Rose

The door was only open a crack when Sebastian pushed it open, rushing past me. I shut the door slowly and turned to him. He was pacing back and forth, his fingers intertwined, hovering above his mouth. Anger rolled off of him in red hot waves and I realized that he was trying to control it.

After a moment, when his chest began to rise and fall at a slower pace, he turned to me. "Why would you do that? Why would you go to her instead of me?"

"I did go to you, Sebastian. But you wouldn't tell me," I answered sheepishly, feeling like a child in the principal's office.

"Because I wasn't ready to talk about it." He ran a shaking hand through his hair, still damp at the ends. "What did she tell you?

"Nothing." The lie flowed off my tongue effortlessly.

Sebastian gave me a look, seeing right through my words. "What did she tell you?" He repeated, his voice holding no room for negotiation.

"Nothing. She was going to right before you burst through the door like a crazy person," I crossed my arms stubbornly over my chest. "Seems to be a habit," I murmured under my breath.

"A crazy person?" He repeated, laughing. "God. Do you even hear yourself right now, Rose? You went to her because, what, you were upset that I wouldn't tell you my secrets?"

The heaviness in his voice, the pain, made my eyes burn. "I'm sorry."

Sebastian's gaze met the floor. "Those are my secrets to tell, Rose. Not hers."

"She didn't tell me anything," I repeated.

"She told you something," Sebastian whispered. "I can see it in your eyes. You won't look at me the same." I averted my gaze from his quickly. "You have to tell me, Rose. I need to know how much you know."

"It doesn't matter."

"Dammit, Rose!" He yelled, running his hands through his hair. "It matters to me! What did she tell you?"

And, I caved.

"She told me about Violet," the words came out in a rushed blur as Sebastian's eyes widened. "A name. That's all I got from her." And when he breathed a sigh of relief, a new puzzle piece clicked into place. "She's your girlfriend," I said as the realization dawned on me.

Sebastian's body wavered and, for a moment, it looked as if he was going to fall to his knees. His eyes held an ocean's worth of sadness when they locked on mine. "Rose..."

"It's fine," I lied, crossing my arms over my chest. "We all have someone we love, Sebastian."

"You shouldn't have asked her. I needed to be the one to tell you."

His words were the only confirmation I needed. Violet was his girlfriend. I felt like a fool. "We're just two strangers living in the middle of the wild. We don't owe each other anything."

"You don't feel like a stranger. You never did."

My body froze as Sebastian closed the distance between us. Gently, he placed his palm on my cheek and every part of me was screaming about how wrong this was, but, I let him.

"You painted me, Rose. Don't pretend like that didn't mean anything to you." His eyes searched mine and I felt myself slipping into the black hole. "It meant something to me," he said slowly.

"You have a girlfriend," I groaned, grabbing his wrist and tugging his hand off my face.

"No. I don't." I dropped his hand and pushed him away from me.

"Don't do that. Don't undermine your love for her to fight off your guilt." I turned my back to Sebastian, needing to look anywhere but at his face, and walked to the couch with uneasy steps. Tugging my legs to my chest, I rested my head on my knees when I felt Sebastian's hand gently squeeze my thigh. I peeked out from beneath my arms.

I hated this. I hated that I wanted him and all the guilt that came with wanting someone other than Caleb. My heart burned with betrayal but when he looked at me, when his eyes sucked me in, it was like everything else faded into background noise.

"I'm not undermining my feels for Violet. I did love her. A lot. But that was a long time ago."

"I saw you talking to her in the woods," a sudden realization dawned on me, "was she in the tent with you that morning, too?"

Sebastian's face scrunched up in disgust. "God, no. I was alone that morning. I told you that," his finger reached out and flicked my leg.

"This doesn't make sense!" I whined like a child throwing a temper tantrum. "There's something missing — something you're not telling me." Just tell me, my eyes begged.

Sebastian spoke so quietly that his lips moved but no sound came out. "What?" I asked, searching his face for answers.

"I think there's something wrong with me." The look on his face nearly broke me.

"No," I stressed, holding his face in my hands. "There's not."

His lips curled upwards into a sad smile. "There is."

I sat back and watched him with raised eyebrows. "Fine. What is it? What is so wrong with you that it's stopping you from opening up to me?"

"I — I can't," he groaned in frustration and leaned back against the couch, rubbing his eyes with his fists. "I can't talk about this, Rose. I've never talked about this with anyone."

"So talk about it with me. I'm right here," I grabbed his jaw and turned his face towards me until his eyes met mine. "I'm not going anywhere. You can't scare me off that easily with your big, bad secrets, Sebastian."

Sebastian let out a strangled laugh and a weight was lifted off my shoulders. "Why?" He asked, reaching up and resting his hand on mine. "Why are you here?"

"Because I moved here to forget about my life back home. And for some reason, the only time I can truly forget is when I'm around you, Sebastian, and I don't want to lose that." I unwillingly pulled my hand away from his face. "But if you do have someone you love, I need to know so I can ask you to leave."

To my own relief, he shook his head. "There's no one that I love, Rose. There's no one that I'd rather be sitting here with than you."

And I didn't know who moved closer to who, but our faces were nearly touching. I reached out, placing my palm on his chest to make sure he was real and he was here. When I felt that his heart was indeed beating beneath his shirt, beating faster than mine was, I smiled.

All my worries vanished into smoke when Sebastian's lips gently brushed against mine. It was light as a feather, but the feeling it awoke in me was enough to drive me wild. His hands wrapped around my waist, pulling me into his lap, as mine knotted into his long hair. The gentleness of his mouth was quickly gone, replaced by a burning hunger that had our faces pressed together, breathing as one.

And I didn't care what secrets Sebastian was hiding in those blackhole eyes of his because maybe I could hide in there, too.

Maybe we could hide together.

Sebastian smiled against my mouth, pulling his face back ever so slightly. "I am so glad you moved into this cabin," he said softly, kissing the tip of my nose.

My heart threatened to beat out of my chest and I couldn't fight the unusual heat that rose up to my cheeks. "I moved here to forget what this felt like."

Sebastian chuckled and for the first time since I met him, it dawned on me that he looked happy. "Sorry," he murmured, as he trailed his mouth against my neck. He paused, looking up at me from behind his long lashes, eyebrows raised. "I'll stop, if that's what you want."

I narrowed my eyes at his teasing. We both knew that was the last thing I wanted. Grabbing his face in my hands, I pulled Sebastian's mouth back to mine desperately and didn't protest when he leaned me back onto the couch. His bodyweight on top of mine felt foreign, but that didn't stop it from feeling right.

"I want you, Rose," he murmured against my lips. His hand slid up my bare thigh and the feeling alone had my body wanting more.

Like a tsunami, all the memories came flooding back at once. Caleb and I laying on the couch at his house, only a blanket wrapped around us in the middle of the night when no one else was home. Caleb whispering over and over how much he loved me as his lips kissed every inch of my skin.

I tried to push them aside, to claw my way back to the present and back to Sebastian, but the memories wouldn't go down without a fight. Feeling pleasure was better than feeling guilt, but feeling both at the same time made me feel like I was drowning.

I placed my palms on Sebastian's chest and gently pushed, urging him to stop. His hand hovered over the zipper on my shorts, the button already undone. When his eyes met mine, long hair falling over his forehead, they widened instantly. "What's wrong?"

Sebastian sat up quickly on the couch, pulling me with him. To my own horror, I began to cry like the broken girl I was. Sebastian pulled me to his chest and I prayed that maybe he could squeeze tight enough to put me back together again.

"I'm sorry," I sobbed against his chest. "You're not him. This...This is too soon. I can't do this." My breathing hitched as my throat felt like it was closing in. I struggled to breathe as I curled myself up into a ball, putting as much distance between the two of us as the small couch would allow.

I could hear Sebastian speaking, undoubtedly whispering words of reassurance, but whatever they were, I didn't hear. My heartbeat was pounding in my ears, drowning out every other noise.

I wanted to go home. Coming here was a mistake. Tonight was a mistake. I wasn't over Caleb. It had been a few weeks and here I was, ready to give myself to someone new — someone who was still hiding a grave secret that I wasn't sure I wanted to know anymore.

The familiar knife ripped its way down my heart, cutting a fresh wound, and I cried out in pain. I pulled at my hair that was no longer tied up to distract myself from the burning in my heart. I was vaguely aware of Sebastian yelling my name, of his hand reaching out to comfort me, as I bolted off the couch, shaking like a leaf.

"We can't do this. This —," I groaned, gesturing inbetween us. "I can't do this!" My eyes overflowed like waterfalls, Caleb's face reflecting off the surface of every tear drop.

"Hey, that's fine, Rose," he said quickly. "We don't have to do anything. Alright?" The look in Sebastian's eyes only made my anger reach its peak. He was looking at me like I was broken — the same way every single person at Caleb's funeral looked at me. Like I was fragile. Like I was going to break into a million pieces at any moment.

And I needed a reason. I needed a reason to kick Sebastian out of my cabin before I jumped his bones like every part of my body was screaming for me to. Every part except my heart.

"Who's Violet?" I managed to choke out.

Sebastian shook his head quickly, knowing full well that I was trying to push him away. "Don't."

"Who is Violet!" I screamed. "Why are you talking to her? Why are you kissing me while loving her?" And why am I kissing you while loving him.

Sebastian stood up slowly, his palms raised. "Violet doesn't have anything to do with this, Rose."

"Why not?" I cried, watching him through blurry eyes. Then, Sebastian's eyes filled with tears, too.

"Because Violet is dead."

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I AM INTERNALLY SCREAMING. IT FEELS SO GOOD TO FINALLY WRITE THAT WORD. wow. okay. just going to leave this here: go back to chapter 2 and read the final word. hehe.

AND PU-LEASE let me know your thoughts! surprised? saw it coming? i know a lot of you guessed this super early on (yay for you!). and please, tap the star to vote <3