Liam and I held hands as we sat down in the living room with his family.

"Mom, Dad," he said. "I'm not well."

A small smile surfaced on Mrs. Santos' lips. "So, what are you going to do to get better?"

Liam and I exchanged looks. "I think I should stay here for a while. And see my old therapist. If that's okay?"

They nodded and Mr. Santos said, "As long as you need." He looked at me.

"I think I'll be okay in maybe a month? I mean, good enough to go back to Toronto and find a therapist there."

Mrs. Santos' smile faded and worry filled her expression. Still, she nodded again. "Okay... Are you two going to be okay?"

Squeezing Liam's hand, I admitted, "I know Liam shouldn't have made so many changes all at once. Not only did we just start dating but moving to a different city... We probably should've taken things slower. But..." I bit my lip.

"I can't..." Liam's fingers laced mine. "I still want to make a life with Alex. I don't want to spend too long apart. That's why I plan to go to the therapist up there once a week."

"Well," Mrs. Santos said, "are you still going to work?"

"I actually quit my job." He looked down. "It was making me so unhappy. Unfulfilling."

"S-so what are you planning to do so you're not idle? Something fulfilling? What were you planning?" Her gaze pleaded for us to have a plan.

"I don't know yet. I was hoping my month or so here in therapy would help me figure it out."

"Okay." Her head bobbed and her eyes turned more hopeful. "Once you have a plan and things for that plan set up, you can return back to Toronto," she verified.

"Yeah." King jumped onto the couch between us and turned to Liam. He chuckled. "Okay, is this dog magical too?"

Lily peeked around the kitchen doorway. "King is showing his support."

"Speaking of," I blurted. "How did you know Tía was awake?"

Lily shrugged. "I think it's called outer body experience."

We all stared dumbfounded at her.

"Out of body—What?"

"I was sleeping in class and in my dream, Tía appeared. And she talked to me—"

This was giving me the creeps.

"And... Well, it's between me and her. But I knew she was going to wake up."

Mrs. Santos stood up. "Oh my god. We need to go to church more often."

Lily laughed. "I think it's science-based. Not magic."

"Okay," I said, holding out my hands. "I'm going to pretend like that never happened. Anyway, Liam, why don't you call your therapists office and see when you can get an appointment. I'm actually going to head back to Toronto, but I'll be back for Christmas and New Year."

***

Back in Toronto, I wanted to tell Lexi or Bradley what was going on in my life, with Liam and my relationship. Bradley was probably the best as he knew what Liam was going through firsthand. But would Liam mind? I didn't want to stress him out with even thinking about it, so I decided to only mention it if asked. Coming back to an empty house was painful.

"My therapist is out of town on vacation," Liam said over the phone. "I'll have to wait until she comes back on January 4th to see her."

I curled up on the couch, wrapped in a blanket. "Why don't you see someone else?"

"I can't!" His tone was terse and pitch high. There was silence. "Sorry... I'm still not myself... I just really don't want to go through the stress of explaining my entire history again. I'll wait until she comes back."

"Have you told your psychiatrist what's going on?"

"He's on vacation too. What the hell is up with everyone taking vacations? They're supposed to be there for their patients!"

Anxiety was making him irritable. 'I'm still not myself' he'd said. Liam was always himself and that was why I'd always love him. He was himself, but he wasn't his best self. I knew it'd be rough, but I'd wait for his best self to return. "Liam, we'll work this out. Just breathe and remember you will get better. Your parents are working on helping you too. If there's anything I can do, let me know."

"Alex, I love you. Thanks for being here for me."

"I love you too, Liam. I'll always be here."

***

I worked on finding him a professional to talk to in Toronto. He did best with patient-centred cognitive behavioural therapy, so I tried to find a psychologist, counsellor, or therapist who specialized in that. The other thing was finding someone with decent reviews. There was no way in hell I was suggesting Liam see someone who people said was rude or discriminatory.

When I spoke to Liam's parents, they said he was moody but talking to Tía and playing board games with Lily helped.

The first weekend I went back to London to visit them, Tía was her energetic self and Liam was right up in the clouds with her. He played wizards with Lily for two hours while I had to duck out after one. The second weekend was Christmas. With complaints of fatigue, Liam slept the day away. Not wanting him to be alone, I laid down in bed beside him, stroking his back as I browsed my phone.

I went back to Toronto after the new year. January 4th, as I ate my lunch at my desk the call came.

"I'm hopeful, Alex," Liam told me. "I'm just really, really tired of not feeling like myself. My therapist and I decided I should go to the hospital."

"A psychiatric hospital? For how long?" My coworkers glanced at me, but I didn't care.

"Until they think I'm stable enough to leave. I'm kind of scared but I'm willing to try anything. I want to return to being with you and being myself."

"Okay, honey. Let me know where you end up. I'm still going to visit."

"You sound like my mom. It's really creepy."

I smiled to myself, glad to hear him making a small joke. "I love you, Liam."

"I love you too."

As I ended the call, my pompous coworker and rival, Niall, came over and leaned his tacky rear end on my desk. "First your grandmother... Now someone else?" He feigned pity. "You have a lot going on, Alex. Why don't I take over the queer rep article for you?"

I looked him up and down. "Sorry, Niall, but I still think I'd come with a fresher perspective as a person of colour. And apparently so does Sean." My supervisor had assigned me to the project for a reason.

Niall opened his mouth to say something but I cut him off.

"Also, it's rude to eavesdrop, let alone comment on someone else's phone conversation."

He rolled his eyes. "Okay, excuse me while I go write my privileged white cis gay article."

Glaring at his back, I didn't get back to my salad and work until after he was out of sight. I still wanted to do more than just LGBT and POC-centred articles. But I would not let Niall take away what I was awarded. If I wanted to be the journalist I desired, I had to take what chances were given to me. I had to start somewhere. I would definitely vent to Lexi later. But first...

Liam going to the hospital kind of shook me. I didn't know what psych hospitals were like outside of movies. Upon him being admitted, I realized I really needed to talk to someone. But I still wanted to respect Liam's privacy. So, instead of going to one of my friends, I went to someone I knew Liam trusted. That night after dinner, I called him up.

"Hey," Kareem said. "We, like, never talk outside of me liking your Instagram posts."

"I know. I just wanted to go to someone who knows both Liam and me. And you've been friends with Liam for a long time. And you understand things and have tact."

Kareem laughed nervously. "You're making me nervous. Well, I already assumed something was up. Liam hadn't replied to my DMs and then you sent me one..."

"You know he had depression, right?"

"Yeah. Is he going through a rough time? He never really tells me."

"He's been admitted to the hospital."

"What?" Kareem breathed.

"The psychiatric hospital. Sorry. He didn't try anything, it's just he's really struggling. He'll be there until he gets the right meds and stuff. I just... I haven't had anyone to really talk to about this." I put my phone on speaker and set it on the couch then took a sip of my tea. It was so cold without Liam beside me.

"How are you holding up?" Kareem asked.

Our families had asked me that. I just said I missed Liam but that I was keeping busy with work. "It's just not the same with him not here. And after talking when my tía was sick, we decided we needed to be honest with each other. But I really don't think it's a good idea for me to complain about work or friends to him when he's facing something much more difficult. I can't place my burdens on him, you know? Not right now."

"I get you, but I also think it'd make him sad if you don't talk to him. Like, it might make him feel like he's being a burden on you."

Kareem was right. I hadn't thought of it from that perspective. I should have known. Everything with my mom and tía, me already keeping my struggles from Liam and Liam keeping his from me. In trying to protect each other, we were just hurting each other more. "Oh my gosh, you're so right. Thanks, Kareem." Relationships were a give and take. I smiled. "So, tell me, how is work going to for you, Kareem?"

"IT is insane. You won't believe how crazy people are."

***

Liam could only have so many visitors per day and there were also age restrictions. Lily bawled her eyes out as she was two years too young. After her release, Tía had gotten a walker that she refused to use. They didn't want her to push herself. She didn't cry, but having been told she shouldn't ride often in cars, she also kicked up a fuss.

Apparently, my mother, Mr. Santos, and Mrs. Santos rotated on watching the near-11-year-old and 61-year-old every night when they visited Liam during dinner. The first weekend I was able to visit, I went with my mom and Mrs. Santos.

The hospital was cold and they let us into the ward through a thick secure door. Upon seeing Liam, I picked up my pace and he picked up his. We basically ran into each other's arms and hugged so tightly for so long I forgot anyone else existed.

I really wanted to kiss him but knew likely no one wanted to see that. We ate hallacas my mom had made as Liam told us about his stay. The hospital's psychiatrist had diagnosed him with Bipolar II disorder, which explained his mild manic episodes last Fall where he didn't sleep, was randomly irritable, and my ass wasn't safe for a second. They were trying a few new meds and monitoring him for side effects before seeing if they'd stabilize his mood.

The second week, Liam seemed better. The third, he was back home.

We all sat down at the Santos' dining room table to talk about Liam's next steps. He'd been doing Skype sessions with the counsellor, Susan, in Toronto and he really liked her. Said she reminded him of Lily but 20 years older.

"I think Susan is right. You should go back to school," Mrs. Santos said. Literally everyone agreed.

"Yes, I need to find my passion. But what about money? I can do photography."

"You like photographing things," Mr. Santos said. "But is it fulfilling?"

Mrs. Santos cut in. "You told Susan it wasn't. And she agrees you need to find something that is. Don't worry about money."

Lily, sitting at the end of the table raised her hand. "Liam can use my college savings." We all turned to her in confusion.

"Thanks, Lily," Liam said, "but I don't think what's in your piggy bank---"

"No! I mean the college savings Mom and Dad started for me! It's plenty."

Mr. Santos had doubled back. "How do you know that?"

"I saw your budget book when I was looking for a glue stick." Lily shrugged then turned back to her older brother. "Liam, don't worry. I'm super smart and talented. I'm going to get either an academic or sports scholarship to UBC," the almost eleven-year-old had said. "So, Mom, Dad, go ahead and let Liam use my savings. I already know what my dream is so I want to help Liam find his!"

What a freaking angel.

Liam's eyes became moist. "You guys are the best. I love you all so much."

Tía grinned. "Oh, baby! That's what family's for!"