tessa was getting better at ignoring slights from baz, chalking it up to his misery of wondering where catherine had gone. if you asked tessa, she would tell you that the bitch probably left on her own accord, and left for good. 

and that was just fine to her. 

she had grown tired of seeing cath throw her two eldest brothers this way and that, as if she were holding strings and they were her puppets. 

the truth was this-cath didn't deserve either of them. 

she helped on more and more jobs, earning her own score on each job. smurf was careful in how much she gave her, as if she wanted the assurance tessa would never try to leave like julia did. and why would tessa? sure, she could leave. but she wouldn't have her brothers, and she wouldn't have continuous cash, or the thrill of running jobs. smurf made sure to keep them all hooked, bait line and sinker. 

smurf was setting plates out on the counter, slicing into a piping hot pie fresh out of the oven, when her children clambered into the house from the sliding glass back door. the looks on everyone's faces, and the large gash on deran's cheek told her the job hadn't gone well. 

//

they gathered in the living room, some settled on the red sofa, others in the tan leather chairs. tessa was on the floor, knees pulled up to her chest, rubbing her shin where she had fallen in the chaos of the morning's job gone wrong. "we're all okay, by the way." pope grunted, clenching his teeth. "tessa almost busted her leg open, and deran's got blood dripping down his cheek, but we're okay, thanks for asking." he continued, sitting with his face turned away from his mother-who thus far had only been asking questions about the job. tessa rubbed a hand against her leg at the mention of it, grimacing it throbbed. she had taken a nasty fall. 

they each spoke up, poking questions-how did the job go wrong, you said it was solid, it was supposed to be almost 90k. smurf stood briskly, brushing her hands on her knees. "let's go eat the pie." her voice was tight. pope shook his head. "we risk our lives for five hundred dollars, and all she can talk about is pie." 

the tension escalated, and faults were thrown this way and that. "maybe it's your fault. ever think of that?" smurf growled, sitting back on the couch and sipping her drink. deran piped up next: "this is what she does, she pits us against each other because she knows if we stick together-" he started, before smurf barged over to him. "what? what?" she yelled. baz sat forward in his chair, raising his hands.

 "cool it, guys. let's just forget it." always the peacemaker, always the one in control. "yeah, i'll forget it-because i have to go pick your kid up from school-unless it was something you were planning to do." smurf bit back, grabbing her purse with a set to her jaw that said 'don't say another word to me or you'll regret it'. it was quiet then. it was no secret that baz had been slipping on his fatherly duties-and smurf was picking up the slack more and more. 

tessa had babysat a couple of times-and she didn't even pester baz about paying her-even though she knew damn well he could afford it. but lena was family. it wouldn't kill to push her on the swings or swim with her in the pool for a couple of hours. 

j sat, like he always did-those damn green eyes taking everything in, like he was stockpiling every moment, every word for a mental file in his mind. it made tessa uneasy sometimes. 

the siblings plus cousin filed onto the pool deck, deran throwing his hands in the air as he began to yell. "we should just kick her to the curb-why are we still letting her run shit? we're not twelve anymore." his blonde hair had gotten longer, and it fell into his face as he yelled. "c'mon, man give it a rest." baz again. "baz, can you just let us speak, for once?" tessa chimed in. "we get it-you're smurfs favorite, you're the one who has to be second in charge. whatever. it's bullshit, man-just let us have a mind of our own." she leveled with him, eyes full of fire. he clenched his jaw in response, and for a moment she felt the shaky boundary of almost peace they had kept the last few months was going to shatter. 

but he waved her off with a hand, continuing in on deran until pope spoke up again. "she doesn't give a shit about any of us, she just uses us to get what she wants." pope said. "i think she's just upset." j spoke for the first time since they had all gathered-making the cody siblings turn to him. "you think you know her better than we do, j?" pope said aggressively. "what she's really capable of?" pope continued. 

tessa looked down at her feet, wanting suddenly to think of anything but the dangerous things her mother would do, and had done. things she did know about that scared her, and of things smurf must have done that she didn't know about-those things scared her worse. baz spoke up again, advocating for calming down and simply talking to smurf.  "while you play peacemaker with her?" pope cringed out, and tessa felt proud in that moment, for pope was speaking truth-again.  

deran laughed although nothing was funny, looking so utterly defeated-and craig looked wilted and resigned. pope wasn't going for it. baz's whole speech, his plans, it didn't work-you don't just talk smurf down and get her to listen. she does what she wants and she forces you-somehow, someway-to play her game. "no. i'm done. i'll do jobs solo if i have to not put up with her shit." he said into the wind as he stalked away. 

it took everything in tessa not to go with him. 

//

craig was dating nicky. it fucking stung when tessa found out, but at the same time she knew her brothers weren't smart when it came to romance-hell, look at who baz had a kid with. "i like ren better." tessa quipped, licking a water droplet of her sweating bottle of vodka. "yeah, i'm sure you do." craig snorted. "c'mon, dude-she's way cooler than nicky. also she's not a minor." tessa raised her bottle as if emphasizing what she was saying. 

"i'll run you over in the water with my jet ski if you go around telling people." craig pointed his ringer finger at her, but his face was joking. he knew she wouldn't tell, no matter how fucked the whole situation was. "cross my heart and hope to die." she grinned, taking a swig of vodka. 

the talk with smurf was going about how you'd expect. pope was still out, who knows where. j was bent over his homework, and baz sent lena into the living room to watch tv. it broke tessa's heart to see him break his promise to take his daughter to the park. he was a shitty dad, at least now that cath was god knows where on the planet. 

"we're not kids anymore." baz was saying-and smurf raised her brows and shot a purposeful look at tessa, to which the men around the table glanced down. they were already losing this fight. smurf began to sit up, setting her drink down-she was always drinking something these days-and yell. "i have a feeling that if i wasn't the boss, the three of you would be in prison right now-or worse-and tessa, you would have long been in juvie by now." she shot.

 she jabbed each one of them, calling out specific incidents in which she had saved them, gotten them out of hot water through bribery, money, through who she was. "you." she pointed to tessa, who glared back at her. " the amount of times your teachers caught you drinking or smoking on school grounds. the time you threatened your classmate and the police were called-asking about your home life?" she banged a fist on the table, making tessa jump.

 tessa wasn't proud of those moments, and it was a good thing she had turned seventeen last month and dropped out. school had just been a place where it was like walking a tightrope, a struggle every day not to accidentally reveal how fucked up things at home were. 

one by one-after the yelling died down, the boys left. first baz, then deran, then craig. and tessa sat still as stone in her chair, shame filling her for what j had seen. he sat, staring at smurf and tessa.

 tessa dug her nails into her knee scar, willing herself not to cry. 

//

they gathered at baz's place, late that afternoon. trying to make up their own plans-figure out a way to make things work-without smurf at the top. things came to a stopping point when baz lost his cool and yelled at lena for wanting to swing on the beach. pope decided to take her, and-not wanting to spend another insufferable minute with an agitated baz-tessa tagged along. 

they grabbed ice cream first, and lena had finished hers in five minutes flat. pope didn't want any-and tessa-she sat on the picnic table, licking the melted ice cream off the cone. it felt good to pretend to be a kid again. she had almost never felt like one. a woman came up unannounced, asking for pope to watch her child just for five minutes so she could change her baby. it was kind of sketch in tessa's opinion, but what was pope supposed to do, say 'no-i've only been out of prison a few months so you probably don't want me to' as an excuse?

 tessa kicked the sand, watching pope's face-which looked unreadable. it was only as the woman pushed the carriage away that tessa realized it was empty-the woman was going to shoot up. she suddenly felt sick.

she knew pope must be thinking of julia.

//

"fuck!" tessa jammed her palm against the countertop, making the young brunette cashier flinch backwards. her credit card had been declined, and the second one she had in her wallet, and the third. tessa had never experienced having to put something back and make the walk of shame out of the gas station, but today it looked like she would. "i've got it, sweetheart." a man's voice came from over her shoulder, and tessa turned to take him in. "thanks." she muttered, embarrassed. the man was bald, but young. bald because he wanted it that way, then, not from hair loss, tessa noted. "mi placer." he grinned, placing a fifty dollar bill on the counter-way more than how much shitty junk food cost. "keep the change." the man nodded to the cashier, who blushed. "thanks, javi." the woman said. 

tessa stormed out of the gas station, throwing her food into the backseat of deran's vehicle. "did they cancel yours too? i had to let some weird ass guy pay for my shit." she snarled as deran angrily pulled the gas pump and put it back. "yeah, fucking bitch can't handle when we don't want to take orders from mommy anymore." he said in disgust. 

//

maybe things were finally sinking into smurfs head. after a silent, awkward dinner where everyone picked at their food, she offered to help them plan their next job. the siblings looked at one another, feeling a truce of sorts coming between them all and their mother. it was slow goings, but maybe she was coming around. they raised their glasses, toasting each other. "may we get what we want, and never what we deserve." tessa just hoped her mother meant it, that it was real. god knows the woman who birthed them knew how to lie. tessa would know, smurf taught her how. 

//

"so. we're hitting a church. why am i not surprised?" the latest endeavor of the cody clan was a surprise-but also not. the ferocity of the families intentions were ramping up. smurf took off to a funeral, and j left with her. her explanation was brief, and the only clue she gave to tessa was that it was for 'someone from her past'. 

"wow. riveting." tessa said aloud to herself after closing the door and saying goodbye to her mother and cousin. she was just glad smurf and j seemed to be besties all of a sudden, as it was better to have smurfs attention elsewhere. that way she was free to do whatever she wanted, with much less scrutiny. the busier smurf was, the better for her and her siblings. 

//