I lifted a hair pin from its velvety bed, turning it this way and that, letting the crystals tied at its wider end spill over my hand. A huge, hand-carved metal flower with leaves sparkled against the glint of the afternoon sun. It's beautiful.

"Never pegged you as a hair pin enthusiast," Arzo's voice bled in my ear. I turned to find him peering down from my shoulder. "Are you going to buy that?"

The multicolored, drop-shaped crystals clinked against each other as I placed it back on the box. "We're ethran-less, remember?" I said, ducking my head at the vendor who glared at me for touching his wares without paying. "I don't have anything aside from the stuff I saved up. I can't start splurging now."

Arzo mussed his hair. "Fine, I get it," he clicked his tongue. "You don't need to remind me of that. Which reminds me, would you come with me to the forest? There's something I'd like you to teach me."

I stared up at him. The sun's glare shining past the low house roofs surrounding us slapped my eyeballs and gave my vision a stinging haze. "Why didn't you ask me back in Dragnasand or when we're in the forest?" I shielded my eyes just to see his face properly. I waved my hand at him. "Just ask me here, then."

Arzo scratched his ear. "It's a physical technique," he glanced at the bustling people and the passing horse-drawn carriages. "I can't make you bust out some moves in the middle of the street."

I considered it, looking away to give my eyes a rest. "Well, if you insist," I was saying until my gaze landed on two familiar figures. There, clamoring on the stall bearing glinting craftsmanship, were Kora and Revery. Oh, they looked happy together, even though they stood quite the distance from each other. Since the day we arrived in this town, I've lost count of how many isolated times I found them in the same arrangement. Even during the jjangkai mission, it's like they couldn't be separated from each other.

It's...

"Sel?" Arzo said behind me. "You spaced out there."

I shook my head, blinking fast. It's fine. It should be fine. "I'm fine," I said. "Let's go."

I moved to shoulder past Arzo—whether he followed me or not was up to him—when I heard a voice coming up behind me. "Hey, you two," Kora greeted in a tone far too cheerful. "Enjoying the town?"

Before he could see my face, I turned towards the hairpin section spread out before me and palmed the one with the huge flower once more. "Yeah, it's fine," I said, perhaps a little too quickly. Why was I even acting this way?

"Sel, you alright?" Kora asked.

Something about how clueless and harmless that question was snapped something in me. I gritted my teeth, swallowing whatever scathing reply climbing up my throat. Instead, I forced a smile out. "Yeah, peachy," I said. "Why?"

Kora shrugged. "Well, we'll be going forward," he said. "How about a team dinner later? I saw a place not far from here. We could try that."

"So that's how it is," I blurted. It's too late now. I let my mouth get the better of me yet again.

He knitted his eyebrows. "What is it this time?"

The way he phrased the question twisted my gut into knots. It's like he's so used to this that he only saw it as something he must get through instead of something he must look into thoroughly. Then again, I shouldn't be surprised. I must not be after seeing him with that blond, adventurer woman and now Revery.

"Snakes really do grow up to be snakes," I spat.

"Seline," Kora stepped forward but I edged back until I bumped into Arzo. "Where is this coming from?" he asked before sighing. "Never mind. It's not like it's still my responsibility to make sure you're comfortable."

"But you consider it your duty to make sure that woman was?" I scoffed. "I never thought you'd be this brazen but here we are now."

Kora shook his head. "For the last time," he said. "It never played out the way you think it did."

"Why haven't you corrected me, then?" I answered. I should be stopping now but I couldn't. My heart was just leaking out of my mouth. "Why haven't you done anything to make it seem like it didn't?"

"Because you wouldn't let me," he spat. "When was the last time you ever stopped and thought maybe it wasn't what was happening and I have my side of the story too? When did you stop trusting me?"

His words flayed my thoughts to nothing. Because he was right. But I've dug my grave too deep now. I only had to die in it. "It doesn't matter now, does it?" I said. "By all means, forget and move on. It's high time I do so as well!"

Before anyone could react, I grabbed Arzo's hand and twined our fingers together. "Come on," I tugged at his arm and began leading him away, far from the sore spot of my memories. As much as I wanted to look back, I shouldn't. I knew I shouldn't. Because I would only want to go back and apologize. Because it would only make me the deranged villain.

Because I wouldn't be able to let go if I did.

"What was your question?" I turned to Arzo who couldn't have looked more uncomfortable. Then, I sighed and let go of his hand. "I'm sorry. It's just..."

Arzo pursed his lips. "I'm not the one you should be sorry to," he said. "You should go back."

I shook my head. There was too much stuff between us now. It's only going to hurt us both if I do. Too many wounds to heal, hurts to keep, and bridges burned that there wasn't even a single way back to him anymore. Even if I wanted to, we've wrecked all of the paths and there's no repairing them without such a high price to pay.

The two of us—we're storms waiting to spill from the edge of the sky. I should have known that much before I sealed my fate as quickly as I did.

He was right, though. I was to blame for all of this as much as he was. Maybe that's why I kept coming back to it. Because I hated it. I hated everything about this. So much.

He asked me when I stopped trusting him. I knew the answer now—I stopped trusting him the moment I stopped trusting myself and the choice I made.

A knock sounded against the wooden panel of my door. I edged out of my bed just as Revery pushed the door open. "Hi," she gave me a little wave before ducking inside, closing the door behind her. "I have something for you."

I raised an eyebrow. "What is it?"

She chewed on her lip, looking everywhere besides me. I sighed. "You've come for something else, don't you?" I said.

Revery flashed a sheepish smile. "Oops, I've been caught."

"Well?" I braced a hand on my hip.

"Can't I, at least, sit?" she jerked her chin at the empty stool in the middle of the room.

Oh. I gestured towards it and retreated back to my bed. The stool's legs rapped against the floorboards as Revery dragged it towards me. "What's up?" I asked as soon as she had settled on top of it.

"It's about what happened this afternoon," Revery started. She paused, as if waiting to see if I was going to explode and start screaming at her. I didn't. That's the last thing I wanted to do to someone who went out of their way just to check up on me. When she confirmed I wasn't going to turn radioactive, she continued. "I just have to clear the air with you. It's regarding me and Kora."

Oh. "I apologize for my outburst earlier," I said. "It wasn't right."

Revery cocked an eyebrow. "I'm not the one you should be apologizing to."

I frowned. Did she and Arzo plan this? How come they were saying the same thing? Worse, did Kora put Revery up to it?

Sensing my shift in mood, Revery waved her hand in front of my face. "I wasn't put up to this by anyone. I came on my own accord and well..." she started twiddling her fingers. "Kora and I aren't together together. I'm sorry if I made it seem that way."

Then what was that talk in the campfire a few weeks ago? What were the numerous times I saw them chatting away with each other? "It's not your fault," I said, too quick to be the judge of that.

"I don't see him the same way you do...or did," she perked up when my head snapped up to her as soon as the last two words flew out of her mouth. "I know what happened," she added abruptly. "A-at least, the gist of it. Not the exact details."

I breathed in relief. It's fine. It should be fine. "You really don't need to do this," I said. "I shouldn't have said that about you and Kora. I shouldn't even be feeling like this, much less running my mouth like that."

"Then why are you feeling like that?" came Revery's question.

I averted my eyes. If I could be honest with myself this one time, I'd say it's because I wasn't ready to face the truth of the decision I made without considering the consequences. "Let's go with regret," I said. "I know what his actions cost me. I know what I did to him. But seeing him trying to live his best life—the one I used to share with him—it's..." I ran a hand down my face with a deep exhale. "It's harder than I thought it would be."

Revery climbed off the stool and joined me on the bed's edge. "I'll tell you a secret," she said with a whisper. "Sonii was the only one who had my heart in his hands."

My gaze flicked from the floor towards her face. I never realized how beautiful her blue-green eyes were, especially when they're ringed with flecks of gold and hazel. "You mean—"

"He is the only one I would ever love," she finished for me even though that wasn't really what I wanted to know. She chuckled. "So believe me when I say I know how it feels to lose someone."

"But unlike you, Kora's still out and kicking," I reasoned. "I think that's worse."

Revery shrugged. "I'm not going to argue about the rankings," she said. "What I mean to say is that you're not alone in this battle. I'm here for you. For the both of you, if you need me. Heather may not look or sound like it, but she worries for the two of you as well. And well...you know how Trink is about this whole thing."

I chuckled. Yeah. He would rather get skewered by a jjangkai than be caught up in any drama. "I wanted to make it right with him more than anything," I admitted. "But whenever I see him, I just...couldn't. Every goodwill I had for him goes," I opened my fingers to imitate a small explosion. "Poof."

"I keep coming back to the past, to how it went down," I continued, gripping my arms until my nails dug against my skin through my sleeves. "Then I'd wish things had been different, that it didn't end like how it played out."

My gut twisted when I arrived at the conclusion on my own. "I don't regret loving him," I said, each word grating against my throat on their way out of my mouth. Their sharp edges ran across my heart, making it bleed once again. "I regret having to let him go."

A distant vow called back to me. His was supposed to be the only heart I would hold in my hands, one I would never drop at any moment's notice. But I did. When it came to breaking promises, I was just as guilty.

How could he still look me in the eye after what I did to him? How could he still ask me how I was, as if nothing happened? How could he still smile after I hurt him in the worst way possible?

Before I knew it, tears had slipped out of my eyes, trailing down my cheeks like scalding flames. I caught Revery's gaze and I turned away, wiping the back of my hand against my face. "Damn it," I hissed. "I didn't mean to cry."

"It's fine," Revery said, offering me a handkerchief from her pocket. "You need it."

I inhaled sharply, keeping my shoulders from shaking. But the more I try, the more my sobs wracked my shoulders. Before I knew it, I was hunkered against myself, shedding the tears I held in throughout the entire process. A hand patted my back, and that small gesture seemed to have driven more tears out.

I hated this. So much.

But Revery was right. I needed it.

"I miss how it used to be, before everything," I wiped my tears with the cloth Revery gave him. "I miss him."

Revery's smile softened. "It's still not too late to say that to the person who really needs to hear it," she dug around her pocket once more and handed me a piece of creased paper. "Here's what I really came for. A correspondence from Cavya, saying he found a scholar Kora was looking for."

"Go to him," she passed me the note with a gentle brush of her fingers against mine. "Clear the air about everything. Hear him out. He looked like he wanted to say something too. This time, let him."

I could only nod. Weakly. Others might say I was just bullshitting it. Revery seemed to be satisfied with my gesture and straightened. The bed's frame creaked at the sudden absence of her weight. "Sorry for making you cry," she said, scratching the back of her head. "I swear it's not my intention."

I chuckled then sniffled. "Thanks for dropping by," I said. For once, I meant it. "I could really use that."

Revery retreated into the corridor not long after that. When the door clicked shut, that's when it finally sunk in. I was alone. Not just in this room, but beyond it as well. I have always been. Of course, that was only until I met Rin. Suddenly, it was us against the world. Just us. And for a while, I was content. Happy. I was loved.

But would they still call it love if it failed under the barest of trials?

And when it's gone, I forced myself to think marriage was something fools do in order to avoid being alone. That it was something to get because it's a must and everyone else was doing it. I thought being alone would kill me and marriage and finding the "one" for me would be the only way to save me from that fate.

Now, I wasn't so sure anymore. Marriage didn't save me. Rather, it left me more alone than before, walking inside a tunnel with no hope for or truth to the light at its end. But there was someone who was with me outside of all that, someone who entered the tunnel with me and held my hand for as long as he could. Someone who made me feel like I wasn't meant to be alone at all.

Rin.

I wiped my tears away and glanced at the paper in my hand. Tomorrow, I would make everything right. Everything he's saying, I understood them now. He never left my side, even when I wanted him to. Unlike me, he kept his promise until the very end. He didn't let go until I did.

For that, I have to face him. After everything else has gone into the wind, maybe that's when I'd finally be able to set him free. Maybe—just maybe—after that, I could set myself free too.