile. "It's great to meet everyone."

Honestly, he looked like a K-pop idol. Every time he spoke, Malcolm's words before graduation echoed in my head as if it was Bradley's intro song: "I heard there are some fiiiine Asian boys in Toronto."

"Now, it's time for the real fun."

"An orgy?" I heard someone jokingly whisper and looked over. I couldn't remember his name, but he was the only other guy who'd said he was gay. There were some other guys who were probably gay but didn't disclose their orientation. This guy was wearing neon pink pants and his blonde hair was perfectly coiffed. I didn't want to judge but based on his "joke" and appearance, I had a feeling we really wouldn't get along. So much for making openly gay friends here.

The games we played were fun despite everyone's awkwardness. First meetings are always awkward anyway, but for a lot of us, this was also our first time being openly LGBT+. I soon realized that, while gay guy friends like Malcolm had been great, I could feel a connection to just about everyone who was there, no matter their identity on the spectrum. I exchanged numbers with some people and went back to the dorms, feeling excited.

"You really missed out, Tobiath!" I collapsed onto my bed and turned my head to see Tobiath was very much into his game of Minecraft. "Are you really okay with not going? Everyone's very accepting."

Tobiath was quiet for a moment before he mumbled, "I don't... That stuff isn't important to me. I just want to make friends who like Minecraft."

I nodded, guessing not everyone needed the heavens to part and a giant label of sexuality to descend on their heads. 

***

Initially, the club was large and busy. We all became friends, waving to each other around campus and the dorms, and sitting together at lunch. As the year went on, though, the students that came to meetings began to dwindle until we were left with just a handful of people. The silver lining was that those of us who did show up were able to build a tighter friendship. 

I became closest with Sasha. Maybe Sasha and I gravitated towards each other because, in addition to being black, she was half-Latina and we had a cultural connection. Plus, we were both in our first year. Sasha was so sweet, but she didn't take any crap. When we went out in the city and some asshole deliberately misgendered her, she misgendered him right back.

Another regular member that became my pal was Rashaad. At the first club meeting, I remember Rashaad had only said they were non-binary. It wasn't until we had an intimate conversation while hanging out that they admitted they were also asexual. "I don't feel like it's as big a part of my identity as being enby is," they explained, shrugging. "So the only people I ever mention it to are potential partners." They were so laid-back to the point where I sometimes couldn't tell if they were being aloof or were bothered. Nine times out of ten, it turned out Rashaad was just fine. It was just their personality. Even when they were often misgendered by strangers, they shrugged it off.

And then there were the leaders of the club who everyone couldn't help but become close to. Zoe Naser, the vice-president, was a lesbian in her third year and dating the secretary/PR coordinator, Lexi Choi. Lexi was so cool. She was lesbian, intelligent, outspoken, and somehow beautifully embodied both masculine and feminine qualities. We all admired her. She was in her second year, but she led the group just as well as her brother, Bradley, who was in his fourth.

The club was my oasis. It was a place where I could be me, learn, and share, all without worrying about being judged. We were siblings, comrades in arms, and it felt amazing. 

***

It was the end of November and I had just turned 19 when I went to my first gay club. There were people from school I could have asked to go with me, but I felt like taking my first step into a gay club, finding some cute guy to dance with, and perhaps getting a number to take home, were all more powerful if I did them alone.

I sat at the bar and ordered a beer. I planned to have just one and scope out the place while loosening myself up. Being alone, I had to be careful not to get too intoxicated. It was already a well-known fact that an intoxicated Alex was bound to make regretful decisions.

I saw some guys shoot me glances, but they seemed to pass up the idea quickly. Looking down at my clothes, I wondered what it was.

"Hey," I heard and looked up to where a guy had sat down beside me. "You want to dance?" He was cute, so I agreed. It wasn't long before his hands were on my ass as we moved on the dance floor. "What's your name?" he shouted above the music with a hint of a Russian accent.

"Alex!"

"Alex, huh? I'm Yuri!"

"That's cute," I said, grinning.

He grinned back. I really liked his smile. Pulling me closer, I felt his hand travel up my side and my body buzz. Memories of Reed's burning touches flashed through my mind, them being my only past experience. I'd only had half a beer, but here I was already contemplating hooking up with a stranger on my first night. "You know," he began, speaking into my ear. I closed my eyes as the waves of music vibrated through my body in sync with the swaying of our hips and my heartbeat. "I love Latino boys."

I opened my eyes. What did he say? Pulling back a little, I looked at him, my brain churning to process his words. Was he serious? 'I love Latino boys?' What kind of pick up line was that? He wasn't going to say anything about me personally? My blood was his fetish? "What?" I asked, hoping I'd misunderstood.

"You're a hot mariposa."

Okay, looking back, maybe he meant "butterfly." Or maybe his Spanish-speaking friends thought it'd be funny to play a prank on him when he asked for some Spanish pickup lines. But all I could think about at that moment was my cousins prancing around pejoratively calling me gay in Spanish. And did this guy really have the nerve to think it was okay to fetishize me and my heritage? My fist balled and as I imagined it connecting with his face, someone grabbed it from behind.

"Alex!" I turned around to see Bradley. "Hey, man! Hey, something happened with my sister, can you come with me?!" Before I could answer, he pulled me away and out of the club.

"Uh, something's wro―?"

"Shh." He gestured for me to follow him, then led me halfway down the block before speaking. "You can't just go punching people in clubs, Alex."

I frowned, having had no clue I'd been watched. Now that I knew Bradley had seen, I realized everything was just his way of helping me escape and avoid a disaster.

"What did he say to you?" I explained, leaving out the mariposa part and Bradley nodded. "I get that crap too. 'I love Asians,'" he mocked. "Then go find another one, dude." Bradley quickly glanced down the road before jaywalking and I followed. "If I'm hot, tell me I'm hot. But don't treat me like it's only because I'm Asian."

"Wait, I thought... Didn't you introduce yourself as aromantic?"

"Yeah?"

"Why were you in a gay club, then?"

Bradley looked down at me. For some reason, Liam's face flashed through my mind. "Are you okay?" he asked, taking a step closer.

I looked up. What was I doing? Bradley was not like Liam. They didn't look alike, other than their height. Liam's skin was darker, hair lighter and messier―their eyes were obviously different. "I'm fine," I muttered, looking down.

"Well... look... Please, don't spread it around. I am aromantic. But, I'm also gay. But I try not to let people from school find out because... you know... I've gotten some people's hopes up so... Does... that make any sense?" Bradley winced.

"Yeah." I nodded. It made plenty of sense because I would have probably fallen for Bradley if I, for a second, thought there was a chance we could be something. I was beginning to think I had some Damsel in Distress complex. Why was he reminding me so much of Liam? "Uh, well, you could go back if you want. I'll be fine."

Bradley smiled. "Nah, why don't we go someplace together?"

Bradley took me to a gay club that was having a drag show and it was amazing. Our friendship grew outside of the club after that and I got closer to Lexi as well.

Then began Winter semester and I met Boyfriend, or rather Mistake #2.