Haven's laughter floats through the house as I drop my keys and purse on the island. Nikki, under protest, picked up Wyatt and Haven so they could do their kayaking and snorkeling right after school. Her real estate hours give her a lot of flexibility. She could be a little more flexible on her stance towards Wyatt.

I walk out to the back patio which overlooks the rocky cliff and the route to the water. I can't see any of them, so I start down the narrow path, careful not to slip on the wet stones. Someone's been up and down a few times already.

As soon as I emerge onto the beach and outcrop of rocks, I see Nikki, Wyatt, and Haven out in the water. All three are treading by the coral with their masks propped on their foreheads.  I put my hands on my hips. Wyatt is treading water. I didn't know he could do that. They haven't noticed me yet, so I call out, "Honey, I'm home. What's for dinner?"

Wyatt sees me first, and his grin causes my heart to drum in my chest. He always used to look at me that way—as though I was the only person in the universe worth noticing.

"We're pressing buttons today," Nikki calls back.

I check my watch. My session with the kids at the high school ran over. If kids have questions, I stay until they're all answered. A lot of the questions were about Wyatt today, so that was exhausting and awkward. I don't like lying, but I'm fiercely protective of my privacy when secrets can be easily sold.

Haven's going to need to get to bed soon. Someone needs to order something for dinner and it might as well be me. Before I can start up the hill again, Wyatt waves.

"Ellie!" His enthusiasm reminds me of Haven. "Watch!" He swims toward me in a ragged, but vastly improved front crawl. Treading water and now swimming better. What'd he do? Spend the day watching YouTube clips and teaching himself? He's close enough to shore to get his feet under him when he stops swimming. He stands up, the water rushing down his toned chest. I have a hard time meeting his eyes with the rest of the view on display. When my gaze travels up to his, he's grinning. "Impressive?" His eyes, almost the color of the shallow water, sparkle.

Impressive on so many levels. "What did you do today?"

"I learned to swim." He puffs out his chest.

"You taught yourself?"

He chuckles. "Nope. I tried to convince Calshae to take me to your school. She stopped me from doing something stupid by teaching me to swim."

"Calshae, huh?" The thought of her teaching Wyatt softens my heart. "She must be a hell of a teacher."

Wyatt's grin splits his face. "I look that good?" He gestures over his shoulder. "Haven couldn't get over how much better I was. And this eggbeater thing for treading water—man, so hard."

Another soft laugh escapes me. All the emotions running through me are jumbled together. "Calshae taught you eggbeater?"

"No, Haven did. I thought I was going to die at first. But once you get the motion, it's not so bad. Still stupidly hard, but better than drowning."

The bitter and the sweet mix in me. We could have had this for ten years if he'd just gotten help back then. Haven could have had this relationship with him.

But he's here now. He's here.

Tears prick at the back of my eyes. I focus on the distant houses while I collect myself. I shouldn't be crying over Haven teaching him the eggbeater or over one of my ex-best friends coming to my rescue.

Wyatt is in front of me, water trickling from his hair, down his body. "Ellie?" His voice is soft, curious.

I shake my head and purse my lips. If I meet his gaze, I'll burst into tears.

"Hey." He rubs my arm. Somehow, he's come closer while I've been lost in thought. "Hey, Ellie. Are you okay? Did you have a rough day? Were those little shits at the high school mean to you?"

I choke out a laugh. A tear falls, and I quickly wipe it away. "No, no. I'm okay. It was a good day."

His gaze searches me for an answer to my emotional riddle. "You sure? I'll go down to that high school tomorrow and kick some ass." His voice is deep and full of that old caring I remember so well. "If someone's hurt you, Ellie..."

We loved each other once, so much. Something on my face makes his brow furrow more. I take a deep, shuddering breath and consciously push my feelings down. We can't go back, so we just have to find a way forward.  "I'm okay, Wyatt." This time there's some firmness behind my words. "I'm going to order food, change, and I'll come back down for a quick swim."

He nods. His snorkel and mask are still clutched in one hand as I slip past him and back up the walkway.

~ * ~

I take another bite of my curry and listen to Wyatt and Haven talk around me. I ordered Indian food in honor of Tanvi. If Wyatt still spends a lot of time with her, he probably gets to eat this all the time, but I love the reminder of Isaac, of Tanvi, of what once was.

"What do you think, Ellie?" Wyatt prods, drawing me into the conversation.

"Sorry." I look around the table. "I tuned out."

Haven shakes her head. "M—." Her eyes widen at her almost slip. "Man," she says, "I'd get in trouble for that."

She's so comfortable around Wyatt now that I'm surprised she hasn't slipped yet. Maybe she has and Wyatt didn't realize it wasn't a flub, but a tell. I take one last bite of my food and my chair scrapes against the tile when I stand up. I head into the kitchen without another word. My plate is in the sink and I stare down into the drain for a minute. Energy shifts in the room when Wyatt enters the kitchen. His presence whispers to my soul.

"What's going on?" Wyatt comes around me to put his plate on top of mine. "You haven't been yourself since you got home tonight."

Home. My heart aches. I close my eyes. "I have a lot on my mind."

"Did something happen today?" He rests his side against the counter beside me.

"The kids asked a lot of questions about you today. It was just...hard, I guess."

"About me?"

"Yeah, that's what happens when Wyatt Burgess goes on television and declares his undying love for someone. It blows up social media, telling people that they should care. That my life, my private life, is worth caring about."  I leave out the awkwardness of discussing suicide with teenagers who all think that life sucks. Also, drugs. Too many of those kids have watched YouTube videos of Wyatt in states that no one would describe as sober. Nikki and I need to keep Haven off the computer, iPad, everything electronic for a while. Apparently, it's not just our relationship that's trending. 

"Ellie," he starts to say.

"Can you just leave me alone for a minute? I just need a minute."  I don't look at him when he sidles out of the kitchen. I'm not alone for long. The soft patter of Nikki's feet makes me turn. "What?" I ask sharply.

She holds up her hands. "Wyatt said you might need to talk to someone."

"It was just a shitty afternoon of answering questions about some of Wyatt's more questionable choices over the years. I started thinking, you know, what am I doing even considering what I'm considering?"

Nikki steps closer and lowers her voice. "You mean Haven?"

"Yeah," I say in a clipped tone. "What kind of role model is he?"

Nikki sighs. She keeps her voice low. "She already knows, Ellie. She's known for a long time. Stopping her from seeing him isn't going to change what she knows. At least if he's around, she's not trying to know him in other ways. I don't necessarily disagree with him being part of her life. But you getting sucked back in? That terrifies me."

"He seems different this time. A little more together."

"You know, I didn't have a clue what was really going on with you two back then. Except for what happened to Isaac, you kept a lot of things to yourself. When you left Wyatt and he started to become a social media whore, the scope of the drugs, the violence. There's a difference between loving someone and taking care of them. It made me think Mom was right. If you stayed, you would have died."

"I was never worried about myself. I left because of Haven. I would've been fine."

"You can't know that."

"And neither can you." I cross my arms. "You weren't there. You don't have any idea what our life was really like. We loved each other. It wasn't what you think. He wasn't—he wasn't exactly like that when we were together."

"You were afraid to raise a kid in that environment. You left him. I think that says a whole lot."

"And it's still Haven I'm worried about. It's not me. I'll be fine. Whatever happens, I'll be fine."

"Haven knows. She'll badger you for eternity to know him, to see him. You need to figure out how to do that without dragging yourself under." Nikki stares out the window over the sink. Her voice is still hushed when she says, "In a similar situation, how would you feel about Mom if she did what you did?"

"I'd hate her." There's no hesitation in my response. "As a kid, I would have hated her. But as an adult I would understand."

"By then, it'll probably be too late." Nikki sighs. "He's here. She knows. You never wanted her to wonder about her father, so you've been pretty honest. That seemed like a good plan, but it complicates things."

"So, you think I should tell him but somehow keep myself out of the equation?"

Nikki purses her lips. "In short, yeah. I don't think you can get out of telling him without losing Haven's respect." Nikki shrugs. "You know her. She's like a dog with a bone when she gets an idea in her head. I'm surprised she hasn't told him herself at this point."

Gathering my hair into a ponytail, I secure it with the elastic around my wrist. Reaching for her, I pull her into a hug. "I'll figure it out."

"I love you, Ellie. So much."

"Can Haven stay with you tonight?"

Nikki pulls back and looks at me. "Are you going to tell him?"

"I don't know. Maybe. I have a couple more questions for him before I'm sure that now is the right time. You're right, though. I need to do it."

"Just be careful, okay?"

I nod and look toward the living room. "What were Wyatt and Haven doing when you left?"

"Card games? Wyatt said something about Go Fish, I think." She glances over her shoulder.

"Wyatt said Go Fish? Oh no." I move past her to walk out into the open dining room and living room. "Wyatt, you're not teaching her how to cheat at cards, are you?"

Wyatt looks up and gives me a sheepish grin. "Uh, that would be wrong, right?"

I sigh. "Yeah."

"Watch," Haven says and then motions for Wyatt to pass her the cards.

I shake my head.

Haven does a complicated shuffle that shouldn't be possible for a nine-year-old. Wyatt's watching her with something that looks a lot like pride. She deals the cards and then stares at Wyatt expectantly.

He's teaching her how to play poker. Oh, God.

"Okay." I make a throat slitting gesture behind Haven's back, directed at Wyatt. "I think that's it for tonight."

"We need to get going, Haven," Nikki says behind me.

Haven looks at me and then back at Wyatt. She throws in her cards and comes over to hug me. I sweep her up in a hug and whisper the details in her ear. She pulls back and looks like she wants to protest. Nikki must shake her head over my shoulder because, other than a frown, Haven doesn't say anything. Spinning on her heel, she races over to Wyatt and throws herself into his arms. He catches her without missing a beat, as though they've been doing the move for years. He hoists her up in his arms and grins at her.

"Will I see you tomorrow short stuff?" he asks.

"I don't know." Haven doesn't look at me or Nikki.

"Well," Wyatt says dragging out the word. "If not, I'll miss you. But I'm really happy I got a chance to meet you."

She puts her hand on the side of his face and looks at him intently. "I hope I see you again really soon."

"Me too, short stuff. Me too." He sets her down and she runs around the house collecting her things from after school. Wyatt watches her with amusement. "She's a tiny tornado," he says.

Nikki's smile is strained. "That's an excellent description."

Haven hands Nikki her backpack and then tackles Wyatt one more time. He gives her another hug and then sets her on her feet. I follow Nikki and Haven to the side entrance and give my sister one last hug, a wordless thank you.

I close the door behind them and lean against it, reluctant to go back into the living room to face Wyatt. I'm looking down at my feet, when Wyatt wanders into the kitchen with the rest of the plates and dishes. Without saying a word, he starts putting them in the dishwasher and tidying up.

"You don't have any help?" Wyatt puts the last dish in the dishwasher and closes it up.

I shake my head. "No. Well, sometimes. If I'm having a party or something I'll get the place cleaned by someone else." I haven't moved from the door.

"You planning on staying here tonight?"

My gaze shifts from my feet to meet his. "Where else would I go?"

He tips his chin at the door. "You seem pretty attached to the door. I thought maybe you were thinking about leaving."

With my hands, I push off and stand behind the island, keeping it between us. "Sorry."

He presses his fingers into the island, looking me over. "What's going on?"

"Have you been completely honest with me?" There was the phone conversation the other day. If I'm going to tell him, I need to be certain about everything.

He hesitates. "Did someone tell you I hadn't been?"

My heart squeezes in my chest. He's being evasive. My phone pings. I pull it out of my pocket to see a text from Matt. I turn off my phone. I can't deal with him right now, too.

"What aren't you telling me, Wyatt? There's something."

"Do you want to come sit down in the living room?"

I nod and follow him slowly, my hands shoved into my pockets. He sits on the couch, and I pause, unsure where I should go. The couch opposite him seems like the safest bet.

Wyatt takes a deep breath. "You remember my sister Anna?"

My immediate reaction is to roll my eyes, but I stifle it. "Yes," I say carefully. Wyatt had a soft spot for his sister that I struggled to understand.

"Three years ago she turned up at one of the drug addiction workshops that Tanvi runs. She had a baby, Jamal."

Jamal. That was the name on the phone the other night. Had he been talking to Anna? I frown, but don't say anything.

"Anna and I lost touch when I moved out of the house you and I shared. Too many memories for me to stay there." He runs his hand down his face. "She told Tanvi that she wanted to get clean, to raise her son in a better environment than the one we grew up with."

I nod. Tanvi has a soft spot for Wyatt and his sister. She used to have one for me too. "Okay," I say. "Does she live with Tanvi?"

Wyatt shakes his head. "She lives with me. She and Jamal share the house in LA with me."

"With you?" I croak out.

He nods. "Which is why I was insisting on spending at least some time in LA. Anna still isn't overly stable. I take Jamal, sometimes for long stretches, while she dries out. I try to give him as much consistency as I can."

I stare at him for a moment. "You've been clean for two years?"

"Yes."

"For Jamal?" I think of Haven. Oh, God. Did he get clean for Jamal?

"Yes," Wyatt says. "Anna couldn't keep it together. She tried, she tries. She—it's just all too much for her sometimes."

"Where's the father?" My body is caught in waves of hot and cold.

"Anna doesn't know who his father is."

I absorb this information. Wyatt's been preoccupied with Haven's lack of a father. Is this part of it? He's been a father figure for Jamal. He understands the parent's connection on a deeper level. I stare at my hands. If I told him about Haven years ago, would he have gotten clean for her, too? I look up, finally, searching his face. He's brimming with sincerity. This story is true.

"One of us had to be stable for him. She couldn't do it, so I had to."

All the pieces of my heart that have felt shattered for years slowly start to slot themselves back into place. I can trust him. I'm sure of it. If he got clean for Anna's child, what would he do to keep his own? "Wyatt," I start to say, "there something—"

His phone rings, and he removes it from his pocket, glancing down. "It's Anna. I gotta take this. Sorry. I'm so sorry." Before I can say another word, he stands and walks toward the kitchen.