For the first part of saving the world, I had to grow a willy.

Harry's willy, to be exact.

Considering I couldn't even remember Draco's, it was rather alarming to suddenly have one in my knickers.

And I wasn't the only one who found turning into Harry quite disconcerting.

"Wow!" Fred and George exclaimed as they looked at one another. "We're identical!"

"I dunno, though," George said, examining his reflection in the kettle, "I think I'm still better-looking."

"Over my dead body," Fred chortled, playfully smacking his twin's shoulder.

"Bah," Fleur cried, her hands flying to her face. "Bill, don't look at me - I'm 'ideous!"

"I knew Ginny was lying about that tattoo," Ron said, looking down at his bare chest.

"Harry, your eyesight really is awful," I noted, tutting loudly as I lifted the pair of the prescription glasses Moody had provided up and down off my nose.

"You say that like it's my fault!" Harry spluttered. "And the rest of you can all stop judging!"

It was to my relief that I got to travel with Kingsley as my protector, and more relief followed when I discovered we'd be on a Threstral as opposed to a broomstick.

Flying was definitely not my forte, especially not on those awful little sticks that I had spent the first eleven years of my life believing their only use was for sweeping the garden path.

And when Moody ended up getting murdered on one and George lost an ear on another, I felt only that my fears were proven correct.

"Well, on the bright side," Ron said jovially, trying to cheer the place up once the group had reconvened at the Burrow in less than one piece, "Mum will finally be able to tell the twins apart."

*****

I literally had to hold Ron back when we walked in on Harry snogging Ginny in her bedroom.

"YOU DUMPED HER! YOU HAVE NO FUCKING RIGHT TO MESS WITH HER FUCKING MIND LIKE THAT!"

"Chill, dude," Harry shrugged, wiping the back of his hand over his mouth as he stepped away from a flustered Ginny. "She was just giving me my birthday present."

Ron said nothing, but just glowered at Harry whilst Ginny and I exchanged awkward glances.

"Um, happy birthday by the way, Harry," I said lightly, shoving a gift wrapped package in his hand. "It's probably not a patch on Ginny's."

It was a new Sneakoscope. I wasn't going to bother getting him anything, but seeing as I was being forced to spend the day with him, I figured it would be rude not to. Plus it would come in useful on our Horcrux hunt, unlike Ron's present (a book entitled Twelve Fail-Safe Ways to Charm Witches).

Idiots.

Molly pulled out all the stops for Harry's birthday, even baking him a massive cake in the shape of a Snitch. I spent the entire day with a strained smile on my face while everyone lavished Harry with praise and attention as though it was a great achievement not to have died up until that point.

Actually, for Harry, that really was something.

And then Rufus Scrimgeour showed up, waving Dumbledore's Will in our faces.

"Excellent!" Ron cheered, greedily rubbing his hands together. "Dumbledore's gotta be loaded having lived rent free as a headmaster all his adult life."

He wasn't.

But I got a cute little kids book out of it, so I was happy.

Ron wasn't so thrilled with his Deluminator ("What is the bloody point when I already have a wand that can switch lights on and off?").

Harry even less so with his Snitch.

"The only decent thing I got out of his death was Gryffindor's sword and it wasn't even his to give!" Harry grumbled as he moodily shovelled cake in his gob. "Some fucking birthday."

It was at that point that Fred and George led the party into a chorus of 'For he's a jolly good fellow!', ending with Fleur kissing Harry's cheek, making him blush and Ginny scowl.

******

The three of us secretly agreed that going on a Horcrux hunt would be a holiday compared to the torture Molly was putting us through in preparation of Bill and Fleur's wedding.

She had us cleaning every square inch of the Burrow, even got us on gardening work. It was like twelve Grimmauld Place all over again.

And it was crammed. All of Fleur's family descended upon us, and Tonks and Lupin kept popping their heads in, with Tonks mysteriously rubbing her stomach a lot and exchanging coy looks with Lupin ("Hmmm," Ron pondered stupidly, scratching his jaw. "I wonder what's up with them?").

Molly's stress levels were sky high and she kept taking it out on us, throwing more work our way whenever she thought we were looking too relaxed.

So, I was exhausted by the time the wedding day arrived, and looking forward to having a sit down and maybe get wasted.

Bill and Fleur pretty much invited everyone bar Lord Voldemort and his followers.

This meant bumping into my 'ex', Krum.

"For fuck's sake," Ron muttered, sliding his chair closer to mine, "who invited Vicky?"

I rolled my eyes, taking a much needed sip of my Long Island iced tea.

"He and Fleur were champions together, weren't they?" I pointed out after I removed the straw from my mouth. "Perhaps they kept in touch?"

Krum looked over at that point, and just to annoy Ron, I gave him a little wave and flashed him my brightest smile.

"Herm-ninny!" He called, rushing across the garden to join us. "You look gorgees!"

"I know," I said, offering him my hand to kiss. "Red is definitely my colour."

I stood up and gave him a twirl, showing off my figure hugging backless number. Next to me, Ron scoffed and huffily folded his arms across his chest.

"Got over Malfoy pretty quick, didn't you?"

The name made me freeze. I shot Ron an angry look. He knew better than to bring Draco up in front of me.

"You and Malfoy?" Krum said, his hairy eyebrows raised in surprise, "Ze little ferret boy who helped kill Dumbly?"

"Didn't you hear?" Ron scoffed, his eyes lighting up at having one over on Krum. "They were quite the thing, apparently. He was so amazing in bed that Hermione here can't even remember it."

"Ronald!" I snapped, feeling mortified that he was airing my private life like that. "You have no right-"

"First kiss and everything," Ron blundered on, ignoring me. "And he loved her so much that when he was done with her, he Obliviated the entire thing out of her mind! What a gentleman."

I slammed my drink down on the table just as an unfamiliar looking redheaded boy approached us, frowning from Ron to Krum.

"Are you alright, Hermione?" The strange boy asked, looking at me as though I was supposed to know who the hell he was.

"Great," I muttered, folding my arms across my chest. "Don't tell me you're another person who slept with me and then Obliviated my mind? You know, it would be nice to have some memorable experiences locked in."

"Uh-" the boy said, nervously scratching his head as he glanced warily at Krum. "My- my name's Barny. I'm Ron's cousin."

Ron looked at him, narrowing his eyes. "I've never seen you before in my life, mate. Who are your parents?"

"Um..." the boy coloured, biting his lower lip as he once again glanced at Krum. "Mr and Mrs Weasley... the other Mr and Mrs Weasley."

And then I saw him actually kick Ron in the shin! Barbaric, the lot of them!

"Would you like to dance, Herm-ninny?" Krum asked, looking down at me hopefully, "I promise I vont erase your mind."

Realising it was the best offer I was ever going to get, I accepted.

Twirling on the dance floor with my old dance partner, I couldn't help but glance back at our table where Ron and his cousin seemed to be in deep conversation, their heads bowed together as though they were the best of-

And that's when it clicked. "Of course, Harry!"

Krum stopped dancing, frowning down at me in confusion. "Uh- my name is Viktor."

I blinked up at him, realising my faux pas. "Of course, sorry. Could you get me a Long Island iced tea? They're very good."

And without waiting for an answer, I hurried over to Ron and 'Barny', realising it was a perfect time to plan our Horcrux hunt.

*****

I was so drunk by the time the Death Eaters raided the wedding that I accidentally Apparated the three of us to Tottenham Court Road instead of Grimmauld Place like we'd originally planned.

"Ooops!" I giggled, trying not to topple over on my heels. "I think - hic- I think I took a wrong turn -hic-"

Ron and Harry held me up as we staggered down the busy Muggle pavement, looking for a cafe so that I could sober up with some cheap coffee.

"I love you guys," I sighed, resting my head on Harry's shoulder as we sat together in a booth. "You don't Obliviate my mind."

"Yeah, the Long Island iced teas will do that for us instead." Ron muttered dryly, giving his coffee a noisy slurp.

"Man, Malfoy really did a number on her." I heard Harry note as I wrapped my arms around him and closed my eyes.

"Shall I get her another coffee?" Ron asked. "I mean she's hugging you. She's gotta be properly off her trolley."

"Next she'll be after Voldemort," Harry chortled, his body shaking as he laughed at his own crap joke.

I soon sobered up when some burly workmen came in and tried to kill us.

*****

We finally made it to Harry's new pad.

"Fuck, I need to fire that stupid house-elf," Harry muttered as he ran a finger along the mantelpiece above the fireplace, glancing down in disgust at the dust. "I mean what's the point of their existence if they don't clean?"

I delved into my beaded bag and Accio'd my little tin of badges, rattling it loudly in Harry's startled face.

"SPEW, Harry!" I scolded. "Would you like me to give you a little reminder about how house-elves should have the right to live lives outside of washing your dirty laundry?!"

"No," Harry muttered moodily, wrinkling his nose. "I'm too busy trying to save the world, thanks."

I shook my head in disgust as I slammed the tin down on the kitchen table, accidentally knocking off the lid and spilling the contents. Amongst the badges was a little book where I noted the members and what they'd paid.

I sighed heavily, knowing that my only members were my parents, who both thought they were someone else and Krum, who only joined because he didn't really understand what it was.

But when I flicked open the book, my heart fluttered as I realised I had a fourth member. One, of course, I'd quite forgotten about.

Draco Malfoy - Gift membership

Unexpected tears stung behind my eyes as I brushed the tip of my finger across the ink of his name and I felt a sudden yearning to see him again.

I had no idea what had become of him, no idea if Voldemort forgave him for not completing his task properly.

I just hoped, that wherever he was, he was not in any kind of pain, that he was relatively safe from harm and he at least had his mother's love still.

It was all I asked.

*****