Chapter dedication to Mrs_Styliphorik ♥
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[Harry]

"Loueh, you idiot!"

"What?" He asks innocently, as if he just didn't throw his empty pack of cigarettes on my face. I shake my head, rolling my eyes as he lights his fag and takes a deep drag.

"Stop smoking, will you?" I say, trying to sound annoyed. He shakes his head 'no' at me before looking back at the scene of the town below us. It looks beautiful as we watch it from this cliff, especially, at night. "You should quit, you know? It's not good for your health." I say as I lay down on the grass, looking up at the moon, leaving Louis in sitting position beside me.

"Nothing I ever do is good for my health." He says, puffing out the smoke and tilting his head to look at me. "Except you, that is." He smiles softly and I blush, looking back at the moon. It doesn't look that beautiful now that I just saw Louis smile. I get up in a sitting position again, looking at Louis, who stares at the night sky in distance.

"Can I try?" I ask and point at the cigarette when he looks at me.

"No." He says and looks back at the sky.

"Why not?" I pout.

"Not good for your health." He states with a stern look.

"Please, Daddy?" I crawl on his lap. "I promise to be a good boy then." I lick under his ear and push my hip into his in a teasing manner before I hear his breath hitch.

"Fuck, fine! Here." He sighs and hands me his cigarette.

"Yay!" I peck his lips before placing the stick in between my lips. I try to take a drag and immediately start coughing hysterically while Louis rubs my back.

"Slow down, tiger. Don't take a long drag just yet. Start with small puffs." He says and I nod before doing just that.

After a while, I become quite comfortable with the slight burn and the smoke as I take long drags. Meanwhile, Louis nibbles on my earlobe and the sensitive skin of my neck, scattering hickeys. "You know.." He says against my skin as I hum in response and he continues, "As much as I like to say it's unhealthy, you really look hot smoking." he states and I take a long drag before connecting our lips. He immediately kisses back and I let out the smoke in his mouth. He keeps it in for a moment before exhaling it out of his nose. He rolls us over so that I'm laying down and he's on top as we kiss feverishly before parting for air. He plops on his elbow and stares down at me while I bring the fag between my lips and inhale the smoke as I look up at him. Now that his face looks right beside the moon from my view, that whole thing looks nothing compared to just his eyes.

Now that I think of it, I believe, that night, in that moment, was when I realized I was in love with the boy whose smile shone brighter than the moon and whose eyes alone could put it's beauty to shame.

I caress the packet of cigarettes that I found in the closet while packing my stuff, which brought back the memory of when I smoked for the first time. After that night, I had started keeping a pack with me, but only smoked when I was with him. In past two years, I had tried doing it several times, but ended up throwing the stick even before pulling it near my lips. I just couldn't do it without having his arms around me or without having him around me or at least without having his eyes on me as I did so.

I throw the packet in the dustbin and carry on packing my clothes, ignoring the voice in my head that tries stopping me from packing the pink, lace top or the sweats and hoodies from the top shelf that all belonged to Louis or the photo frame on my computer desk. I pack it all, I want to get away from his memories, not the proof of his existence.

"Harreh!" I almost jump out of my skin at the loud call of my name. Soon, a head peers into the bedroom through the door. "Get down for dinner." Niall says and I nod getting off of the bed.

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"This is delicious mum, thank you." I smile at my mother, who returns the gesture.

"So.. when is your flight?" Niall asks and the twins look up as well, only mum and dad knows about my flight so far.

"Um.. tomorrow. After the graduation ceremony." I say, looking down at my food.

"WHAT?" Niall, Phoebe and Daisy yell at the same time.

"Sorry.." I say when I see Daisy's eyes welling up and Phoebe's bottom lip wobble. Niall just simply looks shocked. "I was about to tell-"

"When?" Daisy cuts in, now tears freely flowing down her cheeks. "After leaving? What? You would've called and be like 'oh hey, Dee, I'm in New York, sorry I didn't tell earlier.' This is not fair, Harry." She cries and my heart breaks that she called me 'Harry', not some nickname. She stares at her food for a moment before shaking her head and leaving the table.

"Dee!" I call, but she doesn't look back, just walks faster. Soon, we hear her bedroom door being slammed shut. I look down at my lap, my eyes tearing up. What have I done? She's so disappointed in me.

"You should've told us before.." Niall breaks the silence that was present in the air.

"I got the ticket just this evening." I admit and blink my eyes, but a tear escapes anyway. "I'm so sorry." I wipe my cheek.

"It's okay, Haz. We're not mad, just shooketh." Niall says, using the slang he had been using for a while now, making me chuckle. "Want a hug, baby?" He asks and I nod. I had gotten used to Niall calling me endearing names and I still felt bad that I couldn't return the feelings he still had.

Niall and I had went on quite a few dates in these two years, proposed by him of course, but I couldn't bring myself to feel anything out of it. The only time I felt something was when Niall took me to the restaurant where Louis had taken me the night he gave me the promise ring and we made love for the first and only time, and what I felt had nothing to do with Niall. Both the years, Niall had been my date for college proms, but for me, it was just an escape from other students who tried asking me. We had kissed after those dates quite a few times too, but again, I felt nothing. I thought I wasn't giving it a chance and had gotten stuck on Louis, so I took it a little far until we were both shirtless and Niall was grinding down on me, but then I yelled for him to stop and he had to hold me for the night as I cried because I felt like I had cheated on Louis, then he had to remind me that Lou was dead and I ended up crying even more.

"It'll all turn out fine, Haz... one day. You'll be glad you went through this shit because it's going to make you strong." Niall whispers in my ears and squeezes me a little as I shake my head.

"I don't think so. I-I don't feel strong without him, he made me strong, Niall! I feel weak without him, weak enough to run away from my own house." I cry on his shoulder as he rubs my back.

"Shh.. it's okay.. it'll be fine." He whispers. Soon, I calm down and he pulls back before kissing my head. I look up to see mom, dad and Phoebe looking at me with tears in their eyes.

Phoebe gets up of her chair before walking up to me and wiping my tears with her gentle hands and hugging me, tight. "It'll be okay, Hazzabear. You'll be fine. I wish you the best of luck for this new start of your life. And about Daisy.. just talk to her, she's just sad that you're leaving because I'm pretty sure she can't stay mad at you." She says, and in this moment I could see the lady she is growing up to become. I nod at her before getting up and kissing her head. I try to walk out of the kitchen, but mum calls me.

"Take the food, Harry." She says and I smile at her.

"Thanks, mum.. not to remind me of the food, but for everything. For understanding and being there for me when I need. You too, dad. Thank you so much, both of you." I say, feeling like crying again.

"You're our son, it's our job, little man." Dad smiles, using my childhood nickname, I hadn't heard it in years. Mom nods along dad's statement and I kiss her cheek.

"Go now." Mum says and I nod, still feeling overwhelmed, still wanting to say so much to both of them.

"Thank you, really. I know I'm making you all feel like I don't wanna be here with you, but trust me, it's not that. I need to go and you know this place is haunting me." My eyes well up again.

"We know, Harry. And we want the best for you, even if it hurts a little bit." Mum says. "Now go, shoo!" She waves with a smile.

"I d-don't want to hurt you, but I need this and.."

"GET OUT OF MY KITCHEN!" Mum yells, making me jump and I smile seeing the grin on her face. I nod before taking Daisy's and my plate to her room.

I somehow manage to hold both the plates in one hand and use the other to knock on Dee's bedroom door. I mentally count till seven before push opening it.

"Dee?" I call, walking in the dark room.

"Go away!" I hear a muffled cry coming from the bed. I sigh before walking towards the bed, placing the plates on the bedside table and switching the lamp on.

On the bed, Daisy is hiding under the blanket while it shakes a little as she cries. Slowly and gently, I peel the blanket off of her head to see her face buried in the pillow.

"I'm so sorry, Dee." I say, petting her head.

"I don't want your sorry, just go, leave, you're good at that anyway." She says, more angrily.

"Dee-"

"No!" She says and sits up, facing me. "It's not fair, Harry. I'm not used to not having a big brother around. I had been flaunting the fact that I have a big brother since I was in kindergarten. If anyone said anything to me, I would be like 'don't you dare, my big brother will break your face!' because yes, Louis would do that for us. It wasn't fair when he joined Dad's gang without thinking of what we'd go through if something happens to him, and now see... You might not be Lou, Harry, but you mean the same to us. Anne and Des are great, but I feel more connected to you. Louis would always talk about you and and it feels like I've known you forever... as long as I had known Louis..." She spills her heart out, breaking mine as we cry together. "I don't want you to go.. don't wanna lose you too."

I move forward and engulf her in a big hug as she wraps her arms around my shoulders and cries in the crook of my neck.

"Shh baby, I'm not going forever. Just give me a call whenever you need me and I'll take the next flight here." I say and she shakes her head.

"No, take me with you." She cries.

"I will, love. Next year, when you're done with your senior year, I'll take you there for Uni. You can stay with me there, I promise. Just stay strong for this, one year." I promise as we pull back and she looks down while nodding.

"Okay. But I'll take no excuses later. Once I graduate, I'm packing my stuff whether you like it or not." She says, pointing a threatening finger at me and I smile before nodding.

"Your wish is my command, my Queen." I say cheekily and she giggles. "Come here." I open my arms and pull her into a hug again.

"I love you, Hazzabear. Stay safe, yeah? Don't die on me too." She says.

"Of course, Dee. I love you too." I kiss her head, hugging her close. "And... Well, I'm kind of hungry.." I say and she giggles again. She pulls back and reaches for the plates on the table.

"Here." She hands me mine. "Feed me, Hazzabear?" She asks with a pouts and I smile.

"Of course."

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Hi!

Thoughts on this chapter?

Harry will be leaving in the next chapter.

Here the word count was double than what I usually write because I want to ship harry to New York in the next chapter so I piled it up all in this chapter.

(Or chaptera for my bullies..)

Anyway don't forget to vote and comment if you like.

♥